"Since I'm stuck in line waiting to get into the mountain, I thought I'd call and check in," Darcy said into her cell as she stared at the rear of the car in front of her. "I know I'm two hours early, but I'll be in the mountain by then, and normal cell phones shouldn't have reception down there. I was warned about it in my briefing for this trip. Thanks again for this idea, I'm enjoying seeing the world. Even though, most of the people SHIELD wants to sign are real jerks. Anyway, nothing much to report. I ran into a few, but nothing I can't handle. Oh, I'm next! I'll let you get back to your boy band. Oh, and remind Fitz and Simmons that their monthly reports are late, again. See ya, Son of Coul."
Turning her phone off, she lowered her window and handed her drivers license and SHIELD identification card to the guard at the gate.
"Nature of your business, ma'am?" the guard asked as he compared Darcy's identification to the information on his clipboard.
"I have a meeting with Lieutenant Colonel Carter."
"If you'll park your vehicle over there, I'll lead you to security, " the guard replied as he handed her cards back and waved at the small lot just inside the gate.
Darcy nodded and did as requested. A few moments later, she was standing next to her rental car waiting for her escort.
"This way, ma'am," the guard stated as he walked beside her, his hand on the butt of his holstered gun.
It only took a few minutes to reach the security building, which looked like it backed into the mountain. The guard gestured Darcy to proceed him. The two entered the building into a small office with a door opposite the one they had entered. There was a desk bolted to the ground in the center of the room, a set of lockers to one side, and a tall, thin locked cabinet beside the inner door. "Darcy Lewis to see Lieutenant Colonel Carter," the guard stated to the uniformed man behind the desk. Turning to Darcy, he nodded as he continued, "Thank you for your patience, ma'am."
As the gate guard left, the man at the desk pulled out a manila folder and wrote Darcy's name on the tab. "I'll need to see your purse and briefcase," he stated.
Darcy placed her briefcase on the corner of the desk and put her purse on top.
"No personal effects may enter the mountain. You will only be allowed any paper you are carrying with you. You will be patted down, and if necessary, searched further.
We will catalog, in front of you, your personal possessions so we can compare on your exit from this facility. Are there any questions?"
Darcy gave a grin. "Nope."
"Before we begin, do you have any weapons among your effects or person, conventional or otherwise?"
Darcy thought for a moment and patted her pocket to double check she had left her taser in the car, before shaking her head. "No, I don't."
The man started to write down her possessions onto a form as he said them aloud. "One leather purse. Contents are a leather wallet, water bottle of clear liquid, smartphone, set of car keys, and three sharpened number two pencils. The wallet contains a New York drivers license, identification card for SHIELD, two credit cards, all with the name 'Darcy Lewis'. Also, eighty five dollars American in cash.
"One leather briefcase. Contents are a flash drive, two pens, three sharpened number two pencils, and a folder of paper."
After he had finished cataloging her possessions, he handed her the folder from her briefcase and the folder he was writing in. "Please enter the door behind me for the next phase. Have a pleasant day."
"You as well," she replied as she opened the inner door.
The woman in uniform on the other side of the door took the folders Darcy handed her and motioned her towards a side wall. "Please stand on the yellow line with your feet spread apart and place your hands on the yellow circles painted on the wall."
Darcy did as she was told and after a quick pat-down, was soon handed back the folder she had brought with her and a visitor's badge. The other folder was kept by the female security guard.
Gesturing towards the two bulky men on either side of the elevator behind her, the woman stated, "These two will escort you to your meeting and back."
Nodding, Darcy stepped between the two and waited patiently for the elevator car to arrive.
Within a few minutes, Darcy and her escorts were in the elevator and going down into the bowels of the mountain.
One of the two guards reached out and pressed the 'stop' button on the elevator.
Darcy raised an eyebrow as the two turned to her.
"We have a message for you," one of the burly men said, while both grinned menacingly.
She had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "Let me guess, NID?"
The statement caused the two to stop in shock. The one on the left gave himself a small shake and continued, "We know you're not an agent. Just a paper pusher. You work for us now. We'll be in contact on what we want you to look for while at SHIELD."
"Oh, really?" Darcy asked, both eyebrows now raised.
"The condolence flowers for your family's misfortunes will be quite pretty, otherwise," the man on the right continued.
