First of all, THANK YOU! The reviews are incredible and I am so glad you guys like it. Second of all, sorry for the delay. It's been hectic around here, and I've had strep throat. Thank you for your kindness! Please review and enjoy!
-Mandy
"How's he doin' today?" Beth asked, taking Caleb from her brother-in-law, Glenn. Caleb seemed to be in a pretty good mood today, though it was only the early morning. Beth had just come off of her twelve hour shift at Baptist Medical Center, and though she was exhausted (because there was a nasty stomach virus going around and everyone in town seemed to have it), she couldn't wait to see her precious little boy.
"He slept through the night, but he's cutting a new tooth. It's a molar this time!" Glenn said.
"Oh, my goodness, my big boy!" Beth said, bouncing Caleb around. He giggled and smiled, wriggling free to run around on the floor.
"Where's Maggie?" Beth asked Glenn. Normally, Maggie and Glenn spent the night at Beth's apartment when she had to work, taking care of Caleb. Beth couldn't thank them enough for that.
"She got a call. Death on the other end of the county." Glenn explained. Maggie, who was four years older, was a death investigator for the coroner's office. She was on call constantly, but most days, she was able to be there with Caleb. Beth was immensely thankful that Maggie and Glenn were so willing to help; she couldn't have done it without them.
"I was wantin' to give her a gift, but it's for you, too." Beth explained, digging into her purse. She pulled out an envelope, and Glenn opened it, and instantly a smile spread over his face.
"An Atlanta Brave versus Detroit Tigers game. Beth! This is great!" Glenn exclaimed, "Thank you."
"It's the least I could do." Beth replied, "You guys are so great to me."
"You know we don't mind helping, Beth." Glenn said, "He's great. We love him."
"I just," Beth sighed, "I feel so bad, Glenn. You shouldn't have to do this."
"Beth, when Maggie and I were in that awful car wreck three years ago, who stayed with us for a week and a half and did everything for both of us?" Glenn asked.
"Me, and Shane." Beth replied.
"And when Maggie got sick with pneumonia and was in the hospital two years ago, who stayed with her for four days straight?" Glenn asked.
Beth sighed. "I did."
"And when I had encephalitis, and I was in intensive care, and nobody thought I would live, who stayed with Maggie, and got our house ready for us, and made the drive all the way to Atlanta so Maggie wouldn't be there alone?" Glenn asked.
"Me." Beth replied.
"Beth, you have dropped everything for us. The least we can do is take care of our nephew for a few hours—while he's sleeping—so you can go to work. You gotta stop thinking you're an inconvenience to everyone." Glenn told her.
Beth couldn't help it, though. Before, it was Shane who was there with Caleb. Shane was giving him his baths, and feeding him in the middle of the night, and making sure he was okay. Beth remembers the first night—right after she started working at Baptist, and Caleb was a month old. Beth had never been away from him before, and she was a nervous wreck. She'd made lists, and charts, and replaced all the batteries in the baby monitors (that didn't really need replacing).
"Babe, you know I was there when we made him. I was there when he was born, too. Changed his very first diaper." Shane laughed, kissing Beth on the forehead.
"I've just never been away from him. I don't know what to do. I'm going to miss him so much, Shane!" Beth nearly cried, wiping tears from her eyes.
"I had to leave 'im when he was a week old, Bethy." Shane told her, "I didn't wanna do it anymore than you do right now."
"Just...Promise me you'll update me? That you'll let me know how he does?" Beth asked.
Shane wrapped her in his arms and kissed her. "I will, my Bethy girl. I promise."
Later that night, on her break, Shane FaceTimed Beth, showing her a little Caleb who was awake for his 2:00 am feeding. In that moment, seeing her husband and her precious boy, she'd never loved Shane more.
At first, Hershel and Annette took care of Caleb, but they lived all the way in Box Springs, nearly twenty-five minutes away. Plus, her father, Hershel, only had one leg, and up until recently, walked on crutches. Beth didn't want to burden them. She hated burdening Maggie and Glenn as it was.
Beth only slept for three hours after her shift. The babysitter, Beth's friend, Rosita, came by a few hours each morning to help Beth watch Caleb so that Beth could either clean the apartment, or so she could catch up on sleep after her shift. Rosita's little girl, Bianca, was the same age as Caleb, and she too, needed a little distraction since her husband, Abraham, was deployed. Beth woke up to the sound of silence, and silently panicked, walking briskly down the hall to see the toddlers watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while Rosita was knitting on the couch.
"You're up earlier than expected." Rosita said.
