OH STARCLAN MY HEART.
Chapter 23: Questions Resolved
Littlefalcon knew they were home before they walked into camp. He was picking at a shrew, trying to ignore Snowpaw flirting with Dustfur, and feeling the sting of far-off points of stress that hovered in his mind like tics. When would the battle strike? What would happen when it did? Would they succeed? Would Littlefalcon succeed? What came afterwards? More than anything else, those were the things he still didn't know. That's when he knew they were home: Lionstar and the others. He stood up.
"What's up?" said Dustfur, standing up alongside him. Snowpaw hastily got to her paws as well and tasted the air. She had always had a good sense of smell, so she found their scents in the air. Her tail waved.
"Lionstar is home!" she said. "And Icecloud and Skysong's party!" Her tail waving, she called into the air for the other cats around the clearing and then darted for the entrance. Dustfur looked after her fondly.
"She'll be a warrior soon," said Littlefalcon by way of making conversation.
"About time. She was incredible during the ShadowClan thing. Running around camp making sure everyone was prepared." Dustfur's tail was at alert. Littlefalcon could feel the anxiety in Dustfur's mind equal to the admiration and pride. Sensing this, Dustfur glanced at him. "We need every warrior we can get for the war that is ahead."
"You're right," said Littlefalcon, because he was. Then it suddenly occurred to him, as the others walked in the entrance to camp flanked by Mouseclaw, who had been on guard, that Icecloud was hurt. He wanted to call out to Birdfeather in the link between their minds before stopping suddenly. The realization stung. He couldn't talk to his littermates in their minds anymore. Mountainstone held the connection now, and Littlefalcon was no longer a part of it.
He sucked in a deep breath as Dustfur padded away from him. The fresh air in his lungs didn't take away the pain, but it numbed Littlefalcon to it. He was always meant to watch this connection sever between him and his littermates. It didn't make him any less their brother…right?
Littlefalcon fell into step with Willowleaf as the others entered camp.
"Mountainstone says that Icecloud is hurt," she said, her whiskers twitching.
"So Birdfeather knows?" Willowleaf nodded, and on cue, Birdfeather came thundering out of the medicine den with her mouth full of herbs. The Clan surrounded their leader, crying with relief and trying to explain everything all at once. Littlefalcon and Willowleaf waited for Greyheart and Skysong to extract themselves from the main group.
"Are you alright?" Skysong wound around Willowleaf, sniffing at her wounds. She flicked her ears. "We met Oakstar and Flametail and Bearclaw. They told us what happened."
"Is everyone okay?" Greyheart asked. Willowleaf shook Skysong off, fondly nudging her sister.
"I'm okay," she said. "The worst we got was a few scratches."
"How is Icecloud?" murmured Littlefalcon by way of making conversation.
"Doing better. Her wound is infected," said Skysong. "Littlefalcon, can I talk to you?" Littlefalcon shifted his paws, knowing very well what this was about.
"Willowleaf, Littlefalcon." Mountainstone walked to them, casting a shadow over Greyheart. Willowleaf pressed into her brother's side. Littlefalcon watched the affection blankly, feeling very much like an outsider. "Skysong and I have some news."
"That's never good," said Willowleaf, reading the distress in his mew. Littlefalcon nodded steadily, understanding. He cast one glance at Lionstar shaking off his Clan-mates and Icecloud falling onto Birdfeather's shoulder. Around them, Hazeltail had wound her tail around Stealthstep's and was checking out the scratches on her son's shoulders; Cinderheart was supporting Icecloud from the other side and explaining everything to Birdfeather that she could remember. Toadstep and Blossomfall had reunited, too, and Snowpaw was explaining the entire situation to them with her tail waving back and forth. Lionstar broke away from the group and met up with Doveheart and Ivypool just out of the ring of cats still exchanging news. Littlefalcon could almost hear the words that passed between him and sent Doveheart and Ivypool recoiling in shock.
