Chapter Eighteen: Put 'Em Up

I feel Elsa inhale sharply beside me as her fist tightens even more against my chest.

"Anna…" she mumbles.

My hand continues its methodical stroking of her hair as I assure her, "It's fine. I want you to know."

She props herself up somewhat against me and our eyes lock on the other.

"Okay," she whispers.

Heaving out a big sigh, I close my eyes again as I begin my tale.

"Like I said, I was eight. My cousin, Rapunzel, was ten. She lived in Louisville too, so we were constantly at the other's house, whether it was just a simple playdate or a sleepover. Neither of us had any siblings, so we were each other's best friend." Pausing to laugh, I add, "I actually remember her and Kristoff arguing when we were really little who liked me more."

"It sounds like you have an amazing family," Elsa tells me softly.

I nod, my voice cracking a bit when I mumble, "I did."

Quickly wiping my eyes on the arm that's not holding Elsa, I go on. "I mean, they're still great. I wouldn't change Kristoff for the world, and my parents are amazing, but without Rapunzel… There's just like this hole, you know? It can never be filled."

I feel Elsa nod into my shirt, no doubt agreeing with my hole simile and likening it to her parents.

"So, I was spending the night at Rapunzel's one night and we had convinced her dad to take us to a movie. I don't even remember what it was now. Anyway, we were on our way home from the theater when we stopped for gas. Rapunzel's dad let us come in with him so we could pick out a snack while he paid. It was probably around ten at night. My uncle goes to the register to pay, Rapunzel and I are in the aisle with the candy and cookies, and there was another customer getting something to drink in one of the coolers against the wall. Then…"

My eyes open when I feel Elsa place a gentle kiss against my temple. Now her hand is tending to my hair, no longer clinging to my shirt. I gulp and glance down at her right arm, the stump helping to prop her up in the bed.

"You're doing great, Anna," she whispers, and I can see the line of tears resting in her eyes, just waiting for the right moment to fall.

I smile at her and immediately think back to a month ago. It's funny how roles can reverse so suddenly, isn't it? Well, maybe that's not all that funny, more like startling. It shows you how fast life can change; and how fast those around you can change as well. We may appear like we have walls built around us, but we're really just waiting for the right person to come around so we can let them down. It's much easier to watch the walls crumble than build them up, that's for sure.

"Then this guy walked in," I finally continue. "Thinking back on it now, he looked like trouble: greasy hair, unkempt beard, smelly clothes, and I'll bet his breath smelled of liquor if I had been close enough. But, you don't really notice those kinds of things when you're eight, right? He was just another guy. Probably getting some gas just like us.

"I remember I had just picked up a pack of Oreos when I heard the shouting begin. Rapunzel and I looked up to see the man yelling at the man behind the counter. My uncle was still paying and was caught in the crossfire. He looked over to us and mouthed for us to get down. I think he had seen the gun by that point. Rapunzel immediately pulled me to the floor. I remember trying to ask what was going on, but she covered my mouth with her hand. Then the first shot went off. Rapunzel gasped beside me and stiffened. I felt my heart pick up, but it wasn't until the second shot and Rapunzel's scream that I realized what was happening."

Elsa's hand has now traveled down to my cheek, taking extra care to catch every one of my tears as they attempt to scale my face. Meanwhile, hers fall without any hindrance. I ache to reach up and brush them away as well, but in the midst of my story, I feel just as paralyzed as I had that night so many years ago.

"The second shot had hit my uncle in the head. Mom told me later that he was dead before he hit the floor and hadn't felt a thing. Rapunzel looked around the corner after the second shot and, after seeing her dad on the floor in a pool of blood, screamed, alerting the shooter to more witnesses. When the man turned to face us, the other person in the store shouted at us to run before he was shot as well. He was able to survive. I immediately got to my feet and started to run back towards the bathrooms, but halfway there I realized Rapunzel wasn't behind me. She was frozen staring at her dead father. Right as I spun back around, I heard another shot. The man was standing over Rapunzel, my cousin lying on the ground with a hole in her chest. She would bleed out before the medics arrived."

I pause to catch my breath, noticing only then that I am actually crying. Elsa remains beside me, soothing me with gentle shushes and even gentler caresses.

