Yes, okay, I admit it- In The Flesh has taken over my life and I wrote a quick Siren one-shot, even though I'm not 100% sure how I feel about their relationship yet- too early to tell, really, ain't it? They've got potential, but swear to God if Simon hurts my Ren there is gonna be HELL to pay! So yeah, spoilers if you haven't seen the new series!

Anyway, hope you enjoy it! And for those of you who're still waiting for me to update my Sherlolly fic... *grovels* I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry I'm a pathetic excuse for a fanfic writer forgive meeeeeeeeeeee! I've been having a lot of trouble focusing on stuff recently and the only reason I could do this was because I got hit by a sudden flash of inspiration by the ending of the last episode, so here's hoping I can transfer some of that creativity to Sherlolly before too long! (And I am really sorry!)

So, enjoy! And after this fic I'll be adding some of my notes and thoughts about these guys and the new developments this season, so if you want to talk/rant/fangirl about this show please do not hesitate to PM me! :D

WARNING: Angsty one-shot! Slight fluff but mostly guilt, guilt, and more guilt. Picks up at the end of S2 E3.

DISCLAIMER: In The Flesh and all it's characters belong to Dominic Mitchell and BBC3. Song lyrics belong to the lovely Gabrielle Aplin.

Chapter One

"I left you out in the English rain

To soak you through and dilute the blame

Don't ever want to hear those words today

You made me high then you swooped so low

From a hummingbird to a silent crow

I was on your side but then I saw it change"

-'November', Gabrielle Aplin

Whatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoing?!

Kieren's conscious mind assaulted him with angry, unanswerable queries while the unconscious part took the reins and launched his body forward, his parted lips colliding with Simon's in an unprecedented act of courage. Or stupidity. Both, in fact.

Idiotidiotidiot!

He couldn't hear the internal screaming over the feeling of cold lips against his own; surprised at first but then opening, yielding. The inner cacophony was muffled by the feeling of cool hands creeping up to the back of his head, clasping his neck and holding him close, and his traitorous body was only too happy to stay put while his mind fizzled with a confusing storm of pleasure and apprehension. His guilt ridden conscience occupied itself by compiling a handy list of all the reasons this was a terrible life decision.

1) Amy. If she found out about this you'd break her heart and lose her.

2) Simon. You know nothing about him (aside from he has fantastic lips- stop it, bad thought.) and you have no idea what he's after, how he feels about you or if he's even trustworthy.

3) Rick. He may be gone but that doesn't mean you're over him, and it doesn't mean you're ready for someone new.

4) You. You're not thinking straight. You've had a bad day, you miss Rick, you're lonely and so far Simon's the only person you've seen who hasn't been treating PDS sufferers like animals, which is really no reason to attack him so get off. Now.

He finally pulled away, planting his hands on Simon's chest and pushing off to put a few inches of space between them. His breaths puffed out in ragged bursts, and he had a moment to consider how laboured breathing after intense kissing seemed to be so instinctual it transcended death and the lack of need for oxygen before Simon spoke up, his voice rough.

"What was that all about?" He rasped with a soft chuckle, his hands still resting lightly on Kieren's shoulders. "Not that I'm complaining."

Kieren blinked several times, trying to clear the fog from his mind as he felt Simon's gaze scrutinising him. He wished for a moment that Simon would just wear his contacts for once instead of staring him down with his impenetrable gaze, white orbs unreadable. Kieren fidgeted uncomfortably and slowly lifted his hands from where they clasped Simon's chest, making a half-hearted show of smoothing his shirt, racking his brains for an answer before finally mumbling: "…Tough day."

Simon raised his eyebrow, and Kieren could have sworn he saw a flicker of disappointment in his shielded eyes, but the look was gone before he could even be sure he'd seen it. "So, out for a little stress relief?"

"Yes. No! I-" Kieren fumbled, hands flying away from Simon to wrap around his own torso anxiously. He turned away, unable to form a coherent thought with that piercing gaze practically dissecting him. He was just about to make another floundering attempt at explaining himself when he heard the creak of bedsprings and a familiar voice from another room.

"Simon?" Amy's voice rang out, making both men jump guiltily. "Simon, who is it?"

Simon spared Kieren a long look before calling out. "It's Kieren. Looks like there's some trouble in the woods, some of those ex-HVF nutters have found some rabids," he lied smoothly, his eyes never leaving Kieren's face. "I'd better go and help, see to it they're properly treated."

"Need me to come?"

"No, that's fine, Amy!" Kieren called a little too quickly, his eyes skittering over to Simon. "You get some sleep, we'll handle it!"

Amy's head poked out from round the corner, and Kieren cast another guilty glance at Simon, quietly hoping his cover-up mousse hadn't too obviously transferred itself to the other man's lips. Amy smiled cheerfully at them both, and Kieren was too preoccupied with suppressing his own nervous ticks to notice the way her hand trembled slightly on the doorframe.

