Chapter 7

In less than four weeks it'll be Christmas and I didn't have any classes this Monday because I chose to take a leave of absece today to clear my mind. And meet Remus and Sirius later, of course.

So in Ginny's absence –and the lack of something better to do– I decided to start decorating the house but my mind wasn't with me.

I swallowed, feeling both guilty and not guilty at the same time. It was Remus' and Sirius' fault, really. They made me do it. Well, it wasn't like they were both standing in the changing rooms screaming "do it, Harry, do it, do it, do it!" but they were the ones putting the thought in my head.

The changing room is forever changed now. And to be honest, I'm not at all sorry about that. Not at all.

I don't remember taking my clothes off but when I approached him I was naked. If you have to ask me who "he" is then you've lived under a rock these past few months. There has only been one "he" in my life for all this time.

Draco.

His hair was wet and slicked to his skull, small water droplets swam over his pale, exposed skin. I watched them travel from his slender neck, between his shoulderblades, down his back and over his well defined arse. I licked my lips.

He was skinny, but fit. I walked towards him but he didn't hear me come. I put my hand on his shoulder, he almost jumped out of surprise until his eyes met mine. Our eyes formed some secret alliance and agreed on something neither me nor Draco was consious about.

I used my second hand to turn him around and looked at him in all of his naked glory. His skin was glistening and I dragged both of my hands down his shoulders and smoothed his wet chest.

Draco stumbled backwards, perhaps out of surprise. At least I hope so as my hands continued their journey on his body. There was something quite erotic about touching another man in the showers. When both of us were naked.

I went closer, finally getting that damn kiss I've been wanting for God knows how long. His eyes were gleaming like gemstones again and I knew in that moment that this was where I was supposed to be.

My hands went up to his shoulders again and I tilted my head slightly, watching him do the same just before I closed my eyes.

And then I kissed him.

Finally.

His lips was soft and wet, it felt like everything around us just died away. Disappeared. It was like the apocalypse had happened and that the two of us were the only survivors. It was beautiful. Like the sun that sets, like the northern lights, like the smile of a loved one and like the gleaming, gemstone like, grey eyes I'll never forget.

It was like magic. Like a spell or a curse or a jinx that made everything for once make sense. Make me feel like I was finally home.

I felt a tongue tickle my upper lip and I gasped inside his mouth, feeling a tongue work its way inside me. All I knew was that I never wanted that moment to end.

It was a beginning but also an end. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. It took away all of my selfcontrol and the way I saw myself.

But it was worth it. It will always be worth it.

I felt the tongue explore every centimeter of my mouth and I pushed him back so that he would be resting against the wall.

His lips left mine as he breathed a curse. "Fuck", he gasped, reaching behind to stroke his back. I chuckled.

Draco sent me a pointed look. "Oh, maybe I should just push you against one of these metalthings and see how you like it", he exclaimed dramatically making me laugh.

I went closer to him and put my mouth just by his ear. "You can push me up against anything if you want", I said and then I licked the inside of his ear making him cringe.

When I stepped back a bit to look at him he first looked extremely surprised but then he smirked at me. I took it upon myself to make it my duty to wipe that smirk off his face.

My hands found their way lower on his body which was still soaking wet and as I looked down I catched my breath.

His cock was pink and thick. I witnessed it growing thicker and longer as I stroked the skin just above it, on his lower stumach. I heard him catch his breath and I didn't hesitate before I took hold of his cock and started working on the head of it. He gasped and I took his beautiful lips back to mine.

I felt the pulse of his thickening, hardening cock in my hand and as i stroke it I felt my own respond to the movement. I started twirling my fingers around the head of his cock, he moaned occasionally and I looked up to watch him as he'd come in my hand.

He didn't.

Draco grabbed my wrist and when I looked at him and the expression of his face I could have fallen to the floor or something!

His eyes were sparkling with mischief and challenge and his mouth was once again a smirk.

I didn't have time to ask him what he was about to do until he had me pinned against a wall and kissed me again. This time it was a lot more passionate and erotic and I could swear I couldn't think straight. Which I have to say was a good thing.

He could have done whatever he wanted with my body from that moment on, I could feel it. He was undoing me in a way I've never been undone before.

The lips and tongue that was working on my mouth left for my neck, massaging the pulse point. I tilted my head to expose as much skin for him as I could. He took it for just a second before he worked lower on my body, kissing and sucking a path down.

My head tilted backwards, resting against the wall, my lips slightly opened, gasping, moaning as my cock was surrounded by a wet mouth. Draco's tongue was stroking the underside of my cock and I felt it respond to his movements. My cock throbbed and pulsed and thickened after his touch.

