Chapter 9

"What do you think about Elsa, if it's a girl?"

"I don't know, I've always planned on naming my daughter Lily", I answered. "You know after my mother".

Me and Ginny were waiting in the waiting room in the hospital for our appointment, I found the sofas to be quite comfortable but Ginny didn't seem to agree. She had spent the last couple of minutes complaining about her arse falling asleep and such. The only subject we could talk about that put her mind away from her numbing arse was our child.

I was going to be a father.

Remus had lent me one of his cardigans to show his support. He told me he had worn the same cardigan when he and Sirius were to meet Natalia for the first time. And after that Remus was silent, the thought probably made him think about something sad.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention. Remus came knocking on our door two days ago, wanting to stay the night. He told me that Sirius wanted to be alone and Remus wanted to give him space, to sort things out alone and that when he was ready Remus would be happy to come home. It's been almost two weeks now since Sirius and Remus found out about Teddy. I haven't asked Remus what he is planning to do with Teddy now that he knows he has a son. A biological son.

I haven't asked yet. It feels like the two men needs their time, I guess old people need to be alone for a bit, as well. To get away form everything.

Remus spends the days in our livingroom knitting. He told me he's already graded all of his class' assignments and I told him I didn't know he was a teacher. "Evening courses", he told me.

"Yeah, I know. But what if we get three girls, we can't call them all Lily. You know poeple will start calling them the 'free Lilies' when they go to school", she joked with her playful smile making her whole body glow. I squeezed her hand and placed it on my lap, laying my second hand above it, too.

"We will not have three children in one go", I told her. "Espescially not with the same name". She turned her head and smiled at me, that beautiful, secret smile we used to give one another a lot back in the day. It didn't make me feel the way it used to, but I rather not think about it. I rather not think at all.

"So, we'll name one Lily and one Elsa. Deal?"

I chuckled. "Deal, but what about the third?"

"Maybe we shouldn't name the third. Have her running around nameless, that'd be kind of fun", she smirked. It was a look that didn't fit her that well, as well as the fact that it only reminded me of someone else. Someone I've tried to forget.

I told myself to stop thinking, again.

"What about Hedwig?" I asked. "It's a nice name, I used to call the pigeon in the park Hedwig. I used to feed her the crumbs from my lunch sandwich everytime I..."

"A pigeon? Pigwidgeon! That will be the third name", Ginny announced gleefully. "Lily, Elsa and Pigwidgeon! We can even call her Piggy, isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard?"

"Piggy?!" I asked exasperated and stared at my wife. "You weren't okay with 'free lilies' but 'Piggy'! I feel terribly sorry for that girl's future. No one should be called Piggy, it's a nasty nickname."

"Hey, sometimes the nickname is better than the real name", Ginny responded, using her free hand to slap me on my shoulder lightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry Ginevra, I didn't mean to... You know what? What if two are girls and one is a boy, huh?"

"Then he'd be James, after your father, or he could be Vernon, after your uncle", she joked, or at least I hoped she was joking.

"I am not naming my son after Vernon Dursley!"

She just laughed at me.

"Oh, but why not? He may not have been the nicest to you growing up but he always kept you out of harms way, didn't he? He protected you." Okay I don't know if she's joking or not anymore.

"You have to be bloody mental! There is no way I'd name a child after a man that has been nothing but cruel to me my entire life", I told her but she just chuckled and waved a bit with her free hand.

"Of course I'm joking, I'm not insane, Harry, it's my child too, remember? You're child is also my child, unless we adopt but I can't see that happening", she said and I was instantly reminded of Teddy. I wonder what'll happen to him now that he isn't an orphan anymore. Will Remus and Sirius take him in, he is Remus's biological child after all, it's more than his right to do so.

