Hi again! So... yeah... I know I updated late... again... And I am so sorry for that...
UWAHHHH I'M REALLY SORRY! TT_TT
LOL haha ok... Just, I'm telling you guys now... Expect late updates... LOL... Gomen... U_U
Anyway, with no further ado, here's the 14th chapter! Enjoy... ^_^
Oh yeah, by the way, you guys have got to carefully picture the pictures ok? If you don't, it might be a bit... Weird. I'm still not that good with writing and stuff, and I apologize for that. So... I'm just leaving it to your imaginations, okay? ^_^?
Haruka's POV
'Hm... Today's the day I have to meet with Mikaze-senpai, and the day I'll found out a little more about him... Huu... I don't know why but, I'm feeling a bit nervous...' I thought, the moment I woke up. It was a good thing my schedule today wasn't that hectic, meaning I could concentrate on my work without having to worry about being late for me and Mikaze-senpai's... Small outing.
As usual, I did the things I would normally do in the morning. Fix my bed, brush my teeth, take a bath, get dressed, eat breakfast, then off to work. Today, all I had on my list was a seminar of some sort, then polishing the song I made for my seniors. Aside from that, I had nothing else to do... Save for a little shopping. I've been short on some of my personal things lately.
"It's 10 o'clock now, and my seminar starts in an hour. So... I guess I'll have enough time to go to the grocery, then back here to leave the shopping bags. But... Then again, I wouldn't have enough time to put them in their respective places, meaning I'll just have to find another way to prioritize my time." I said, pausing for a moment.
"Hm... What to do..." I thought aloud as I continued to wipe the remaining dishes I've washed. I first had the idea of working on the song instead, but thought that it would probably take me more than half an hour, since I need the other half for my trip to the meeting place. I tried thinking of something else, but ran out of things to do when I realized I wouldn't be able to accomplish any of them in the limited time I have. So instead, I headed out after finishing some of my chores, and decided to just walk around near the building of where the seminar will take place. Anyway, it won't be that bad since there's a nearby park there, where I can watch some of the kids play with other kids, and some of them with their pet dogs. It's refreshing, seeing those kinds of scenes once in a while.
Arriving at my designated place, I sat on one of the benches, and began to look at the magazine I recently bought and never got the chance to read. There were many eye catching things there, and people as well. Most of them were idols, more than just models. I was halfway done with it, when I noticed a leaf land on my arm. I was going to swish it off when a sudden gust of wind blew through me, and my hair ended up a bit messy. It also blew through some of the magazine pages, making me skip some of the previous ones. And on the current page I was in, there were a few pictures of QUARTET NIGHT, both solo and group. My eyes landed on each and every one of their faces, as I started to think of how charming they all looked. Apparently, the theme of their photos was 'childhood', and so each of the pages showed them with different facial expressions. It was quite... Unusual. I mean, most magazine themes would be the latest trends, or the weather, or something like that. But moods? This would have to be my first time encountering such themes.
The first one was their usual, smiling selves, together with their signature looks. But... The style of their clothes were for... Kids. Well, I'm not saying that jumpers are for children alone but... The piyo-chan designs and the cute animals... They're definitely for children. Even their hats were piyo-chan, and Mikaze-senpai's clip was a... Bow. Rei-chan's bangs were clipped as well, with a piyo-chan clip, to be exact.
The next page had them with extremely cheery faces, ones like what Rei-chan would usually display. He looked really cute in one of his solo pictures, and so did the rest. Mikaze-senpai looked especially cheery, and child-like like Rei-chan. While both Camus-senpai and Kurosaki-senpai still had their 'mature aura'. Even so, the two were still cute, holding stuffed toys and all. Camus-senpai with a stuffed dog and Kurosaki-senpai with a stuffed cat. And even the other two had stuffed toys. Mikaze-senpai had a stuffed fish, while Rei-chan had a stuffed chicken. I couldn't believe what I ws seeing at the moment...
'These... are probably... The cutest pictures... I've ever seen!' I exclaimed in my head, feeling an unusual giddiness. Rei-chan squeezing a stuffed chicken, Mikaze-senpai puffing his face up like his stuffed fish, Kurosaki-senpai and the stuffed cat on his head, and Camus-senpai holding the stuffed dog with it's nose against his... So cute!
'I wonder if those are their favorite animals... Hehe... How unexpected.' I thought, smiling to myself.
'Maybe they have their childish sides after all.'
But, I couldn't seem to imagine how all three of them agreed to this kind of theme, since I'm sure Rei-chan would very much favor it. Well, Camus-senpai and Mikaze-senpai would surely do it too, seeing as it's part of their work, even though in reality, they're completely against it. But... Kurosaki-senpai... I... Can't even begin to imagine his face when he first saw the clothes he had to wear, and the expression he had to put on.
"Hehe... Seems like they're really giving it their all." I mumbled softly to myself, smiling as I continued to browse through the pictures. There were a lot of adorable pictures of them featured in the magazine I had. And I enjoyed looking at them very much. But... Every time I came across pictures of Mikaze-senpai, I'd immediately think of last night, and the things he told me, including the meeting we had planned for today. And for long time, I couldn't get him out of my head.