"I didn't hear Caleb." Beth said, "I know, I've lost my mind."
"No, you haven't. You're a mom. It's your job." Rosita told her.
Beth stood at the counter waiting on her Keurig to finish brewing a cup of coffee. Rosita came into the kitchen with her, grabbing a mug for herself. The two women were quiet for a moment, and Beth observed that Rosita looked like she had something she needed to say.
"Did I ever tell you about Abraham's first wife?" Rosita asked. Beth shook her head.
"Her name was Ellen. They got married a week after high school. Couple of eighteen year old kids that were in love. Had a little boy a year after named Alex, when Abraham was a private in the Army, and then they had their little girl Haley two years after that. They'd been married ten years, and they were stationed in Texas. One night, they were coming home from a family dinner, and this drunk ran into them. Killed Ellen on impact, Alex and Haley died within the week. Abraham lost everything he had." Rosita explained.
"How'd he come back from that?" Beth asked, "How'd he manage to move on?"
"He didn't—not for a while. He's forty-three. Bianca will be two in September. He was single for ten years before we got married. Sometimes, it still bothers him. I can tell, but I tell you all that to tell you that you can't keep blaming yourself. I see it, Beth. I see it every day. You're still hurting just as bad as you were when you lost him." Rosita said.
"He was my everything." Beth says, trying to convey the exact feelings of despair, "Now he's gone. I don't think I could ever love someone that much again."
"Maybe not in the same way, but you could definitely love someone again. You need to start healing, Beth. You gotta put it away, or it's gonna kill you." Rosita said, holding Beth's hands tightly as Beth looked away.
Beth couldn't think of what to say to that. She didn't want anyone else. She didn't want to love someone, and marry them, and have children with them, only to have them die in the prime of their lives. She didn't want to go through it again. She didn't think that her heart could bear it.
That night she thought about Rosita's words. She didn't want to move on romantically, but she knew she had to start moving forward in other ways. She couldn't stay in the apartment all the time and loom over her loss. She had to move forward somehow. She couldn't just linger on what she'd lost. Not when she still had Caleb.
So, she put Caleb in his stroller and she began to walk. It was the late afternoon, and Caleb liked to look at all the flowers in the park. Beth walked downtown, letting Caleb look at everything and pointing out things he might find interesting. For an almost-toddler, he was surprisingly observant. He took after his father that way, and that thought made Beth smile.
It was getting to be dinner time, and Beth decided on a whim to stop at the restaurant downtown and get something to eat. She hadn't been out to eat since the night Shane passed; restaurants gave her a feeling of uneasiness that she couldn't even begin to describe. She walked in, folding up Caleb's stroller and leaving it right outside the store, and gave the restaurant owner, T-Dog, a small smile.
"Oh, Beth! It's so great to see you and the little man tonight. Come on, I got a table for you right around here." He said, motioning her to a booth. He gave her a high chair and she sat Caleb down, looking over the menu and feeling oddly lonely. As she looked over the dinner selections, she heard a grunt, and then someone clearing their throat above her. She looked up to see Daryl, who was letting Caleb chew on his hand.
"Hey." Beth said.
"Hey yourself." Daryl said, "Getting somethin' to eat?"
"Uh, yeah. Just kinda...Nervous, I guess." Beth admitted, blushing.
"It ain't nothin'." Daryl said, "The breakfast food's pretty good."
"I haven't been here in so long." Beth said, "You here by yourself?"
"Yeah." Daryl said, "Ain't got food at my place."
"Wanna join me?" Beth asked. Daryl nodded, sitting down in the booth across from her. He didn't need to look at a menu, ordering a Coke from the young waitress who took their order. Beth sipped on her sweet tea, deciding on a burger for herself, and fed Caleb his baby food while they waited.
"This is the first time I've been in a restaurant in nine months." Beth told him.
"Ain't missin' much." Daryl replied, his eyes locked on Caleb as the baby waved at him.
"I used to like going out." Beth said, "I liked goin' to dinner, and to the movies, and all that. I don't enjoy anything anymore."
"I don't do any of that anyway. Don't matter much to me." Daryl replied. The waitress came with their plates, handing them each their food.
Beth watched the man across from her, still in his work uniform from Dale's shop. He'd washed off the grease, and the grime, but Beth could see his calloused hands as he let Caleb drool all over him. Shane had told her about Daryl—the man who worked twelve hours a day because if he didn't sit still, he wasn't happy. Shane had mentioned that Daryl was constantly working on a project, or hunting, and that in a way, if not for Daryl, Shane and Beth wouldn't have met. Shane had told Beth once that Daryl taught him how to fix the water heater and anything else around a house that required maintenance. Rick never bothered to learn, so whenever something broke at their house, Shane or Daryl were over there teaching Rick how to fix it. In a way, Beth thought, it was because of Daryl that Shane and Beth wound up getting married.