"What is it?" said Willowleaf as Mountainstone and Skysong led them away from the knot of cats.
"Lionstar lost the life that was protected by someone." Mountainstone blinked at them. Littlefalcon nodded steadily. Willowleaf gasped. "He sacrificed it to save Icecloud after her wound got so infected she died."
"StarClan, no…" Willowleaf shook her head. Littlefalcon didn't need special abilities to sense the tension and raw anger that was bottling up inside Mountainstone, but he didn't say anything. Hesitantly, trying to remember their relationship before the recent moons, he shouldered Mountainstone and smiled.
"Bet you paid them back for that," he said with a wink for show. Mountainstone recoiled from the touch and lashed his claws against the ground.
"I'm just getting started." His voice was cold. "They killed Icecloud. Sure, she's still alive, but they killed her. And all that to plan an attack against ShadowClan. All that to murder a Clan leader."
"We don't have any plans for retaliation yet," said Skysong. "And we would be foolish to go picking fights."
"Picking fights?" Mountainstone bared his teeth.
"We're supposed to be uniting the Clans, not dividing them further." Skysong's shoulders were evidently tensed, and she didn't back down. Littlefalcon admired her. He could see her standing high above her Clan-mates and saying something wise. She was meant to remain here and live. He knew that would be better for ThunderClan.
"But they killed Icecloud and Blackstar." Willowleaf pressed closer to Mountainstone, oblivious to his rage and ready for a comforting presence. "We can't just let them get away with it."
"No one is getting away with anything." Skysong lashed her tail. "If the Clans fall apart, we lose. If we lose, everyone suffers."
"Or is frozen solid," Willowleaf murmured. The others were quiet. Littlefalcon's heart was ready to burst as he watched Willowleaf suffer, day in and day out, over a guilt that she could not control her powers. How could she possibly control her powers, when not all of them were known?
"You'll figure it out," said Littlefalcon. He swept the side of his sister's flank with his tail and attempted a ready smile. "Let's cheer up."
"Flametail wants to destroy WindClan and RiverClan," said Willowleaf as if Littlefalcon hadn't spoken. "ShadowClan will agree with him."
"Well, we're not ShadowClan," Skysong said, lashing her tail. "And ShadowClan can't go up against two other Clans on their own. Come on, now. Littlefalcon's right. It's time to think, not brood."
"Let all cats who can catch their own prey gather here for a long-needed discussion!" Lionstar's voice was the fierce reminder the Clan needed that it was still okay. Littlefalcon felt the comfort of his Clan-mates from all angles. Stealthstep was right in what he had said about Clan leaders: while they trusted Doveheart to lead them, only Lionstar could comfort them that things would be okay.
He and his littermates turned around, and Littlefalcon allowed himself to wander away from them. Skysong's eyes followed him all the way to his seat with Cloudtail and Berrynose and Leafpool.
"Hi, Littlefalcon." Berrynose blinked at him. "Do you know if Icecloud is okay?"
"She'll be alright," said Littlefalcon. "She was well enough to travel back, but her fever went up a little bit from the effort."
"I could lend a paw, if Jayfeather needs it." Leafpool curled her tail around her paws.
"It's not a big deal," said Littlefalcon. His mother would be fine. Icecloud was supposed to stay in this game.
"Cats of ThunderClan," called Lionstar. "I want us to all finally know what's going on. We've been away, apart, split into groups, and that's not how it should be. So let's talk about ThunderClan, and maybe we can figure out what is coming together.
"First, I want to tell you what happened to me." Lionstar sat down, less like their leader and more like one of their company. "Icecloud and I were hunting near the WindClan border, and some of their warriors injured Icecloud and brought the two of us far beyond Clan boundaries. Because Icecloud's wound was infected, I could not risk fighting our way out. By the time Cinderheart's party arrived, WindClan had already achieved their objective: disorient ThunderClan enough to ensure we could not go to the aid of ShadowClan."
