Hello! So, here's the fifth chapter! ^_^ Sorry if the story's getting a little weird and... Overly dramatic. Hehe... I know it's unusual for Haruka to be this unenthusiastic but, what can I say? I'm fond of dramatic and somehow sad stories. _ But... I know... She's out of character. I had to do that because I made her past a bit more different than in the anime and game. Hope you guys understand! :) Although it's weird... Well anyway, enjoy! :)
Again, I don't own any of the characters. :P I want to own QN though... Joke! Ok, joke. Please have a happy time reading. ^_^
Reiji's POV
"Hey you two!" I greeted, as the two familiar figures walked in through my dorm's front door.
"So, what did you guys do?" I excitedly asked.
"Aren't you supposed to know that already?" the dark blue-haired guy answered. I pouted at his words.
This here, is Ichinose Tokiya,. Or as I like to call him, Tokki, one of my juniors. And as you can see, he's downright serious. He's also really quiet, somehow mature, and stiff. But of course, Ran-Ran, Ai-Ai, and Myu-chan are... More serious. In other words, he's nothing like me.
"But Tokki! I forgot... And I'm not like Ai-Ai and Myu-chan who take note of their juniors' schedules! Plus... I have quite a lot of things in my mind right now." I replied in a playful whining tone. Except for the last sentence since, that made me think of Ruka-chan and if she was doing okay. After hearing my reply, he sighed, crossed his eyebrows, and immediately admitted defeat. I grinned at the sight.
"Yeah Tokiya. Give Rei-chan a break!" my other junior with red colored hair exclaim.
"We didn't do much. We just had a photo shoot, and rehearsed for a show we're in." he said, continuing what he was previously saying. He's Ittoki Otoya by the way. Or Otoyan. That's how I call him. He's the opposite of Tokki. Cheerful, most of the time hyper, happy-go-lucky, pretty much relaxed and a lot like me. Of course, he's younger than me so he's more... Innocent. I wasn't sure about Tokki though.
"Awesome! You guys are in a show?"
"Yup! First we're going to entertain the audience for a bit, then they're going to interview us, then we,ll get to talk to some of the people from the audience personally! This is my first time being in something like this so I'm really excited! But I'm nervous too."
"That's okay Otoya! Everybody gets nervous. Right, Tokki?
"Hm... I suppose so. But you shouldn't feel nervous anymore, Otoya. You're supposed to be a professional idol."
"Tokki! Just because you're emo..."
"I am not emo."
"Yeah you are."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are.'
"No. I'm not."
"Yes you are!"
"No I'm not! Do you even know what emo means?"
"Of course I do!"
"Okay then. What does it mean?"
" "It" is a word you use in a sentence that pertains to an object or thing."
"Pfft..."
"Shush Otoya. I meant the word "emo"."
"Pfft... O-oh... Why didn't you say so Tokki? Geez... You're not so smart after all. Pfft... Ahahahahaha!"
"Ugh... I'm going to continue doing my work."
"Hahahahaha...! Good one Rei-chan!"
"Hehehe... I know you're not emo Tokki. You're just really stiff." I said as my laughter and Otoyan's died down. As Tokki continued to work, me and Otoyan talked about idol concerns and other things while annoying Tokki in the process. He would tell us to keep quiet from time to time, but we would just laugh. In the middle of a conversation, Otoyan suddenly brought up a somehow... Sensitive topic.
"Oh yeah, Rei-chan?" he started.
"Hm?'
"Heard you have a composer now. Is it true?"
"Yup! She's so cute! Kind too."
"She?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Nothing..."
"Hmm...? Are you interested in her?" I teasingly asked.
"N-no! I didn't mean it that way!" he exclaimed with a slight blush on his face.
"Really now?"
"Y-yeah!"
"Okay then."
"What's her name?"
"Nanami Haruka. She's kinda shy, but she's a very nice person. I would've loved to see her smile if... Hai... They didn't scare her."
"They? You mean the other seniors?"
"Yup."
"They scared her? Why?"
"They thought she wasn't "worthy" of being our composer."