"Of course you will- my big, strong men!" she chirped, her affectionate smile making Kieren's guilt burn hotter. "Take care of yourselves out there, eh? Bring Mymon back in one piece, K, can't have my future husband getting shot in the head!"

Kieren winced, but hid it as best he could with a smile. "Will do, Amy."

Amy nodded, lowering her trembling hand and retreating back towards her room. "Night, night, boys!"

"Night," they grunted in unison, before spinning round and heading wordlessly to the door, slamming it behind them loud enough for Amy to hear it from her room. They were barely off the doorstep before Kieren rounded on Simon with fire in his eyes.

"Why haven't you talked to her yet?" he demanded, too angry to remember to feel awkward.

Simon exhaled sharply and glared. "I told you, there's nothing to talk about."

"Well, clearly there is!" Kieren snapped.

Simon huffed and grabbed his elbow, dragging him a bit further from the front door so Amy wouldn't hear his outburst. He brought them to a halt beneath a lamppost at the end of the block and kept his grip on Kieren's arm, staring coolly into his mismatched eyes.

"Kieren, what do you want me to say?" he asked calmly. "Do you want me to march right back there now and tell her she's been deluding herself? Tell her I've never loved her like that and never will? How well do you think that'll go down?"

Kieren blinked against the dry feeling in his eyes, the closest his undead body could come to tearing up, feebly struggling to pull his arm from Simon's grip without really caring if he succeeded. "She's my friend…"

And I betrayed her…

"I know," Simon said, his grip relaxing slightly. "I don't want to hurt her, either. Best to just let her have her fantasies, she's happier this way."

Kieren yanked his arm away and took two steps back, still face to face with Simon. "It's not right. You can't just keep leading her on like this, if you really love her like you say you do you'd tell her the truth."

Suddenly Simon was in front of him again, their bodies a scant few inches apart, his eyes boring into him. "I thought I made myself clear, Kieren Walker: I don't lead people on."

Kieren gulped and resisted the urge to close the distance between their lips, crossing his arms more tightly over his chest and meeting Simon's gaze calmly. "Let's agree to disagree."

Simon cocked his head to the side, taking in Kieren's rumpled appearance and smudged cover-up. "You never told me why you came to me."

"I don't know," he answered semi-truthfully. He certainly knew why he'd gone looking for comfort- seeing your own kind imprisoned, mistreated and nearly shot with barely a thought was enough to make you angry at best and downright depressed at the worst. A part of his quietly accepting façade had cracked, manners went out the window as his downtrodden egocentric side demanded he do something for himself for once. Why that something happened to be kissing Simon was anyone's guess. Or at least that's what he told himself.

"I shouldn't have come," he muttered, dropping his arms and turning to leave. "Sorry, I don't know what I was-"

"Kieren!"

He felt a hand clasp around his wrist, tugging him gently but insistently. He turned back slowly, weighing up the pros and cons of just yanking his hand away and storming off, but the look in Simon's dead eyes made him pause and catch his unnecessary breath.

He looked almost desperate, his eyes wide and his usually indifferent face open and vulnerable. He glanced down at the floor as Kieren looked on in astonishment, tightening his fingers on the blonde man's wrist and lightly tracing the puckered scar as he attempted to cover up his lapse. When he looked back up his usual guarded expression was back, only somehow softer.

"Don't leave," he said quietly, eyes flickering to Kieren's and then back to the floor. "Not like this."

Kieren barely noticed his wrist sliding from Simon's grasp, away from his gentle caress and hanging in the air between them, their fingers lightly brushing against each other. "What do you want, Simon?" he asked more calmly than he felt, leaving the unspoken question hanging in the air by their slowly twining hands.

Who are you?

Simon met the younger man's gaze once again, and for a second Kieren forgot about Amy and Rick and the Second Rising. Right now, Simon wasn't a man on a mission or a leader or a fanatic. He saw only one thing reflected those eyes, and felt his cold, dead heart jump as the word rasped through barely parted lips.

"You."

Simon's cool fingers caught his own, tugging him round as he closed the distance between them, their lips mere millimetres apart when Kieren flinched back, doubt once again rearing its ugly head, running through his internal checklist at lightning speed.

Amy, guilt. Simon, trust. Rick, regret. Me, alone.

"Bad idea…" he murmured, frozen in place.

"Want me to stop?" Simon breathed, his free hand hovering at Kieren's waist, heavy-lidded eyes carefully examining the tense lines of the heartbreakingly young face peering back at him.

Yes. Absolutely. Bad, bad idea.

"No."