'Huu... Get a grip me! I can't continue thinking about him like this! Or else I won't be able to concentrate on my work!' I thought to myself, exasperated from all the worrying I've been doing. All I've been thinking about, ever since last night was the small outing I'll be having with Mikaze-senpai today! Specifically things like, whether he'll be okay telling me things I'm not worthy of hearing, or whether things between us will stay the same after that, and all other details big and small a person could think of! It's making me tired...
And for the longest time, I sat there, and closed my eyes, simply letting out a few sighs as I tried to calm down and focus myself on what I had to do now. Immediately, I thought of the meeting I'll be having, the topics, and other important things related to that. Then, suddenly, I remembered the time. I was about to check my watch when I realized... I didn't actually ave one.
"Eh? Hu... I must have forgotten it back at the dorm..." I said to myself, disappointed at how forgetful I was. Having no choice, I searched my bag for my cellphone to check the time from there instead. When I did, I saw the time, and found out that I only had five minutes left before the meeting starts.
"E-EHHH?! Five minutes?! I have to go!" I exclaimed, grabbing all my things, and hurriedly putting them in my bag. Right after, I ran as fast as I could to the entrance of the building, and to the elevator. When I got to the right floor, I ran towards the seminar room, and luckily, made it in time before the presenter got there.
- Time skip -
The meeting went by faster than I thought it would, and before I knew, it was around 1 o'clock, lunch time. I decided to eat lunch out before going to the grocery store, since my tummy was already grumbling ever since about half an hour ago. And so, once I was out of the building, I started my trip to one of the nearest restaurants. It was a simple restaurant, and the food there was really good. I ate for quite a long time, seeing as it was already pass 2 in the afternoon. After thanking the manager, and paying the bill, I left, and headed to the grocery store.
I wasn't planning to buy much. Just some ingredients for food and hygiene-related things. So, when I entered the store, I simply grabbed a basket instead of a cart, since I was sure it had enough capacity. I past a few aisles, a finished my shopping quicker than I thought I would. There was just one more thing I needed. And that was...
"Strawberry jam... Strawberry jam... Ah! Found it!"
I tried to reach for the jar on the highest shelf, but it was no use. It was too high. Even so, I struggled to get the jam, since I was completely out of it. My fingers almost touched the side of the jam when suddenly, another hand reached for the same jar as I felt weight pressed against my back. I gasped in surprise, my eyes trailing from the place where the jar was previously in, to where the hand came from. And, of all people, I wasn't expecting myself to run into him...
"Camus-senpai?" I said almost inaudibly. Both his eyebrows raised, eyes looking straight to mine before he handed me the jam. He had glasses on, and a scarf over his mouth, plus a hat to match it. They were probably all part of his disguise so that fans won't spot suddenly run to him and ask for autographs and such.
I stared at the hand before me, and was speechless... Until I realized how close we were. Immediately, I distanced myself a bit, until he was in front of me, instead of behind. Staring at the hand giving me the jar, I figured that I should take it, but couldn't move from all the shock I was experiencing. I was completely out of my senses when he suddenly spoke up.
"Well? Are you going to take it or not? If not, I'm taking it then."
"Eh? A-ah! Er... Uh..." I stuttered, slowly reaching for the container of jam, enveloping it in both my palms, moving it towards me after. My eyes moved from left to right, before finally landing on him. I noticed him raise his left brow, quietly asking what it is I wanted to say. I involuntarily raised my shoulders, embarrassment evident on my face. Though, I started to calm down a few moments after and smiled, thanking him in the process.
"Hmph. Don't get the wrong idea. From how foolish you looked, I couldn't have possibly ignored you just like that. But, don't think I'll be helping you again any time soon." he said, crossing his arms as his eyes narrowed even more. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stop myself from smiling despite his negative reaction. Though, I was still embarrassed at the same time so I still ended up looking away. And when I glanced at him, then glued my eyes on him as I watched his face get even scarier, questioning why I was grinning... Like a fool. I laughed nervously, not being able to come up with a proper response. He sighed.
"Huh... Very well then. I guess... You aren't called 'foolish' for nothing. I'll be going now, if you don't mind." he said, before walking away. Though, before he was out of my sight, he paused, and looked back. And with narrowed eyes, he said
"Oh and... Try not to cause anymore trouble. It would serve as a complete disgrace, seeing as you're working as the composer of the idol group I take part in."
I stared blankly at first, not believing what he just said. Fortunately, I was able to recover in time for me to respond to his... Order. But really, all I could give as a response was a nod, much to my embarrassment. Letting out a small 'hmph', he continued his way to the next aisle, disappearing from my sight faster than expected. Blinking, I suddenly had the feeling a scenario like this had happened before. I tried to think, then recalled what Camus-senpai had told me a few days after our first meeting. He was mad at me that time, for being to quiet and unresponsive. So, as a sign of respect, he told me to reply verbally at all times... Which I did not do just now.
'Oh no! I hope he's not mad at me again!' I thought to myself, panicked and worried that he'd stay mad if I don't apologize.