He swallowed me, my breathing fastened and hitched in my throat. My heart beated faster and faster and faster until I thought I would faint simply because my heart was beating so fast. My hips started shaking, wanting me to move but I couldn't. Draco's lips were pushed tightly around the length of my cock and he licked the head. I moaned.

I would have done this earlier if I knew it would feel like this. I felt two wet hands drag over my hips and to my arse. Fingers starting working inside me as he continued sucking the part of me that was still in his mouth. My hips shot out just a bit and I gasped again, my whole body tingling.

Draco's lips left my cock and I made a noise of protest, my head still resting against the wall.

"Crouch down", he said and my back slided down of its own accord until I was crouched down against the wall. I heard a sound and then the water was running again, streaming over my body, making me wetter and warmer.

I kept my eyes closed and felt a hand stroking the skin on my stumach and chest and a mouth once again on my neck. His kisses weren't like fireworks or electricity because describing them is as impossible as finding the gold by the end of the rainbow.

Two fingers worked to open me from behind again as the blond head went back to my cock.

I was fricking fucked from two sides now! A third finger slipped inside me and the fingers massaged my prostate as the mouth quickened its pace.

And as fast as it had started it had ended. Now I know how it feels to drag my hand through his soft, blonde hair as I came in his mouth. The reality was nothing like the fantasy at all. And not even a flashback or a memory could bring back the intensity and beauty that was in the showers at my workplace.

Do you remember when I described an orgasm for you, that it felt like everything goes black for a while and then everything would become clear as if seeing it for the first time. It really was like waking up for me, I had had a man giving me a blow-job while fucking my arse with his fingers.

The most scary thing about it wasn't that I enjoyed it. It was the fact that I wanted and looked forward to doing it again. Or even doing more than that. It was scary because I had a wife and I was straight and I love girls. I've always loved girls.

It was scary because for the first time in my life I realise it's a lie. Society has given me an image of how it was supposed to be and would I make my parents happy if I didn't turn out to be the way I was supposed to be? Not to say that I would have been kicked out of the Dursley's house because I was a freak. A fairy. A fag. A poof. Bent. Gay. Homosexual. Alien. Weird. Freak.

But I am both all of these things and none. I am not defined because I like something more then something else. You can define me if you want to. The Weasley's are going to hate me for this. I married a woman I could never love because that's what I was supposed to have done. No one ever told me I could have been with a man. They all told me that me and Ginny was meant to be together and I beleived it.

It's my fault then, isn't it? I should have known. I should have realised earlier that maybe, just maybe I was in love with the idea of Ginny. The idea that someone loved me for the first time in my life and I took advantage of it. Someone liked me in a none platonic way. Someone wanted to wake up next to me, to hug me, to kiss me, to fuck me. And I let her.

I married a woman and had sex with a man. I married my best friend's sister and cheated on her with the caterer of our wedding. I have to tell her and I have to leave her if my conscience can ever be cleared. I had sex with a man and if I want to do it again I can't have a wife.

I want to do it again.

"What have you been up to?" I asked as I sat down next to the small boy with the game boy. He turned his big hazelgreen eyes to me with a look of wonder on his face.

"You came back!", he announced happily and I felt some kind of urge to drag my hand through his hair to mess it up. I smiled at him reassuringly instead.

"That's what I said, Teddy, is it not?"

He nodded, still looking surprised and happy. "Most that tell me that, don't come back", he said and I felt the pang in my chest that I had felt the last I met him.

Teddy was a sweet boy, I really believe that but most people want a younger child if they adopt, and five is too old.

"How are your parents?" Teddy asked and looked at Sirius and Remus who both spoke to the woman in charge, probably about Natalia.

"You mean the two men over there?" I asked and Teddy nodded. "The man with the long, dark hair is my Godfather and the other man is his partner", I answered. The boy would probably not know what kind of partner I was referring to since he was only five but I felt that it was a smarter choice in words then to call him Sirius' "friend". I wonder what Remus would have said about that.

"Harry are you done?" a voice from behind me asked and I turned around to see the two men suddenly standing behind me. "Oh, hello there", Sirius said as he noticed the small boy next to me. "I'm Sirius", he said and waved a little and Teddy did the same.

"And I'm Remus", Remus said. Teddy turned his head to look intently at the man before him and furrowed his brows.

"Mrs Peggs told me my dad's Remus, too", Teddy said and I dragged my hand up and down his tiny back in confort.

Remus looked a bit shocked but Sirius' expression was the shocking one. He looked almost concerned. "It's quite an unusual name and is only fitting for the brave and kind men", Remus smiled at Teddy.