"I remember the man looking at me and cocking his gun again," I somehow manage to carry on, though I don't know how understandable I am at this point. "He had this wild look in his eye and he said, 'Just you, bitch.' I remember being stuck in fear. I don't even think I was crying; it's like all my tears were just as afraid as I was and refused to come out of hiding. I was standing right by the bathroom door; all I had to do was reach out and turn the handle, but I probably would have been too slow or too clumsy to manage to get inside before he shot me. The seconds that went by seemed endless, and even now the barrel of his gun haunts my dreams. I remember the loudest bang yet, falling backwards, and hitting my head on the tile floor before time returned to normal. I didn't even really know I was shot; I just knew all of a sudden I had a horrible stomach ache. The man returned to the front of the store, emptied the register, and fled. To this day he hasn't been caught."

"He hasn't?" Elsa echoes softly.

I shake my head, letting loose another flood of tears Elsa works to catch.

"Some nights I dream he was found and I testify against him in trial. Sometimes the dream turns out good and he goes to jail for life; other times he pulls out another gun and mows down everyone in the court room, including me. He stands over me then and sniggers, 'Got you this time, bitch.'"

Elsa gives up on my tears and chooses to instead bury herself back into my side.

"I woke up in the hospital the next night to find my mom beside my bed in tears and my dad consoling my aunt—they were siblings—out in the hallway. I never saw Rapunzel or my uncle, even at the funeral. Mom wouldn't let me anywhere near the caskets. Mom told me the doctors said I was lucky. The bullet had lodged itself in my left kidney, so they just removed it. I actually… I have the bullet. I remember asking my mom if I could keep it although I don't remember the reasoning behind it now," as I say this, I reach into my shirt and pull out a slim chain around my neck. At the bottom hangs a bullet, its point flattened and wrinkled. "She didn't want me to, but dad was able to convince her and the doctors otherwise. Now, I keep it for good luck and memory. It may be cryptic and weird, but I feel like I always have a piece of Rapunzel with me."

Elsa hesitantly reaches for the necklace. I see her, and take the necklace off, letting her inspect it more easily. She rolls the metal around in her fingers, a look of morbid fascination etched on her face.

"You… You were shot," she whispers.

"I was shot," I repeat in a mumble.

Clenching the bullet in a fist, she looks at me, a straggler tear escaping. Managing a small smile, I take the opportunity to brush it away, repaying the favor.

"If I… If I hadn't mentioned it at dinner, would you have ever told me?" she asks.

As she hands the bullet back and once it's safe around my neck again, I pull her back to me in a hug.

"Yes," I tell her. "I mean, you probably would've seen the necklace eventually, and I wanted you to know that my life wasn't as carefree as I try to make it seem. The night we fought, you said how could I know the pain you felt because my life was perfect-."

"Anna…"

"And I knew then you deserved to know," I finish despite her interruption. "I knew you didn't mean it, Elsa, but it did hurt a bit. We all have events we wish didn't happen. Maybe not all of them are as tragic as ours, but we all have them. We're all haunted by our own demons at night. Nobody's life is perfect, and I wanted you to know that mine is far from it. I'm not trying to justify my past is any worse than yours because who are we to compare each other's pain? I just want you to know that, to some extent, I do feel your pain, Elsa. I may still have my parents, but I lost two family members all the same. I may still have both my arms, but I'm down a kidney. I know," I let out a small chuckle, "one kidney isn't as bad as an arm, but this is me trying to relate."

Elsa laughs softly, fiddling with the bullet again. "I know what you're trying to say, Anna," she tells me. "I'm not offended, and I'm sorry for anything I may have said that hurt you."

"It's all good," I reassure her, planting a kiss in her hair.

We're both quiet for a good time and I almost think Elsa's fallen back asleep on me—not that I would blame her, it's past four in the morning by now—but then she's speaking again.

"Does the pain ever get better?"

I smile somberly, knowing she means the pain of losing a loved one.

"A bit," I reply. "I mean, it's been ten years and I still broke down telling you all that. But on any given day, it doesn't ever cross my mind; or if it does, it's fleeting and passes with no pain."

"Do you ever feel like not feeling that pain means you're forgetting them?" she asks next, her hand back to fisting my shirt.

"Not at all," I tell her firmly. "Just because the pain ebbs, doesn't mean your memory does in the slightest. It's been ten years, Elsa, and I can still hear Rapunzel laughing at one of my jokes. I can still picture her sitting next to me on the couch. Sure, she's still a ten year old girl, and sometimes I wish I could have known what she would look like today, but I haven't forgotten her in the slightest. Same goes for my uncle."

When she doesn't say anything back immediately, I roll onto my side so I'm facing her. She's staring down at the sheets between us forlornly. Taking her chin in my hand, I guide her until she's looking back at me and flash her a cheesy grin. That elicits a laugh from her before I lean forward to kiss her forehead.

