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Chapter Twenty-Seven: Round Four
It's times like these when I really, truly realize just how much larger a city New York is compared to Louisville.
I mean, Mt Sinai is freaking huge! Like, think of the difference in size between Alaska and Rhode Island; Alaska is Mt Sinai and Rhode Island is Norton Suburban in Louisville.
Yeah, it's really that much bigger.
And I always thought NS was confounding with its size.
When we finally make it to the level and wing devoted to student research—reconstructive surgery through robotics, in our particular case—Elsa comes to a halt outside two double doors.
"Els?" I pipe up once she doesn't move after a few seconds. "I'm right here," I add; hoping my words give her some solace despite how what's waiting for her on the other side of these doors is greater than any words could console.
I watch closely as Elsa takes in a deep, heavy breath, holds it a few seconds, and releases slowly. Standing behind her, I can only imagine the hardened glint that glimmers in her eyes as she squares her shoulders and moves to open the door, an air of commanding authority protecting her like some kind of aura.
Quite a difference from the petrified child I encountered at the gym late one night many, many months ago. When Elsa doesn't even spare me a glance before pushing open the doors, striding right into the wing as if she owns it, I know for certain that for maybe the first time since I met her, Elsa truly was ready to take the next step. While my being here may very well be making a difference, there had been no real pressure from me to get her to leave the apartment this morning or get her through these doors. Now, as long as she keeps this air of authority throughout the entire study, we should be good to go.
There's a young black woman sitting behind the service counter as Elsa and I approach, and instantly upon noticing us, she looks up with a smile.
"Hey there!" she greets. "How many I help you?"
I glance to Elsa as she steps forward, and still unable to see her face, I can only imagine the small, shy smile she always dons in these types of situations.
"I'm…"
"Elsa Arendelle, right?" the woman finishes with a grin. "Girl, I've been following you since day one, I know who you are."
Elsa chuckles abashedly, and I roll my eyes at her modesty, almost certain now there is a blush inching its way across her cheeks.
"Seriously, though," the woman adds, "how can I help?"
"I'm… Well, if you say you've been following since the beginning, I'm sure you're aware then about my accident?" Elsa explains, somehow managing to end with a question.
The woman's face immediately falls as she nods. "Yeah. I'm truly sorry about that; all of it."
I see Elsa's left hand tremble briefly before she closes it into a fist and she looks to the floor.
"Th-Thanks," she mumbles. A moment of silence passes before she looks back up. "I'd…like to join the study you all are working on. The one with…robotic prosthetics?"
The woman's eyes light up immediately and she nods excitedly. "No problem!" she exclaims. "One sec!"
As she picks up the phone and begins speaking into it almost immediately, Elsa turns to look over her shoulder at me. I shoot her a corny grin and give her a thumbs up, causing her to break into a small smile of her own. Then, she holds her left hand out towards me, beckoning me closer. I take it firmly, coming up to stand next to her; right where I belong.
"The three students in charge of the study are coming down to meet you," the woman informs us after hanging up. "They'll do a small preliminary exam before informing you more about the study."
Elsa thanks her again and I give my own form of thanks through a nod. In no time, three boys enter through another pair of double doors. One is tall, dark and muscular—literally, his muscles are almost bulging through the dress shirt he's wearing—and the other two look like they could be brothers. One is almost as tall as Mr Muscles, while one barely looks thirteen. Both have dark hair, and all three of them are smiling warmly as they approach us.
"Elsa Arendelle," the taller sibling greets, "I can't begin to explain how honored I am to have you as a part of our study."
"We had to cut Terk off from her ramble on the phone," the muscular boy adds in.
"Hey!" the woman, Terk, apparently, shouts from her spot behind the desk.
The tanned boy just shrugs before extending a hand out to Elsa. "The name's Tarzan," he introduces. "Though, I don't mind if you just call me Zan. I'm one of the students in charge of this study."
After Elsa shakes his hand, the older sibling speaks up again. "Tadashi," he states, "the other half of this study's lead. And this," he ruffles the shorter kid's hair, much to his detest, "is Hiro, my younger brother."
"I can introduce myself, you know," Hiro grumbles, working to fix his hair before smiling up at Elsa. "I'm the inventor of all the robotics we use here. Tadashi and Tarzan may have designed the study, but without me, it would have been impossible to get it working."