"And what's your mom's name, may I ask?" Sirius asked kindly and smiled at the small boy. A smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Nym'adora", Teddy answered and I saw something I couldn't place flicker in Sirius' eyes before he strode away. A couple of seconds later I noticed Remus closing his eyes and cursing to himself before he followed his partner out the door.

"I think I have to go now, Teddy, but I'll be back again. I promise", I said and dragged my hand up and down his small, fragile body once again before I stood to meet up with the two men outside.

What waited for me was not quite what I had expected.

"I can explain", I heard Remus say in a stern and frustrated voice. Sirius was a couple of paces before him, apperently not wanting to take the car home and instead walking.

"Good! Then explain to me how, when we had a fall out, you decided to have sex with my cousin!?"

Oh.

Oh!

Realisation dawned on me. Teddy's hazelgreen eyes had looked so familiar to me bacause I had seen them before!

"You're Teddy's father!" I said just a tad too loud. Remus turned around and looked schocked as he stared at me. "You are, aren't you?"

"Yes", he admitted. "But I didn't know she was pregnant! I didn't know I had a child, like I've been trying to tell you!" he yelled at Sirius.

"Like that's what I'm mad about!" he screamed while gesticulating with his arms. "I leave and you fuck my cousin. You fucked my female cousin, Remus! And she gave you a child! You know I've hated the fact that I couldn't do that for you and Dora already had!"

And then Sirius quickened his pace and walked further away from us. When Remus made to follow him I grabbed his arm to stop him.

"He'll come around. All he needs is space and time to think", I said and Remus looked down to the ground in defeat. "Shall I go in and fetch Natalia for you?" I asked but Remus shook his head.

"Mrs Peggs told us we can't have her until tomorrow", he responded and then we went to the car and drove to the downtown to Christmas shop in complete silence.

I was quite proud as I stepped into the house and noticed all of the Christmas decorations I hadn't remembered putting up.

Santas and Christmas Villages and reindeers and you name it was everywhere. I didn't even know we had that much stuff, if I'm frank with you.

I put down my shopping bags of things I'm giving people as Christmas presents. I think Hemrione would have been extremely proud that I have gone Christmas shopping more then the same week as Christmas, as I usually do.

"Harry is that you?" I heard a voice shout at me and I think it took me a couple of seconds too long before I realised who it was.

"Ginny!" I shouted back with a smile. Taking off my shoes and jacket and walking to the livingroom with the shoppingbags to greet her.

I remembered what I promised myself I'd do earlier today. I had to tell her about Draco and what had gone down the other day. She was my wife which gave her the rigth to know. It made me sad, though, to know that the way I've loved her has never been enough. I haven't loved her as fully as I should have simply because I couldn't.

I had to tell her. As fast as I see her the words need to leave my mouth or I know they never will.

And so I walked thorugh the door to the livingroom and opened my mouth to speak.

"What did you think of the game?" she asked me and I froze. She sat on the sofa in her pyjamas and a cup of tea, her hair pulled up in a pony tail.

I had completely forgotten that I had a game I was supposed to have watched.

Brilliant.

"Fuck, Ginny, I'm sorry I forgot", was probably the thing I should have said. But it wasn't.

"Yeah, of course! It was great, you played so good!" I said, hoping she wouldn't see right through me.

Ginny put her cup of tea down on the sofa table and then turned to look straight at me.

"You didn't watch it, did you?" she said calmly, disappointment evident in both her voice and her posture. I smiled weakly and sadly at her, shaking my head.

"No, I'm sorry I forgot", I said.

"It's okay", she answered and tried a reassuring smile. "As long as it doesn't happen again Harry James Potter". I laughed, she sounded like a mixture of herself, her mother and of Hermione.

"Look, Harry", she continued. "I know something's been up with you that you're not telling me about and it's okay. We all have times when we're not at our best and marriages are supposed to grow stronger from these times. All we have to do is promise each other we'll work this out. I know I haven't been the best wife to you lately and I hope you know you haven't been on your best behavior towards me either. All I'm saying is that I will not give up on us", she said. "Promise me you won't give up either".

"I promise", I said, feeling my throat thicken and my heart clench. I didn't have the gut to tell her no, ezpescially not when she looked at me with those hopeful, brown eyes.

I had married her, promised her that I would stay with her until death would do us apart. How could I not honor that promise. Because I knew inside me that choosing Draco was selfish, I wanted him but I stayed with Ginny because she wanted me and loved me. I couldn't be selfish so I only had one thing to do.

And so I never went back to Muggle's.

(A/N) Hope you enjoyed this weeks chapter!

Tell me what you like/dislike or what you'd like to see(read) in the future! I'm flexible

/: Zirijava