Chapter Fifteen: The Wounds Will Heal
It's a little after three-thirty when I enter Central Park after work. Of course the train I needed to take would be late when I have somewhere important to be. That important thing being Elsa, mind you. As I make my way to Strawberry Fields—where Elsa had texted she'd be—I really start to think.
This, basically, is Elsa's and my second chance. I had messed things up for the both of us the first time around, yet Elsa was willing to look past that and start again.
Who's to say I wouldn't mess up again this time?
I mean, let's be honest, I'm me. Not only that, but we still have so much uncharted, dangerous territory before us. I've promised myself a thousand times over that if Elsa wants me to drop everything related to her accident, I would, but it really isn't that simple. I'd try my damnedest, don't get me wrong, but I know the thought and ache to help her will forever be lingering in the back of my mind.
Then I'd think, what if she does want my help? What then? Am I really that sure I can shoulder this much responsibility in leading a close friend through what will most likely be the darkest and most emotional time of her life? Before now, the most selfless thing I had done was helping a friend through an abusive relationship and helping her break up with the guy. While that had seemed incredible at the time, it paled in comparison now.
The heart is one thing all on its own. Yet, with Elsa, not only is the heart a massive part to the equation, but you have the phantom limb, the possible prosthetic, and the mind as well. This was much more complex than relationship troubles.
Did I have it in me?
After successfully causing myself to freak out, I see Elsa ahead of me. She's sitting on a bench, her hand fiddling with one of those large soft pretzels from a park vendor. Noticing me approaching, she looks up and a smile immediately finds its way to her face.
"Hi," she breathes.
"Hi," I mumble back. "Sorry I'm late. Damn train just had to be late."
She chuckles and replies, "That's New York for you."
I let a smile flicker across my face before we're both looking at the ground before us. The silence is brief, but painfully awkward. It really hadn't been this way between us since the second time I approached her in the gym, and that unsettles my stomach even more because I realize that's how far back in time we've gone: to the beginning.
Elsa really is trying to start over.
And that's beginning to make me more and more anxious as the silence lingers.
"I thought you might be hungry," she says, holding out the pretzel in her hand. "I didn't know if you got a chance to eat or not."
Instantly, my stomach rumbles, and I'm thankful Elsa didn't appear to hear.
"T-Thanks," I tell her gratefully, reaching out to accept the food.
I sit beside her silently and begin munching on my treat. Elsa begins to fiddle with a loose thread on her shirt, and I feel a bit better knowing she's as nervous as I am about everything. Probably even more so, because I have an inkling that she's going to be the one taking charge this time around.
At least, some part of me hopes that's true.
"I… I'm really sorry, Anna," she starts suddenly, refusing to look my way. "About everything."
Swallowing the lump of pretzel in my throat, I jump in. "No, Elsa; you don't have to apologize for anything."
That gets her to look at me and I'm floored by the variety of emotions swirling in her eyes. Sadness, guilt, anger, longing, desire, and a flicker of hope are all present, and I know she's about to address them all.
"But I do," she tells me firmly, yet not angrily. "Just…let me say what I need to say, okay? I promise I'll give you a chance to talk then, alright?"
Not sure what to expect, I nod, deciding to busy myself with my pretzel to keep me from interrupting.
"Ever since…I kicked you out that night, I've been in constant turmoil," she begins, and I watch her hands fist the material of her jeans in her lap. "Then, you came to apologize out of the goodness of your heart and that's when I realized that I had been completely wrong the entire time. You were right that first night, you know? About everything. I'm…not happy, Anna, and above all else I want that to change.
"You wanted to know why I didn't want a prosthetic, and I'm telling you why today: fear. That's my pathetic answer. Fear that things could possibly be the way they were, because…how can they really when there's no way to bring my parents back?" By now, I can tell she's fighting back tears, and—finished with my pretzel—I tentatively take a clenched fist in my hand.
She looks at me and I flash her a crooked smile, the only condolence I'll allow myself to give right now, intent on letting her finish what she has to say without any input from me.
Smiling back slightly, she continues.
"But, that's the thing, Anna—that's the reason I didn't want a prosthetic, because I felt like moving on would be essentially leaving them behind. But," she lets out a large huff with the expel, "I know now that was just the grief talking. I didn't think I could be happy without them by my side—hell, I didn't want to be happy without them. But then I realized that despite trying my hardest not to allow myself to be happy, I had been."
She fixes me with an intense stare before she rasps out, "I was happy with you, Anna."
My heart feels like it's about to erupt from my chest, and I thank the heavens I'm already seated as my legs are sure to have melted.
"I didn't even know I was though until I lost you," she's saying, and I force myself to hone back in on her conversation and not the desire and hope that's glistening in the forefront of her eyes. "When you came to me the night before the tournament, everything came to me. I was afraid I'd be alone for the rest of my life without my parents. I didn't want to pick myself back up because I knew I couldn't do it alone. I couldn't let myself entertain the idea of a normal life again because they will never have that privilege. But, I realized there was a way I didn't have to be alone anymore. I was so caught up in keeping my life the hell I knew that I had been completely unaware that you had been changing it right before my eyes."