Not taking my eyes off the place where he previously stood, and suddenly remembered the pictures I became extremely curious about. Then I wondered if I'll ever be able to see a cheery smile like that from him. At first, you'll think it's creepy, the first time you imagine it. But, it's actually quite cute once you get the definition of 'cute' to match with his personality. Same with the others as well. Of course, with Rei-chan, that'll be easy to picture. But with the rest... Not as much. Even so, sometimes, I'd like to think that those sides of them really do exist. And when I do that, it makes me want to know them better, and it makes me want to know how I can make them all happy, even Rei-chan.
While I was fussing over a bunch of pictures that feature my seniors, I subconsciously started to walk, my legs leading me to the counter. Or... At least I thought they were.
With the jar of strawberry jam in my hand, I walked toward the end of the peanut butter and jams section, turned left, then walked straight. I was sure I was going for the payment section when I ended up in the vegetable section instead. There, I stood for few seconds, before realizing where I really was.
"Hm... Vegetables. Wait... Eh? Vegetables?! EH?! Why am I all the way back here?!" I exclaimed to myself. I abruptly turned back to head for the counter when I bumped into someone... Again.
"Ah- I'm so sorry... Eh?"
"Don't tell me it's your first time seeing vegetables... Haruka." said the boy I accidentally hit my forehead on, which was no other than Mikaze-senpai.
"Mi-Mikaze-senpai?! Wh-why are you here too?!" I asked, surprised at why both Mikaze-senpai and Camus-senpai were in the grocery store. It could have been a coincidence but... Still...
He looked at me in question, tilting his head while raising both his eyebrows. He had glasses on too, just like Camus-senpai, together with a scarf. They were getting a little loose, so he pushed them up back into place before speaking.
"'Too'? Hm... So you've seen Camus here as well?" he replied, surprised that he knew. I nodded, before asking him if they went here together. He answered yes, and that they both had the same schedule for the day, and decided to stop by the grocery during their break time. He also asked me if I was going to grab anything from the vegetables and fruits section, but I shook my head and said I only ended up here by accident.
"Accident? How did that happen?"
"Oh... Uh..." I paused for a moment, as I tried thinking of a logical enough response. I didn't want to make hi wait, so I decided to just make my answer simple and not that specific.
"...I was thinking of something, and ended up going the wrong way without me knowing it. Hehe..."
He looked at me, before his eyes were half closed. I simply giggled nervously at his reaction, until he shook his head, his eyelids descending completely as he sighed. After, he invited me to go together with him to the counter, saying that it was for safety purposes. He explained that if I were to continue not paying attention while walking, especially in public places, I might cause an accident, or even be in one. I became quite shocked with the concern he showed me, but thanked him despite that. A nod was his only reply, and after that, it was all silence. We me up with Camus-senpai in the sweets section, where he was still picking between cookies and macaroons. He was so concentrated on it, that he didn't notice me and Mikaze-senpai walking towards him.
"Camus." Mikaze-senpai called out, making him grunt as he looked up with a raised eyebrow. And for a second there, I took a step back, seeing Camus-senpai's scary face again. Though, when he realized it was just Mikaze-senpai, he went back to his normal look.
to the two pastries as he did so. Mikaze-senpai once again sighed, as he told Camus-senpai to just buy both. He remained quiet for a while, until he said there was no need for that, since he already had plenty of cookies back at the dorm, so he just decided to get the macaroons. Putting back the cookies back where he found them, he looked up to Mikaze-senpai again, and was about to say something when he paused, then switched his eyes to my direction. I stiffened the moment he noticed me.
"You again?" he asked, sighing before continuing. "What did you do this time?"
Honestly, I didn't really know what to answer. So instead, I ended up looking like I didn't understand anything he said. I glanced and stared at anything and anyone but Camus-senpai, then ended up fixating my look on Mikaze-senpai. Returning the look, he stared at me for a few moments, before facing Camus-senpai once more. And to my surprise, Mikaze-senpai answered for me, getting the idea that I was at a loss of words at the moment.
"I ran into her during my last stop by the vegetables. She seemed to be spacing out, so I approached her, and snapped her out of her thoughts. If I didn't, she would've gotten into an accident."
I looked from Mikaze-senpai to Camus-senpai to check if he was at least contented with that answer. He seemed to believe it, but didn't seem to believe that I wasn't able to say something so simple. He raised an eyebrow at me, making me laugh nervously, earning a sigh from Mikaze-senpai. In the end, both of them just allowed me to tag along with them until the paying counter, and outside of the shop. They didn't seem to have bought much, just a few snacks and meal ingredients. As for me, well... I had more than I could carry.
'Huh... No matter! Some of these bags are light anyway.' I thought to myself as I started to get my shopping bags after paying. Fortunately, I was right about some of the bags being a bit light. But, carrying them altogether makes a lot of weight. What's worse was they I couldn't hold on to all of them with my hands. I tried my shoulders, though, I ended up losing balance, and eventually fell. Struggling to try other ways to carry what I've bought, I was there for quite some time. Sighing, I turned to my two companions who were simply standing there, waiting for me to finish taking ahold of all my bags. They eyed me like I was the clumsiest, most foolish person in the world. I chuckled, then sighed. And right now, I guess I did feel like I was the clumsiest person on earth. Hehe... I can be quite an embarrassing person to be with sometimes.
