Hello again! So here is the eighth chapter which will show a lot of AiHaru scenes. ^_^ I don't think this chapter is sad or anything... It's just a little serious-ish because of Ai's questions. Then again, I didn't really make that serious... But anyway, hope this'll be enjoyable for you guys! XD
Haruka's POV
"Yes. I want to understand the meaning of jealousy."
Mikaze-san stated unemotionally. I wondered on how he knew so much but did not know the meaning of jealousy. And of all the emotions and feelings in the world, he wanted to know about jealousy. I found it a bit... strange, I didn't mind though. Well, as Camus-senpai explained, he knows an extreme amount of things, not everything. I was afraid to ask my question for him, thinking that he might get offended. But in the end, I asked him anyway.
"Mikaze-senpai..."
"Hm?"
"You... Don't know what 'jealousy'... Means?"
"I do. It's the state of feeling envious of another's achievements, possessions, and the like."
"Then... Why are you asking me about it?"
"Because I don't understand what it means. I know the definition, I just don't understand it... Especially this other definition I know of."
"What's that?"
"Feeling or showing suspicion of one's unfaithfulness in a relationship."
"Oh... I see."
"Do you not understand the definition either?"
"I do... A bit, although not fully since I've... Never really felt jealous before. I could still explain it to you, but... I don't think you'll be able to understand much from me."
I said with my head down, feeling bad about not being able to meet his expectations. I looked at him to see if he changed his mind about hearing my explanation, but his expression was unreadable, almost close to being absent. He was looking at me the same time I did to him, so I ended up looking away the moment we were seeing eye to eye... Literally. I tried stealing glances at him, noticing that he was still looking at me with great intent. I then tried to look at him for real, and apologize for not being a good source of information. Right before the voice came out of my mouth, he tilted his head and said something I wasn't expecting.
"Are you done thinking of what to say? Or... You don't know how to explain it?"
I wasn't sure of what to say, but insisted myself on explaining it for him even if it was just a little.
"Well... What would you want me to explain first? The first or second definition?"
"First."
"Okay then. Er... Let's see... Well, being jealous when it comes to what another person has, whether money or other material things, it just means you want that thing they have too and... Feel negative towards that person who has it. Does that... Explain anything?"
"Hm... What is 'feeling negative' towards a person?"
"Eh?"
"How do you feel negative towards a person?"
"Um... You look at that person in an unpleasant way."
"Oh... I see. Then, jealousy is a negative feeling, yes?"
"Yup."
"What about the second definition?"
"Oh... Well... That's a bit more complicated."
"Why?"
"Because that involves being envious of a certain person being with the person you care about. It's like, you think you're not getting the attention you want from that person you care for."
"Person you... Care for? What does that mean?"
"Mikaze-senpai... You don't know how it feels... To care for someone?"
Silence then filled the room after that question had reached Mikaze-senpai's ears. He was still looking at me, well, at least I felt like he was since I wasn't looking at him or facing him at that moment. I noticed him open his mouth, and I listened to the words that came out of it. I was so surprised and shocked with his answer that I was able to face him with my eyes open wide.
"No, I don't."
Silence.
"Y-you... Don't?"
He shook his head.
I couldn't tell if he was sad and was just hiding the fact that he had never experienced caring for someone or if he really did feel nothing at all for the current situation. I knew I was going beyond the line of privacy, and I hesitated at first, but I asked him yet another question related to his personal life. I was concerned about him. He was my senior after all, and if I was going to get along with him, I was going to have to show my concern for him, even in the strangest ways possible.
'He should have had at least one person to care for.' I thought with saddened eyes that I was too afraid to show. I was too deep in thought that I wasn't able to hear Mikaze-senpai's repeating calls.
"-ruka?... Haruka." I finally heard. I then looked at him immediately and was met with narrowed eyes. I immediately looked away again once I saw them. He looked irritated.
"You were spacing out... again. Why do you do that all the time?" he asked in a slightly annoyed tone. Although his emotions weren't that obvious, I could still tell whether he was irritated or not.
"I'm sorry Mikaze-senpai. I was just... Thinking."
"Thinking?"
I nodded, then turned to him as I briefly explained why I was spacing out. "I was just thinking of... Why you never cared for a person before."