"They wanted to kill Blackstar all along," said Doveheart. "That was their objective. Whether that was some sort of revenge for Onestar or just an attempt to keep ShadowClan out of the war, we are not sure." She shook her head.
"Revenge for Onestar?" Leafpool tilted her head. "The fire killed Onestar."
"Wasn't the fire a sign from StarClan?" called Blossomfall. "It happened at the Gathering…"
"No, it couldn't be," Leafpool shook her head. "StarClan wouldn't act this way. I still talk to them sometimes, even though I'm not officially a medicine cat. They wouldn't do something so horrible."
"StarClan is divided." Jayfeather's voice rung out calmly, and the Clan fell into shock once more. "Divided not by Clan, but by generation."
"What does that mean?" said Snowpaw. "Does that mean half of StarClan has been telling the other medicine cats that ThunderClan isn't to be trusted?"
"Yes," said Jayfeather. Littlefalcon was glad he was speaking. It had been too difficult to explain this situation himself. The Clan trusted Jayfeather now.
"I thought they were afraid of Littlefalcon?" Mousewhisker cast a wary look in Littlefalcon's direction that he could not ignore.
"That's part of it," said Jayfeather. "In honesty, a good deal of StarClan believes that this prophecy can destroy the Clans."
Littlefalcon heard the whispers and focused on his paws. Cloudtail sighed and took a step closer to Littlefalcon.
"Enough of this," said Cloudtail. "Littlefalcon is a ThunderClan warrior. We should know we can trust him."
"Can we?" Whitewing's eyes were clearly wary. The white she-cat had puffed up. Littlefalcon scanned the area and saw his other Clan-mates looking suspicious. He felt like jumping on the Highledge and distracting them had been a mistake. But this speech Cloudtail was about to make was even more of one.
"You have fought in battles beside him," said Cloudtail. "You all know that Littlefalcon would give his life to ThunderClan, and would give his life to protect you. Until half a moon ago, you would have done the exact same for him. So he's a little different – isn't the whole of ThunderClan a little different? From blood status, I'm a kittypet. So are some of the others here. But does that make us any less ThunderClan? We all know the answer to that is no, we've all been through that. Jayfeather can't see any of you, but he's still the best medicine cat around the lake. All Littlefalcon has done is try to help ThunderClan with the strange gift he's been given. I think he's learned his lesson not to declare himself leader of the Clan again, but in such a stressful time, we needed someone to jump on the Highledge and take charge, because we weren't doing it. Why are you all turning away from Littlefalcon when you know that he would do anything for ThunderClan? This cat is not a traitor, and I've had enough of you all pretending he's done anything against the warrior code ever in his life."
Littlefalcon wanted to laugh. He knew the speech should have made him pleased that he would have some support from such a senior warrior. And he appreciated Cloudtail. He knew that it wasn't easy for the grumpy white cat to acknowledge anything supernatural or from StarClan, and he knew it wasn't easy for him to let go of his pride to support the Clan's newest warrior as their future leader. It was a good speech. It would help for a little while. It would help until the storm raged and Ivychase kitted and everything about Littlefalcon's reputation fell into tatters.
"Thank you," he said quietly, to Cloudtail, as the white cat sat back down. "I know that couldn't have been easy."
"Nonsense," said Cloudtail. "This needs to be a place where everyone trusts everyone else."
He was right, but it wasn't Littlefalcon's place to say so.
"Thank you, Cloudtail," said Lionstar. "On top of that, I want to apologize from withholding anything from any of my Clan. It was difficult, but I knew that Littlefalcon's secret was not mine to tell."
His words were borrowed from Squirrelflight, and Leafpool knew it. She glanced sideways at Littlefalcon and smiled, ever-so-slightly, trying to relate to him. It was a little different, thought Littlefalcon, but he supposed they had both fallen for WindClan cats. Although Littlefalcon wasn't asking anyone to hide the kits. That would just be foolish, piling more lies on top of the ones already everywhere.