"Um... Mikaze-senpai, Camuse-senpai, you two can go ahead. I can handle going out of the grocery on my own." I called out and said. Not waiting for a reaction or simple reply, I faced my grocery bags once again in order to try and carry them back to the dorms with my own bear hands. Gathering up all my strength, I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the heavy weight. Once my hands enveloped the handles, I lifted each bag one by one. Finally, before grabbing the last bag, I balanced myself and the bags in my arms, making sure they weren't going to fall.
"Ok... This the last one. You can do it Haruka, you can do it!" I whispered, encouraging myself. Steadily, I reached for the last one, picking it up ever so slowly for the others to stay put. Surprisingly though, this one was extra light. I looked to see if I got the correct one, and found another hand grasping the bag I was holding. I tried to see who it was, but with all my bags in my face, it wasn't that easy. That is, until someone lifted those bags and took them away. Because of that, I was only left with four bags, two held by each hand, plus the last one I was suppose to take in my arms.
After realizing that someone had practically carried my bags for me, I looked up, and saw both Mikaze-senpai and Camus-senpai with some of them. Mikaze-senpai was also the one who was holding on to the last one. Gently, he tugged the plastic bag out of my grip and walked towards the exit together Camus-senpai. Bewildered, all I could do was quietly follow them.
And by the time I realized that they were going back to the dorm with me while carrying my shopping bags, we were already far from the store's exit. I was so touched by their kind gesture, and was extremely thankful for it, but... I didn't want them to tire themselves out. They still had work after this, so I wanted them to conserve their energy for that.
"A-ah! Wait, Mikaze-senpai! Camus-senpai!" I shouted, catching their attention as they stopped walking and turned to me.
"I can carry those now. It's fine. Thank you so much the help. But, I really don't want any of you getting tired, knowing you still have much things to do after this. You even went out of your way to wait for me back at the store, and that's more than enough for me. So please, you can hand those to me now." I said, my whole self overflowing with happiness because of what they've done. And even if they looked me in disbelief, I still continued to smile. And after a few seconds of waiting, Mikaze-senpai spoke up.
He said, "No, we were planning to head back to the agency to drop off our own things anyway. So it wasn't entirely 'going out of our way'."
"Plus, even if we were to let you carry these again, surely you wouldn't last. We'd rather do this than allow you to get hurt, which will be even more of a hassle, and will end up conserving more time." Camus-senpai added.
What they said surprised me a lot, but not more than what they decided to do a while ago. Even if it didn't look like it, they somehow cared for me, one way or another. And knowing that, made me very happy. Though despite that, I still protested, and insisted that they really didn't have to. I even promised them that I wouldn't let my clumsiness get the best of me. Yes, after all that I've said along the way, they continued to walk in the direction leading to the agency, saying their own protests while doing so. In the end, I gave up, and let them be.
When we arrived at the dormitories, they went together with me up the stairs, and into the women's dorms. I told them I could take it from there, but they still continued on, and stopped in front of my dorm. Sighing, I felt a sense of defeat once again. Though I immediately shook the feeling off as I smiled, and just ran towards the door they stood in front of. Opening it, I told them to wait, as I put my bags in hand by the door. Then, I asked for them to hand the ones they were holding. Instead of giving them to me, they let themselves in and went for the kitchen, where they finally let the plastic bags down.
"Thank you very much for all of your help. I really appreciate it." I said, bowing. Though, I really feel guilty for having to let them help me, and I was hoping that there was a way to repay them. So instead of thinking about it myself, I decided to ask them.
"Is there any way I could make it up to the both of you?"
They remained silent for a while, probably thinking of a way for me to repay their kindness. But at the same time, I felt the sense that they weren't giving much thought about it. Of course, that was fine with me. As long as there really is a certain thing I can do to return the favor.
The room was quiet for quite some time, and I was just about to say that they didn't have to tell me now when Camus-senpai suddenly spoke.
"I want you to..." he started, pausing at the middle of his sentence. His pause was long, and the suspense made me more and more eager to know what it is he wanted me to do. I planned to ask him what when he abruptly pointed his scepter at me. And yet again, he paused...
...
...
... Before he exclaimed,
"...MAKE ME CHOCOLATE FONDUE!"
After that, silence. And suddenly, I had the urge to not say anything nor comment on his... Wish for me to make him chocolate fondue. I was too... Uh... How should I say this... Shocked with how simple his command was. I knew he was very much fond of sweets, but not up to this point.
"E-eh? Ch-chocolate... Fondue?"
"Yes. I want you to make me chocolate fondue and give it to me by tomorrow. Understood?"
'Tomorrow... Huh... So that means I'll have to make it either today or tomorrow morning.' I thought, replying with a determined 'yes!' while doing so. Making fondue wasn't that tricky, so I'm sure I'll be able to finish it before the decided time for me and Mikaze-senpai to meet. Good. I'm relieved.