Their lips clashed once more, open and eager, and for the second time that night Kieren allowed the curiously comforting feeling of Simon's body against his to quash his misgivings. He felt an arm wind around his waist, and automatically reciprocated with his hand at Simon's neck, his fingers tangling in his short black hair. It was a new kind of kiss, worlds apart from the nervous embraces he'd shared with Rick, and the part of him that wasn't wallowing in guilt marvelled at how easy it felt. Though Simon remained a mystery to him, the way he kissed him left Kieren with no doubt that he wanted him. No guilt, no fear, no anger- just want. Possibly something deeper, if Simon was even capable of feeling that way about people, but Kieren had enough of a headache already without adding the 'L' word into the equation. He wasn't even sure if he was ready for that, or if he'd ever be ready for it again. For the moment he closed his eyes and let the wave of sensations wash over him, shivering as he felt Simon's hand release his and slide up his back, settling just below his shoulder blades and pulling him tight against his body. He barely noticed as the first drops of rain began to fall, peppering their clothes and hair with glistening dots, gleaming in the yellow light of the streetlamps.

Kieren pulled away with a gasp as a cold droplet landed below his eye, running down his cheek with the eerily familiar feeling of a rolling tear. He blinked, his senses coming back into play one by one and his mind launching back into overdrive.

Before he could so much as get a word out Simon's lips were on his cheek, softly kissing the raindrop away. The action was so intimate it made Kieren's insides squirm a little, although he couldn't work out if it was a pleasant sensation or more akin to a knot of fear. Simon leaned back and saw the incredulous (and somewhat anxious) expression on his face and laughed quietly to break the silence.

"Made you look sad," he explained simply, reluctantly removing his hands from Kieren's torso and holding them at his sides in an attempt to put the younger man at ease. "Don't like to see you looking sad."

Kieren nodded slowly, trying not to let on how much the words made him want to just melt back into Simon's arms for a little longer. He took a few steps back, hesitantly extracting his fingers from the other man's now dishevelled hair. "I should go," he said quietly, sticking both his hands deep into his pockets and shrinking back in on himself.

Simon nodded understandingly, disappointment flickering across his face before he composed it into a more sympathetic expression. He raised his hand and rested his fingers gently on Kieren's cheek where more raindrops were collecting beneath the white of his exposed eye, expecting him to flinch away and being pleasantly surprised when he leaned slightly into his touch instead.

"Talk to Amy…" Keiren whispered, although he already felt he knew Simon well enough to know he would do no such thing.

"I'll see what I can do," Simon said, though Kieren had no way of knowing how the doubt in his voice saddened the older man, and how painful knowing that the boy's reservations were well-founded was to him. Untrustworthy, that's what he was. Now and forever.

Kieren nodded sadly, placing his hand over Simon's and pulling it away from his face, his fingers lingering only a moment before letting go and disappearing back into his pocket. He set off on the well-trodden path to home, brushing Simon's shoulder as he passed and trying to ignore the painful sense of separation he felt as the distance between them widened. He knew that if he turned around he'd find Simon still watching him, so resolutely kept his back turned until he was around the corner and out of his sightline before leaning heavily against a wall. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, letting the rain fall against his partially covered face in an imitation of the tears his putrefied tear ducts were too dry to produce, washing away the lingering warmth on his lips along with the remains of his fragile mask.

What are you doing…

"I always used to love November

But now it always floods with rain

I always used to love November

But now it always floods with rain

Oh how can I forgive?

Those words will stain forever"

Ahhhhhhhh, Ren baby, please be happpppyyyyyyy D':

So, that's my contribution to this ship that will most likely end in all our hearts breaking, hope you enjoyed!

(Nothing but author's notes & thoughts from here down so feel free to leave now if you're not interested, I won't hold it against you!)

The most obvious way for this relationship to go seem to involve Simon using Kieren, particularly if he turns out to be the First Risen, and ultimately betraying him in the end, but I'm reeeallly hoping the writers don't go that way! I think Simon cares about his cause but also has some genuine feelings for Kieren, particularly if next week's preview is anything to go by. If that means that for Simon the prophecy and Kieren are two completely separate matters that he's torn between, I like to see where his loyalties lie by the end of the series. (fingers crossed he chooses Ren and they live happily ever after like the adorable undead babies they are, preferably without too much collateral damage on the way!)

As for Amy, I really hope that she doesn't get hurt too much because I love her to pieces and she deserves so much happiness, but I can't help feeling like she's changed a lot this series- she used to strike as a tough, independent, don't-need-no-man type of zombie before (I mean she flirted with Kieren in a light-hearted way but she was always more friendly to him than anything else) and now she just seems kind of clingy and co-dependent? I'm not condoning what Kieren and Simon are doing behind her back but I want to understand why she became so attached to Simon in the first place- I mean he's not actually discouraging her (which really pisses me off) but he's not really doing anything to lead her on either, so... argh, I don't know, what is life?

Basically, to sum up, I just want everyone to be happy but is this show gonna give that to me? I'm guessing NO.

Why do I let myself join these fandoms?

UPDATE: GUESS WHAT THIS IS GONNA BE A MULTI-CHAPTER AFTER ALL, THE LATEST EPISODE HAS GIVEN ME TOO MANY FEELS. Chances are the next chapter or two are gonna be angsty, deeper interpretations of canon scenes but if this series ends in a way that breaks my heart I reserve the right to write a new ending! So, if you enjoyed this, more to come! ;)