"A lot of us are over it," said Sorreltail with a smile. Thank (New) StarClan for the senior warriors, who knew exactly how to diffuse this uncomfortable moment.
"Thank you for that," said Lionstar. "Let's discuss ThunderClan's position in the forest."
"We can't let WindClan and RiverClan get away with what they've done," said Squirrelflight. "We need to show them that ThunderClan is not weak."
There were calls of approval at her words.
"We should march on WindClan right away!" called Molewhisker over the din. "RiverClan can learn from their pain not to mess with us!"
More approval. Lionstar shifted on top of the Highledge but said nothing yet.
"A medicine cat has spoken – it's time to wipe RiverClan and WindClan away!" That was Foxleap, on his feet and bristling. "Flametail's message means it's time!"
"How do you plan on doing that?" hissed Thornclaw, eyes flashing. "There have always been four Clans!"
"RiverClan and WindClan are working together," hissed Mousewhisker. "That's enough indication to me that things need to change!"
"So what, unite with ShadowClan?" Hazeltail made a face. "This is ridiculous."
"I don't care." Littlefalcon's heart sank as Mountainstone stood up, eyes dark. "I don't care if there's a prophecy from StarClan or not. I want to see WindClan pay for what they've done."
"Let's organize an attack party tonight!"
"Nobody gets away unscathed!"
"We'll show them ThunderClan can't be made a fool of like this!"
"Enough!" Lionstar got to his feet and silenced them with a roar that made them shrink back in surprise. Sighing, the ThunderClan leader shook his head. "Don't you understand? StarClan is divided. They're giving different messages to the other Clans with the sole purpose of hurting ThunderClan."
"That doesn't make any sense," said Bluemoon. The blue-grey she-cat had mostly stayed quiet during all of this, given what she knew and who she was in this game. Now Littlefalcon's heart trembled. He knew what angry words were on her tongue, and he knew he couldn't stop them. "I want to know the whole truth. What could divide StarClan, and what is going on with the Dark Forest?"
"The Dark Forest?" Thornclaw sat up abruptly, painful memories flooding over him in time with the other members of the Clan. Cats looked around, suddenly re-aware of the lines that had been carved in the War of Shadows. "No. No, the Dark Forest can't be involved in this."
"Mountainstone and I saw Tigerstar." Bluemoon was standing, the words coming freely from her mouth. Mountainstone had been moving to stop her, but now he just stared. Greyheart shook his head, turning away from his sister. Seeing her brother's fading support seemed to only fuel Bluemoon's fury. "We were hunting, and he appeared and challenged Mountainstone and me. He said that…" She took a deep breath. "He said that he had control over me and Greyheart because while Ivypool kitted, Tigerstar called her to the Dark Forest repeatedly, so we were partly born there. And he said that Mountainstone and his littermates were – "
"Going to damage the Clan, if we kept hiding Littlefalcon's secret." Mountainstone cut into her story in his normal voice. Bluemoon's eyes swam with hatred, but Ivypool pressed into her daughter's side in the next moment. Bluemoon hissed away and fell into Mountainstone again. She didn't move, only glared at her paws, finally realizing her restraint.
The Clan fell into turmoil.
"How is Tigerstar still around?" roared Foxleap. "Lionstar destroyed him for good!"
"That's what I thought, too." Lionstar appeared shaken by the turn of events. Littlefalcon sighed, and Berrynose glanced at him.
"Did you know about this?" he said. Littlefalcon nodded. "How is it possible?"
"No idea," he lied. He couldn't tell them that Mountainstone had been tricked into resurrecting Tigerstar's spirit. That wouldn't help anyone.
