Chapter 12

January flew by with a lot of papers and files that we had to sign. It was the ending of January now and Ginny was supposed to come here to sign the last paper.

Everything seemed so surreal to me. It felt like I had failed. My marriage was a failure. Damn, I was a failure!

I hadn't even seen Ginny since the night I confronted her. Which turned out to be the absolute opposite.

"Are you sleeping with another woman?" Ginny asked. I didn't look at her so I don't know what she looked like or what she was doing. Being her husband I suppose I should know all of her mannerisms but I've been so distant lately. It's like I don't know her. Or she me.

"No", I said and sighed in relief, thinking –hoping– the whole conversation was over, but that was before I heard the next question that came out of her mouth.

"What about another man?"

The words echoed in my head and I could do nothing but stare at the wall in front of me. "What about another man?"

"Don't think for one second Harry James Potter that I didn't suspect anything, you came home with a hickey one night and you told me you were talking with a student!" I remembered what she had said earlier. The sentence hit me so hard in the head it almost took me off balance.

She had suspected. I had come home with a hickey. But she had suspected. She had supected. I don't know why, I can't put my finger on it but knowing that was the worst thing of all. The final blow to the head.

Earlier it had all been just an affair, a secret. It had been exciting and scary and happy and I had loved every second of it. It was wrong, and I know that, too. However, I think I'd do it all again because how can something that feels so right be wrong? I understand the part with me being married and him being the mistress and all that, it's not ideal or anything but still! Do you understand what I mean or am I babbling? I always seem to babble.

I heard the sound of something falling to the floor, my eyes seek it out and as they meet the brown orbs of Ginny's I remember I haven't answered her yet.

"It's true then, isn't it?" she says it so silently I would've contemplated whether or not it was actually said if it wasn't for the movement of her lips.

All I could do was bury my head in my hands.

I had failed. I was a failure.

Ginny started crying.

"So what, are you bent now, Harry, is that it? Are. You. Gay?" she was sobbing hard now, her voice hoarse and throat thick. I didn't dare look at her, espescially not into her eyes.

I couldn't speak. My voice had gotten tense and thick somewhere along the way.

"I married a poof", Ginny said and I heard the frustrated sigh hidden behind the words. I heard the prayer for this all to be a dream and I heard the sound of glass falling to the floor and how it was shattered.

"It's not black and white, Ginny", I muttered. "Sometimes there's grey, too". Like his eyes. And suddenly, despite everything I found i was smiling. "I'm not either gay or straight, you know. I could be bi or pan or whatever. It doesn't really matter", I added a tad more silent than before, but she still seemed to hear me.

She snorted. "It doesn't matter", she quoted me mockingly. "Of course it does! It matters to me!" I sighed.

"Why? Why does it matter to you? There's no difference between me cheating on you with a man or with a woman!" I said exasperatedly and removed my head from my hands to look at her. I wish I hadn't. Ginny was known for being strong, I've never seen her look so fragile and weak. As if I just reach out and touch her she'd cease to exist, turn into dust and float away with the wind.

"How can you say that?" she asked me, more tears started streaming down her face and she let them. "A man I can't compete with. I can't be jealous for real because he has parts I don't have. A man can do things with parts I'll never have. Do you know how that makes me feel? If it would've been a woman I could've been jealous because 'Oh, she's so pretty', or 'look at her breasts' or whatever. I can't be jealous of a cock! That's wrong!"

I didn't answer her, I just sat there on the sofa and stared at her wet, freckled face. As I watched her brown eyes look at me, tears streaming from them as a waterfall and held an emotion somewhere between disappoinment, confusion and sorrow I knew that it was over.

It was all over, now. Nothing could heal this, make this all better again. It was over. Game over, good luck next time.

Ginny rose up and left the house.

I sighed in relief.

That was the last time I've seen her since now. She was sitting across from me at the table we used to call ours. It felt odd.

Ginny looked as beautiful as ever. She looked completely healthy now, not a scratch or a scar visible from the accident, as if it never had occured. I still felt it, though. My physical therapist helped me, I'm seeing her once every two weeks now and she says that if I keep going about the way I do everything will be okay.

When I did my checkup at the hospital to see if everything had healed as expected the doctors found a small piece of bone in my shoulder, too small to operate away but too big not to hurt. At least sometimes. I asked them why they just couldn't go in there and take the small piece away if it would mean I'd get better, they only told me that going in there would make it worse.

I'm currently unemployed, apart from babysitting two tiny dorks now and then. I am looking, though. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life now tthat the path I always knew was gone. Ginny and I wasn't together anymore, I was in love with a man and I wasn't a karate instructor anymore. Everything had changed. Where had my life gone?