"You won't forget your parents, Elsa; I promise," I whisper. "Don't not let the pain go away in fear it means you're forgetting."

"Do you think…Rapunzel is proud of you?" she asks me next.

I see another tear trail down her cheek and instantly pull Elsa against me.

"Your parents are definitely proud of you, Elsa," I tell her. "They'll be proud of you no matter what happens. You visited them for the first time in a year the other day; that's something to be proud of. You befriended me; that's something to be proud of. You want to turn your life around; that's something to be proud of." I pull back and look her dead in the eye before I utter, "You're something to be proud of, Elsa."

She pulls me back flush against her as a melodic mixture of laughter and cries echo in my ear.

"Thank you, Anna," she whimpers.

I remain quiet and simply rub her back as she all but nuzzles me—causing me to blush, of course. A few quiet moments pass as Elsa's sobs quiet to sniffles. I continue to hold her until all I'm met with are soft snores. Grinning ear to ear, I carefully pry her off me before covering her back up with the comforter, resituating myself as well.

Planting one final kiss on her cheek, I whisper, "Good night, Elsa. I love you."

I fall asleep that night with my face as red as my hair, praying to every higher power out there that Elsa truly was asleep and didn't hear that.

But it's not like it isn't true.

XxXxX

It's a week later when Elsa calls me early one morning in a panic, her words frantic and near indistinguishable.

"Hello?" I answer with a slur, having literally just rolled over and picked up my cell without looking at the caller id.

"Anna, are you home? You need to turn on the TV now. They know, Anna. They know!"

I look to my clock as I try to decipher what was said. Eight thirteen.

"Elsa?" I ask. "Is that you?"

"Anna, you need to turn on the TV!"

"Woah, woah, hey," I calmly shush her, moving to get out of bed. "Calm down, Elsa. I'm sorry, I just woke up."

"Sorry," she apologizes quickly. "But you need to see! It's bad, Anna!"

"Okay, okay," I attempt to soothe her. "I'm turning the TV on now."

I do so and am met with my PS4 home screen, remembering I was in the middle of an intense level of Tomb Raider before retiring to bed last night.

"What channel?" I ask, propping my phone between my shoulder and ear as I scour my small living room for the remote. Where could the damn thing possibly disappear to?

"Any news station," is her immediate answer. "I don't know how it spread so fast!"

"How what spread so fast?" I can't help but snap, tired of her vague demands.

"Me!" is her distressed cry. "Me, Anna, me! Us!"

Finally finding the remote, I switch the input on the TV and punch in the number for the only local news station I've remembered so far. What immediately greets me makes my heart leap to my throat.

"Oh…" I mutter.

"…sighted more in the past few weeks than the past year combined. And who is this mysterious girl being sighted with her more often than not? Is Elsa Arendelle finally reemerging from her hiding? Why now? Why so suddenly? And what's kept her back? All this and more is hoping to be discovered soon. But what are your thoughts on this, Joan?"

As a different anchor begins to speak, I tune it out and instead focus on what is sure to have been playing on loop since the cast first began. Somehow, someone had caught footage of Elsa leaving her apartment and, dressed in her usual jacket, on her way to the gym to train me. Then there's a cut to a shot of Elsa and me walking down the sidewalk and I realize with dread that it was from our date last week.

"Anna?" Elsa asks, and I remember I'm on the line with her. "Do you see?"

"Yeah," I mumble. "Yeah, I see it."

"How did they find out? I've been so careful!"

"I don't know, Elsa," I tell her softly, "but you knew this would happen eventually, right?"

"I just thought I'd be more ready," I hear her mumble, and I can just picture the frown on her face.

A moment of silence passes as we listen to each other breathe—is that creepy?

"Do you want me to come over?" I ask. "We can put a movie in; forget all about it."

"We have to train tonight, Anna," she tells me. "I have to go out tonight; I can't forget about it no matter how much I wish it." I hear her gasp lightly. "You don't think they're camped outside my building do you?" The thud of footsteps. "I can't see anybody, but then again I can't see the entrance to my building anyway. You don't think they're down there hoping I leave, do you? What if they see you?"

I can't help but chuckle as I make a mental note that frantic Elsa is cute Elsa, but then I focus once more when I realize that she's also scared. And, being the best potential girlfriend ever, it's my job to calm her down.

"They won't see me," I reassure her, "I promise. I'll sneak in through the side alley. That's if they're out there, Elsa. Okay? Don't assume the worst."

