Wow finally I managed to write a new chapter
I am so sorry for the lack of updates guys. I have been stuck in a very bad writers-block.
I hope I am going to write a bit faster now and hopefully I am going to finish this story soon^^.
Chapter 20
Castiel knew nothing of the sinister plans of his brother.
No.
The young Seraph was still in his brother's bed and tried desperately to get some sleep. Angels usually required no sleep, but he had lost so much of his strength, that he simply could not keep his eyes open, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not fall sleep.
Too many thoughts swirled around in his head and robbed him of the much needed sleep, which would give him back his forces. At least a part of them...
Questions about questions were inside his brain, driving him almost insane.
All the information's he had received from Crowley and the secrecy of his brother were just too much for him. First he had to find out, that he was not the angel he had thought he would be all these millennia and then, a servant of hell, told him all these things, that he was just a puppet of his brothers and sisters. They had washed his brain and made him believe that he was a small ordinary angel and they had made him forget his true identity and had treated him like dirt.
Not to mention the humans he had met…
Dean had only called him if he had wanted something from him, needed his help or if he needed one who could do his dirty work for him.
He had served heaven and not humanity. His brothers and sisters had already made him understand that, when they had brutally dragged him back to heaven and had tortured him. But he had always returned to Dean and he always had been insulted by him and had let him push him around and for what?
He hadn't even received a tiny little "thank you" from him!
The Seraph clenched his hands into fists at these thoughts.
So hard, that his knuckles turned white.
He was sick of it to let himself push back and forth like an object and to do the dirty work for others. He was sick of the betrayal of his brothers, as well as the audacity of this demon Crowley, who had dared to attack and hurt him, one of the most powerful angels of heaven.
And he was sick of the secrecy of his big brother!
Lucifer was hiding something from him; that he had made abundantly clear when he had spoken about Naomi and his brother had reacted so strangely to the name of this angel.
And inevitably Crowley's words echoed in his head.
Lucifer keeps you only on a long leash...
Slowly these words made sense, because Lucifer didn't allow him to leave their hiding place and if he should do it anyways, he was punished, that he had experienced not less than half an hour before. It was the same situation as he had to endure for millennia. He received commands and if he should refuse to obey, then he was punished.
Like today…
And he was sick of it!
Was sick of it to bend like a slave to the will of his brother!
Was sick of it to do the dirty work for him or anyone else!
And he was sick of it, that he couldn't decide what he wanted to do and what not!
He had fallen from heaven the moment he had chosen the free will and slowly the feeling crept over him, that Lucifer wanted to take advantage of it.
Suddenly Crowley's words made sense.
But he couldn't trust this demon.
Crowley's words could seem flattering, but Castiel knew better, knew that the words of this demon were worse than poison. They crept into the consciousness of his victim and little by little, it fell to the demon, until it sold his soul to him at the end. While Castiel had no soul he could lose, but he had something else that Crowley wanted, namely his heavenly skills and the power of a Seraphim.
Shameful the angel closed his eyes and clung to his pillow, when he thought of Dean.
He thought back to the times, in which they had worked together.
And now, in that one moment, when everything threatened to collapse over his head, came over him the feeling of incredible remorse. He had accused Dean of using him, but he hadn't. He had helped him up, after he had fallen. He had been there for him, when his heavenly forces had almost left him and he was there, when he had changed. Of course, he had to protect his little brother, but Castiel had seen in his eyes that his friendship still meant a lot to him and that he would fight for it.
And what had he done?
He had almost killed him!
Was that the right way to show him his friendship?
A soft whimper came from the throat of the mighty angel and he squeezed his eyes shut, so much, that it must already hurt him.
But this pain was different, was stronger than anything else he had felt so far.
This pain was not physical. No. This pain came from the depths of his body.
His true body…
Never in his life Castiel had felt a feeling like this and now it was stronger and worse than anything he ever could have imagined.
The feeling that he had probably lost the best friend he ever had.
And he had betrayed not only his best friend.
No.
He had also betrayed his big brother, the Archangel Gabriel, had wounded him badly, and he had almost killed him in his lust for revenge.
Castiel had changed.
He had changed so much, that he didn't recognize himself anymore.
Lucifer had managed to awaken the beast in him.
A beast that had slept inside him for thousands of years and which was now finally be able to show its powers.
And Castiel was almost scared of himself…
He had none of that intended and in this one moment in which all of this was going through his head, he wanted nothing more than that all of this would have never happened. He wanted to wake up and realize that all of this was just a horrible nightmare. But it wasn't. No. It was the bitter reality and he had to face it alone now. Dean was not on his side. Sam and Bobby were not also on his side and he dared not to get in contact with Gabriel. Not after what had happened between them.
And besides, Lucifer would notice it, when he tried to contact another angel.
And from his father he couldn't expect any help either...
He had to do it by himself.
A shudder came over his battered body that went even up to his wing tips.
Just the thought of it to fight with Lucifer, the King of Hell, made him shiver real hard.
That was just ridiculous…
He almost burst out laughing, but then he thought better of it.
He was not an ordinary angel.
He was a Seraphim.
And he was able to even fight against Lucifer. The Fallen had already told him, but he had not believed him. But now he believed that, because his brother had taught him much in the last few weeks and showed him how he could keep his heavenly forces under control. While this was still quite difficult for him, he would take this hurdle too.
But he needed a plan and a way to get in contact with the Winchester brothers first.
And he had to continue to let Lucifer in the belief, that he would do anything for him what he asked of him, which would certainly not be easy, because inwardly a volcano was seething in Castiel, that was about to erupt. All the pent-up anger inside him threatening to engulf his body in a fire inferno, but he restrained himself.
First of all, he had to rest and then he would find a way to get in touch with Dean or Sam or perhaps even with Bobby.
He would take care that no other angel would notice him, certainly not his fallen brother.
And when the time was there, he would fight.
For his freedom.
And for Dean...