*Shout out to my Norwegian readers! I'm spending Christmas this year in Norway with my family, we're so excited! Thanks for reading and please favourite/follow/review*
Clarke sat alone on a cushioned bench in Lexa's tent, she had no idea how long she had been there, all she could do was sit in silence and stare at Finn's blood on her hands, numb to everything else. Suddenly, the sight became too much. Her skin crawled and she knew she had to get it off, she had to rid herself of the blood she was responsible for. Scrubbing at her hands roughly she didn't even realise she was sobbing until she felt strong arms wrap around her, and suddenly her loud sobs reached her ears. He sat next to her, holding her close.
'Bellamy? What are you doing here?' Clarke asked between ragged breaths.
'How could you think I wouldn't come?' She could feel Bellamy's voice reverberating through his chest, comforting her.
Truthfully, she couldn't think at all, wouldn't let herself, but she couldn't find the words to tell him, so Clarke let herself fall against him instead. Closing her eyes as he took their weight, leaning back into the make shift sofa, she curled up against him, leaning her head in the crook of his neck as he pulled her legs over his lap, and she cried.
Slowly her crying eased and Clarke sat up a little, finding she could talk. Her voice was rough from crying and kept breaking. 'They would have tortured him. I had to. I had to do it.' Hysteria started to rise in her voice again and Bellamy ran a hand through her hair, shifting to look down at her, meeting her eyes.
'I know. I know.'
'What did I do?' She stared up at him desperately.
Just then, Lexa's right hand man, the huge grounder that Clarke had already encountered, entered the tent. Wiping her tears away Clarke stood, followed by Bellamy who placed a hand on her back. She had to be strong now.
'The commander is ready talk.' Gustus said solemnly.
Lexa walked into her tent, followed by Indra and two other grounders, Clarke supposed this made up her close council. Behind them came Abby and Kane. Rushing to her daughter Abby pulled Clarke into a tight hug before stepping back wordlessly, standing at her other side, Kane beside her. Clarke supposed that this was her small council.
Lexa sat on her throne and looked down at Clarke, expression serious. 'Blood has answered blood. Some on my side say that's not enough, they wanted the murderer to suffer as our tradition demands. But they do not know that your suffering will be worse. What you did today will haunt you until the end of your days.'
Clarke bit back tears as she felt Bellamy shift closer to her, brushing his fingers against hers.
'Still,' continued Lexa, 'there will be restitution. The body will be given to the people of Tondc. Murderer and murdered joined by fire. Only then can we have peace.'
Clarke could feel Bellamy straining to argue, but she brushed her fingers against his in response.
It was Kane who disputed Lexa's demands. 'No, no we've done enough. The boy should be buried by his own people.'
'Enough?' Spat Indra. 'We were owed the pain of eighteen deaths, we were owed our righteous kill. My village deserves justice.'
'You don't want justice,' Abby said, narrowing her eyes dangerously, 'you want vengeance.'
'You have not seen my vengeance.' Snarled Indra, stepping towards her.
'We'll do it.' Clarke interrupted, moving in front of Lexa, blocking Indra's path to her mother at the same time. 'But when it's over we talk about how to get our people out of Mount Weather. All of our people.'
Bellamy was reminded all over again of why he had fallen in love with Clarke. She was grieving, and yet was still fighting for the lives of the rest of the 100. She was the strongest person he knew, and his heart filled with pride.
'We want the same things Clarke.' Said Lexa calmly, but Bellamy couldn't help but disagree.
'Good, when do we leave.' Said Clarke determinedly.
'Now. Choose you attendants.' Bellamy blinked in surprise.
Lexa walked out the tent, flanked by the rest of the grounders, and Abby turned to Clarke. 'You don't have to do this.' She said, desperate to protect her daughter, but Bellamy knew there was no way of changing her mind, Clarke needed to do this.
'Yes I do' she said firmly, before following Lexa out into the camp, Bellamy at her side.
Raven was kneeling by Finn's body as they approached. Clarke squeezed Bellamy's hand, indicating for him to wait, before walking over. Raven didn't even look up. 'Go away.' Her voice shook with barely controlled hatred.
'Raven I'm sorry.' Clarke's heart was in a vice.
'I said go away.' Cried Raven, standing up and storming to where Clarke stood, eyes flashing dangerously even through her tears.
'I know how hard this must be for you,' Clarke fought to keep her emotions out of her voice, 'but I'm leaving with the grounders, and I need you to keep working on the radio.'
Raven's eyes narrowed, disbelief mingling with the betrayal Clarke knew she was feeling. Before she could respond, however, two grounders walked over, picking up Finn's body roughly. Raven spun around.
'What are you doing?' She cried furiously.
'They need to take him now.' Clarke reached for Raven's arm. She wasn't thinking straight and Clarke knew the grounders would have no qualms hurting someone trying to protect the murdered they all wanted to see punished.
'Get off me.' Raven snarled, yanking her arm out of her grip. 'Like hell they do, get off!' Clarke winced at the hurt that shot through her. She knew that Raven was lashing out, that she blamed Clarke, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Raven's hatred for her just made it harder to escape her own.
'Just give us a minute, please?' Clarke implored the grounders, who fortunately dropp their hold on Finn and backed off a little.
'Raven…' Clarke reached for her again but the girl shrugged her off violently.
'You agreed to this.' Her tone was poisonous as a tear tracked down her face.
Forcing her voice not to shake Clarke said calmly 'they're taking him back to the village where the massacre took place. There's a death ritual,' she explained, 'it's the only way to get our people out of Mount Weather.'
Raven struggled with herself before finally nodding, 'then I'm coming too, and don't worry I'll bring your damn radio.' She said bitterly, shrugging past Clarke, who had to step back to steady herself.
'Oh don't look at me like that.' She heard Raven yell angrily behind her. Moments later he was by her side, threading their fingers together as the grounders carried Finn away.
'It's ok.' He said softly, and she tried to believe him.
As she watched, Finn's eyes opened, staring directly at her, cold and unblinking. She took a sharp breath in, shocked, and saw Bellamy turn to look at her concerned.
'What is it?' He asked, looking for the danger, but Clarke just shook her head. It wasn't possible.
The walk back to camp seemed to drag on forever, yet, as Clarke approached the gate she wished that she was miles away. Wordlessly, Bellamy led her to his quarters, ignoring the hundreds of faces watching them, the fierce expression on his face deterring anyone in his path from stopping them.
Clarke sat on his bed, waiting until the door was shut and he was back by her side before she let herself break all over again.
Bellamy held her whilst she cried, letting her haltingly explain how she felt, even if she didn't understand what she was feeling herself. Guilt, anger, loss, bitterness, resentment, pain.
At some point they took their shoes and jackets off and lay down, and still he held her, whilst her tears mingled with her words. And as they drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning, he held her closer, keeping her safe in his arms.
Clarke knew when Bellamy fell asleep, she felt his heartbeat slow again her chest, and his arm relax against her waist. For the first time in a long time, she didn't want to cry. Now she wanted to fall sleep with the man she loved, pressed against each other, so close that in the dim light it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. And so they slept, away from everything, just the two of them, together.