Silenced was heard moments after I said that. By that time, Tokki was already half-facing us and listening our conversation. Although my head was down, I could see their faces. They probably felt bad for Ruka-chan.
"How mean... I wonder why they thought that..."
"I wonder the same thing."
"You don't know the reason?"
"It's not that I don't know them, I just don't understand them. They even got mad at her... And it just had to be on her first day too."
"No wonder Ren and Syo said they heard you arguing with the rest of the seniors." Tokki suddenly said. My eyes widened at the statement.
"Wh-what?" I shakily asked.
"Yeah. They said they heard you arguing about someone, and that someone was a 'her'." Otoyan said, answering my question.
"Were you arguing with them because of their opinions on your new composer?"
"They weren't opinions Tokki. They were unnecessary judgments. We were arguing because I told them to apologize to her for unreasonably getting mad at her, but they didn't want to."
"So... What happened in the end?" Otoyan asked.
"In the end? They told me they'd probably apologize if she earns their apologies."
"Earns their apologies? How is she going to do that?"
"Well... She's going to have to earn their respect first by showing her capabilities, especially in composing."
"I do hope they apologize to her... She must feel extremely hurt."
"Yeah... I think so too. By the way, you guys came home pretty late. Why?"
"Oh... Hehe... I decided to visit my orphanage after work, and asked Tokiya to come with me. The kids didn't want us to leave so we were there for quite sometime."
"Ugh. Please don't remind me of that time." Tokki said, closing his eyes in irritation.
"C'mon Tokiya! You enjoyed playing with them didn't you?"
"Of course I didn't."
"Tokiya!"
"Be quiet Otoya. It's already dark out."
"But you're such a liar!"
"Okay fine. Maybe I did enjoy being with them a little. Does that satisfy you?"
"Yay! I did see you smile at the kids you know, you know."
"Hai... Okay okay. Now be quiet so that I can finish this." Tokki said before going back to becoming completely silent. I was relieved I still got a good laugh from Otoyan and Tokki's mini-argument despite the things that have happened today. Although, I was starting to become nervous for what was to come tomorrow when I meet up with them again, especially Ruka-chan. I didn't want her to cry again. But I had to worry about that tomorrow morning for me to get at least eight hours of sleep.
After a few more moments of chatting with Otoyan, I decided to start preparing for bed. I decided to tell the other two to sleep as well.
"I think it's time for me to get some shut-eye. You guys should get ready for bed too."
"Mm! I'm pretty tired from all that tag and hide-and-seek." Otoyan said as he let out a long yawn. I looked at Tokki to see if he heard what I said and he nodded. He stood up from behind his desk, switched off his study lamp, and headed for the bathroom. After getting out, dressed in his sleeping clothes, he headed for his bed which was the downer part of the bunk bed, tucked himself in, and went to sleep.
Otoyan did the same after he was done with the bathroom, which makes me the last one to hit the sheets. I was tired, yet I found it hard to fall asleep because of the anxiety I was feeling at that moment. Flashbacks of the arguments I had were shown in my head. But it was mostly filled with thoughts of Ruka-chan. I kept on seeing her pained face and hearing her soft and shaky voice. And I couldn't help but play the last words she said to me in my head over and over again. At first, that was the reason why I couldn't sleep. But in the end, that became the reason why I fell asleep. Hearing her shaky, soft, yet soothing voice.
'I'm probably going to dream of her too aren't I?' was my last thought before I slowly began to drift off to sleepy land.
Haruka's POV
After waking up from passing out for the second time, I finally had enough strength to get up and walk. I felt pathetic, and I really was. I never even knew why I questioned the things my seniors told me.
'Who would even want to look at someone like me? Too weak to do anything, too much of a coward, and too un-confident. I don't think I even deserve to breathe the same air as everybody else.' I thought to myself as I headed for my alarm clock to look at the time.
'11:30' it said. It was really late, and I was starving. Well, who else would I blame for this aside from myself? It was no use just standing there looking more pathetic than I already was, so I got a glass of milk and made myself a sandwich. After eating, I changed my clothes and put on my pajamas, but I didn't sleep. More like I couldn't. I felt tired, although somehow I thought I had enough sleep for the day. So I decided to start making a new composition.