She squeezes my hand and limply grasps the other one with her null limb. I can't hold it in anymore and whimper one tiny utterance.
"Elsa…"
She chokes on a laugh before she's leaning forward, connecting our foreheads as if trying to meld our hearts and souls together by doing so. My stomach clenches as I take in all the tears cascading down her cheeks.
"I want to change, Anna," she whispers. "And…I know I can now. While it will be hard, I have to let my parents go. I'll always love them, but they're holding me back. You were right about so many things. They would want me to be happy again. They would want me to continue my career, no matter at what expense. They know I have it in me. I do miss boxing. I do want to compete again, no matter at what level. But, you were wrong about one thing."
She's gazing at me again, and I'm shivering under the scrutiny.
"You were happy," I utter.
She nods, and I feel tears of my own trail down my cheek.
"You were happy with me," I choke.
She nods again, leaning forward even more and pressing a lingering, searing, amazing kiss on my cheek.
"I was happy with you," she repeats. Affirms.
My heart soars.
"I…" she's stuttering. "Will you take me back? I want to change, Anna, but I know I can only do it if I know you're with me. I was wrong to turn you and your help away. But I want it. I need it."
There was never any doubt in my mind that I would answer her in anything but the positive.
XxXxX
After the tearful, emotional, yet uplifting exchange in Central Park, Elsa and I headed back to her place. We walked back hand in hand, her head resting on my shoulder the entire time. Our tears had dried, our hearts had mended, and our minds were set on only one thing: Elsa's future. I knew there were still many trials before us, and no doubt some of those trials would be more fights between the two of us, but no one said this kind of ordeal fixed itself easily. No doubt there would be days where Elsa would find everything too much and fall back into her depressed state where things just seem so much easier and more appealing. No doubt there would be days where she would take a monumental step, but then her guilt would resurface and remind her of the hole her parents could never escape.
Yet, through all of this, there was no doubt that I wouldn't be by her side the entire time.
And the difference this time was that both of us knew it.
"Your eye is looking a lot better," Elsa says once we've made it back to her apartment, warm cups of tea in our hands.
I chuckle quietly, subconsciously reaching up to trace the swelling. "Yeah?" I ask. "That's good, 'cause for a while there it hurt like a bitch."
She echoes my laugh. "The first injury is always the worst. Not only does it hurt physically, but your pride takes a beating as well."
"Pft," I scoff with a grin, "pride? My pride is still very much inflated, thank you very much. I have enough ego to satisfy the entirety of New York City!"
"Good to know," Elsa quips with a smile.
Mirroring her smile, I lean back against the couch, my ribs only slightly protesting the movement this time.
"Besides," I say, "if we're talking injuries, the black eye was the third one. First was the cracked ribs, and then the sprained ankle."
Elsa blinks at this knowledge. "You got all that from the tournament?"
I nod. "Honestly, only my ribs still hurt."
I see a shadow of sadness cover her face, surely reprimanding herself for not being there for me last night. Intent on not letting her wallow in self-pity and guilt any more than she is already is, I barrel right on.
"Oh, but guess what?" I tell her excitedly. "I haven't even told you the best part about last night!"
"What could be better than winning?" she questions.
I grin as I answer, "How about being invited to compete in the tournament next month? By the commissioner himself?"
Her eyes nearly bug from her head at my news, and I have to hold in a laugh.
"You're serious?"
"Dead serious," I tell her.
"Well," she says with a smile, "David did always have an eye for talent."
I should have expected Elsa would know him on some level, but I still can't help being surprised when she uses his first name.
"You know him, huh?"
"Of course." This time it's her turn to grin. "Who do you think helped me get to my first Olympics?"
Now my eyes nearly leave their sockets. "Him?" I balk.
"Well, it wasn't just him, mind you," she explains. "But after I won the city tournament two years in a row, he was the first to approach me about considering the Olympics. Even told me he'd do everything in his power to get me scouted and sponsored."
"That's…generous," I mumble.
Elsa shrugs. "I was only sixteen at the time, my eyes were only focused on the possible glory, never mind how I was supposed to get there with the help of a stranger. But, whatever he did worked, and within a year I was there."
"When I was sixteen I was just competing in silly high school tournaments in good ol' Kentucky," I mumble somewhat dejectedly.
Elsa smiles sympathetically, her hand resting on my knee.
"But look how far you've come isince," she tells me. "You have potential, Anna, but if you compare yourself to others, you'll never recognize it."
"Kinda hard not to when my freaking idol is here next to me and has her hand on my knee," I retort in a joking matter.
Elsa removes her hand, blushes, and focuses on her tea.