Now that I know what Camus-senpai wants, I'll have to hear Mikaze-senpai's next. From Camus-senpai, I faced him, and silently asked what it is he wanted in return. He noticed that, and looked down for a bit, his right hand taking ahold of his chin. Camus-senpai was waiting for what he had to say as well. Though, it seemed like he thought most likely Mikaze-senpai wouldn't ask for anything. But, I hope not. I really wanted to return the favor to him too.
All three of us were there, simply standing in silence, until Mikaze-senpai looked up and spoke. "I don't really see a need for you to return the favor, since you didn't really ask for it in the first place. The display of gratitude would have been enough, but if you insist, then... I want you to help me with something."
That caught me a little off guard. Honestly, I wouldn't think Mikaze-senpai would need assistance with anything, since he does what does perfectly all the time. If not all the time, then most. That's why I couldn't help but wonder what it was he needed help with. So I asked him. Although, he said that he'd tell me some other time, and that the thing he needed help with wasn't urgent or immediate.
I nodded at his words, and promised Camus-senpai a delicious chocolate fondue that'll go well with strawberries (his request), before both headed for the door. Then, all of us said our good byes, both Mikaze-senpai and Camus-senpai planned to get going for work again.
"Please do your best in work! Mikaze-senpai, Camus-senpai." I said, as they were walking away. They suddenly turned to me once I said that, and I was a bit surprised. Even so, I still smiled, and waved good bye to both my seniors. Mikaze-senpai nodded in reply, while Camus-senpai let out a soft 'hm'. That alone made me in an extremely good mood, and motivated me to work on my song and improve it some more. Quietly, in my mind, I thanked them for it.
Although, as the two of them crossed my mind, I suddenly remembered Rei-chan and Kurosaki-senpai.
'Hm... I wonder what they're doing at the moment... I hope they're not pushing themselves too hard at work.' I thought, as I got inside, noticing that Mikaze-senpai and Camus-senpai were no longer in sight. Once I got in, I immediately put all the groceries away, and placed them in their respective cabinets and shelves. After, I got a little snack before going to my compositions. I still had a lot of time to spare before going out again to meet Mikaze-senpai, so I can probably finish polishing the song today, and finally give the copies to my seniors tomorrow. The competition was fast approaching, so it would be better if they started practicing early.
Time passed faster than expected, and by the time I looked up from the music sheet, it was already 5 pm. Knowing that my polishes were enough, I checked the composition as a whole, played it a few times, then finalized it. Then, I began to get ready to go and head out to the nearby park. It's still very early, and I knew, for sure that he wouldn't be there at 6 pm sharp but... Just in case, I planned on going there early anyway.
Getting my coat and gloves, I grabbed my bag and the keys to my dorm, before stepping out the door. Passing through the staircase, and some hallways, I aimed for the exit. Once I opened the door, the air from outside immediately got to me. It was cold, and because of that, I felt my cheeks heat up, as they slowly had on a tint of pink.
The way to the park was peaceful, with not that much cars passing by that road. It was near the end of fall, and many of the trees have lost their leaves. It was quite a beautiful sight, actually. With the pretty colors of leaves in piles and all over the ground like that. It gives you that feeling of Christmas being just around the corner, and snow falling from the sky, covering up every inch of the ground like a blanket. I was quite exited about the fact that this Christmas will be my first Christmas with QUARTET NIGHT. Though, I a bit sad as well because this will be my first Christmas without my grandmother.
Remembering her, I'm reminded of all the fun times we had together, and the many things she was able to do for me. I've learned a lot of great things from her, and it was because of her I was able to enter the academy and make it this far into the agency. She supported me, and gave me the courage to take that first step into the world once again, like that day, when I attended my first day of school. And my first day in every other school I got into. I was scared, of course. Every time I entered a new school, I would always ask myself things like 'What if they don't like me?' or 'What if I don't make any friends?' or 'What if... They hurt me again?'. And every single time, I would always be correct with my assumptions. Nobody liked me, I didn't fit in, I didn't have any real friends, and they did hurt me. Every school, and every group of kids had bullies who had the guts to hit and kick other kids who they think are easy to pick on. The teachers... Well, they were kind to me, but some of them were scary, saying that my voice was too soft, or I was to shy and uncooperative with the rest of my classmates. None of them knew how they treated me, and none of them understood the fear I felt towards each and every one of them.
Well, not all of them were hurting me. Just, if they were people 'similar' to me, either they'd ignore me in front of others or completely avoid me for their own safety. And that pained me, and made me really sad. I would only make it through half a year or less in all of the schools I took. As for the last school my grandmother tried to enter me to, well, that was different. They really didn't accept, for one reason, and that was because I wasn't actually considered 'disabled'. I was still able to see, but not very well. I had frail health, but that didn't affect me as much as it did with others. I felt bad for my grandmother. She was already old, yet she still had the energy to do this much for me. That's why when I asked her if she could just teach me herself, she was overjoyed with the idea. Not only was I more motivated to learn, but I'd be able to let her rest and lessen the burden that was given to her, which in other words, was me.
