Chapter 8

Just a couple of weeks until Christmas. I have completely avoided the café and I had asked a coworker to take my Saturday-after-lunch private lesson the other day. Everything to make sure my head would stay on track. Without any distraction.

I had Ginny. I loved Ginny and that had to be enough. The images I would see and the feelings my body would stubbornly fill me with, everytime I stepped into the lockerroom at the end of my day didn't seem to agree.

No matter what excuses or reasons I tell myself, they are all lies! I want more than what happend a week ago. Which I should have understood as I found myself spending my lunch searching different forums to find out how two guys have sex and found myself reading about how it feels to "bottom".

A man wrote that his first time bottoming felt like he just wanted to pee. For those of you who doesn't know what bottoming is it is basically when a man gets something up his arse, a finger or two, a tongue, a dildo or any other sex toy or a cock. It scared me a bit to think about that, having a cock in my arse, it seems to me like it would hurt a great bit because I'm not used to it. If there was one thing all these men agreed on, it was that it felt good. It hurt a bit before you have done it a couple of times but when you're used to it the sensations are phenomenal.

Before anyone takes it upon themselves to ask; no, I did not spend my entire lunch break in my closed off office thinking about having gay sex with a blonde, gorgeous gay man or touch myself thinking about having gay sex with said man. I will deny that. Though I am not certain why anyone would think such a thing to start with.

"You have to lower your balance, spread your legs just a bit more and bend your knees so you don't hurt yourselves", I told my class of beginners. I had just taught them how to tie their belt.

"But Mr. Potter! If I spread my legs further I'd fall", Jonathan squeaked. He was indeed right.

"When I told you to spread your legs, I didn't mean that you should do the split", I said with the quite common urge to facepalm.

Just a couple of more minutes, I told myself. Just a couple of more minutes and then you're free for the rest of the day. Or night as it happened to be.

It was a messy lesson that day. I am usually quite good with the kids but lately I've only been seeing Teddy's face in them and that made me remember Sirius' and Remus' present quarrel about the boy. I haven't seen the two men since then.

"Have a good day, sir", a girl called Natasha said before she followed the rest of the students to the lockerrooms to change. The boys to the left and the girls to the right.

"Yes, have a good day", a voice from behind me said and i felt my whole body go stiff because damn, have I tried hard not to think about this. To avoid this. To make sure it wouldn't happen and I built up my defenses and walls I didn't know I had to stay away and to save myself from my own want.

I built up my defenses as high as I could so that when I turned around, looked him straight in the eye, I could tell him to go, to leave as if that's what I actually wanted.

"Draco", I said and nodded to the blond man in greeting. I didn't look into his grey eyes since I knew that would be the death of, not only my defenses, but me. "Have a good day, too". And then I turned around again, put everything that was used in the lesson –which was too little– to take my mind off the man behind me.

I pretended he wasn't there, that maybe he had grown tired of me and left already, he was that quiet. But what was I supposed to say if he'll ask me where I've been? Why I made my coworker take his appointment or why I hadn't gone to Muggle's with Remus or Sirius lately. Why I had stayed away from him.

"Why?" was the only thing he asked. Just a simple "why" as if it was the easiest question in the world for me to answer. Why?

Why did I stay away? Why did I ignore him and have someone else teach him defense? Why couldn't I look into his eyes when I greeted him just a couple of minutes before?

"Because I was scared", I mumbled aloud.

"What?" he asked and my face went red, not because I had to admit it twice but because I didn't realise I had, not only admitted it to him but also to myself, the first time.

"Because I was scared", I repeated, a tad bit louder. My back was still turned to him.

I walked towards my office, as if fleeing from the scene of the crime. He was the crime and I am a criminal for tasting and trying what was forbidden for me. I cheated and no matter what I've done or what I'll do that won't change. I am a cheater. I've always been known for my talent of breaking rules.

"Why were you scared?" he asked before he closed the door to my office. I didn't trust myself to be alone in a closed off space with him. It called for catastophy, for disaster, for me.

