This chapter was pretty hard to translate from german into english.
I apologize for mistakes and i also apologize if some sentences are again squeezed together.
Like i said before: I have no idea how to solve this problem :(
I hope you like it :D
Gorgeous silence surrounded him.
Only the sound of a small stream, the chirping of birds and the whisper of the wind were the only things that came to his ears.
Long he had been sitting here in the midst of a forest on the banks of a small creek.
His blue eyes stared for almost an hour in the water flowing past and he was trapped in his thoughts.
He couldn't get Lucifer's words out of his head and the robe and the armor he wore now, looked more familiar to him with every additional minute that passed and slowly the memories of the past seemed to come back to him as well.
Memories of a long forgotten battle.
Memories of moments that were so terrible that he would rather forget them forever...
But if he wanted to find out something about his past, he had to dig deep in his subconscious. And that's what he did for some time now.
But no matter how hard he tried, the memories just could not get through to him and it almost felt like a wall in his head which he could not break. No, it was too strong...
He tried it in a different way and a few minutes before he had made his wings visible, but, as was to be expected, there were still only two wings that were on his back. Not six wings, like a seraphim had, no. There were only two pitch-black, normal angel wings and slowly he began to doubt Lucifer's words.
But it was not just the words of his fallen brother which he doubted, but also the words of his other brothers and sisters...and himself.
Lucifer had a point.
How could he manage to get Dean out of hell when he was just a poor and feeble little angel. He would never have had enough strength to do so, unless he was not what he believed to be.
And also, when he had fought in the factory hall against the crowd of Hellhounds, he had wondered where he suddenly had so much power to destroy this hell spawn with only a single, powerful blow.
It was all so confusing...
There were so many questions in his mind and it almost felt as if his head would burst.
Most of all he would have cried out loud, all his frustration, just screamed into the sky, but he reined himself.
He couldn't lose his mind now, had to remain quiet and trying to cope with the situation, but it was not easy, as more and more images made their way through the tiny cracks in the wall that was in his brain.
He fought against it with all his remaining power.
No!
He didn't want to see it!
Not again!
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make it and he lost the battle.
Even before the battle with the demons and the hellhounds he had hardly possessed strength and now it was almost completely depleted.
And there's a question crept into his head: If it had not been Lucifer, who had send them these demons and hellhounds?
A question that he could answer later, because his head was no longer possible to more questions, because more and more the wall threatened to explode and it got more cracks and more terrible scenes of recent days poured out of it.
He could see a host of angels who stormed with raised swords on another crowd of angels and in the middle of the battlefield, which was already soaked with blood, they clashed. Brother fought against brother, sister against sister. Blades crossed, wings beating excitedly around and screams of pain cut through thick air.
"No…"
His hands reached into his black hair and began to tug at it as tears gathered in his eyes and he tried to prevent more memories came through the wall, but he couldn't.
He was too weak and let go when his memories broke almost like a daunting and all-destroying flood over him.
Surrounded by the angelic host, he saw himself as he knelt with bloodstained robes in the blood of his brothers and sisters. His eyes were wide with shock, his hands gripping the sword in his trembling hand, but his body would not move.
Another angel came to his side, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, but he didn't respond, he could no longer avert his eyes from the battle around him.
"Castiel! Get up!"
Balthazar's words sounded as if it came from far away and once again he was shaken. But still he didn't move.
Then he remembered as Balthazar unceremoniously lifted him up in his arms and ran off. With his free arm he swung his mighty sword, killed those who once were his brothers and sisters. He could not think about it, not now and his feet carried him farther and farther. Almost he had made it but then Balthazar cried out in pain, and Castiel slipped from his arms and fall hard onto the ground. Helpless, he had to watch as his big brother came up on the floor and stopped moving. In his side the blade of another angel stuck, who now leaned down to him.
"No!"
Castiel could only make out the shadowy figure of Naomi and then his memories took an abrupt end when he had fainted.
The last thing he could remember was that he had been ordered to free Dean Winchester out of Hell. Everything he had done previously no longer get through to him. No matter how hard he tried to remember. And if he was honest, he didn't even want to remember anymore...
How long he remained there, silently, desperately, he didn't know.
It could have been minutes, even hours, and he wouldn't care...
The tears had long since dried up as he raised his head.
His steel-blue eyes sparkled ominously as he had made a decision and he closed them again, focused to send a message.
A message that went to the last of his brothers whom he still trusted.
Lucifer, if you can hear me...I believe you. Show me the truth. Teach me, to use my strength... teach me to commit revenge on those who did this to me. I'll wait for you brother...