I am sorry that I haven't post an update for such a long time.
I am pretty depressed at the moment and I wasn't in the mood for anything in the past days.
But now I feel a bit better and...well life must go on, right?
But I think this chapter mirrors my current feelings pretty well *sighs*
Chapter 28
An eerie silence had settled over the forest, which was only broken by the pounding rain.
The rain softened the ground ever more, transformed him into a muddy mass that mingled with blood. Only slowly the rain washed the traces of the past battle away.
Dean ignored it.
He was still lying in the mud and his eyes were directed toward the sky.
Dark clouds obstructed his view of the sun; rain wetted his blood-streaked face.
His body ached with every breath and his limbs were heavy as lead.
The dead body of the wolf still lay on his own body, but Dean seemed to not notice it.
He turned his head slowly to the side, staring at the lifeless body to his right.
"Cas ..."
It was just a whisper that left his lips.
Beside him lay the Seraphim.
He lay with his back to him.
His wings were soaked with blood and one of his six wings had suffered serious injuries and looked as if it would fall off of his back any moment.
Shortly after the Battle, the Seraph had collapsed and Dean already feared the worst when he saw his best friend lying in his own blood in front of him.
The hunter managed to stretch out one of his hands and touched one of the wings with his cold fingers.
"Cas...get up..."
His voice got little louder and his fingers closed around the feathers and pulled on them, but the angel still didn't move.
Dean felt hot tears that gathered in his eyes and he was trying to blink them away.
Castiel was his best friend and he would always be, no matter what he had done.
He had just saved his life and the hunter couldn't shake off the feeling that he had thereby paid with his own life. The Seraphim didn't move a bit and otherwise his body showed no sign of life.
"No...Cas...please..."
The Winchester gathered all his remaining strength and was able to pull himself out from under the dead wolf and scooted over to Castiel. He clutched at his robe and leaned over the angel, that he could see his face.
Castiel's eyes were closed, blood was dripping out of his mouth and the rest of his body was limp, seemed lifeless.
"You bastard! Don't do this to me!"
Dean's voice had become louder and he beat the Angel halfheartedly against the cheek, tried to wake him up, but nothing was working. More and more tears now ran down his bloody cheeks and the pain of having perhaps lost his best friend hurt him so much in his chest that he thought he would die here and now.
He was desperate and didn't know what he should do now.
His hand rested on the chest of the other and felt after his heartbeat.
Nothing!
His human Vessel seemed to be as dead as his real body.
But Castiel was an angel!
Damn it!
He was a Seraphim!
He couldn't die now!
Not like that…
Then the hunter did the only thing that came to his mind:
He turned Castiel on his back, careful not to make things worse when he touched his injured wing, and began to massage his heart. He even overcame his shame, pressed his mouth over Castiel's and he gave him a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, all the while massaging his heart, as he pulled away for some seconds.
He didn't know whether all this would help him, but he didn't know what else he should do right now. He couldn't just sit here and do nothing!
Cas was his friend and that he owed him!
"Come on, Cas!"
Once again he gave him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
"You goddamn bastard! Open your eyes!"
His hands pressed rhythmically into his chest, trying to bring the heart back to beating, but still nothing happened.
Castiel's eyes remain closed...
After three further attempts the hunter stopped and dropped beside him.
His eyes were red and filled with sadness and he let his tears flow unashamedly now.
The loss hurt like nothing else in this world and at this moment the young man wanted nothing more than that all of this was a terrible nightmare, that he opened his eyes every moment and realized that none of this was real.
But it was real.
Castiel had sacrificed himself for him and now he lay there and Dean couldn't do anything to help him.
A long time Dean sat there in silence; his face turned to the sky and he was caught up in his thoughts.
His tears had long dried up, and his eyes had become expressionless.
He felt nothing.
Neither pain, nor sorrow, nor hatred...
His eyes turned to Castiel and he had to gather his remaining self-control, in order not to lose it again.
The sight hurt so much in his heart and again hot tears gathered in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry Cas...I wish I could have done more for you..."
Then the eyes of the hunter went back to the sky.
"Is that what you want?"
His voice grew louder and then the tears began to flow yet again.
"Do you want that your sons and daughters kill each other?! If that's what you want then you have done a good job! Castiel is dead! And it seems you don't even care you bloody bastard!"
The last words were lost in sobs and Dean buried his face in his hands and let the sadness out of himself.
Whether God had heard him or not, he didn't care.
God didn't care for any of them.
Not even for his own sons and daughters...
The hunter was crying and sobbing, and he not even realized that the rain had subsided and that a solitary sunbeam broke through the clouds.
He kept his face hidden in his hands and let the tears flow.
That in this very moment two bright blue eyes opened, he didn't realize.
When something touched his arm, the hunter nearly jumped out of his skin and he immediately jerked his head up and looked to the side...and more tears made their way down his cheeks.
But this time they were not filled with sadness...
"Dean..."
He couldn't believe it.
Not even when Castiel gave him a weak smile and when his eyes opened wider.
"You're alive..." Dean whispered softly, but the angel had nevertheless understood him.
"Yes...I am alive..."
God had thus nevertheless listened...