My parents... When they died, I couldn't really understand. 'Why would they go away forever?' or 'Do they not want me as their child anymore?' and 'Do they not love me?' were the questions circling in my head. I would always ask grandmother those questions, and she would always answer that they loved me very much, and that it's not their fault they went away. They were taken to a better place by angels, and that they would surely be much happier there. But despite them gone, she said that they would always be watching over me, and that they would help and protect me no matter what. At that time, I still couldn't quite understand, but accepted it anyway. And it was all because of that one thought I had in mind, which was, 'As long as they're happy, then I'm happy.'. I was sad for quite some time, but after a few more attempts of my grandmother to cheer me up, I finally began to return back to my old self, little by little,
'Bringing back those days, makes me feel nostalgic.' I thought, sighing as I looked up to the orange-lit sky. And for a moment, I closed my eyes and took in the winter breeze, inhaling then exhaling as my eyes opened. I eyed my surroundings, and tried to process in my brain where I was. Only then was I able to realize that I was sitting on a swing.
"E-eh? How did I end up on this swing?" I asked to no one other than myself. I guess I ended up reminiscing for too long again. Back then, when my grandmother had just passed away, I would do that all the time... Reminisce. Sometimes it would make me laugh, but other times, I'd end up crying about the fact that I'll never be able to see her again. I'd end up crying because I've lost the one family I have left. I felt so alone, and that I wouldn't have anyone by my side anymore. And, to be honest, as much as I was happy about debuting and being accepted into the agency, I was scared. Extremely scared, because I knew that from then on, I wouldn't have anyone to express my feelings to. No one to send letters to, no one to look forward to when going home, no one to hug and exclaim 'I'm home!' to, and no one to talk to about whatever topics there are to be talked about. In short, I was alone and had no one with me in my life. Yes, I had people who supported me, like Tsukimiya-sensei, and I'm really thankful for that. Although... It just wasn't the same.
But, when they stepped into my life, I became scared. Scared that, I'll experience that same pain I felt throughout my few months of school. And I'm not referring to the hits, and numerous beatings. I'm referring to the pain of feeling alone surrounded by people, and unwanted by many. I even expected and feared the worst to come, because my grandmother was no longer in this world. I worried about many things, including work related things. Though they were mostly about me having a life nobody, and not even I wanted.
My seniors weren't the kindest of people, save for Rei-chan. And well, I wasn't surprised that they treated me that way. Even so, the fact that I found out that they acted that way towards everyone, made me feel like... A normal person, someone who can still be considered aa human being. They didn't discriminate me, nor tried to hurt me in any physical way. I knew that they have hurt me, especially during my first days with them. Though, that obviously couldn't be helped. The way I acted was the total opposite of how a professional should act. So, it's only natural for people to either to reject me or not want me as a work partner, or group mate.
Honestly though, the one I feared the most wasn't Mikaze-senpai, Camus-senpai, or Kurosaki-senpai... It was Rei-chan. I was scared of how unbelievably kind he was to me, and that sooner or later he'd reveal to me his true colors. And when our days together increased, my fear increased with them. His kindness was and cheerfulness around not only me, but others as well, was non-stop. And his attitude towards me was starting to become believable for me enough to get used to. And for the times he showed concern, I had no other way to react to it than to accept. I didn't have the guts to push him away, nor anyone else who displayed even the least bit of care towards me. That was exactly why I was able to gain "friends" in the past. But, of course, they weren't really my friends. They were simply people who pretended to be nice to me and stay together with me for a few days. After that, they start to make a fool out of me, saying that I shouldn't really assume that quickly, and that with my personality, I wouldn't survive the real world, the one beyond classrooms and school walls. They even said that I wouldn't make it through all the years of school. They'd bully me, and spread lies about me. And sometimes, they're even able to lie to teachers and tell them that I did something horrible to them, when really, they were the ones who did those things to me. Situations like that were most of the times the reason I transfer schools. Either teachers complain my grandmother notices that I can't handle it there anymore. That's why, every time I had to face Rei-chan, I'd get scared, and end up remembering all the times I've been toyed around with. And that, every time I see him smile, I'd feel all fuzzy inside. Like, I was happy whenever he was.
But, as much as I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want myself to get hurt either. So, I did the only thing I was capable of doing: trying to not get used to him and the way he acts, because I knew that if I did, I'd most probably feel extremely hurt and betrayed in the end. I did that for a few days, but as time passed, he just seemed to be getting kinder and kinder. I slowly became affected by that to the point of allowing myself to show one of the weakest sides I have, and that was when I cried in front of not only him, but all my seniors. Though I'm sure he was the only one who noticed.
They were arguing at that time, and it was my fault that argument started. I felt guilty for having to make them shout at each other because of my own doings. But of course, being the weak girl I was, all I could do was watch as I struggled to hold back an endless flow of tears that was urging to fall. All the shouting and anger exclamations went on for what felt like eternity, and that obviously didn't make my situation nor theirs better. I was selfish, and thought about only myself and the fear I felt. I attempted to excuse myself more than once in order to let out the tears that have been restricted for a while. But, as always, fate decided to go against me by not giving me the perfect chance to run away. I had to endure more than just an argument before my eyes. I had to endure not crying despite all the hurtful words and statements being directed to me. It was hard, very hard. Soon enough, a few tears began to stream down my face, and I had to stop the rest from falling as fast as possible. I even had to prevent myself from wiping them off, because if I did, then it would be too obvious already.