All I can imagine is Teddy's happy face when he realise that when Sirius and Remus tell him "I'll be back" it is always going to come true. People won't leave him again, he won't be alone. That thought made me smile to myself. I really hope Remus and Sirius will work things out, if not for the sake of their relationship then for Teddy. I've come to grow quite fond of that child, if I had thought me and Ginny were ready to have a child I'd ask her if we could adopt him.

"Mr and Mrs Potter, you may come in now", a voice called.

Oh right. I am having a child. Me and Ginny are having a child. I'm going to be a father. Are we ready for this? Am I ready for this? It scared me because I didn't know the answer.

"I usually have the first prenatal visit when the one carrying the child is 8 weeks pregnant. For you I'm making an exception since you didn't know how far along you are, and because there's just a couple of days before Christmas and I didn't want Father Christmas to think I'm naughty", the obstetrician told us. He was an old man in a white coat, his hair was grey and thin.

Wonder if he actually believes in Father Christmas or if he's only joking. I can't tell.

"Wait. You said 'the one carrying the child', you mean the woman, don't you?" I asked as Ginny took a seat on the hospital bed.

The obstetrician gave me a stern look as if what I asked was the most common or stupid question he has ever heard.

"The carrier doesn't have to be female, there have been cases when a man have been pregnant. Even though he was a man with ovaries he was still pregnant", the man answered before turning back to Ginny.

"Yeah, but wasn't he born female?" I asked. The old man ignored me.

"Mrs Potter, you may lay down."

Ginny obeyed. She laud down flat on her back on the hospital bed and I went to sit by the wall on one of the visitor's chairs so as not to interrupt.

"The husbands usually hold their wives hands while doing this", the obstitrician said before turning to me. "Or maybe you're her father, I wouldn't know".

Damn Ginny for laughing at that. I do not look that old.

I went to stand next to Ginny, just like the man had said I should, and held her hand.

We waited a couple of minutes, the man (I'm tired of saying his titel, it's too complicated...) had asked us –Ginny– some questions about our sexlife and didn't let me answer. Just imagine a fifty plus man talking about your sexlife with your wife... I mean, I will have nightmares for months, honestly. He seemed all too interested, if you ask me.

I think I'm going to be sick. I just know I wouldn't be able to stand it if he was going to start to talking to us about his sexlife.

Brilliant, Harry, now you are sick.

Stop. Imagining. That.

"I don't think his body can be that agile", a voice in my head said and it sounded surprisingly much like Hermione, or maybe Ginny. I blushed when I realized what I had just thought and shook my head.

What did I say about stop thinking?

Then we heard it. The heartbeats. It was soft and very, very silent, at first I thought I had imagined it but then it came again. And again, and again.

Ginny started tearing up, squeezing my hand and I squeezed back.

"It's our kid, Harry! Can you believe it?" Thick tears started streaming her face and she smiled as bright, big and beautiful as I've ever seen her. I felt myself tearing up a bit, even though it still didn't feel real. It felt as though I was dreaming, and no one was nice enough to wake me up.

I wonder what I would wake up to if this actually was a dream. Would I wake up with Ginny there from the beginning of our relationship just so I could break things off with her before things got complicated. Or maybe I'd find myself in bed with a man.

The man –or doctor or whatever– had got the little televisionlike box set up so that we could, not only hear but actually see our kid! Of course most of you are already familiar with this, I, however, am not.

"Do you want to learn the gender of your child?" the man asked.

"Yes", Ginny said at the same time as I said "no". She turned to look at me with confused eyes and a furrowed brow, as if waiting for me to explain myself.

"I don't think we should", I told her and tried to sound and look as confident as I could muster. "Our child won't know who their parents are before they meet us, it's only fair", I reasoned. Ginny looked like she wanted to argue with me but then she bit her lower lip and nodded.

"Fine", she said. "But I decide on the middle name".

I chuckled. "Deal".

"Do I look old?" I asked Ginny when we were in the car on our way home.

"No," she said and I could she was trying no to sound amused. The question had been nagging me form the back of my mind since we left the office.