I can't keep in my laughter as Tadashi rolls his eyes. "Yeah, we also wouldn't have any modesty if it wasn't for him," he quips.
Elsa lets a small smile form again, but I know she's growing increasingly anxious with all the new people she's meeting. Still, I'm proud of her when she continues to power through.
"It's a pleasure to meet you all," she says. "This is my girlfriend, Anna." She pulls me forward and I wave heartily. "I asked her to tag along; I hope that's okay."
Tadashi simply shakes his head, the kind smile still on his face. "Not a problem at all. I understand this can be intimidating, and it's always good to keep those you love close."
Hoping to lighten the mood, I nudge Elsa's side. "See?" I pipe up. "Told you there's no getting rid of me."
The three boys chuckle as Elsa blushes and quickly shoves me back. They invite us back with them at that point, and as Elsa and I follow, Tarzan begins to explain the study in detail.
"I don't know how much you've read," he starts, "but this entire study was designed and is run by grad students. Aside from Hiro—who's basically a kid genius and has outside qualifications letting him be a part of this—all of us have a Master's degree in medicine, biology, chemistry, or robotics. Tadashi specializes in the biology and robotics part of it with Hiro's help, and I lead the medicine part."
"Is there any psychiatric aspect to this?" Elsa questions as the five of us walk into a small examination room—well, more like Hiro waits outside, Tadashi lingers in the doorway, and Tarzan accompanies us completely inside. "My…th-therapist recommended I do some kind of group therapy before actually going through with a study. He also mentioned most programs like this have their own researchers or doctors doing the therapy."
Tarzan nods in affirmation. "We do. My girlfriend actually leads it. After we do the preliminary exam to make sure this study is a good fit for you, we'll have you join the therapy group. It consists of all our study participants and is mandatory you stay in the group throughout the entire study."
"The professors working with us on this said we had to have it or they wouldn't let us even take the first step to making this study real," Tadashi adds.
"So there is a…real doctor here?" Elsa asks, hesitating before almost mumbling the word 'real.' "No offense," she adds in a whisper and with a shy smile.
Tarzan chuckles. "No offense taken," he responds. "All student research has to have approval by and be headed by a professor. We actually have two: One for the science part of it, and one for the psychology part of it. Dr Callaghan heads the science division, and Dr Porter the psychology."
"You'll be meeting both today, don't worry," Tadashi cuts in again. "In fact," he glances at his phone, "why don't you get her started, Tarzan, and I'll go fetch the professors? They should just be finishing lunch. Hiro, you head back to the lab."
"It was awesome to meet you, Elsa!" Hiro exclaims as he pokes his head in the room. "You'll love what I come up with, I'm sure!"
"Yeah, yeah, bro," Tadashi chuckles, pushing Hiro out. "Save the bragging for later."
The two can still be heard bickering as they retreat back down the hallway. Tarzan just sighs and shakes his head at their fading voices, though his smile never wavers.
"I be those two are interesting to work with," I say—'cause, damn it, I'm not used to being quiet for this long and find myself needing to say something, as selfish as that may be.
"Oh, you have no idea," Tarzan replies with a huff this time. "Though I can't imagine it being any other way, now." Sitting down on a stool, he motions for Elsa to sit on the examination table. "Ready to begin?"
I see Elsa gulp, but a quick glance at me and being rewarded with a soft smile in turn hardens her resolve once more, and she nods. She sits down stiffly, but when I sidle up next to her and take her hand again, she visibly relaxes.
Tarzan goes through the typical routine of any doctor's office: temperature, height and weight, blood pressure, breath sounds and the like, all the while making note of everything on a tablet. Once all of Elsa's medical history is taken and recorded, he stands to leave the room, saying he'll send the professors and Tadashi in next. After he leaves, I take his place on the stool, rolling up in front of Elsa.
"You doing okay?" I ask, noticing her looking down at her lap.
She nods but doesn't say anything, so I take her hand in mine before lifting her chin up so she's looking at me. I don't fail to notice the fear still lingering in the back of her eyes, and I smile sympathetically.
"Do you want to go home?" I try next. "I'm sure they'll understand doing this in small increments. They all seem to be fans of you, or at least respect you, I'm sure they'd be willing to help you in any way possible."