"Is it bad to not care for anyone?"
"No, I didn't mean it that way. It's just that... Don't you have someone who cares for you?"
Again, silence fell. He turned his head, which made me only see the side-view of his face, and answered my question with another question following his answer.
"No, I don't. But... How can I say that when I don't even understand what 'caring for a person' means?"
I smiled, which led him to giving me a questioning look.
"You do have a point. I'll tell you what it means then. Caring for someone means... being there for a person when he or she needs you, regardless of what the place, time, and situation is."
"Wouldn't that mean making the person rely on you to the extent of being irresponsible?" he asked with narrowed eyes an a raised eyebrow.
"If you care for someone, then you'll know what's best for that person and guide him or her. That would mean you would only help that person when you know he or she needs you. But if you know that he or she has the ability of doing that certain thing on his or her own, then you would make that person believe in his or her self. Caring for a person doesn't necessarily mean you like that person, but most of the time, people care for other people together with liking them or loving them."
"What is 'liking a person'?"
I looked at him sadly. He didn't know anything about what it means to be wanted in this world when I knew perfectly well that a lot of people need him and want him here. I wanted to ask him again another privacy-violating question, but I just insisted on answering his question and the other questions to come first.
"Liking a person means showing interest in that person and looking at him or her in a good way. But... There are many ways of using the word 'like'. There's liking a certain thing or being fond of it like a toy, a hobby, or food perhaps." I stopped there when I mentioned the word 'food' because my tummy immediately grumbled the moment after. I blushed and looked down in embarrassment. Looking at Mikaze-senpai, I silently asked him if I could get something to eat. Then he nodded. I sighed, thankful that he got my unsaid message.
"Please excuse me for a while." I said, bowing before I headed to the kitchen to see what I could eat. I looked inside the refrigerator and spotted the two jellies in boxes that I recently bought before entering the Master course. Deciding that I should eat those, I took them both out so that I could give the other one to Mikaze-senpai. When I came back from the kitchen, I set the two jellies on the dining table and asked Mikaze-senpai if he wanted to join me.
"Senpai, do you want sit here with me? Or... Would you want me to just bring the food there?"
Without uttering a word, he stood up and made his way to the dining table. But when he saw the jelly, he stopped in his tracks and raised an eyebrow at it as he stared.
"What's that?" he asked in a somehow curious tone.
"It's jelly, Mikaze-senpai." I replied, a bit surprised at the fact that he didn't know what jelly was.
"Jelly?"
"Yup. It's food."
"Food... You're saying that's edible?" he asked as he sat down, still staring at the blue-colored jelly.
"Mhm! It's really good. You should taste it!" I exclaimed, excited with what his reaction will be since the jelly did taste extremely good. But he still questioned the jelly's standing of being food despite me saying that it really was food.
"Are you sure that's edible?"
"Yes, I'm sure. It may not look so much like usual food, but it is food, and it is edible. Please don't worry. I'm sure this is healthy as well."
He looked at the jelly one last time, then looked at me for a few seconds, then at the spoon on his plate. He picked the spoon up, scooped some of the jelly, then directed the spoon at my mouth. I blushed a little at the action.
"Prove to me that it's edible." he said, looking straight into my eyes as he waited for me to eat the jelly on the spoon. I couldn't help but blush at him for feeding me, but he still wouldn't put his arm down so with a deep breath, I opened my mouth and slowly took the spoon in and chewed then swallowed the jelly. I smiled.
'It's so good...!' I thought dreamily. I then smiled at Mikaze-senpai who looked satisfied with the current action. He then looked at the jelly then back at me, then at the jelly. I chuckled a little which made him look at me again.
"Do you want to try the jelly now?" I asked with a smile. He nodded in response, then scooped another spoon full of jelly. He was using the spoon I bit from so I was going to ask him to use the other one but I was too late.
"No, wait, Mikaze-senpai, use this-"
He then took the spoon in his mouth before I could finish what I was going to say to him.
"-one."
'I don't really think you're supposed to share an eating utensil with a person...' I thought, blushing as I looked at the scene before me. He looked at me questioningly, and tilted his head as I looked away. I didn't know why, but I wasn't really comfortable with the fact that I bit from the same spoon Mikaze-senpai was currently using. But I just shrugged the feeling off and just ate my jelly. I was about to ask if he liked the jelly when he suddenly answered that question without me asking it.