That is one of the things I certainly don't want to recall. Though at the same time, I wouldn't want to forget them either. In the ed, it'll only show how much my relationship with my seniors has improved throughout the small amount of time we've been together. But, as far as I knew, that wasn't the day I fully trusted Rei-chan's warm-hearted actions towards me. It was the day he showed a completely different him. The day he told me about something he's done in the past.
I really couldn't believe he'd tell me something like that, let alone believe that he did such a thing. Well, it wasn't that I couldn't believe, but more like I didn't. He was kind to everyone around him, and cared about them even if they barely know each other. He acts all cheerful and happy all the time, then he goes telling me that he's murdered someone in the past? That just... Wasn't right. It was impossible. I knew that I knew nothing about him, but I'm sure that even a simple passerby would be able to at least think of Rei-chan as someone who wouldn't mean any harm. Everybody has their flaws, and everybody makes mistakes. But, that kind of mistake, done by the Rei-chan I knew and know of? No... It's just... Unacceptable. I admit, at that time, and even now, I have no idea of how he was back then when he was still in the academy, and even before that. Even so, a man who's in the past able to do that can't change into the complete opposite in a short amount of time.
'Unless... He really didn't murder that certain person, which also happens to be his friend.' That was the same thing I thought the moment I doubted what he said about him committing murder. I couldn't simply believe him and comfort his state of being. Of course, I waned to comfort him, since at that time, he looked lifeless, and the complete opposite of his usual happy, cheery self. But, I also wanted to know why he would say that, and if there were deeper sources of his sadness among the few things he said.
'That time... He could have meant it in a different way, but... Wait, what? A... Different way?' I only realized that now. After talking for what seemed like forever, I was only able to come up with that thought now? Huh... I really can be dense sometimes.
But, there was something I didn't quite get with my own thought. If he were to mean that in another way, then what other ways could he have meant it? There's only one way to murder someone, and that's through physical harm. Well, at least I thought that that was the only way.
"Hai... No use thinking about that now. I still have Mikaze-senpai to talk to. I just have to focus on him first. All this remembering is making me dizzy." I said quietly to myself. There were many question inside my head at the moment, but I was just going to have to set those aside for now. That was enough 'thoughts about my seniors' for one day. I've already dwelt on all four of them a while ago with the magazine pictures... I never thought I'd think about them this much yet again. This alone was enough to make me sigh a thousand times.
'It almost feels like I'm trying to stalk them or something... Or maybe violating their privacy... Hai... What can I expect from someone like me, who ended up knowing this much about a few only now. This is even my first time to show complete interest or curiosity towards a group of people.' I thought, kicking my feet to let the swing move a little. I checked my surroundings, and noticed that it was already dark. It was also very cold, especially with the wind blowing continuously like that. Fortunately, it wasn't strong, but it blew softly, and swiftly, making it feel like the wind passed through me... Literally. Looking at the watch that I thankfully remembered to put on, I saw that it was already half past six, and Mikaze-senpai was still nowhere in sight. Worry suddenly began to take over.
"I hope he's alright. Seeing as he still had many things to do the last time I was with him. I hope he's not pushing himself too much." I said to myself, my eyes directed to the ground. I thought of contacting him at first, but figured that he'd still be busy. So I decided not to. Instead, I stayed there, on the seat of the swing, and waited for his arrival.
Minutes passed, and before I knew it, it was already 7 o'clock. And he still wasn't here yet. 'Maybe I got the wrong place...' I silently said, becoming even more worried than I already was. I was so nervous and worried, that my thoughts were starting to conflict with each other.
'But, since he knew I was coming, I'm sure he would have contacted me around this time...'
'But, there's also a possibility that he thought I decided not go anymore... Oh no...'
'Wait! It's only one hour past the designated time. I'm sure he's just busy, that's why he's a bit late...'
'Or maybe, with the many duties he has to accomplish, he won't be able to go.'
'But... If that were so, then he would have called me to tell me, or at least message me...'
'But... Argh! Okay... That's enough me. He's busy and that's that. That's why he's late. I'm just going to have to wait, no matter how long it takes.'
And with that statement, the small argument I had with myself finally came to an end. Slowly, I started to calm down, as I sat there, patiently waiting for Mikaze-senpai to show up. Well, at least I tried to just sit, and wait. I got a bit restless soon enough, so I decided that in order to keep me preoccupied for the time being, I played with the swing set. Pushing my fet away from the ground, I started to move back and forth repeatedly. Higher, and higher I went, as I continued swinging, forward then backward. But then, the wind created from the speed of my movement made me feel cold, and with a little sneeze, I placed both feet on the ground and pressed them against it. It didn't stop immediately, though the ride lasted for a few more swings before it came to a complete stop because of the friction created by my feet and the ground.
Letting out a deep, long sigh, I stood up, looking beyond my head and past the tip of the trees as I did so. The sky was awfully dark tonight, with no trace of stars to be found. It was simply covered with clouds, which I presumed were rain clouds, seeing as they made the night sky a grayish kind of blue instead of a dark but shiny one. This worried me, and made me anxious of whether Mikaze-senpai would really come or not. My thoughts weren't helping, and the cold atmosphere only made it worse.