He came towards me, I still had my back to him as if to tell myself he wasn't really there. It was like toxic, a drug that if –when– I'll take it, just the smallest bite, an eyeful, and I'll be in ruins. My defenses will lie shattered on the floor and I'll want more. As if I won't be content with anything but him and the feeling that fill my senses.

His hand was placed on my shoulder and that contact made me shiver, made me want to lean backwards so that my back rested against his chest, so that I felt his breath against my neck. I didn't let myself do that.

"Why were you scared?" he repeated the question and I breathed shakily, filling my nose with his smell of apple and cologne. I swallowed.

"Because", I began but coughed, as if my throat didn't want me to make excuses anymore. My breathing went uneven and deep as if the room suddenly was devoid of air.

"Because", I tried again. "I can't...", I began but his smell and presence made every coherent thought in my head disappear. If only he knew what he did to me. "Because I can't do this", I said breathlessly and fast, praying that he heard me because I didn't know if I could do it again.

"What do you mean you can't?" he asked, sounding a bit stiff.

I swallowed. "I'm married", I said.

Draco's laugh was tragic, devoid of any emotion, it was empty, unmeaningful. "Well, Mr. Stating the Obvious, you have always been married", he said and I closed my eyes in defeat, because his words made me feel dirty and ashamed. "It still didn't bother you the other night", he finished.

"That was different", I said and opened my eyes slowly, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves because he was still too close.

He moved quickly, turned me around to face him and I found myself staring into the only thing I told myself to avoid.

The grey eyes were gleaming but sad. Empty. I felt a sudden urge to turn them into gemstones again. To make them gleam with joy. As if that was the sole purpose of my life.

"Then tell me to go! Tell me you want me to lea-"

I kissed him. Hard. My whole body melted into him and it was like everything I was, was thrown out the window. Like my body was going on autopilot.

He kissed me back, tongues meeting urgently. Desperately. It was like if they'd stop they'd cease to exist. As if this was the reason for their whole existence.

My lips left his and I started kissing and biting the spot where his neck met his shoulder. Draco tilted his head to the side to give me full access to his neck. I closed my eyes to bury myself in the sensations of him.

Draco moaned and it was the most beautiful and erotic sound I've ever heard in my entire life.

I slipped my hands under his shirt and his breathing went ragged in that moment. His stumach and chest felt so soft and warm it filled me with the urge to examine all of him to see if all of him was that soft and warm.

In one movement Draco pulled the shirt off over his head, forcing me to break the contact between my lips and his neck, and then he captured my mouth in another desperate kiss. Hands working on my tied belt.

He turned us around so that he held me positioned to the door and kept kissing me passionately. Draco kissed me in a way Ginny never had, all the want and the need and the lust. I don't know if I've ever felt this wanted.

As hands were working on my belt, I started working on his buttons. The only coherent thought my brain could give me was "more skin", as if that was the only thing that meant something, that was important. It wasn't wrong.

When I had opened his flies completely I used my hands to pull them down beneath his knees. Draco had just finished untying my belt and was slipping his hands across my chest to my arms. The top of my karateuniform fell to the floor unnoticed. Hands were examining my chest, arms and stomach. I found I was losing myself more and more to the sensation of his touch.

Before I knew it my legs were wrapped around his waist, trousers and pants in a forgotten pile on the floor with my top.

I had two fingers opening me from behind as his mouth was working on undoing me by kissing my neck and then higher. His tongue and teeth teasing that sensitive spot right behind my ear making me shiver.

His fingers left my arsehole and a sound left my lips.

"Are you okay?" Draco asked, his whole body going stiff.

I opened my eyes and looked straight into his worried, grey orbs and smiled a secret, tiny smile at him.

"Yes", I said and looked down at his beautiful red, kiss-swollen lips. "More than okay actually". I kissed him, slowly but deep which turned deeper and more intense quite quickly.

The only thing that went through my head as I felt his cock thrust inside my arsehole was "I am going to bottom."

It felt weird, I'm telling you that. To suddenly have something enter a place where you're not used to having something. I think some people would call me a girl for this but I don't care. In that moment I was just drowning in the sensation that was Draco's mouth, tongue and cock.