"Sorry," she whispers.
"Don't be," I cast her worry away. "If we were all Elsa Arendelle, none of us would have someone to look up to."
Her blush only intensifies as she looks up at me with absolutely the most adorable fucking smile I have ever seen on her lips.
"Thanks, Anna."
I literally have to strain myself from capturing that smile with my lips.
"Don't mention it," I squeak.
Another silence settles before I turn on the couch to look at Elsa, my empty tea cup sitting on the coffee table so all my attention is focused on her.
"Is your…offer to train me still open?" I ask. "I really don't think I can do even remotely well in this fight without you, and, I mean, you helped so much with the rookie one, I can only improve, right? I mean, I don't want to burden you, but I really liked our training sessions 'cause not only were they helpful, but fun too. I felt like it was something that really connected us and I don't want to lose that. Especially considering…what may be to come in the future."
In order to stop me from going on another rant, she takes my hand again and smiles, though her eyes are hard set with determination this time.
"Of course, Anna," she says. "Of course I'll still train you. With all you're doing to help me, it's the very least I can do."
I smile in relief, but then narrow my eyes as I squeeze her hand back, though I keep a light in my eyes to clue Elsa in that I'm—at least partly—joking.
"Hey, now, let's not make this about owing anybody anything, alright? I'm doing this because I want to, and I hope it's the same for you, not obligation."
"Of course it is," she tells me, and I immediately believe her. "You're too kind, Anna."
"As are you, Elsa."
We take a moment to stare longingly into each other's eyes and before we fall even more victim to a cliché romance novel—but, let's be real, it's mostly to keep myself from kissing the life out of Elsa on the couch then and there—I cough and break our gaze.
"So," I exclaim, hearing Elsa chuckle beside me at the blush I know I'm donning, "at the risk of this becoming any more like a Lifetime movie, I should head home."
"What's wrong with Lifetime movies?" she quips, standing with me and walking me to the door.
Turning to face her, I grin. "I always fall asleep during them."
"Well, we wouldn't want that now, would we?" she says with another of her fucking winks.
My cheeks heat up even more, and this time I will be fleeing her apartment for a completely different reason.
I contemplate if hugging Elsa would be stepping across the line here, but then I remember she kissed my cheek earlier. While that was perhaps done in the heat of the moment, it still meant something, right?
Regardless, my thoughts are cut off when it's Elsa to wrap me in a hug. It's good to know someone in this relationship has a backbone.
"Thanks again, Anna," she mumbles into my neck as my arms come to settle around her waist. "For meeting me, hearing me out, everything."
"I would say it's nothing, but we both know it's really something much more, so… You're welcome, Elsa."
I give her a gentle squeeze before I extract my arms. She, however, does not release me. Instead she almost burrows further into my neck, and I wonder if she's on the brink of tears when I hear her sniff.
"Elsa?" I try.
"Do you want to stay again?" she meekly asks, and in such a tentative voice I have to strain to hear.
My heart leaps to my throat. Do I ever.
Pulling her back, I look into her eyes only to see blue irises shimmering with hope. No longing, no lust, just hope.
"Please?" she begs.
She offers me her hand, and I take a moment to stare at it while weighing all the possibilities accepting versus turning away will do. I keep looking for something that isn't present, hoping it will give me reason to turn away and that is what scares me. Elsa wants me here. The last time I spent the night was different; done out of kindness to keep her from feeling lonely and vulnerable. Now? This is an invite from friend to friend, and if I take the proffered hand before me, that might all change.
I have never had a true relationship until Elsa. Sure, there had been girls before; a hot make out session at some bad teenaged party, but nothing real, nothing structured. Am I ready for something real? Something of this caliber? I mean, Elsa is…Elsa, not some silly little fling. She's not even a good lay, as I have never and will never use a girl for meaningless sex.
So do I take her hand and commit myself to yet another roller coaster of experiences sure to come? Or do I take the easy way out and run?
Our eyes meet and the hope in hers is still there, burning strong and true, and it's then I know she feels the same. By taking her hand, she knows this will forever change things, maybe not drastically right away, but the change will be there nonetheless. Yet she doesn't back down. She is sure. She is confident.
She really wants me.
Her smile builds as I look back up at her from her hand. She nods ever so gently, prodding me like one would a child, and hesitantly, my hand inches towards hers. They meet and automatically grasp hold of one another like a lifeline; like a connection meant to be. I hear her laugh, my own following soon after, and when I look at her next, she's beaming like a child.
Then, tugging me deliberately, she leads me to her bedroom, twin blushes spread across our cheeks like fire.
*ahem* Just to clarify, they don't do the do. No frick-frack, guys. Yet… ;)
Still, quite a step forward considering, huh? Huh?
Don't mind me, just sitting here fangirling in my chair as my babies bond. Now we get to the good stuff. So fave, follow, and review!