I thought it would be a good idea to start the song for my seniors, but nothing came to mind. All I could think of were sad melodies. I tried to think of a worthy enough song for them, but it was no use. So instead, I tried to think of a way to seem at least a little bit worthy of working with my seniors.
I tried to encourage myself by thinking that if I start respecting them more and working harder, they'll at least accept me as a composer. I didn't really think of much to say, but I was able to muster up at least a little bit of confidence for tomorrow.
In the end, after trying to think of a way for me to avoid upsetting my seniors, I fell asleep at 4 am. I wasn't planning to go to sleep, but all that thinking and worrying probably tired my brain out.
"I hope I won't be late... Tomorrow." I softly said before my eyes completely shut close.
Next day
I felt like I've been sleeping for hours, and really didn't mind it. Until I remembered that I still had to meet up with my seniors. At that moment, I bolted up from my previous lying position and immediately checked the time.
'12:50'
"E-EHHHH?! It's this late already?!" I exclaimed to myself in panick.
"Oh my... I have to get dressed! No, I have to brush my teeth. No wait no! I have to take a bath. No! I have to brush my teeth, then take a bath. Yeah..." I said, as I rushed to the bathroom. I had one hour and ten minutes until it was time for me to meet my seniors yet again. I was nervous, really nervous. But I promised myself I'd do my best to not upset... Or hurt any of my seniors. Although, I was one of those people who tend to over think things, especially when nervous. And because my tendency to do just that...
I spaced out during my so called "rushed" bath.
"Oh my gosh! I ended up taking a bath for thirty minutes! Oh no oh no oh no oh NO! I need to hurry!" I exclaimed as I tried to brush my hair while brushing my teeth and putting on my under garments then putting my towel back on again. It was a bit weird, and somehow impossible, but I was able to do it successfully. After, I put on a blue-colored dress with white polka dots and my red high-heeled shoes.
'Oh my... I only have ten minutes left!' I screamed in my head as I looked at my wall clock. I didn't want to eat anymore since I was going to be late. But then I thought that I might go hungry and lose my concentration so I ended up making myself another sandwich like last night and ate it on-the-go. I was about to head for the door when I realized that I forgot to get my bag. I hurriedly went back in to get it then rushed out the door. It was a good thing I remembered to close it.
'I hope I'm not late...' I thought to myself as I ran down the stairs directing to the way of the practice room with a sandwich in hand. It was a long way down, and I even had to pass the men's dormitory. Yes, the men's dormitory. And because of that...
I bumped into my seniors on the way down.
I didn't notice them because of my extreme worry for being late. Until that is, when Kotobuki-senpai called out to me.
"Ruka-chan?" a voice said.
'That voice sounds familiar...' I thought, abruptly stopping and looking back, wondering who called me.
The moment the faces I saw, and who they were exactly, registered into mind, my breathing and heartbeat came to a total stop. I was shocked, nervous, and afraid of what they would say. That was not a good scenario to present to seniors who don't particularly like you.
"K-Kotobuki-senpai, K-Kurosaki-senpai, Mikaze-s-senpai, C-Camus-senpai..." I whispered, looking up with widened eyes. My legs becoming jelly like in the process.
"Ruka-chan! Good morning! Hm? Why do you have a sandwich with you?" Kotobuki-senpai asked with a slightly tilted head and a smile on his face. His smile was beyond beautiful... Or handsome. I loved it when he smiled, and somehow, I was hoping I could make the rest of my seniors smile one day.
But that day surely wasn't today.
Kurosaki-senpai looked annoyed and irritated, having a scowl on his face. While Mikaze-senpai looked emotionless, but looked disappointed. And Camus-senpai looked like he was questioning my sense of responsibility, since he had one eyebrow raised. And I bet he really was.
I was scared of what was to come if I didn't answer Kotobuki-senpai, so I did what I could to conceal my fear and replied with the most honest smile I could wear, and replied with the most relaxed voice I could use.
"G-good morning... Uh... I... Woke up a little late. S-so, I decided to eat my breakfast g-going to the practice room."