We found out that Ginny was six or seven weeks pregnant and due in August. We are going to have a summerchild, just like the two of us. The summer family, we will be. Me the 31st of July and Ginny the 11th of August. And our little kid in August, too.

I am going to be a dad, a thought that still hasn't become real to me, even after our first parental visit. Maybe I need a couple more before I believe it. I just hope I will have realized it before Ginny's in labour.

"Seriously, Ginny. Be honest, do I or do I not?"

"Yes".

"Yes, what?" I ask, confused.

She sighed. "Yes, you look older than you are since you dress like an old man, no modern man wears cardigans", she said.

"Remus do", I responded with a smirk.

"Yes he does and he is old, so he has a valid reason for it"

He was also waiting in the kitchen for us to come home. He had made some lasagna which smelled absolutely flawless and I felt my mouth watering just by the smell.

"How was it?" he asked, his face was flushed like it has been since he knocked on the door a couple of days ago. I can see that he is faking his smile to be polite. I understand how it must be for him, losing the one he loves, his other half or whatever they say. Not being wanted at his own house, their home.

"It was great, we got to hear their heartbeat and even see them", I said and my face broke into a wide grin. "It was brilliant".

"I'm glad to hear it. So you didn't want to know the gender, I presume", he said and tilted his head a bit to the side, he suddenly had a dreamy look on his face.

"No", I said. "We agreed not to."

Remus nodded to me. "I see", he said. I could tell there was something on the man's mind and I was afraid I had to actually drag it out of him.

I sat down by the table, Ginny was at the bathroom doing who-knows-what. Remus put the lasagna on the table and sat down opposite me.

"Out with it", I said and pushed my glasses up my nose, I'm so used to them now that I hardly even acknowledge them anymore, but sometimes they just want to slid down my nose as if it's a slide.

I heard the other man exhale and when I looked at him he held his head in his hands, elbows on the table.

"It's Christmas in two days", he said and I nodded. A part of me wanted to thank him for stating the obvious or tell him that I can't believe I forgot but I bit my tongue. I could tell he was quite distraught about something so I kept quiet and let him take his time.

Ginny entered the room and sat down next to me.

"What have I missed?" she asked but I just inclined my head towards Remus who still rested his head in his hands.

"If Sirius doesn't want me back by then, could I perhaps...?" he asked the unfinished sentence but I think both Ginny and I understood what he was getting at. It just pains me that he thinks that it's about Sirius not wanting him back.

Seeing Remus like this, as if he's a wall that is about to break but keeps walking, makes me want to take my car to the Black-Lupin house and demand Sirius takes Remus back. It's not that simple, I'm afraid. Sirius has to take his time and no matter how much I want to I can't rush it.

"Of course", I say when I notice neither me nor Ginny has answered him. Remus looked between the two of us with an unsure look on his face.

I turned to Ginny and she stared at me with eyes as unsure as Remus' but I looked back at the man instead.

"Of course, you'll stay with us", I smiled at him reassuringly. "If Sirius doesn't come here, taking you back home then you're of course spending Christmas with us! We are a family now", I announced and Remus chuckled, clearly relieved and started filling my plate with the delicious smelling lasagna.

As if turns out Sirius didn't take Remus back before Christmas and so the three of us found ourselves at the Wealey cottage. Remus was in a deep conversation with Arthur Wealey, Ginny's dad, from the looks of it. It was good that he was socialising, I don't think he's left our house since we let him in, actually.

"Do you think we should tell them?" Ginny asked me. The two of us were seated on the sofa in the living room.

"Who?" I asked. Ginny nodded towards the kitchen where Hermione and Ron were talking with Molly, Ginny's and Ron's mother.

Ron was wearing a red jumper with the letter "R" on it. It was the traditional Weaesley jumper, I bet I'm going to have one, too. Everyone invited will.