Beth liked that idea. As she chewed on her burger, she noticed Daryl was extremely patient. She didn't mind that. He didn't talk much, and she didn't talk much now, either. Beth didn't seem to have much to say anymore.
"What are you doing tomorrow, Daryl?" Beth asked.
"Nothin', 'cept work." Daryl replied.
"I'm goin' to Rick and Lori's tomorrow for dinner. Would you like to tag along?" Beth asked.
"Wouldn't mind that." Daryl said.
"How does 6:30 sound? You could ride with me and Caleb...If you want." Beth offered.
"Lookin' forward to it." Daryl replied, smirking just slightly.
Daryl drove Beth and Caleb home. He didn't have a car seat, but thankfully, the apartment complex was only a few blocks away, and Beth could fit the stroller in the bed of the truck. Caleb, by then, was getting quite fussy, teething and feeling discomfort because of it. He began wriggling and crying, becoming red faced, with fat tears streaming down his face. Beth sighed in exasperation as they got out of the truck in the parking lot of the apartment complex.
"Lemme bring the stroller up for you." Daryl suggested.
Beth gave a weak smile. "Thanks." She replied.
She carried Caleb up to her apartment, unlocking the door and being greeted by the two dogs. Caleb was having a full meltdown by now, kicking and screaming and squealing at the top of his lungs. Beth gave him some Tylenol, but because he was screaming, she didn't get the whole dose in his mouth. She tried giving him a frozen washcloth, but he threw it to the ground, kicking his little feet into Beth's abdomen as he refused to be consoled.
"Caleb, baby, it's okay. Shhh." Beth whispered. Daryl stood in the doorway, seemingly observing the scene. Caleb threw himself backwards in Beth's arms, nearly causing Beth to drop him. She tried bouncing him, and rocking him, and he only got worse. Beth soon felt tears sting her eyes; she was so frustrated. It had been a lovely evening, and he'd been fine earlier. Now, though, he was screaming and fussing and all Beth could do was sit down and rock him in her arms to try in vain to console him.
"You...You want me to take 'im?" Daryl asked, almost too low for her to hear.
"I can't ask that, Daryl...He's screamin'." Beth said. She felt tears roll down her cheeks, too. Over the past few months since Shane's passing, Caleb's meltdowns became more frequent, as if he was missing his father, too.
"I got a friend...She's got a boy just a little older than him. She's a single mom too." Daryl said, "Sometimes, when Michonne's gotta work, I watch Andre. I'm used to screamin'."
Beth reluctantly handed Caleb to Daryl, the little boy screaming as Daryl gripped him. The two stared at one another for a moment, before Caleb reached for a strand of Daryl's longer hair, yanking as strongly as he could. Beth almost said something, but Daryl motioned for her to stay put. Caleb had stopped crying, and was instead focusing on yanking Daryl's hair. The baby began to laugh, making faces as Daryl mumbled under his breath. Soon, the little boy started to yawn, and Daryl bounced him, sitting in the rocking chair with the baby and rocking him.
"He's asleep now." Daryl said.
Beth took the baby in her arms, walking back to place him in his crib. When she returned, she found Daryl petting her German Shepherd, Jake.
"Thank you, for helpin'." Beth said, "Sorry 'bout him grabbin' your hair."
"Ain't nothin'." Daryl said, "I'll see ya tomorrow."
Beth nodded, seeing him out the door. For the first time in over a month, Caleb had gone to sleep without a fuss. She was grateful for that.
The next night, Beth and Daryl showed up at Rick and Lori's house, with Caleb in tow. Rick opened the door and smiled wide, motioning for them to come in.
"Didn't think it'd be both of you." Rick said, "Thought you had to work, Daryl?"
"Took off early." Daryl replied. Carl and Judith came running down the stairs, both yelling loudly for Daryl and Beth.
"Daryl! Daryl! Aunt Beth!" Carl said, "Can me and Judith take Caleb to go play in the living room?"
"Sure." Beth replied, setting Caleb down. Judith and Carl took each of his hands as he toddled along next to them, giggling and smiling and chattering away.