"Let me explain this." Jayfeather's voice rang out over the other whispers. Everyone turned to their medicine cat, afraid. "StarClan and the Dark Forest have existed next to each other for moons, entire eras. With the War of Shadows, that balance shifted, but we managed to defeat the shadows and lock them away. However, the earth-shakings were a sign that the Dark Forest was gaining power again, power that they could exert over StarClan. Right now, it's like…" He took a deep breath. "It's like fear and darkness is controlling those of our ancestors that fought as spirits in the War of Shadows. Like they were bitten by the shadow cats. And it makes them fear Littlefalcon's powers and convince the other Clans to destroy ThunderClan, because he could hurt the Dark Forest. What we're getting close to is the Clans dividing so completely that the Dark Forest could break down the border between them and StarClan and being able to hurt our ancestors."
Jayfeather's blind eyes spoke of stars and prophecies the Clan was afraid of. But this was what needed to happen. Jayfeather was, in essence, the only one they would trust to tell them the truth of the stars.
"I'm so confused," whined Snowpaw, breaking the silence. Jayfeather nodded.
"It's hard to understand," he said. "Even I've had trouble with it, which is mostly why Lionstar and I have kept this from everyone. We didn't want to be wrong."
"In essence, the Dark Forest could take over StarClan's hunting grounds," said Lionstar. "And the way they gain power is to make the Clans destroy each other."
"So Flametail's prophecy, Willowshine making all these accusations against us…that's all the Dark Forest manipulating StarClan's fear?" Dustpelt flicked his tail. "I thought StarClan was perfect. Couldn't be corrupted by stuff like this."
"Some of them can't," said Jayfeather. "Only the cats that fought the shadows have been corrupted."
"This is really bad," said Leafpool. "Worse than anything I could have imagined."
"What do we do?" Squirrelflight asked the question they all had on their minds. The fear that gripped ThunderClan rooted deep within them, paralyzing them into this helpless, kit-like state. They didn't know what was going on anymore. The situation in its truth had been laid out before them, and it was so outside any normal cat's understanding that everyone was scared silent. They had to rely on Lionstar, Doveheart, and Jayfeather now, the way they always had without knowing it.
"We keep ThunderClan safe," said Lionstar. "We continue the training program Doveheart has set up. We continue our extra patrols. We continue making sure that every ThunderClan cat can defend themselves and their Clan-mates. We will not attack WindClan or RiverClan; doing so would only be helping the Dark Forest. We will try to stop ShadowClan from making any moves as well. We will send patrols to each Clan to try to talk them out of war, but we will not let ourselves be shown as weak. If we are attacked, we will fight back."
"How do we stop the Dark Forest?" said Whitewing. "Will they bring back the shadow warriors? Is this the War of Shadows all over again?"
"We do our best to unite the Clans," said Jayfeather. "If war breaks out before that point, we hope that the gifts Littlefalcon possesses will be enough."
Littlefalcon swallowed as all attention returned to him. He took a deep breath and accepted the burden that fell onto his shoulders. Yes, his littermates would do their part of the work, but in the end, it was exactly as the rest of the Clan thought: he would be the one to stop Old StarClan, the Dark Forest, and finish the job. He would protect them until his last breaths – no, no.
"I will protect you until I am beyond the memory of any cat, living or dead," said Littlefalcon. The words felt right, for the first time in his life. "I will protect you after I've given my life – until StarClan itself can't hold me anymore." He smiled at their shocked faces. "I love ThunderClan. Maybe I'm not a perfect cat, but I've been given a chance to lend myself totally and completely to you. Please trust me as I make mistakes. I promise I'll make up for it."
In the end. He would. He would save them all.
"With that settled, I want us to be at our best." Lionstar knew it wasn't settled at all, but Littlefalcon found himself relieved when all the stares turned away. "I have been told that Honeypaw fought as bravely as any warrior in ShadowClan. And I have been told that while here, Snowpaw protected ThunderClan camp without resting until an entire night had passed, even after the patrol returned. This sort of bravery is exemplary and should be rewarded."
Littlefalcon smiled, and the surprise from the crowd this time was a pleased one.
"Snowpaw was incredible," said Cloudtail, nodding. "The guards went to sleep, but she stayed up."
