Thanks to Sparrow for some on-the-fly input while I wrote this.

Darcy smiled politely at the tour-like comments Doctor Cuddy made as the Dean of Medicine of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital led her through the building.

"Are you sure you want him?" the doctor asked as the two paused outside a glass door.

Darcy gave a reassuring smile and nodded. Doctor Cuddy took a deep breath and opened the door.

"This is Doctor Gregory House," she said as she waved to the man behind the office desk, ignoring them for the handheld game device in his hand.

Darcy raised her eyebrows. "I hope you're not playing Dr Mario. That would be so cliche."

After glancing up, Doctor House went back to his game. "You're a little overdressed for a strippergram."

Doctor Cuddy's horrified exclamation of "House!" was drowned out by Darcy's laughter.

"My dreams of becoming a stripper were tragically cut short due to the security restraints of my new job," Darcy replied with a twinkle in her eye before turning to Doctor Cuddy. "I put up with maniacal geniuses before either one of us are caffeinated. This is child's play. Thank you for leading me to his office, but I'm afraid the rest of this conversation will be classified."

Giving an uncertain nod, Doctor Cuddy left the room. After she left, Darcy went towards a side door that was open. After peering into the empty conference room, she pulled the door shut, then walked over to the chairs in front of Doctor House's desk. Placing her briefcase beside a chair, she sat down and waited.

After a few minutes of being ignored, Darcy shrugged and pulled out her phone. She was soon engrossed in her current level of Candy Crush.

"Well?" Doctor House finally asked.

Darcy looked up. "Hmm?"

"Aren't you going to tell me how wonderful I am and need to be on SHIELD's payroll?"

"Just a second," Darcy replied. "I only have four more moves and… Damn… Didn't beat the level…" Putting her phone away, she turned her full attention to Doctor House. "Yes, I'm here about the SHIELD contract. I'm to answer questions and/or concerns you may have. That being said, shall we move past the ego stroking and get down to business?"

Doctor House raised his eyebrows.

"Fine," Darcy said with a sigh. "You are so wonderful, Doctor House. You're brain should be declared a monument by not only the United States government, but all the world. Blah, blah, blah. Do I have to continue? I'm getting a cavity."

Giving a snort, Doctor House nodded. ""I want access to any information on alien diseases SHIELD comes across."

Darcy shook her head. "We will be providing all known data dealing with the aliens the subject may have come in contact with on a case by case basis. Unfortunately, you don't have the security clearance for full access. That drug habit of yours, while unavoidable, makes you a security risk."

Seeing Doctor House about to make what was probably a blistering comment, Darcy continued. "However, unofficially, I reside in a building with a well known billionaire genius who likes to hack SHIELD. If he should send information out to colleagues and interested parties, I have no say in it."

"And, SHIELD still wants me on their payroll?"

Darcy nodded. "I made the final decision. Even with the negatives in your file, you were the best choice. I almost picked one of your… 'ducklings' I believe is the term? But, after researching the situation, that would be the same as picking you, just unofficially. Also, as my supervisors only care about results, your security risk is minimal."

"Speaking of my 'ducklings'," Doctor House replied as he leaned back in his chair. "What if I need them for a case?"

Darcy grinned as she pulled a sheet of paper out of her briefcase to look at. "As of this moment, all of your subordinates, plus your friend Doctor Wilson, have passed the SHIELD screening process. We'll update you when any new underlings are hired."

Doctor House looked intrigued. "What's the sheet of paper?"

"A… signing bonus. Interesting tidbits about people in your life we found out from the screening process, including the reason why Doctor Cuddy cannot be briefed on any case SHIELD may give you," Darcy said, her grin widening. "Interested?"

"Let me see the paper first."

Darcy folded the paper so the top two inches showed and turned it so he could read that section.

"Where do I sign?" Doctor house replied with a grin of his own.