"I'm trying, Anna," she whispers, and I can detect the wetness in her voice. "But…"

"I know," I soothe, "you're scared. And that's okay; just try and calm down, okay? I'm on my way. And I'll bring some ice cream this time, I swear. Screw the fact it's barely past eight in the morning."

"Okay," I hear her chuckle. "Thanks, Anna."

"Anything for you, Els," I reply with a smile, even though she'll never see it. "Be right there."

After a whisper of "goodbye," we hang up and I immediately dart back to my room to change. Thirty minutes later, I'm exiting the subway station closest to Elsa's place. Luckily, there's a CVS right across the street, so I dash in there and leave with a tub of Ben & Jerry's "Boom Chocolatta"—'cause, come on, it's chocolate. I'm standing at the intersection, waiting to cross the street and I scour the front of Elsa's building. There doesn't seem to be anyone from any news stations waiting outside. Still, to be careful, I pull my hood over my head and pull my hoodie tighter around me as I cross the street and near the building.

I'm able to walk right in the front door, not even needing to retreat to the alley, and even inside, there's no sight of the paparazzi. Grinning, but with a small sigh of relief, I lower my hood and approach the elevators.

Elsa's basically waiting for me when I knock on her door and she pulls me in, still obviously upset.

"Were they down there?" she asks.

Smiling, I shake my head. "Nope!" I chirp. "Able to enter through the main doors and everything." I see her open her mouth, but I cut her off with a grin, "But I put my hood up, just in case."

What is most likely her first smile of the day lights up her face and I mirror it before pulling out the ice cream from behind my back.

"You actually brought ice cream," she giggles as if she was sure I was joking—except I never joke around when ice cream is involved.

"Chocolate ice cream," I correct with a laugh of my own. "Ready to eat your troubles away?"

She kisses me quickly on the forehead causing my body to heat up so much that I'm afraid the ice cream will start to melt.

"Sounds perfect."

So we spend the day having a movie marathon, binge-watching TV episodes on Netflix, and making runs to the CVS for more ice cream. We're having a great time, and by the time we're dozing off in the middle of our tenth episode of Archer, I'm confident the scare this morning has totally left Elsa's mind. Still, we're careful when leaving for the gym that night, Elsa sending me out first with my hood up and then ushering her out when I'm sure the coast is still clear. It may sound silly, and it kind of feels silly, but I know this is important to Elsa, and so it's important to me as well.

Plus I feel like I'm in the middle of a Mission Impossible movie, so that's cool.

"You do realize the tournament's only two weeks away, right?" Elsa mentions later that night at the gym after I finish my first mile run.

"I know," I say. "I'm actually not freaking out yet."

"You shouldn't feel like you need to," she tells me as she wipes her face with a towel, getting off her own treadmill—she does the same routine I do until I do actual boxing training. "You won the rookie tournament."

"Yeah, but that was for rookies," I scoff with a small laugh. "This is against real boxers."

"So, you weren't a real boxer when you won?" she grins.

"You know what I mean!"

Elsa starts to laugh at me and I have half a mind to spray her with my water bottle in retaliation, but that would be a waste of the precious liquid. Instead, I lightly shove her off the rower we're now sitting on.

"But seriously," I start once our giggles have died down, "you think I have a good shot?"

"I do," she returns. "Even without my training you, I believe you would have fared pretty well. You're a born boxer, Anna; all you need is some fine-tuning, which I hope I've been doing adequately."

"You'll come to this one, right?"

Elsa, who had been in the middle of strapping her feet in to the rowing machine, pauses. If she were a cat, I could picture her hair standing on end.

"I…"

"Please?" I basically whine when she trails off and doesn't seem to have the intent to continue.

She starts to row, with just an utterance of, "I'll think about it."

Knowing she doesn't wish to get into this at the moment, I leave it at that and start to row myself. The rest of the night goes by quick enough and I really get the sense I'm polishing up my skills until they shine. I've nearly perfected this combo Elsa and I have been working on since the beginning, and we've tested multiple sets with the goal to distract my opponent while landing swift, hard blows to knock them off balance.

By the time we enter Elsa's apartment again close to midnight, we're both adequately exhausted—me especially, since, you know, it's me we're training.

"Um, I'm going to hop in the shower real quick," Elsa tells me as she peels her jacket off.

"Okay," I respond, not even bothering to ask if I'm welcome to spend the night again and just letting it come naturally. I can't hide the grin when I realize how easy things have become with Elsa and me. I mean, I'm spending the night again and she didn't even really invite me; it's just a given.