Kotobuki-senpai chuckled lightly, before replying, "Oh, I see. Are you sure that's all you wanna eat?"
I nodded.
"Well then, let's go to the practice room together!" he exclaimed, cheerfulness evident in his tone. I, on the other hand, was terribly nervous with the idea of walking to the practice room with them. But, decided to go on with the flow anyway. I was about to nod in agreement when Mikaze-senpai suddenly asked me something. And that question just happened to make whole body stiffen the second I heard it.
"Haruka, why did you wake up late? And what time exactly?"
As I said, my body stiffened. When my body stiffens, I become unable to speak properly, but able to somehow "hear clearly" even though my right ear was deaf. Because of my inability to speak properly, I wasn't able to reply to his questions. I ended up saying this instead:
"I... Uh... I'm so sorry! I-I'll be going ahead!"
I then ran as fast as I could going to the practice room. And when I got there, I collapsed onto the floor. Sighing, I buried my face in my hands and silently scolded myself.
'Oh... That was not a satisfying greeting, and obviously not a satisfying answer. What was I thinking?'
Reiji's POV
"Ai-Ai! You didn't have to ask that question... And in a scary tone at that." I said, scolding one of my band mates.
"Waking up late is not something a responsible person should do, a working responsible person at that." he replied, giving me one of his half-irritated, half-unemotional looks.
"Not that she really is responsible." Ran-Ran added, making his way to the practice room followed by Myu-chan.
"Wha- Ran-Ran! Why would you say that? I thought you were going to give her a chance?" I whined, trying to catch up to the rest of them.
And when I did, Ran-Ran glared at me as he replied, "I never said anything like that. I only said that I would apologize to her if she deserves it. And right now, I don't think she's ever going to deserve it."
I became silent for a second, until I finally blurted out my complaint.
"I'm going to be frank with you guys, okay? How does someone even try to deserve an apology? I mean, you don't do something to deserve an apology. You really deserve one whatever you do, when someone does something to hurt you. And that's exactly what you did to her! But... Fine. If she has to earn apologies from you guys just for her to feel better, I won't complain anymore."
And with that, I went ahead of those three going to the practice room. When I got there though, I saw Ruka-chan beside the door, sitting on the floor with her face buried in her hands.
"Ruka-chan?" I called out, approaching her slowly, crouching down to try and see if I can get a glimpse of her face. I put a hand on her shoulder as I called out to her once again.
"Ruka-chan..." Her shoulders stiffened as my hand made contact with hers, but soon started to relax when I started to speak in the most comforting voice I could use.
"It's Rei-chan. I'm really sorry for what Ai-Ai asked back there, and for the looks they gave you. You didn't have to run away. I was there, so they wouldn't say anything to you. And even if they were to, I'd still be there to defend you."
I paused for a second to see if she'll react. I didn't receive any reaction so I continued.
"If you think I'm "babying" you, I'm not. I'm just trying to comfort you, and encourage you to have more confidence in yourself. I know their attitudes make you feel nervous and weak, and I apologize for not being able to do anything about it. Although I will always be here when you need me, this is something only you can do. And I know you can do it. So please, lift your head so I can see that cute face of yours. Everything's going to be alright. You'll change those hearts for the better, and they'll accept you for who you are one day. I'm sure of it. But, until then, bear with them, okay?"
A few moments of silence past, before she was able to show her face to me.
"I... I'm sorry, Kotobuki-senpai. I just... I was afraid of them... Getting mad at me. I never meant to upset them again, I... I actually wanted to speak with them properly this time. I know it may seem unbelievable, but they were right. I never did deserve anyone's acceptance or respect. I don't deserve your kindness either." she said in a soft and shaky voice. I didn't want her to say stuff like that to herself. I wanted her to be happy. I would do anything, and use all the good and comforting words in the world to make her at least a bit more confident each and every day.
"What are you saying? Of course you do. You've done nothing wrong. You've never made anybody upset. And... I believe you when you say you want to speak. I'm sure they believe you too, at least a little bit. Right you guys?" I asked, looking at the three figures by the door.