"I like this jelly... I think." he said as he was looking down at the jelly and then at me. I was surprised at his words, but was happy with them at the same time.
Smiling, I thought, 'He looks so cute with that innocent looking face of his...'
"Really? I'm glad you do."
"So... I do like this jelly, right?"
"Mhm. Is there any other kind of food that you think you like?" I asked, happy to know that he's slowly understanding the meaning of liking something.
"Mm... I think there is. It's called a butterbur sprout."
"A butterbur... Sprout?"
A nod. I was surprised that of all the food I know of, he mentioned a not-so-common one.
"You seem to like vegetables. Is that all?"
"Yes, I don't eat much so I don't try out much food."
"Oh... Do you not feel well when you eat a lot?"
"It's not that... I just don't want to eat the normal amount of food people eat."
"Oh... I see. Okay then." I said, smiling at the scene of Mikaze-senpai eating jelly. I was so into thinking about him finally understanding the meaning of liking something when I suddenly caught him looking at me. I looked back and tilted my head a little.
"What's wrong Mikaze-senpai?"
"Haruka..."
"Hm?"
"You're not yet done explaining to me the meaning of 'caring for someone'."
"Oh... Oh, yeah! I'm sorry Mikaze-senpai. Where were we again?"
"You were telling me what liking a person is. I understand the meaning of liking something but... I don't understand the meaning of liking someone. How do you even become fond of someone? I mean... What's there to be fond of?"
I was silent for a while, thinking of the proper words to use in explaining the meaning of 'liking someone'. And because of that, I stopped the spoon from going to my mouth midway, and was just holding the spoon full of jelly like I didn't want to eat it. Moments later, I finally thought of the things to say and were about to say them when I felt a hand on mine, slowly guiding it up to my mouth with a spoon in hand. The spoon then entered my mouth and I felt the hand leave mine. I looked at Mikaze-senpai who was looking at me and was finished with his jelly. We stared at each other for a while before I swallowed the jelly and took the spoon from my mouth and placed it on my plate. Then, I spoke after the slightly awkward silence.
"Mikaze-senpai..."
"Hm?"
"Thank you." I said to him with a soft smile. He looked at me with a slightly tilted head, an eyebrow raised in question.
"For what?" he asked in response.
"For what you did a while ago..."
"I wasn't really intending to feed you, I just didn't want you dropping the spoon and creating a mess."
I chuckled a bit before saying, "But still... Thank you.. For helping me in not dropping my spoon and creating a mess."
"Okay then." he replied, shrugging his shoulders in the process.
"You know Mikaze-senpai, what you did was one way of caring for someone. I'm not actually saying that... you care for me because that's up to you. But... That is one way to show that you care."
"Why? I didn't do that for you."
"Well, if you didn't care, you wouldn't have stopped me from creating a mess since it wouldn't matter to you whether I did make a mess or not."
"It wouldn't matter if it didn't concern me, but it did since if you were to create a mess, you'd have to clean it up which would waste my time."
I laughed bit before saying, "If you insist on that, then I don't mind. But I still feel grateful for what you did." I stated with a close-eyed smile. When I opened them though, I wasn't expecting the words my senior just said.
"If you say I care for you, then I suppose I do. But..."
He paused for a while before he said the last bits of his sentence with narrowed eyes.
-Silence-
"... Don't expect me to help you every single time you think you need help."
I chuckled a bit before nodding at him with a smile.
"Haruka..."
"Hm?"
"What happens when I care for somebody?"
"Then that somebody would most likely care for you too."
"So then... You care for me?"
"Of course."
"But... You wouldn't care for me if I didn't care for you?"
"Nope. I'd care for you... Even if you didn't care for me." I said, smiling softly. He widened his eyes a bit at what I said, then asked me why I would do what I said I would do.
"Why?"
"Because I have no reason not to."
"But... I've hurt you, haven't I?"
"Well... You didn't hurt me, your words did."
"But those were my words."
"And they may be the words of others as well."
"I was the one who said them."
"But I forgave you for them. I had nothing against those words Mikaze-senpai. I should be thankful for them since... They somehow made me stronger. I know now that crying all the time isn't the best thing to do, and you together with my other seniors have made me realize that. So... Thank you."