"Honeypaw, too," said Berrynose with a smile. "That cat has nerve. She didn't even care when she got hurt – she protected ShadowClan warriors she didn't even know."
Littelfalcon's heart was bursting with pride. Honeypaw and Snowpaw weren't even his close friends, not anymore. Snowpaw was shallow and flighty, and Honeypaw was still furious with him. But they deserved this. On such a day of pain and worry, they deserved this.
"Honeypaw and Snowpaw, please step forward." Lionstar stood up, and the two apprentices walked slowly, trembling in excitement. "I, Lionstar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these two apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them as warriors to you in their turn."
Littlefalcon could read the anger from his littermates. He knew all of them hated StarClan in their own ways. But they were missing the point. There was still good in StarClan, and it was overflowing good that they would soon see. At least, he hoped they would see it. He hoped they would accept it.
"Honeypaw." The golden she-cat stepped up, lifting her chin. "Do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan even at the cost of your life?"
"I do." Honeypaw spoke with her incredible confidence.
"The by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Honeypaw, from this moment on you will be known as Honeyleaf. StarClan honors your courage and spirit, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."
"Honeyleaf! Honeyleaf!" The Clan called their approval more raucously than Littlefalcon recalled them doing to any other warriors recently. The two cats were beloved, and rightfully so. Honeyleaf was a beautiful cat, and very brave. Littlefalcon almost wished he had never met Ivychase, so he could have not broken her heart. She would have made a good mate and companion. But no, he would never have done something like that to her. Her heart was always going to be broken by him.
"Snowpaw." The white she-cat was a bright spot of innocence among the dusty forest floor. "Do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan even at the cost of your life?"
"I do." Her voice was light and pretty. Littlefalcon knew she would grow. She would grow to be a good warrior, and a protective queen.
"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Snowpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Snowfeather. StarClan honors your patience and determination, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."
"Snowfeather! Snowfeather!" The young she-cat was so embarrassed, but thrilled to be standing beside her sister in this place. Littlefalcon was happy for them with every fiber of his being. He had never been happier to see warriors made. These two cats were part of the future of ThunderClan, that he would fight to protect.
As the scramble of ThunderClan to welcome their new warriors swept his companions away from him, Littlefalcon basked in the happiness all around him. He had made a vow, and he would uphold it. He felt…good. Like he could do this.
"Littlefalcon." Skysong was behind him. Littlefalcon turned to meet his sister's eyes, and in them, he saw knowledge. She was learning. The memories were about to unbend. Smiling, Littlefalcon nodded, knowing what she was going to say. A part of him feared this. Her question would mean the end to his jubilation. It would mean the trials to come. Littlefalcon was ready.
"While I was on the patrol, I remembered something," she said. "Drown in air – it means that back when we were kits, I killed Petalkit."
"I see." He knew. Skysong spoke every word in a quiet voice, accepting as she ought to be.
"But that's not all," said Skysong. She frowned. "How could I not remember something so horrible as that? It seemed like the memory had been taken from me, and I couldn't figure it all out. I didn't know who else to ask, but you've always been…" Skysong glanced up. "You've always been the one that understood me best."
Skysong, poor Skysong. I'm sorry your opinion of me will soon change. For a few seconds, Littlefalcon basked in the knowledge that Skysong loved him and was drawn to him. Very soon, too very soon, she would learn that their link was much stronger and more twisted than mere friendship.
"Do you have any idea what this could mean?" said Skysong. "Somebody tampering with my memories, I mean? Is it Old StarClan?"
"No," said Littlefalcon, keeping his smile intact. "I knew about Petalkit."
"What?" Skysong recoiled. "How could you have known?"
"I knew," said Littlefalcon, "because I took those memories from you. I have been holding them all along."
Slaying.
Things are wrapping up. Over the course of the next...I think four? chapters, basically everything comes out. So if you've been confused for a while, fear not - things are going to start fitting together.
I appreciate all the support you guys have given me (future readers included) as I put together this story. Please stay with me til the end!
~Elsi