With every thrust he hit a place inside me that I didn't know I had. It made shivers of pleasure erupt through my body making me forget everything but Draco, me and the sensations of his touch. It made me moan in a way I haven't been able to do when fucking a woman. You can't enjoy the pleasure of something while you're working out, which you basically do when you top. When you bottom, however, you can completely drown yourself in the pleasure.

"Potter". My name was uttered in such a shaky breath, that was half a moan and half a whisper, I almost didn't hear it.

"Potter", he said once again, but this time it was more strained and I felt his whole body tensing. He kissed me again, it was a sloppy kiss, as he wrapped his hand around my cock and started getting me off.

"Oh, fuck", I said so breathlessly I'm not sure he could actually hear what I said. On second thought, he had bigger things to handle.

"Oh shit... Oh Jesus...oh fuck! Harry".

He came inside me and just a second later I came in his hand, hard. I think I uttered his name as I came but I'm not sure.

I came home to a dark and silent house. I put my bag with my karate uniform in the hallway as I took off my shoes. It was late and I knew that. It was later than usual and Ginny was probably already in bed sleeping or out in a late jog.

Draco had left the building when I was supposed to shower, he said he had to get back somewhere but I couldn't hear it.

I undressed from my outside garments, picked up my bag again and started walking towards mine and Ginny's room.

When I passed the kitchen I thought I saw the shadow of a candlelight, which was odd since Ginny is very careful about blowing them out before going to sleep.

That's when I heard the music that stopped me in my tracks.

She was actually awake.

I walked into the kitchen, bag still in hands. The table was decorated with a red cloth, china, wine glasses and burning candles. Some sort of orchestra was playing in the background from Ginny's computer that was positioned on the bench next to the fridge.

Ginny looked at me nervously but happily too. She looked like she was bursting with happiness but also out of carefulness. As if she was worried.

She smiled a small, beautiful smile at me that made my heart skip a beat.

"You're late", she said and my throat went tight because she had been waiting for me, and cooked for me, from the looks of it.

"One of my students had some questions for me", I lied. "What have you cooked?" I asked and sat down opposite her.

"I made some paella", she said and her smile made her whole body glow. She started filling both our plates with the dish and I could almost taste it on my tongue.

"It smells wonderful", I said, reached for her hand and squeezed it for a moment while sending her the best smile that I could, which was obviously fake. My heart wasn't with it.

"I have to tell you something", she said and put down her fork and looked down at her plate. I put mine down too, halfway to my mouth and looked at her questioningly.

"Do you want some wine?" She asked and filled my glass with the red liquid before I could accept or decline. I raised it to take a sip.

Her own glass was filled with water which she downed in one go.

"I'm pregnant", she said so fast I almost didn't understand it. But I did and it made me freeze, thankful I hadn't taken a mouthful of wine instead of the sip. Ginny would never have forgotten the stains.

"What?" I asked even though I knew what she had said, I just couldn't believe it. I don't even remember the last time we had sex, for crying out loud! It was probably that one time a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not sure.

"I'm pregnant", she said and smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen her smile. It was like she was happy, truly happy.

"Oh my God, Ginny!" I almost screamed and rose from my chair. "That's amazing", I added and kissed her on her forehead because a kiss on the mouth would be harder. As if pretending to be happy about my wife being pregnant wasn't enough.

"So what are you doing this thursday?" she asked, her brown eyes gleaming, sparkling as they looked into mine. I would've paid a great price to find out what she saw in my green orbs. Did she see betrayal, a cheater, a scumbag, loser, idiot? Did she see me? The way I felt , did she see my lies? Could she see through me? I prayed to God she couldn't as much as I prayed that she could. I wanted an easy out.

"Why?" I asked and she tilted her head slightly to the side.

"The first doctor's appointment", she said, her smile turning just a tad nervous or careful and it made me wonder why. "Do you want to go?"

"God, Ginny! Of course I want to go. This is brilliant, it truly is!" Not.

She sighed in relief. "You really think so?" she asked and her eyes turned into the nightsky. I nodded.