"I suppose so", I say. Ginny slap me on my arm so I guess it was the wrong answer, I swear having a wife is like constantly having an autocorrect around. At least for me, Arthur and even Ron someday. When he actually takes the courage to go down on his knees and pop the question, that is. And knowing Ron that might take a while. Or a bit longer than that.

"I mean do you think we should tell them before we tell everyone else. I think we should tell them all over dinner, like a big Christmas surprise. What do you think?" she asks and I'm confused.

"Yeah", I say. It's usually the correct answer.

Or not.

"Will you ever stop hitting me?" I ask, rubbing my hand over my arm, pouting like a little child but she just chuckles. She knows I'm only playing, that tosser.

"Depends. Will you ever listen?" She smirks at me and I look away from her. I am content with everything, it's great. Everything is fine but that facial expression takes it all away. It makes me remember. It demands me to remember. Everything. Every. Single. Thing.

The time in his bathroom, the way his grey eyes were glowing and the way we went closer and closer together in an almost-kiss. Then I remember the hallway in my house, you have no idea how bloody hard it was to go past it after he had been there.

And I remember the way he looked when I found him that night. Ruined. Those three, big, black letters on his forehead that screamed at me. Fag.

I remember the showers at work and it made me shiver and close my eyes. For just a couple of seconds I let myself forget that Ginny was beside me and that we were having a child and that we were in the Weasley cottage with other people. In my head there was just me, Draco and the showers.

He smirked at me, his skin sparkling in all of his naked glory because of the water and then how his face disappeared to between my legs. I moaned, I may even have moaned out loud but I didn't care.

Someone hit me on the arm, again.

"Are you alright?" Ginny asked, looking at me, her eyebrows furrowed.

Well, you know, I have broken things off with my gay lover and now I am yearning for a good shag because as it turns out he can actually fuck me senseless. But well I have a wife and a child on the way so I haven't been able to act on it.

Yeah, as if I could actually tell her the truth. I'm not mental, mind you.

"Stumachache", I lied and her brows shot up to her hairline. "I'll be right back, and then we tell Ron and Hermione together, okay?" I said and kissed her on her forehead before I left for the bathroom.

And now she thinks I'm taking a shit, but well. I'll be undisturbed, won't I...

I undressed the first thing I did, feeling extremely thankful that my cock wasn't completely hardened, it had just begun to. I think I moaned when I touched it while relieving my body off the burden off both trousers and pants.

My eyelids fluttered closed as my fingers wrapped around my cock. His face was there suddenly, out of the blue, his mouth was what closed around my cock, not my hand. My hand was somewhere else, perhaps in his har again. His hair that was blond, almost white and soft and wet and just amazing. I stroked it as his tongue was doing things to me I had forgotten it could. It's been too long.

A moan leaves my lips and I fall to the wall behind me, resting my back against it. His mouth is working faster now, and then teasingly slow, one of his hands is stroking me right between and behind my balls and I shiver.

"Tosser", I hiss and I think he can hear that I'm smiling. He chuckles from down in his throat and it's the most erotic sound I've ever heard. Espescially because of the circumstances.

I moan again and imagine the feel of his skin, the soft, warm, wet skin. I knew from the moment that I touched him that it wasn't an ordinary touch, it's intimate on a whole new level from what I'm used to. From what me and Ginny have. It feels right. It feels like my hands were created for him, to touch him and his for me. His mouth was made to kiss me and to undo me.

"You love it", he says and my smile gets impossibly wide.

"Maybe", I whisper, so that only he can hear. As if we where having a secret conversation, as if our conversation was the only one that mattered. And for me that was the case.

His tongue is licking its way on the underside of my cock and my breath hitch in my throat and my body shivers.

"Tell me you love it", he says and I would curse him for taking advantage of the situation. Just wait, Draco Malfoy, until the tables are turned and I'll make you admit things you didn't even know yourself.