"You can…order a pizza or something, if you want," she tells me as she retreats to her room. "There should be menus lying around somewhere."

"Roger that!" I shout, making my way into the kitchen.

When I hear the bathroom door shut and the shower turn on, my search for take-out menus becomes near frantic as I try to keep my mind off the fact that Elsa is showering right down the hall from me.

Naked.

Okay, so no shit she'd be naked if she's showering; she doesn't shower in her clothes, Anna, you doofus.

But still, it's… Ugh.

Damn hormones. I hope turning nineteen next year will help tame me, but that might just be wishful thinking.

Anyway, to make sure I significantly distract myself while Elsa does her thing in that one room, I pull out a Papa John's menu and busy myself with calling in an order. When I'm finished with that and can still hear the shower running, I dart to my borrowed gym bag—since I wasn't at my place to bring my own—and pull out a pair of earbuds I asked Elsa if I could use. Plugging them into my phone, I crank up the volume and hit shuffle.

Trying to keep myself busy even with the music now thudding in my ears, I make myself useful and begin cleaning up the countless empty ice cream containers, bowls, spoons, and drinks that have flooded Elsa's living room.

One of Kelly Clarkson's new songs begins to play and I really start to get into it, dancing through the living room as I continue to clean. I crank the music even louder—I've come to terms with the fact that I'll be deaf by the time I'm thirty long ago—as I love this girl and all her music.

"You, where the hell did you come from

You're a different, different kind of fun

And I'm so used to feeling numb

Now, I've got pins and needles on my tongue

Anticipating what's to come

Like a finger on a loaded gun"

I'm only semi-aware I'm singing out loud in an apartment that's not my own and that I usually reserve my singing concerts for my shower only, but what the hell. Elsa's still in the shower and I'm still on an adrenaline high from working out. I'm going to rock out for a bit.

"I, I wasn't even going to go out

But I never would have had a doubt

If I had known where I'd be now

Your hands on my hips

And my kiss on your lips

Oh, I could do this for a lifetime"

Isn't it weird when a song comes on that perfectly describes your life in that moment? I mean, does your iPhone secretly record what's going on in your life and then finds the best playlist to go along with it? What the hell sometimes, right?

But damn if this song isn't making me think of Elsa and me.

The chorus plays again and I spin around, getting ready to most likely do a head bang or swish my hair around when I realize I'm no longer the only occupant in the room. And it's not the pizza guy, because he couldn't get in on his own. That leaves only one person.

Shit.

I yank the headphones from my ears as if to act like I hadn't just been listening to music, singing, dancing, and having the time of my life. In Elsa's living room. While she watched for gods know how long.

"By all means, don't stop because of me," she says with a laugh.

I literally have no idea what to say. But of course Kelly Clarkson does as her song goes on repeat—'cause of course I let my fangirl show by putting her newest hit on repeat.

"Kelly Clarkson, huh?" Elsa quips then with a grin, hearing it blast from the earphones I'm clutching. "Don't really know that song, but I liked it."

I blush and avert my gaze to the floor.

"Sorry if I ruined it for you," I mumble.

Elsa giggles. "Anna, I said I liked it. That means I liked your singing."

"Did you slip and hit your head in the shower or something, 'cause I think your hearing must be messed up," I continue to mutter under my breath.

Elsa rolls her eyes at me and lifts my chin so I'm looking at her face and her look that says, "Stop beating yourself up, Anna, I'm trying to compliment you."

"Wait," I blink, "you actually liked it? Like really?"

Elsa arches an eyebrow but grins. "Would I lie to you?"

"Would you?" I challenge, but grant a smile access.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just ask me that and try not to be offended," Elsa scoffs, shoving me before taking one headphone and placing it in her ear before handing me the extra.

I situate it and nervously meet her eyes as we listen to the song together. Elsa has her face screwed like she's deep in thought and I'm just trying to keep my eyes off the gentle sway of her hips.

"Nope," Elsa sighs after a minute, looking to me and smiling. "Not as good as you."

I'm pretty sure I'm still blushing when the pizza finally comes twenty minutes later.

This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it

Turned it on

But I know you can take it up, up, up, up all night long

Oh, up, up all night long

Um… Not a lot to say this time, actually. Although I have become slightly obsessed with that Kelly Clarkson song (Heartbeat Song) myself after discovering it fits this story so well. But anyway, fave, follow, review! Love you all!