Beth thought it was funny, how quickly Caleb was growing and changing. It seemed like just yesterday that he was crawling for the first time, and taking his first wobbly steps. He'd started walking just a few weeks before Shane's death, and Beth was so grateful that he'd been able to see it. Though he wouldn't see Caleb grow, or learn to ride a bike, or start kindergarten, or graduate high school, or get married, he did get to see Caleb come into the world. He was with him when he started crawling, and when he said his first word, and when he began to walk. He saw his first birthday, and Beth was happy for all of that. Still, when she saw the dark-haired boy clap his hands at Judith, and laugh at something Carl did, it broke her heart. Shane wouldn't get to see any of that.
"So, Beth, Maggie and Glenn are coming, aren't they?" Lori asked.
"You know Maggie," Beth laughed, "She'll be late to her own funeral."
"The day Maggie Rhee is on time is the day the apocalypse starts." Rick said, "But we told her half an hour ago so they'd show up on time."
"Glenn'll rush 'er out the door." Daryl said, "That guy usually shows up to work five minutes 'fore I do, and I show up before Dale does."
"Glenn has a thing about being on time." Beth said, "I brought a pie."
"You didn't have to do that!" Lori said, "But I do love your pies."
The knock on the door—which they knew was Maggie and Glenn—caught their attention. Rick yelled for Glenn and Maggie to come in. Caleb heard the commotion, and came running—muttering incoherently as hellos were exchanged.
"There's my big, happy boy!" Maggie exclaimed, running toward him.
"Aggie!" Caleb squealed, arms outstretched. Beth observed that out of Caleb's limited vocabulary, Maggie's name was one of the few things he could speak. It was a recent happening, which both thrilled Beth and made her sad. Caleb was growing up without his father. Caleb hadn't said "Dada". He knew "Mama" and "Aggie" and "Dog" and "No" and "Up", but he didn't know "Dada", and for some reason, that bothered Beth.
"So, you and Glenn said you had some news?" Lori asked. Beth took Caleb from Maggie and set him back down, Maggie sipping some of her sweet tea.
"Well, y'all know that house over in Woodbury we were lookin' at? We put in an offer and it was accepted. We bought a house!" Maggie exclaimed. Though Beth was excited for her sister, she did feel a pang of sadness. Woodbury was twenty minutes away, and that meant that Maggie and Glenn would be driving a lot just to watch Caleb.
"I'm so proud of you, Maggie!" Beth exclaimed, hugging her sister. She saw Daryl and Rick shake Glenn's hand, and Lori hugged them both.
"Yep, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a big back yard. Caleb will have so much room to play there." Maggie said.
For some reason, that phrase made Beth's skin crawl. She felt guilty. She should have a backyard for Caleb to play in. Though Beth knew the thought was ridiculous, she felt Maggie and Glenn shouldn't have to think about having a yard for Caleb to play.
"You okay?" Daryl asked, handing Beth a glass of sweet tea.
"Uh, yeah." Beth lied, "I'm fine."
The rest of the dinner, Beth was quiet. She was mulling over Maggie and Glenn's new life change, and she felt even worse for relying on them to watch Caleb. She knew they'd tell her they didn't mind, that they loved Caleb and that they loved having them, but it didn't make Beth feel any better. She was drowning, and she was overwhelmed, even though she was trying her best. It wasn't enough.
Beth and Daryl left early that night, saying that Beth had to work the next night and needed rest, and Daryl used the argument that he rode with her. Caleb was already tired anyways, which made a good excuse. Once they were back at Beth's apartment and she'd gotten Caleb to sleep, Daryl finally asked her again.
"You okay?"
"No." Beth admitted, "I hate relyin' on everyone else. Maggie and Glenn are movin' out to Woodbury, and they're gonna be all the way out there. I hate them comin' here just to watch Caleb. It should be his daddy. And his daddy ain't here."
"They really don't mind, Beth." Daryl said.
"I hate having to ask. I'm in over my head, Daryl." Beth replied.
"What if I watched 'im? I could keep him a couple of nights, and Maggie an' Glenn could do one. I'm right across the hall. He's just sleepin'. How hard could it be?" Daryl asked.
Beth was taken back. Why would he offer? He barely knew her, though they'd become friendly. Did he have an ulterior motive? Was he secretly a creep?
"I couldn't ask you to do that, Daryl." Beth said.
"I'm offerin'. You ain't gotta be worryin'. Wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it." Daryl said.
Beth thought it over for a moment.
"What would I owe you?" Beth asked.
"Don't owe me nothin', Beth. I'd be watching 'im while he was asleep. Maybe changin' a diaper or two. Least I could do, 'specially for Shane." Daryl replied.
"What do you mean?"