Neither me nor Ginny spoke while signing the papers, I glanced at her once or twice but she was busy writing her name in her neat handwriting. Before I knew it the papers were signed and given to the solicitor who had been quietly pacing the room earlier. She put the papers in her briefcase before leaving the two of us alone.

Ginny met my eyes and offered me a small smile before rising up and walking towards the door.

"Harry", Ginny said and turned around in the hallway to look at me. "The man from the club, I'm seeing him", she said in a rush and I smiled at her, first in confusion before I understood who she meant.

"I'm glad", I said. "It's really none of my business anymore".

She just sighed. "I just though that, you know", she bagan but sighed in frustration and looked at her shoes, tucked a lock of hair behind her ear nervously. "I thought that we could make an agreement. If you don't tell anymone –espescially mom and dad– that we met whilst we were married, then I could do the same for you". I felt something pang in my chest and I smiled at her.

"I'd love that", I said. I just wasn't that sure Draco wanted to see me after everything. What if he was just with me all this time just for the thrill of the moment, because it was exciting shagging a married man? What if I was only whith him because it was exciting cheating on my wife? Maybe everything was just a sexual thing, and nothing on a deeper level. Just passion, a flame without a spark. Am I making any sense?

God, I'm confused.

Ginny smiled at me, a delicate eyebrow raised. "You're thinking again, aren't you?" she asked and I sent her a stern look making her chickle. She waved her hand nonchalantly. "Good bye, Harry", she said and left.

The house was no longer ours, but mine. Something felt rather lonely about that.

Hermione had come over later while Ron worked overtime solving crimes at his desk or something.

Ginny was staying at Hermione's and Ron's shared apartment for the time being while she waited to get her own place. I had told her that it was fine if she wanted to stay here until she found something. I'm glad she knew me enough to tell I was just polite.

After Ginny had disappeared to their apartment that night a couple of weeks ago both Ron and Hemrione had paid me a visit the next day. Hermione wanted to know why we had split and why Ginny had been crying "even though she's too proud to admit it". Ron just looked confused.

I told them that we hadn't been on the best of terms for a long time now and that it was like we both had changed.

Hermione had told me that that doesn't explain Ginny's tears. I merely sighed and told them that I had fallen for someone else just out of the blue. Hermione furrowed her brows as if she knew there was more to it. I rested my head in my hands and told them that it was a man. I had fallen for a man.

The sharp intakes of breath and hard stares and cursewords hadn't come. Well... at least not from Hermione. Ron swore so much I think Hermione would have wanted to put duct tape across his lips. Her look spoke so much.

Hermione told me she was hardly surprised by this revelation of my affections. She explained that she had noticed me eyeing some boys back at school. Ron, though, had been as obliviate to that as I was.

"Honestly", she had said. "You have eyes you know". Ron and I glanced at each other amusedly while Hermione rolled her eyes at us.

I don't know what reactions I had expected form them, I know Ron wasn't extremely happy with it all and when I asked him how he felt about it all he just shrugged and muttered "as long as you didn't act on it, I don't see the problem". I know it wasn't easy for him. He had gritted his teeth and his eyes had lost their joyful gleaming as he thought about it. I could tell.

He just needs time to adjust to all of this.

"I have found the right man for you", Hermione said as we sat quitely on the living room sofa, sipping tea bringing me back to reality from my thoughts.

I turned to stare at her. Oh God no!

"You have what?" I asked gobsmacked, almost dropping the cup of tea in my hands.

Hermione just shrugged. "He is fit, and intelligent and I've heard he's loyal and has a kind heart", she told me, not looking at me.

"You do realise you just described the perfect dog", I said and she glared at me.

"This is serious, Harry! I think you'd make quite the pair!"

I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face.

"I don't think it's a good idea", I sighed, thinking about blonde hair and gemstones.

"And why not?"

Well, there is someone already. A man who can just with the power of his gaze make me weak in my knees. A man whose smile makes my hear speed up impossibly fast and whose touch makes me feel like I have reason for existing. As if I was created for him and he for me. A man who speaks my name with an intimacy and undescribable pronounciation making my name seem almost private, a secret shared between us. The way he speaks and that damnable smirk on his lips, and those lips makes me flustered.

But I couldn't tell her that.

"It's too early after Ginny", I lied.

"Harry", Hermione spoke it silently, as if the name was fragile and she didn't want it to break. "It's been weeks, I know it's not that long but she's already seeing someone, the least you can do is try. Who knows you might find the person you're meant to spend the rest of you'tr life with".

I realised I couldn't really argue with Hermione because she would keep pushing. I clenched my teeth almost painfully.

"When?" I asked and though I could not see it, I could feel the smile and approving look she sent me. Oh, she was loving this.

So Ron and Hermione –mostly Hermione, of course– had set me up on a date with this guy Hermione had come in contact with through a colleague.

And that's how I found myself in a restaurant, seated next to Ron, opposite to a not-quite handsome man with short dark brown hair. Next to said man was Hermione.