Silence then filled the room once again. Although it wasn't such a bad kind of silence, it was quite... Comfortable. As I continued to eat my jelly, Mikaze-senpai never tore his gaze away from me. I didn't mind though. I was getting quite used to the fact that he wasn't much of a man for words. Once I finished my jelly sometime after, he asked me yet another unexpected question.
"Haruka... Does anybody else care for you?"
"H-huh?"
"Does anybody else care for you?" he repeated.
"Well... I think my grandmother cares for me." I answered with a smile, suddenly remembering my grandmother.
"Why?"
I was quiet for a few seconds before I answered his question. I missed my grandmother, and I really wanted to think of the memories I made with her. But that wasn't really the time for me to space out because of thinking about her.
"Because she was the only one who stuck by me through thick and thin. We've spent a lot of time together, and she felt like a second mother to me. She was the one who comforted me and made me smile... And she's the reason why I was able to get to where I am now."
He thought about what I said for a bit, then said another surprising statement.
"I've never done anything like that to you... So does that mean I really don't care for you?"
I smiled while thinking of how innocent he was to the point that it made me sad. Although he never really showed any signs of caring, I knew somewhere behind that unemotional face was a beautiful smile, waiting for it's time to show itself. And I wanted to be one of those people who'll make him happy, and make him realize that I'm not the only one who cares for him.
"Mikaze-senpai, that's entirely up to you. If you want to care for me, then thank you. But if you don't, I wouldn't mind that."
"I guess... I have no reason not to care for you so... I do care... I think."
I chuckled, making him narrow his eyes. I immediately covered my mouth once I saw his facial expression.
"I think you can answer my question now." I said, making him cross his eyebrows.
"What question? You've asked quite a number of them."
"Do you have someone who cares for you?"
He nodded and said, "Hm. You."
I widened my eyes together with a slight blush.
"N-no... I mean, aside from me."
"No. I don't have anybody else who cares for me." he answered. It would be quite painful... Saying those words to someone. But in his case, it seemed normal to him, which made me sadder than I already was. He knew something that wasn't true, and I was determined to make him know and realize that a lot of people care for him.
"Mikaze-senpai... Many people care for you, not just me."
His eyes widened quite unnoticeably as he asked, who else cared for him.
"Well... Your fans do."
"The wouldn't if I weren't an idol."
"But you are an idol, that's the thing. You make big impacts in the lives of others by being their inspiration. And... Your fans aren't the only ones who care for you. Your band mates care for you, and so do your other juniors."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I'm sure that if something bad were to happen to you, they'd be there to help and support you, just as much as I would."
He was quiet for a moment after I announced to him that many people cared for him. He then looked at me with eyes that looked... different from his usual ones. They were full of... emotion. They were more emotional than how he usually shows them.
"You're saying I should believe you?" he asked with a soft voice.
I nodded with a smile. "And if you don't, I'm sure you'll notice it someday."
He then nodded in response. I felt relieved to know that he finally knows that a lot of people care for him. We were just sitting there in comfortable silence, looking at nothing in particular when I suddenly remembered the dishes and utensils we just used.
"Oh yeah! I'll just put these in the sink. Please excuse me." He nodded, signaling for me to continue. Smiling, I stood up with my plate and spoon in hand, and was about to get Mikaze-senpai's when I suddenly slipped. The moment I knew I was falling, I abruptly closed my eyes as everything started to feet like they were in slow motion. I was waiting for the painful impact when I just felt a soft hit and a strong grip instead. And before I knew it, I heard a loud 'thud'.
I wasn't feeling anything, so I opened my eyes and wondered where the 'thud' came from. I was expecting myself to meet the floor when I was met with a pair of teal eyes or... One teal eye instead.
"Mi-Mikaze-senpai!" I screamed in panic. "A-are you okay? Are you hurt?" I asked in a worried tone. He nodded, trying to sit up from his lying position. He was having a bit of a hard time though since I was on top of him. Wait...
"I-I'm so sorry!" I said as I tried to get up to help him. But as I was getting up, I accidentally tripped on his leg and fell again with a loud 'thud'. What's worse was that I fell on Mikaze-senpai... For the second time.