"I love it", I said. It was barely audible, my head was resting against the wall and I swallow. My throat seems dry and I feel like I'm short of breath, as if it's hard to breath.

"I didn't hear you", he says and for a while I wonder how he can do that with his mouth, undoing me while talking. He has more talents than I thought was humanly possible, so it's not like I'm surprised.

"I love it".

"Again".

"Damn it. I love you, happy now!" I asked. When I realised what I had said I opened my eyes to watch his reaction.

It was just me, with my hand on my cock in the bathroom. My wife was sitting in the living room by herself. My pregnant wife, waiting for me to tell our friends that we're expecting a child together.

And I just admitted something I didn't even know myself. Damn you Draco Malfoy!

I slid down the wall, still half undressed, put down my glasses next to me and buried my head in my hands.

Damn you, Draco Malfoy. I thought. Even when I've been avoiding you, you don't disappear, do you? As if it wasn't hard enough as it was.

I sit like that for I don't know how long, for a while I contemplated whether or not I should cry. You know, to just let it all out, all of the emotions. I've heard it's supposed to feel better afterwards.

After an even longer while I rose up, cleaned myself and put on my pants and trousers again. Then I flushed the toilet just in case someone was outside checking on me.

No one was standing outside, as it happens. I guess everyone are still down in the kitchen and living room.

When I get to the living room, Ginny is sitting on the sofa with Ron and Hermione.

"Oh there you are, Harry!" Hermione said when she saw me approaching her. She rose from the sofa and went towards me with open arms and then she hugged me. Tight. I hugged her back.

It has been far too long since I've seen my best friends.

"Happy Christmas", she says and I chuckle. When we break the hug I hold onto her and look into her eyes. "Happy Christmas, 'Mione", I say and then we turn back to Ron and Ginny, still sitting on the sofa.

"Me and Harry has something to tell you", Ginny says.

Hermione turn her head and look at me with one eyebrow raised questioningly as if she was asking "really?"

When I looked at Ron he was staring at with narrowed eyes as if I was plotting something horrible.

Hermione took a seat next to Ron as Ginny stood up to stand next to me.

"The thing is", Ginny began and I grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassurlingly. "We're having a child", she finished and as Hermione's hands flew up to her not tearful eyes and Ron's frozen expression a sound came from the kitchen behind us.

Ginny and I turned around to see both Molly and Arthur staring at us. It took only a second for Molly to snap out of her schock and she did so with her heartwarmingly happy face. Molly came towards us with open arms.

"I'm going to be a grandma!" she announced gleefully and a bit throaty. She had started crying when she enveloped the two of us in a tight hug.

Arthur joined in a second later.

"What is this I see here?" came a voice that was either Fred or George.

"A gropefest and we wasn't invited?" One of them said, pretending to be offended by the sound of it. You can tell when they're just playing because of their grins, they always wear them, either on their face or in their voice it's like they're always happy.

"Are you pregnant, sis?" came Ron't careful voice and I roll my eyes.

Molly let's us go and Ginny repeats herself to Ron while Hermioen goes "Honestly, Ron! Ginny's pregnant, it's not rocketscience".

I just chuckle at the three of them, the three people I used to hold closest to my heart. Ginny, Ron and Hermione. I suppose not anymore. Well Hermione and Ron are still my best friends and I'm not planning on changing that it's just that... I don't know, actually, a lot of things has changed, is all.

"Did I hear pregnant?" came one of the twins voices. I turned around to look at them, Fred had a purple jumper with a yellow "F" on it and George had a yellow shirt with a purple "G" on it.

Percy came at that and then Bill and Fleur. All of them asking the same question. All of the Weasley's went to Ginny to give her a hug and touch her belly as if they could already feel the baby inside of her. All of them passed by me, giving me a little slap on my shoulder as if to say "good job, son".

When everyone else were too busy congratulating Ginny to notice me I left the room to go outside and get some air.

What am I doing?

I can't focus, I can't concentrate, I can't bloody breathe. What am I doing?