They set me up on a double date.

We had a table at "The Yellow Monkey", a fairly simple but cosy restaurant that mostly does catering and dinners. I had never eaten here but I recognised the name from somewhere, but I couldn't seem to remember why.

Not like it mattered.

The double date was awkward. I tried making conversations with the man, Henry, I think his name was. Henry offered me the shortest answers he could.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"What do you do for a living?"

"Work."

"What do you work with?"

"Animal rights."

"Sounds interesting."

"Not really."

"Well... it's a nice day today."

"I guess".

Henry didn't even bother asking me anything, he just sat there, staring at me with blue eyes and a polite smile that didn't reach his eyes. I wanted to pull at my hair out of frustration. Trust Hermione to set you up with the right man!

It was survivable. At least until it was time to order and I saw the waiter walking towards us with his blond hair slicked back.

I held up my menu as I ducked under it, hiding myself from the blond waiter. I kicked Ron gently under the table and he scowled at me.

"What", he hissed and bent his head closer to mine.

I cleared my throat and stood. "I'm going to the loo", I said and, once again, kicked Ron under the table and he stood up quickly.

"I'll just give him a hand", Ron said and I went a bright red. Hopefully Draco hadn't heard him as he was busy at another table at the moment, from the looks of it an old lady asked him something about wine. I had to leave before recognition dawned on him.

And I swear to God the old lady winked at me!

I strode away from the table, not waiting for Ron to come after me.

The door flew open to the restrooms as an elderly man went out and I reached for it before it closed and all but ran inside to hopefully leave the embarrasment on the other side.

"What's got your knickers in a twist, mate?" Ron asked as he entered the loo.

"I'll just give him a hand", I asked in a high-pitched voice and turned around to face him just a tad too fast. "A hand, Ron!"

"Oh blimey-", he began, his eyes turning the size of saucers. Ron rubbed one hand over his reddened face.

"Yep!" I said, cutting him off and running a hand through my, for once, combed hair messing it up again.

"So... what has gotten your knickers in a twist?".

"I do not have my knickers in a twist! It's just that... He just", I bit my lip, struggling to find the right words and making them understandable. "Do you remember the man from my wedding? The caterer?"

Ron looked at me a little chocked, as if he wasn't prepared for me to bring that man up. Or expecting me to even remember him. Which I did, too much for my own good, I assume.

He just shook his head, looking sceptical, as if what was about to come out of my mouth would be something he didn't like.

And then it dawned on him.

"Oh, bloody hell! That's why you were so against letting 'Mione set you up with some bloke, you were interested in someone else", Ron said and rested his weight against the wall.

"He is our waiter at this restaurant!" I said and pointed first at the door and then to the floor.

"Wait, you didn't know he was working here?" Ron asked, looking scandalised.

I shook my head.

"Holy mother of...! Bloody hell!" Ron all but yelled, dragging a hand over his face. "This is the bloody restaurant you hired to cater your bloody wedding!"

So that was why the name was so familiar.

"Oh, shit. I should've... God! Ginny would kill me if she knew."

"Be happy she's no longer your wife." I glared at him, making him chuckle.

"Tosser."

"Maybe, you shouldn't run away, I mean... why don't you ask him out, you know eat dinner or something", Ron offered and I stared at him. I can't believe I hadn't thought about that myself!

"You're right! I should go in there and ask him out!"

"Damn, right you should! You're Harry Potter! Nothing to worry about", Ron supported me and I offered him a winning smile.

I took a deep breath and Ron patted me on my shoulder, my good shoulder. "Ready to go in?" Ron asked and smiled supporttively.

"Not yet. I actually have to pee but you go ahead, I'll be in in a second", I said.

Ron chuckled but left the restroom and I went into one of the cubicles to pee. Afterwards I spoke some encouraging words as I washed my hands.

"You can do this, Harry. Go in there and sweep him off his feet. You're Harry Potter, and you choose him."

With a satisfied nod at my reflection I opened the door to the restaurant again to find Ron standing right on the other side. He reached for my shoulders.

"Mate, I don't think you shoul", he said but I brushed past him, I had set my mind to this and then I am doing this.

I walked towards our table, looking around to see where Draco was. I furrowed my brows, he couldn't have disappeared could he?

And then I saw him. He held a tanned man close to him. Draco seemed happy as the tanned man kissed him on the cheek before enveloping him in a tight hug. Both men chuckled, looking genuinly happy.

I was too late.

Before I knew it I had left the restaurant in a run, Ron's voice from behind screaming my name. "Harry."

I was too late.

(A/N) I hope you enjoyed this weeks chapter, please leave a review, I read all.

I also want to thank all of you, it means a lot to me that you like this story, so THANK YOU!

Have a wonderful weekend.

/: Zirijava