"Ah!"
"Haruka..."
"Y-yes Mikaze-senpai?"
"How clumsy can you get?"
"V-very... Clumsy." I replied looking up to see his facial expression when I bumped my nose on something which was Mikaze-senpai's nose. I blushed to no end with the deepest shade of red. His face was... Was so close!
'His... I'm... I'm so close... My face... So close to... Mikaze-senpai's...' I thought as I started to see swirls flying around. He was just looking at me with his normal expression which was almost expressionless, which made me even more embarrassed.
"I... I'm so sorry Mikaze-senpai... Are you... Alright?" I asked as I tried to make my face farther from his. I wasn't that successful with it though. I then looked at him again, then noticed that I could only see half of his face because of my other eye being blind. It was sad for me to not be able to see things completely. I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice Mikaze-senpai's face getting closer to mine... Until recently that is.
"M-Mikaze-senpai..."
"Hm?"
"Wh-what are you doing?"
"Trying to get up."
"O-oh! Right..." I said as I tried to move but failed. I slipped on my slipper. And before I knew it, Mikaze-senpai's lips were on the bridge of my nose. I screamed a very short and held back scream. It took him a bit of time before his lips left the bridge of my nose, and when he did, he gave me an order.
"Don't move."
"O... Okay..."
Slowly, he pushed me away from him then gently pushed me aside for him to stand up. Then he held out his hand, signaling me to take it so that I would be able to stand up as well. I smiled thankfully and apologetically at the same time as I held his hand and allowed him to pull me up with no effort whatsoever. Once I was up, I immediately bowed to him and apologized for the caused trouble and my clumsiness.
"I'm so sorry Mikaze-senpai! I really am... I hope you're not hurt..."
Looking up, I saw his usual expressionless face with no trace of anger or irritation. He shook his head as a way of telling me that he wasn't hurt, so I lifted my head and smiled in relief.
"Haruka..."
"Yes?"
"What I accidentally did to you a while ago..."
"A while ago?"
"Yes. According to my data, I kissed you... Right?"
I was wondering on what he was saying when I suddenly realized what he meant by that. It was that time when he was trying to get up then I was trying to help him by lifting some of my weight but failed to. Because of me slipping for the third time, the bridge of my nose accidentally bumped Mikaze-senpai's lips. In other words...
'He accidentally kissed the bridge of my nose...' I thought with a once again reddening face. I tried to look at anything except for the person in front of me, but I had to looked composed somehow since I haven't answered his question yet. And with a deep breath, I nodded, replying to his question in the process.
"Yes, Mikaze-senpai. That is considered... A kiss." I half whispered.
"Oh... My data says you only kiss someone you love as an action of endearment."
"Yes... That's true. But! Yours was accidental so you... Don't have to worry about that." I said, wishing he would forget about that.
"Okay then." he replied with a stoic expression. And he also asked this very surprising question with a stoic expression.
"Why is your face red then?"
"H-huh?"
"Why are you blushing? You only blush when you're embarrassed, correct? So, why are you blushing when you say that kiss was nothing?"
I didn't know what to answer or why he was asking that.
'He's probably just curious... There's no hidden meaning behind those questions...' I thought, trying to calm my self down. Panicking, I tried to think of an answer as fast as possible as to not make him have any more suspicions... At least I thought he was suspecting something.
"Oh uh... I'm not really used to being accidentally kissed so.. That's why I'm embarrassed." I answered, hoping he would buy it.
"Hm... Okay."
I smiled, trying to fight back a sigh full of relief.
"I'll be going here again tomorrow, is it okay?" he asked, which surprised me.
"I still have questions I want to ask you." he added.
"Oh... Okay then." I replied, allowing him to visit me here again tomorrow.
"Then I'll be leaving now."
"Okay. See you tomorrow Mikaze-senpai!" I exclaimed as I followed him to the door to say good-bye one last time. Just when he was opening the door, a knock was heard. I jumped back a little. Mikaze-senpai opened the door wider to reveal the rest of my seniors there. I widened my eyes in shock.
"Ai-Ai?! What are you doing in Ruka-chan's room?!" Rei-chan exclaimed in a very loud voice, making Kurosaki-senpai and Camus-senpai grunt, while Mikaze-senpai sighed.