She shakes her head as she softly replies, "I need to see this through." Her gaze flickers away from me momentarily before refocusing. "I'm not used to meeting this many people at once, but I'd rather get it all out of the way at once than having it take longer."
"Okay," I acquiesce. "But if you ever get overwhelmed, be it today or down the road, you let me know, okay? We're doing this at your pace. You're volunteering your time here, so you get to call the shots."
She nods this time and grants me a small smile. "Okay," she breathes.
Mirroring her smile, I kiss her forehead. "I know I keep saying this, but I'm really proud of you."
"And I know I keep saying this, but I'm really glad I have you," she tells me.
"I love you."
Kissing my lips, she utters back, "I love you, too."
I rest my forehead back against hers, and we remain like that for the duration of our wait. The only sound that fills the room is the sound of our gentle breathing and beating of our steady hearts. It's a much-needed moment of peace amongst the chaos that surrounds us, and we know well enough to take these moments when they come.
All too soon, a knock sounds at the door and we break apart, looking up to see two older gentlemen in lab coats walk in this time, followed by Tadashi. One man has graying hair and a hard, yet kind face while the other is short and balding, the small tufts of his hair already a snow white.
"Good afternoon, Ms Arendelle," the gray-haired man speaks first. "I'm Dr Callaghan and this is Dr Porter." The white-haired man waves.
Elsa nods at each of them and mumbles, "Nice to meet you."
"I, personally, saw your statement on TV about your accident, but just to be sure, and to make sure Dr Porter and young Tadashi here are completely filled in, which prosthetic are you here for?"
"An…a-arm."
"May I see the arm without the brace?" Callaghan asks next.
Elsa immediately looks to me and I can see the fear flaring back up, quickly and easily overpowering the courage she had maintained thus far.
"It's okay, Els," I tell her confidently. "It's nothing they haven't seen before."
She nods, yet still doesn't move to take the brace off, rather she just stares at her right hand blankly. Shooting the doctors and Tadashi an apologetic look—to which I'm relieved to see them looking back with nothing but complete understanding—I place my hand on Elsa's right shoulder. She visibly flinches.
"It's okay," I repeat. "Do you want me to help?"
I'm actually a bit surprised when she nods yes, but I don't hesitate to begin to slowly peel back the black material keeping the prosthetic she has now in place. I keep my actions deliberate, giving her ample time to take over herself in she so wishes. Though with the glazed look that I'm met with upon looking back up in her eyes, I have a feeling she's not going to jump in.
"Els," I utter once the brace is removed and my fingers linger on the final Velcro strap, "you sure you don't want to do this?"
She just shakes her head so I undo the final strap and slide her arm out, leaving her bare, vulnerable and exposed. My hand immediately finds her left once more, squeezing it hard.
"I see," Callaghan mumbles, his eyes roaming up and down Elsa's right arm, as he steps closer before squatting down. Looking up to Elsa, he asks, "May I examine the scarred tissue?"
Elsa numbly nods, but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't even hear his question. Still, Callaghan continues his examination and gingerly takes Elsa's arm in his hands, lifting it to get a better angle of her scar. He calls Tadashi over to take some notes or something, and the boy quickly taps away at his own tablet. When Callaghan releases Elsa's arm, she pulls her hand away from mine to cup her stump, her arms going to circle her waist in her defensive position. My hand moves to her shoulder instead.
"I believe you to be suitable for this study, Ms Arendelle," Callaghan states after looking back over Tadashi's notes. "The only problem I can see us running into is stimulating the nerve endings in your arm again. How long has it been since your accident?"
"About eighteen months," Elsa mutters, still refusing to look at anyone in the room, including me.
"I see," Callaghan repeats. "In that case, it may very well be a trial to link the nerves in your arm to the circuits in our design, but we will work very hard to ensure your success." Sensing Elsa's discomfort, he sighs and kneels before her—as I'm still sitting on his stool—gazing at her with a soft smile, as a father would do to his daughter. "I have to ask, Elsa, but are you truly sure you're ready to take this on?"
Elsa nods all too quickly, though she's begun to shake all over, and I'm acutely aware to how hard she's breathing.
"I have to be…" she whispers.
"You don't have to be anything," Callaghan assures her. "None of us are forcing this upon you."