I received no reply, so I stood up, preparing to say something when Ruka-chan suddenly stood up, holding my hand ever so lightly while shaking her head. She looked up, revealing her big, bright, and beautiful green eyes which suppressed tears and held determination. She let go of my hand and slowly walked towards her other seniors. I was nervous and worried of what would happen, yet, I couldn't help but smile at her kindness towards those people who have purposely hurt her feelings for no reason whatsoever.
"I... I'm s-sorry... Very sorry for being irresponsible and waking up late. I'm sorry for not showing any respect yesterday. I'm sorry for not reaching any of your expectations. I'm sorry for not showing any confidence in myself. I'm sorry for... Being who I am right now. Please, forgive me. And please don't be angry with Kotobuki-senpai anymore. It was all my doing anyway. Get mad at me, not him. I deserve it."
I wanted to stay quiet, but I just couldn't. I was about to disagree with her words of self blame yet again when she raised her head, and continued what she was saying a while ago.
'If only she knows how happy I am for her, and how confident she looks.' I thought, feeling a mixture of sadness and happiness.
"I may not deserve anything good now, but someday for sure. I'll be able to reach your expectations, and make you all... Happy. Even you, Kotobuki-senpai..." she said, directing her eyes at me for a brief moment. My eyes widened at that statement. I wasn't expecting that.
'She... Wants to make me happy as well?' I thought, repeating the words she said in my head.
"...So please, let me prove that I am capable of doing something."
I looked at the three she was facing, surprised to see that they looked surprised themselves. I smiled, feeling happier than ever. And there was one more thing she said to finish that beautiful speech of hers.
"You may not believe me now. Well... You don't have to. But please, allow me to work with you!"
After ending her "speech", she straightened herself. Well... tried to. She still had her head down though.
'Looks like she really isn't used to expressing herself through speaking. Poor Ruka-chan... She looks like she's about to faint. But... ' My "inner voice" said, stopping, I continued my sentence verbally.
"...You did well, Ruka-chan." I whispered to myself.
They didn't say anything at first. But Ruka-chan still waited for a response or a reaction at least. And finally, Ai-Ai said something, followed by Myu-chan.
"Just make sure to wake up earlier so that you won't have to rush in the morning."
"Yes. And don't make yourself say that much you fool. Doing what you have to do properly and in the right time is enough for us to be satisfied. But, you still have to show us your abilities. So don't think saying things like that to us is enough."
She nodded in response.
It was a good thing Myu-chan didn't demand for a verbal response this time.
I wasn't expecting Ran-Ran to say anything, but he did. And his words were very surprising.
"As of now, I have no reason to believe in you. But... I'm giving you a chance to make me believe in you and your words."
"Awwww... Ran-Ran's blushing." I said teasingly. Well... He was looking away, how else was I supposed to react?
"Shut up."
"Admit it, you like her."
"Shut up!"
"Ruka-chan~! Ran-Ran's being mean to me!" I whined, playfully hiding behind Ruka-chan.
"Be quiet you fool." said Myu-chan as he and Ai-Ai headed for the couches. We were about to head there as well when Ai-Ai called out to Ruka-can and asked her a question.
"Haruka, have you started the song yet?"
She stiffened a little, but tried to relax herself as she replied, "No... I haven't. I'm sorry. But I will once we're done with this. I'm sorry... again."
Ai-Ai nodded in response.
'Phew... Good thing he didn't get mad.' I thought, feeling relieved.
"Then we'll just have to talk about what to do for the song. Right, Ruka-chan?" I asked cheerfully as I lead her to the couches. She looked at me with slightly widened eyes for a few moments, but smiled a very small yet beautiful smile as she nodded in response.
I smiled back, feeling relieved that she's okay now.
Okay! That was longer than expected... But anyway, hope you enjoyed it! _ I... Don't really have to ask for a review, do I? ^_^? Oh, and please forgive me for the sudden change in mood. I tried to make Haru-chan as optimistic as possible so... Yeah. I think the next chapter will be depressing again so this is served as a break from all the drama I've put up for the last few chapters. See ya next time! (not that I actually see you guys...) Bye-bye! ; )