"I came back from work early, so I went to her to ask some questions." Mikaze-senpai replied.
"About?" Rei-chan asked, smirking in the process.
"That has nothing to do with you." he said, walking past Rei-chan and my other seniors as he started his journey back to his dorm. Rei-chan pouted, but shrugged and decided to let it go. But not before shouting at Mikaze-senpai, saying, "Yeah it does! She's my junior too you know!" and Mikaze-senpai looking back with an irritated look. I smiled, trying to hold back a laugh.
He then faced me with a grin as he greeted me and asked, "Hi Ruka-chan! How are you?"
"I'm fine Rei-chan. How was work? Oh! And uh... Would you like to come in?" I asked, looking at him, then the two other people behind him.
"Sure! C'mon the two of you." he said, motioning for my other two seniors to come in as he did. They furrowed their eyebrows, making Rei-chan pout. I sweat dropped, ensuring the two other seniors that they didn't have to come in if they didn't want to. They both nodded in response, and were about to leave when they stopped and turned to me.
"Oh yeah... How's the song going?" Kurosaki-senpai asked, avoiding direct contact with my eyes.
"Yes, have you made any progress?" Camus-senpai added.
I was surprised to hear them ask such things. I never knew they were the type of people to ask, but I was happy anyway. I felt something on my head and looked up to see Rei-chan beside me as he winked. He was patting my head again, like he always did. I smiled with a light blush, then turned to Kurosaki-senpai and Camus-senpai to answer their questions.
"It's going well. I'm almost done with half of the song so I think it'll be done by tomorrow afternoon."
They seemed a bit shocked with my answer, but they soon calmed down after a few moments. I was wondering on why they were surprised, when I remembered that they didn't know and think I could compose well. Rei-chan huffed as he stated,
"You guys! Are you underestimating her or something? She's our composer, Quartet Night's! And our composer is nothing but the best we could ever have. You guys know that, right?"
The two sighed in unison, leaving no comment for Rei-chan's statement but instead replying to what I said a while ago.
"That's good then since... You're almost done with the song." Kurosaki-senpai said, scratching the nape of his neck in the process.
"I hope it's what we expect it to be like." Camus-senpai mentioned, before turning to leave with Kurosaki-senpai following suite.
I was so happy, that I almost jumped. But then I remembered that Rei-chan was with me so I decided not to. I looked back, expecting to see a certain brunette when I found no one in sight. I looked into my room and found Rei-chan already inside. After closing the door, I saw him reading my music sheet with a smile on his face. I was so nervous on what he would think that I didn't notice him say something as he approached me.
Once I was able to become aware of my surroundings again, he was in front of me, his hand slowly making it's way onto my face. I looked up, trying to process what he was doing when he suddenly cupped it, making me jump a little. His hands were big... And warm... like him. I wasn't surprised with that. I was surprised when he started to lean closer to me. As he got closer, I noticed his eyes weren't actually silver, but they were like very pale brown or brown mixed with gray. Although they shined just as much as I knew they did.
But the closer he got, the faster my heartbeat went. And so I blushed like there was no tomorrow, and my face and neck must have been redder than everything red combined. Our noses were already touching and I couldn't help it anymore. I was so embarrassed, my eyes closed automatically as my pulse got faster and faster. I could feel his breath on my face which wasn't helping, and Rei-chan put his other hand on the back of my head which wasn't helping me even more! I tried to hold back a shriek as he moved closer and whispered something. I opened my eyes a bit as I was trying to process what he said but was not successful in doing so. It sounded something like,
"You're so cute, Ruka-chan."
I gripped his shirt and was going to push him away, but had no strength to do so. I closed my eyes tighter as he chuckled softly, making me almost collapse. My legs were even softer than jelly, and thinking of how weak they were wasn't making my situation any better.
'Why does this day have so many heart-popping events?' I thought as I was going to tell him to stop whatever he was planning to do...
When he...
Well... That's the ReiHaru scene that I forgot to mention before... Hope you guys don't think he's going to do whatever you think he's going to do... K? ;) Well... Sorry if it's another cliffhanger. Hehe... Oh... And the typos... Expect them in all my chapters so I'm going to apologize in advanced. Hope you guys liked it! Bye! ^_^