'What if he decided not to go because he knew it was going to rain? Or... Maybe he thought that I wouldn't be going anymore because he guessed that I knew it was going to rain! Oh no... I'm in trouble.'
I closed my eyes, and thought about how I could contact him. 'I don't have his cellphone number, and I can't ask for it from Rei-chan because he'd most probably find out about our meeting. And if I were to go back to the agency now...'
Shocked by that last thought, I rapidly shook my head and disagreed with my own idea. "No. I can't go back now. What if he suddenly comes when I'm gone?" I asked myself, not knowing what to do. It was already late, and very much past the time we both agreed on. I was getting a little tired as well. Though, thanks to the cold, I was kept awake, and was even shaking from the extreme temperature.
As I stood there in the middle of the park, I looked around, and felt relieved to see that there were still a few people passing by. It was a bit frightening for me to be totally alone in the cold, at night. I also noticed many of the lights coming from the buildings farther away. They looked really pretty, especially at this time of night, where it was dark enough to see their colors bloom.
I planned of walking around for a while, but my knees thought differently. They started trembling, making my legs feel weaker and weaker. It was easy to see that I couldn't walk anymore, since my body was quite sensitive to the cold. Well, actually, that would be a bit of an understatement in my situation. Now, I couldn't even move steadily, and in the end, gave up from going back to the swing, and sat down on the grassy floor instead. Bringing my knees close to my chest, I hugged them, hoping it would circulate at least a bit more warmth.
I blew against my glove-covered palms, then rubbed them against each other. I even put the hood on my jacket above my head just to stay warm. Resting my forehead against my knees, I closed my eyes as my hands reached the nape of my neck and scrunched the cloth before it. Suddenly, the wind began blowing itself against everything in it's way. Harder, and harder, it did, as it whistled to it's highest volume. It was so strong, it made the leafless trees rustle wildly, and vacant swings push themselves even with the heavy weight of their chains. And in no time, the temperature dropped massively, my body shaking violently. I probably looked crazy for not preparing to leave despite the weather. But, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. My body was frozen in place, save for the shaking.
I wished for me to be able to get up and leave so badly, but a part of me still wanted to stay and wait for Mikaze-senpai to arrive. Though another part of me hope for him not to come, because I didn't want him to feel the same pain I was feeling right now because of how cold it was. I was conflicted with myself, but either way, whether I like it or not, I wasn't going anywhere.
Minutes past, with the place only getting colder than it already was. Feeling my body grow numb, the pain just got worse. Although by numb, I shouldn't be able to feel anything anymore, what happened was simply the opposite. The pain I felt on my knees, my joints, my head, and every other part of my body became stronger. But what was especially painful was the ringing in my right ear. Every time I heard it, it was like a hammer was being struck on my head a dozen times. And even if I covered my ears, I'd still be able to hear the sound.
I felt so weak, and the hurt I felt was eating me up. It hurt so bad, that I started crying, and sobbing. My position from before didn't change, and I figured that this time was a good time to try moving. I already felt miserable with the situation I was in, I wasn't going to feel even more miserable by not trying.
So I tried moving a leg, but it was no use. One move and it felt like a thousand needles poked that same moving body part. Tighter, I griped my jacket, my eyes scrunching up together with them. My eyesight was becoming blurry from all the tears swelling up in my eyes, and they too, started to hurt as well.
Time went by so slowly... Or at least, it seemed like it, as the wind storm showed no signs of stopping. And still even after all that has happened, still Mikaze-senpai wasn't there. I planned on checking the time, but then realized that I was still much too paralyzed to do so. By now, there were probably no more people left on the streets, and I was all alone, at night, in the cold. But even so, all that was that I tried to keep in my mind... Was Mikaze-senpai, because he was, by far the only motivation I had to help me continue sitting here, scrunched up, and still conscious.
I waited, and waited. But... He didn't show up.
'Yup... Just as I thought... He won't be coming after all.' I thought, tears forming in my eyes yet again. And when they started to fall, I became confused. I wasn't sad with the fact that he didn't go, I was actually relieved. At least, he didn't have to experience the bad weather. And, after all the work he had accomplished, he was able to rest. I thought of so many things in order to convince me that him not going was a good thing, that it wasn't so bad. And yet... I still continued to cry.
'Why?... Why am I crying so hard? I should be happy, relieved. And yet, right now, at this very moment, I'm shedding tears for a reason so shallow... I...'
And at that very moment, thunder struck, and of course, immediately after, it started to rain, as big, heavy drops of rain landed on my whole being, with every drop containing the coldness of an ice cube.
That was it.
I've reached the end of my limits by this time.
And slowly, my consciousness began to fade away, as my eyelids started to get heavier and heavier. And just before I completely lost myself, I thought...
'At least... I know that... He's safe... And sound.'
Okay! There you have it! I have officially ended this chapter with our dear Ruka-chan unconscious outside of dorm premises in the middle of a storm at night! X3
Ok I'm just kidding... I'm so not happy about that. U_U
Well, anyway. That's all for now. Thanks for reading! Bye! XD
P.S. Sorry for the typos... hehe...