"Absolutely". I kissed her once more on the forehead before I went back to eatingthe paella she cooked. The chicken, because we eat it with chicken, was a little too dry and the rice was just a tad too overcooked. I didn't let her know that though.

The alarm clock rang at half past seven the next day for Ginny to get ready to get to the local supermarket. For the first time in my life I went up the same time as she did. She wasn't that loud this morning, it was like finding out she was pregnant made her more careful and calm.

We had a nice morning, I made her breakfast and drove her to the downtown. She asked me if I could get her a coffee.

I made up my mind too quickly for my own liking.

"I'll be back soon", I told her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before I left the car.

It was cold outside and it seemed fitting somehow. If I was going to do this it had to be done with class and confidence. I felt quite proud of myself that I was going to his cafe to say it. He will understand.

The shop was warm as I stepped inside. I was filled with the smell of chocolate, biscuits and coffee. It was a smell and an atmosphere that I had grown accustomed to.

"Harry", the voice said a bit surprised, and it brought me back to my office where the same voice uttered my name as he came inside me and I was fucked against the door.

It was odd to hear him call me "Harry" when we weren't intimate. When we were just two people, the cashier and the costumer.

He smiled a secret smile at me, his eyes glowing and I smiled back at him. I had a sudden urge to kiss him in front of everyone and not care about my wife waiting in the car outside. I wanted to kiss that smile, being proud that it had replaced his smirk.

"Hello, Draco", I said and smiled professionally at him. "I want a black coffee and a cappuccino, please", I added as if I were just another costumer ordering coffee after eight.

Draco looked at me a bit taken aback.

"Tired this morning, I s'ppose", he said as he noted my order on the cashing machine.

"What?" I asked. He looked up from the machine to look at me with teasing eyes and an equally teasing smile.

He told me the price and I handed him the money. "You ordered two coffees, or had you planned on giving one of them to someone special?" he joked, eyes twinkling and the smirk was back.

"Yeah actually", I said and he chuckled.

"But I like the latte more", he said and started setting off working on the coffees.

"Well, I know, but it's for Ginny", I said.

He froze for a couple of seconds before he returned to the coffees.

"Everything going well between you then, I presume?" he asked, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. Maybe he hoped I would tell him that... Actually I have no idea what he could hope to hear me say about Ginny and my relationship other than it not going well.

"She's pregnant", I said and the paper cup containing the black coffee fell to the floor. The liquid poured out from the damaged cup and smeared out on the floor while Draco just stood completely frozen.

"Are you okay", I asked him, staring at his back, hoping he had't accidentally burned himself.

His trans was broken as he turned around to face me. Draco picked up the cup from the floor and threw it at me.

"Get the fuck out!" He screamed, his eyes big, bright and red. His jaw tense and his nostrils flared. He looked at me as if he would've murdered me if he could.

"I've always been married", I whispered to keep the privacy of our conversation . "It still didn't bother you the other night". I repeated the same thing he had told me yesterday. It seemed to make him even angrier.

"Fuck you!" he spat.

"You'd like that wouldn't you", I yelled back, feeling my own temper rising. Suddenly our conversation wasn't private anymore.

"You're choosing her, aren't you", he said. It wasn't a question, just a mere statement. I ran my hand over my face and through my hair.

"I'm sorry but this has to stop", I whispered, leaning towards him. We had already attracted the attention of the few costumers that were already in the shop. "Let us please act like adults in this so please calm down."

"You're telling me to act like an adult? You were the one telling me your wife is pregnant over a cup of coffee, literally over a cup off coffee!"

"Maybe it wasn't as smart a plan as I thought but..."

"No it wasn't."

Draco had calmed down now and I had, too. Obviously it hadn't gone fairly as well as I had hoped it would.

"If you tell me this has to stop, then when you go, don't expect me to take you back when you feel like it", he said, as if I was the one going to his workplace to fuck him against the door to his office.

"Give me my order and then you won't have to see me again", I said and sent him a reassuring smile.

(A/N) Hope you enjoyed! Do you think I should do a chapter from Draco's point of view some time in the future? Please leave a comment, I read all!

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday and will have an amazing New Year and I'll see you in 2k16!