"What are you doing, Potter? Are you hiding from something?" a voice asked me and my head turns to the side. I stare into grey eyes and my stumach flips and my heart starts beating faster.

"No", I say. "Of course not". He comes closer to me.

"Oh, I think you are", he says and his smile is half mischief and half sad. An odd mixture but he wore it, still.

"Then tell me what I'm hiding from", I say and my breath hitch because he comes even closer to me.

"I think you're hiding from me", he says and tilts his head a bit to the side as his face comes closer to mine. "And from yourself", he whispers. I close my eyes and gets myself ready for the touch of his lips against mine, like I've been denied it for years.

I part my lips just a bit and lean towards him. Just a little bit closer, now.

"What're you doing out here, Harry?" came Ron's voice and I opened my eyes. Draco wasn't there.

Maybe I could need a drink. A voice in my head offers. Or maybe this is a reason I shouldn't get a drink. Another voice offers and I think I might listen to the second one. If I'm like this after just one drink who knows how I'll be after a couple of more.

"I just needed some air", I said and turned back to look at their front garden.

"Are you okay?" he asks. Ron comes to stand next to, he doesn't look at me, he just looks ahead just like me. That's the good thing about Ron, he wouldn't pressure me for answers he just knows that I'll tell if I'm ready and willing.

"Yes, I am. Just a bit overwhelmes, I guess", I say.

"I s'ppose", he says. "You know I've been wanting to tell you something".

I turn my head to look at him, he's still looking ahead, his red hair is a mess and his face is flushed, making his freckles pop out even more, oddly enough.

"What is it?" I ask. "'Mione isn't pregnant, is she?" Ron just chuckles and hit me on my arm.

Honestly, what is it with people and my arm? What has it ever done to you?

"Thank God, no", he said and then he turned to look at me. "I'm thinking about proposing to her. On New Year's Eve".

I can feel my jaw drop.

Ron's face goes from confident to unsure and I start laughing.

"That's about time!" I laugh and hug him tightly.

He laugh too.

"I was planning on doing it here, but on the backyard at the New Year's party so you'll be there, too. And all of our friends and family", he told me and I couldn't help but feel excited and happy for my friend.

"That is wonderful Ron! I absolutely can't wait", I say and he chuckles. We stand like that for a bit until both of us turn back to look out over the front garden.

"I think mum's almost finished with the turkey now", Ron said and took a step towards the front door. "Are you coming?"

I shook my head.

"I'll be in in a bit", I said and kept gazing out over the grass. There was no snow this year, it had disappeared a couple of days ago but I'm not at all surprised. It's not like I woke up each day missing the snow. I was busy missing something else.

Stop it, Harry. I told myself. You're not doing yourself any good.

It was cold. The wind blew cold air in my face and my body started shaking a bit. It was nice to feel the cold, actually. I felt alive, the cold was making my body itch.

I was just so confused and tired of everything. I'm not going to handle having a child. I couldn't even handle one night at my wife's parents house without hiding in the toilet, wanking to a man who's no longer anything but a fantasy.

What kind of crisis is going to be waiting for me when I'm turning fourty or fifthy, I wonder? If this is my mid-twenties crisis, what kind of crisis would I have mid-life?

A taxi came down the road and I followed it with my eyes. The taxi slowed down and came to a step before the house.

I wasn't expecting a tall, dark haired man to step out of the car and come towards me while the taxi drove away. He looked like a mess, a right mess.

Serves him right. I thought but then I shook it out of my head because it wasn't fair. Just like everything else at the moment, then.

"Sirius", I say and the man jumps a bit, clearly not noticing me standing her euntil now. "Are you lost?"

He drags a hand thorugh his hair and realisation dawns on me.

"Remus is here", I say and I can see the way he's thanking me with just his eyes just before he closes them to breathe.

"Thank you", he says and I nod but he can't see it.