"He's right, Els," I pipe up once more. "I know you want this, but if you're not ready-."
"But I have to be ready!" she cries, startling us all with the volume of her voice and the mad glimmer in her eyes as she finally looks back up. Realizing she just yelled at us, she grabs my hand and looks up at me with such a pitiful expression, I'm immediately taken back to the night where she revealed her arm to me in the first place. "Anna…" She's whimpering now. "I-I just want all this to be over…"
I pull her into me in a tight hug, one hand cradling her head affectionately while the other remains locked in her one-handed grasp. I can hear her crying now, head buried in my shirt and wetting the fabric significantly. Craning my neck, I shoot Callaghan, Dr Porter and Tadashi apologetic smiles. Not too surprisingly, they all return one with sympathy and understanding.
"I'll leave you two with Dr Porter," Callaghan says more so to me now. "He can talk to you both about the therapy portion. We won't begin any physical part of the study until she's had several sessions, and we can even arrange individuals session with Dr Porter or the doctor she sees now; whichever she's comfortable with."
"Thank you," I tell him gratefully, managing one last smile before he departs from the room with Tadashi.
After the door closes, Dr Porter comes up next to Elsa on the opposite of her. He doesn't reach out to touch her, seeming to know a person's presence may be all she really needs right now.
"Elsa?" he begins in a quiet voice to keep from startling her. "It's just me and Anna now. How are you feeling?"
"Overwhelmed," she answers, her voice still barely a whisper.
"Anything else?"
"S-Scared."
Dr Porter actually clucks a laugh as he says, "I'd be surprised if you weren't." When Elsa pulls away from me enough to glance his way, he smiles. "Is that why you're upset?"
Elsa nods.
"Would you like to go home for the day?"
Elsa looks to me then, as if she needs my permission. I kiss her forehead before I reply, "It's your decision."
She spares Dr Porter another glance before she almost shamefully nods her head and utters and weak, "Please."
"There's no need to be ashamed, Elsa," he tells her. "Many of our participants are taking this study in small strides. We can't expect all of them to immediately jump into this and be able to swim." Dr Porter hands her a tissue before continuing. "When you decide to come back, would you be up to having a talk with me? We don't need to start you in group therapy until you feel absolutely ready for it. We can even have your current therapist come in if you want."
"I'll…" she looks to me, but I don't give her any inclination as to what she should say. "I'll think about it," she finishes.
Dr Porter nods and walks us back to the lobby where Terk still sits behind the desk. Elsa continues to head to the double doors that will take us back to the main hospital, but I turn back to Dr Porter.
"She'll be back," I reassure him. "She really wants this, honestly. It's just…hard for her."
"I understand completely," he assures me. "Anna, right?"
I nod and he grins. "Stay close to her. She's going to be relying on you a lot here and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Make sure she knows that, hm?"
I mirror his nod. "I will. I keep telling her she's not going to be able to get rid of me easily."
He laughs at that before we part and I catch up to Elsa. The trip home is silent and when we get back to Elsa's place, she immediately heads for the bedroom. I look to the clock and begin to chew my lip when I notice the time is only barely three in the afternoon. Lingering awkwardly in her living room, I hesitate before heading to the kitchen. A few minutes later, I'm following her to her bedroom, two steaming mugs of hot chocolate in my hands.
Not too surprisingly, yet still making my heart ache, I find Elsa curled into a ball in the center of her bed. Placing the mugs on her nightstand, I climb up next to her, wrapping my arms and body around her in a protective cocoon.
"You did great today, you know?" I tell her gently, nuzzling my nose against the back of her neck. She sniffs, but remains silent, unmoving in my embrace. Sighing quietly, I give her a gentle squeeze. "Do you want me to leave you alone?"
There's a subtle nod of her head and I plaster a smile on my face, trying not to feel too hurt by her immediate castoff of me. I know it's not personal; of course she'd need time to herself. I sit up and brush some hair behind her ear before leaning down to kiss her temple.
"There's hot chocolate on your nightstand if you want some," I tell her as I move off the bed. "I'll be in the living room if you need me."
Taking my own mug, I walk to the doorway before looking over my shoulder with a solemn look. Elsa still doesn't budge.
She doesn't come out of her room the rest of the night.