"Shane was always lookin' out for me. His Grandma Jean lived next door to my folks when I was comin' up. Shane an' Rick took me in. Shane always kept me outta trouble. I would've been locked up like my brother or cookin' meth somewhere if it weren't for them." Daryl explained.
"The trial starts in three weeks, you know. For the guy who killed him." Beth said, so suddenly that it caught Daryl by surprise, "I want you there. You need to be. We need this guy to go away for a long time."
"Then I'll be there." Daryl promised, "You work tomorrow night, right?"
"I do." Beth said.
"Then I'll come by tomorrow night. I'll keep Caleb. It'll be fine. Things go bad, I'll call you." Daryl said.
"It's nice to have a friend, you know. All this time, I've felt like people were feelin' sorry for me. I don't need people to pity me. It's not gonna bring Shane back. I just need people to be my friend. Thanks for that, Daryl." Beth said.
"Ain't nothin'." Daryl shrugged.
Daryl left shortly after, and Beth was again alone in the quiet living room. She grabbed her photo album from the coffee table—for the first time in several months—and flipped through it. She saw the first photo—of her and Shane on their third date, when they became "official", and for the first time in months, she didn't cry. She flipped to the set of pictures they'd taken on the Fourth of July at her parent's farm; Beth pausing at her favorite one: Shane carrying her on his shoulders, with Beth waving sparklers in her hands. She remembered that moment all too well.
"Shane, I think I'm gonna burn my hands! Don't drop me!" Beth exclaimed, watching the sun set as she held two sparklers in each hand.
"Oh, darlin' come on! Have some faith in ol' Shane!" He'd replied.
"How do I know I won't go tumblin' backwards?" Beth asked saucily.
"Well, that's simple, see. I love you, an' I can't go droppin' the girl I love, can I?" He asked.
"Guess not." Beth said, still in shock, "I love you too, Shane Walsh."
Beth turned the page and saw the pictures Maggie had taken of them in Savannah on the Riverwalk when Shane had proposed, and then later that night at Beth's birthday dinner. Beth flashing her ring and smiling, while Shane kissed her cheek. Beth remembered that night, too, and it was one of the best of her life.
"We'd like a dessert, too." Shane said, addressing the waitress, "This young lady here agreed to marry me, and I feel like celebratin'."
"Certainly!" The waitress said, "On the house! Congratulations!"
"It's her birthday, too!" Glenn said, smiling as Beth swatted him, "Twenty years old!"
"Glenn! Hush!" Beth said, "It's not a big deal."
"Of course it is." Shane said matter-of-factly, "I'm marryin' the greatest girl in the whole world, and that's something to eat cake over."
Beth turned to the pictures of their honeymoon at Gulf Shores. She laughed hard when she saw the picture of her and Shane, her frowning as Shane poked fun at her awful sunburn. Beth could picture him waving around the sunscreen on the beach that morning, and she remembered how she'd told him she wouldn't burn. Oh, how she regretted that. But then, Beth had a realization as she looked at the picture: it was the farthest she'd gotten in the photo album since Shane had passed.
It no longer hurt to see pictures of their happiest times. It no longer hurt to remember all the times Shane picked at her, or kissed her, or made her laugh. She was healing. It was taking a while, but she was.
The next night, Beth was preparing to go to work at six-thirty, and true to his word, Daryl showed up. He took Caleb from Beth, and listened to her instructions on bedtime, his food schedule, diapers, and how to soothe him. After nearly fifteen minutes, Daryl had told her he'd be fine, and that Caleb would be okay, too.
"You're gonna be late, Beth." Daryl teased. Beth walked out the door, grabbing her purse and her hospital badge, and turned back, sticking her head in the apartment and getting Daryl's attention.
"That little boy is my world, Daryl Dixon. If anything—and I do mean anything—happens to him, I will not hesitate to beat you to death with a baseball bat. You got me?"
"Loud and clear, ma'am." Daryl said, smirking slightly. Beth left for work and her whole shift, she worried. She worried about Caleb, about Daryl, and if she'd made a wise decision. On her break, she went to the cafeteria and checked her phone, noting a text from Daryl. She opened it and saw a picture with a message attached. It was a picture of Caleb sleeping in his bed, with the message, been out cold since 8:00. Little man is doing just fine. Beth smiled, brighter than she had in a while, seeing the picture of her son. She was nervous, yes, and she worried, yes, but in that moment, she knew that things—for now—would be okay.
Daryl Dixon was a good man, and more importantly, he was a good friend. And that thought, for some reason, made Beth's heart hurt a little less.