"Nothing to thank", I say and then I lead him inside.

I would have laughed at Remus' expression when he sees Sirius and I walk into the dining room, the whole family already seated at the big table, but I can imagine what both men must feel so I kept my mouth shut. I slapped Sirius lightly on his back before I took my seat.

"Oh, well", he began and then waved a hand at all the staring redheads and Fleur. "Happy Christmas. I'm just here to see Remus", he continued.

No one blinked an eye, they all just stared. How rude.

Remus put down his fork and kept staring right at Sirius without making any move to stand up. Sirius suddenly looked rather uncomfortable.

"I just wanted to apologize", he began. "To Remus, that is. What happened was..." he stopped to take a shaky breath and coughed. Then Sirius looked up to meet Remus' eyes and their eyes locked.

"I'm sorry I overreacted, what happened had happend at a time when we weren't even together so it wasn't right of me to hold that against you. But you coulld've chosen another girl than my cousin, alright?" he asked and smiled as if trying a joke no one found funny. I smiled at him reassuringly and waved with my hand for him to keep going. When Sirius turned his eyes on me he did.

"I've realised what a complete fool I was being", Sirius said and Remus chuckled. The others around the table started looking between Sirius and Remus. "I need you, Remus. Natalia needs you and we miss you. I promised to be by your side till death do us apart, so I won't leave you and I will not let you leave either."

I think the girls started tearing up now by the looks of it. Ginny, who was seated to my right, wrapped her arms around my arm and hugged it tightly while resting her chin on my shoulder.

"What I'm trying to say, Remus is that..." Sirius started but stopped and coughed, he looked away from Remus and tried again. "What I'm trying to say, Remus, is that I love you. Always have, always will, and I think we've had enough thrown against us, we don't need ourselves to do it", he finished and looked once again over to Remus with a grin and eyes sparkling of unshed tears.

I heard a chair being pulled back and in the next second Molly Weasley had enveloped Sirius in a tight hug, patting him on the back.

"That was lovely", she said and then took a step back from him, holding his shoulders in her hands, shaking him a bit.

Remus hade went to stand next to her, coughing and patting her on her shoulder. When Molly noticed him she took a couple of steps back and watched the two men.

Sirius looked as if he wasn't sure whether or not he'd get a slap or a kiss.

"I love you too, you dog", Remus said and Sirius started laughing, a few tears started streaming down his face. Remus kissed him and it looked like they actually melted together, wrapping their arms tightly around each other.

The ladies were patting their faces with napkins now and Hermione handed me one. That's when I realised I was crying, too.

It took long minutes before everyone had collected themselves and Molly was the first one to speak.

"Anyone up for some cake?" she asked and everyone started laughing at that. Remus and Sirius stood next to each other, Remus' head rested on Sirius shoulder and they held one arm around each other.

"That sounds like a brilliant idea, Molly", I said.

Late that evening Ginny and I offered to drive Sirius and Remus home instead of them ordering a taxi. I could use the company. It was a while since I was being alone with Ginny, I mean being alone with Ginny.

Remus have been staying with us the last week and it had been reassuring to me to have a third person at home, it was kind of like a security thing for me, I suppose. I could get away from Ginny to talk to him just to avoid being alone with Ginny. Now, however, I couldn't.

I had asked Hermione what I should give Ginny as a present and she told me I should get something that was for her but also for me. So I bought her a dildo.

I'm just joking! Honestly, you people.

To be honest that was the first thing that came to my mind but I didn't let Hermione know that. I told her that I had no idea, whatsoever, what I should give my wife so she picked it out for me. Massageoil. "She's getting the massage and you're giving it to her. Honestly, Harry, I can't believe you haven't thought of it, she's an athlete and her muscles needs attending to. You also get to be intimate with your wife, it's a win-win". Hermione winked at me, and that was almost scary.