The elevator started again, and Darcy asked, "I take it the surveillance feed of this is currently showing a loop of the three of us standing quietly?"
The man on the left grunted in reply, "No, but it will be fixed afterwards."
Darcy couldn't help snorting in derision. "You guys are awful at this."
One of the men reached for Darcy. "And, you're trying to physically intimidate me?" Darcy exclaimed as she grabbed the man's outstretched arm.
By the time the elevator reached the designated floor, Darcy had incapacitated both men with a minimum of fuss, and violence. 'Didn't even muss my hair,' she thought with another snort.
The doors opened to a pair of people that Darcy recognized from her briefing packet. "Hello, Lieutenant Colonel Carter, General O'Neill. I think you're screening process needs a bit more work." The two Air Force officers stared at the groaning men on the ground as Darcy continued, "I doubt you want NID plants in your security force. If you could send a copy of the surveillance footage to my email address? My trainers like to critique my technique."
After a few blinks, Carter turned to O'Neill. "I'll leave this in your capable hands, sir. I do have a meeting to get to, after all."
After an hour of discussion with Carter, Darcy was finally in the final stages of negotiations.
"You can't have my people!" O'Neill exclaimed as he strode into the conference room.
Sighing, Darcy pinched her nose. "I'm not here to poach. I'm here to borrow. Your labs are some of the best on the planet. And, sometimes SHIELD resources are stretched to the limit and we need help from outside contractors."
O'Neill glared. "I'm sure whatever SHIELD has is enough. Our people are backlogged already."
Darcy pushed her glasses up her nose and contained her sigh. Before she could reiterate the recent argument she had with Carter, a shimmering light appeared in one corner.
"O'Neill, we have need of you," the short, grey alien with large black eyes stated.
Darcy just blinked and said, "Huh."
"Heimdall?" Carter asked in surprise.
"Huh," Darcy said again as the alien was led out of the room by the two Air Force personnel, leaving her alone.
A few moments later, two men entered the conference room.
"Sorry about that," one man said, holding out his hand. "I'm Daniel Jackson, this is Teal'c."
Shaking his hand, Darcy smiled. "No worries." Looking Teal'c over, she added, "Nice golden symbol there. Jaffa, huh?"
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Indeed."
Darcy became curious. "How's Earth working out for you?"
"It has it's moments," Teal'c replied with an almost non-existent smile.
"Any chance I can get a copy of whatever program they used to get you acclimated to this planet?" Darcy asked with a pleading look.
"What?" Jackson looked confused. "Why?"
"It comes up," Darcy said with a shrug. Seeing Daniel nod, she turned her gaze to the conference room door and added, "Heimdall, huh?"
"Yes, it's where the myths of the Norse gods came from," Jackson said with a smile.
Darcy interrupted what she knew was about to be a long discussion about the Norse gods. "Really? Because, he looks a lot different than the last time I saw him. He's shrunk quite a bit."
"I'm sure he does look different than any illustrations there are of the god Heimdall," Jackson pointed out.
"I'll have to ask him about it the next time I see him," Darcy replied distractedly as Carter and O'Neill re-entered the conference room followed by the grey Heimdall.
"Unfortunately, something has come up," Carter apologized. "I'll have to read over the contract and get in touch with you later."
"No problems," Darcy said with a wave. "I understand. We can tele-conference or something. That, or I'm sure SHIELD will be happy to let me come back."
"Wait!" Daniel exclaimed. "What do you mean, you'll 'have to ask him about it the next time you see him'?"
"I'm sorry," Darcy shrugged. "I'm not sure what your clearance rating is on this subject." Turning to Heimdall, she gave an Asgardian warrior's salute of pressing her closed fist over her heart and giving a small bow, as she had been taught by Sif.
Leaving the anthropologist sputtering behind her, and the others in the room confused, she followed Carter to the elevator.
The ride was silent back to the surface, and Darcy ignored the sideways looks Carter was giving her. It only took Darcy a few minutes to gather her stuff and be on her way.
The entry process for Cheyenne Mountain is probably more rigorous than in the actual tv series, but I extrapolated from my personal experiences growing up on Air Force bases and visiting my mom when she worked in secure locations.
It wasn't made apparent in the text, but the water bottle was holy water and the pencils were there as mini stakes.