Day 2

My name is Hideki Ryuga - or Ryuzaki.

Well, not really but that's what they all call me when it comes to a case I have to solve under the name of L.

I will be writing here for the next months, maybe even for the next years, I cannot be sure yet.

I have to make sure that being in contact with the criminal named Light Yagami, also known as Kira, will not affect my own mental health.

I am not sure why I want to be in contact with him, or why I started to visit him again, after the necessary visits to pay the clinique.

I swore to myself that if he was Kira, he would be nothing to me, nothing more than a murder that needs punishment.

I'd treat him the way I treated Beyond, had I kept my promise.

But I feel the need to interact with him, he was the first friend I've ever made, and even if I am Kira's eternal enemy, I will always be Light's friend.

I have to separate them, Light from Kira, otherwise it will sound sick, how I still care.

And how I feel as if the Light inside Kira still cares as well.

L paused gnawing his thumb, as he brought the most recent memory he had from Light in mind.

Light played with his blue notebook today, the notebook that I bought him.

It was an imitation of the real Death Note, and I still feel guilty for buying it, like I am pushing a junkie to take drugs again.

Back to the point, he had been writing down names, an endless list of names.

He didn't even look up or look anywhere else besides the note's pages; he was completely devoted to what he was doing.

After all, how could Kira not be devoted?

He eventually turned around and handed me the notebook.

"It's yours now.", he said.

I didn't want it, all I wanted was to leave him and never see him again.

But I couldn't.

The nurse entered and gave him his medicine, through i.v. as well, forcing him to lie on bed.

"Ryuz-zaki." He muttered after a bit.

"Tell me Light-kun."

"I...am not feeling well." My eyes had stayed focused on him.

"I know, I can guess at least."

"Please L." Light quickly crawled up to me, falling from the bed first face forward, before I could even move.

"Are you alright, Light-kun? You seemed to fall a bit harshly." I asked awkwardly.

"Give me my note." I sighed, looking around, not remembering where I left it. "No, not that. My real one. The heaven sent one." I was dumbstruck after the request.

Did Light really just ask such a thing?

Light had given up, last time I had checked. All he did was eat, sleep and piss.

Or play with his note and organize murders with his teddy bear.

But then I remembered about the medicine, and the few moments of clarity and clear thinking Light would have.

So Light probably was back at normal, for a few minutes probably.

And surprisingly, I felt glad about it.

"I cannot, Light-kun. I am not even sorry about it, honestly. I am sorry for myself that I am still here."

"L, only you can understand."

"Understand what, Light-kun? The case's goal was catching Kira. I did so. I don't understand why you even try to talk to me about the case."

"Sed qui me defendet. Ab me terriblisimo ipse?" Light had muttered, looking at me challengingly.

"And who protects me from the most terrific thing, myself?" I repeated, translating the Latin phrase.

"No one, L. No one protects you anymore, and no ever did protect you. You are alone. I killed Watari. I killed the task force."

"You killed you own father." I said, bringing up an issue that I wanted to know more about.

The murder of Soichiro Yagami, who was visibly manipulated by note before his death.

"Sacrifices are need to be done, although, I'll tell you this: I didn't kill him, specifically. I did kill Matsuda and Aizawa. Watari too. But not my father."

What? Not Light?

Only he could have, the only logical explanation.

I looked at Light, trying to tell whether he was bluffing or not.

Or whether his clarity moments were over and he had started to go incoherent again.

"I didn't, L. There are things about the note you will never know about, because the only person you can learn about them from is me." He laughed a bit. "It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me." He repeated over and over again, a small smile still there.

"Come on, Kira-kun." I sighed, finding the repeat unbearable. "Let's get you to bed." He hated it when I called him that, ironically.

He wanted Kira's name to be graced.

After that, Light slept, woke up, played with his Lego, while I was solving a Deneuve case, an easy one.

I could tell he was honest though; and it had seemed fishy even before that conversation.

A person with pride, who grew up in such a family, would never kill so easily a relative.

A close one in fact.

And at the point Soichiro Yagami died, it wasn't necessary for him to, even for Kira's sake, it'd do nothing good.

So, I decided, at least privately, that the Kira case was open again, since I had closed it way too fast.

It wasn't just the culprit, Light, that was caught without explaining anything, it was also the tool, the note, that remained a secret since no one knew how to use it exactly.

And how Light killed the task force without writing anything down?

And why hadn't I died too?

All deaths happened right after Higuchi died, and the Shinigami didn't write anything either, I could see it by then.

Another Shinigami?

Light had something else up his sleeve

I have to know.

And I know I might be alive just by pure luck, because Light, the Shinigami or whoever it was was not able to kill me for some reason.

But I still have to know, and then I might be able to decode Light Yagami's brain as well.

And my percentages concerning Light's guilt over Soichiro Yagami's death are around 23,5, so I have to either get to zero or one hundred.

And I feel uncertain about many more issues concerning Light Yagami and Kira.