At least Ginny was happy about the massage kit –Hermione decided I should give Ginny a whole box with massaging things– so I guess it was working. The last time I gave her something that had to do with her being a footballplayer and an athlete was a storng deoderant. To my defence it was Ron who picked it out for me, I just didn't know he was getting one for Hermione, too.

I got a book from Hermione. This year it was about anger management, but I have no idea why. From Ron I got football cards, he's as big a football maniac as my wife and always seem to give me something that has something to do with the sport.

Molly gave me a cookbook and a red wine. Shiraz. Arthur gave me a homemade watch. Don't even ask.

"I hear you're expecting a child", Sirius said from the backseat where he sat with Remus.

I smiled at him through the review mirror. "Yes, we are".

"That's exciting news!" Sirius said. "You're dad would've been so proud of you, I can tell you that".

Yeah, dad must be so proud of his son who disappears to the bathroom to wank over a man when his wife is pregnant. Yeah, I totally see it.

"Where's Natalia?" Remus asks. We had just a couple of more minutes to drive before we were on their street.

"At home", Sirius said. "I asked Draco to babysit her and Teddy until we came home".

For just a second I lost control over the wheel but I soon got it back. Ginny stared at me as if asking if I was okay.

"Teddy?" Remus asked.

Sirius coughed. "Yes, I told Mrs Peggs that we're taking him, too. If you want to that is."

I didn't hear Remus respond but I couldn't help but smile as I looked into the review mirror and understood why. Remus had kissed him again.

"Here we are", I announced as I parked on the driveway to their house. The two men got themselves ready to leave the car.

"Do you want to come in, Harry? I know you and Draco had gotten close", Sirius says and for just a second I was going to leave the car and go inside, meet Draco and get him alone. Finally.

I didn't.

I stayed in the car with Ginny. "No, I think we better get home", I said.

Sirius and Remus said their goodbies and went to their house, I watched them go. I could see the blond man playing with the two children in the living room. It made me smile.

"Who's Drake?" Ginny asked and it made me focus. I grabbed the steering wheel and started backing out from their driveway.

"Just a guy", I said, trying not to make a big deal out of it. "And his name is Draco".

Ginny let it go.

"They seemed quite happy about the news", she said.

I furrowed my brows. "What news?" I asked.

"That I'm pregnant", she said and I curse.

I don't respond, basically because I don't know what to say.

"I think we should go shop for a crib tomorrow, take advantage of the after Christmas sale", she say but I still don't answer nor take my eyes away form the road ahead of me.

"Don't tell me you're backing out of this!" she says fiercly.

"What, Ginny! What do you want me to say?"

"The truth, Harry. Tell me the truth".

"Okay, Fine! I don't think we're ready for this yet. Hell, I'm not ready to have a child", I said and it was the truth.

"You can feel whatever you like, I'm still having this child in eight months, with or without you", she argues and I can her it in her voice that she is pissed off.

"It's still my child, Ginny! That wouldn't be fair!" I argue.

"Then get ready for this! We're having a child, you should be happy about this!"

"I am. I'm just a bit overwhelmed is all but I can...", she didn't let me finish.

"Why didn't you tell me you weren't ready?!" she asks as if we had planned to have a baby now.

"I have never told you that I was ready!" I reasoned but she couldn't have it.

"Then go! I don't want to raise a child with someone who isn't willing. I gave up my body and my career for this!"

"I didn't make you! We are both in this, Ginny, it's not just you and I am tired of you only seeing it from your perspective! I'm a person, too, and I actually matter so can you just please take a second to think what it's like for me or you can stick your perspective up your arse!"

I never got to hear her response as a truck collided into my car and all I can remember was the glass.

And then came the pain.

(A/N) Next week will be from Draco's POV, just so you know. I will write it in the beginning of next chapter, too, just so there won't be any misunderstandings.

Apart from that I hope you enjoyed this week's chapter, please leave a review, I read all.

Hope you had a wonderful New Year's.

/: Zirijava