Alleghany now had good reason to hate Jackson Parker.
He acted as if nothing had happened afterward. Just drove them back to his cabin and went out into the woods like it was business as usual. Telling her he'd be back for supper.
She looked outside. His beasts were standing guard now. He'd taken the biggest dog with him, but the others were there to ensure she didn't try another escape.
She daydreamed about poisoning his food while she shelled peas. If she were him, she wouldn't let her cook his food.
She wondered about William. Would he try to help her? And risk his fiancée finding out about her? Not likely. They been using each other for a night of pleasure. Nothing more and nothing less.
She had to get a letter to her parents. When they learned of Jackson's violent nature, surely they wouldn't leave their only daughter with him. They wouldn't approve of what she'd done to incite his anger. But her father would come for her. She knew he would. She just had to get a letter or even a phone call if Jackson would allow her enough time away from him, but she doubted it. No, it had to be a letter.
She eyed Jackson's store of moonshine. If she couldn't escape physically for the time being, she would at least escape in her mind. A full drink of the stuff made her cough and gag. Champagnes and wines were what she was used to. This tasted like rubbing alcohol. But it wasn't the taste she was after, it was the effects, and for that, it did just fine, numbing her to her present reality.
Yet, she still cringed when she saw him coming and fear gripped her despite the alcohol.
She was afraid of him, a fact she hadn't even realized until now because the anger and hatred had taken up so much room. He hadn't hurt her physically unless a tender scalp counted, but he hadn't asked her permission either. He had seen she was unwilling and forced himself on her anyway. What kind of man did that? She knew the answer to that. A dangerous one.
Dinner was silent though she felt like screaming, like tearing the cabin apart with her bare hands. The food tasted terrible. The vegetables weren't tender enough and the meat in the stew tasted like rawhide. But he didn't complain. Maybe he didn't figure he had a right to after she hadn't complained about what he'd done and he would be right.
She should have voiced her displeasure afterward. She should have told him, no, while he was doing it. She should have fought harder. But she had doubted any of it would make a difference when he already knew she didn't want to be his wife.
She hated the fact that she had to share a bed with him. She thought she would never get to sleep, worrying he was going to touch her, and then when she did, she wished she hadn't because she dreamed of it. Only this time he was strangling her and she woke up gasping for air.
sss
He had immediately felt guilty and ashamed when his anger was spent. He'd had every right to lay with her, he felt like, being she was his wife, but instead of proving his possession of her, instead of bringing them closer, it had served to put even more distance between them. What once had been a metaphorical ditch separating them had become a vast, insurmountable chasm.
It hadn't been sexually gratifying either like he'd thought it would be. He was disgusted with himself, not her anymore. He had been wronged. But he had wronged her too. And he had no idea how to make it right. Could such a thing be made right?
He wanted her: heart, body, and soul. And she despised him. And he really couldn't blame her for it.
He couldn't pinpoint when exactly when she had become more to him than just a beautiful mail-order bride. He admired her for her cunning. It wasn't a stupid woman who came up with a plan like she'd come up with. She could be charming when she wanted to be too, her seduction before she'd left had proved that. The fact that she had mechanical skills intrigued him. There was more to her than first met the eye and he wanted to know all of it. He wanted to know her because he realized he didn't know her any better than she knew him or her leaving wouldn't have been a surprise.
He didn't know if he deserved her or any woman. He'd been angry a long time, since he was a child really. He could blame his mother for it, but that was an excuse. He was the one that allowed his rage to run free. He'd thought having a wife would change that, change him. But anger had reared its ugly head and caused damage to someone he was coming to love.
"Allegheny?" He hoped her nightmare wasn't about him, but he had a feeling it was.
She refused to answer him. She'd been giving him the silent treatment since he'd took her by force. He just didn't know what to say. What could he say? Sorry wasn't enough. It was too little a word for such a grave offense.