Jackson made Allegheny's skin crawl just being near her, which was only as close as the passenger seat in the truck. The drive back to and from church was entirely too long for comfort.
He didn't push by asking about her conversation with the preacher, but he did keep looking over at her as if he would eventually find the answers.
"Thank you." The words were hard to pass force her throat even though she was truly grateful. In fact, they were starting up the mountain before she had the willpower to say them.
"For what?"
She started to give a smart retort but when she turned to look at him, the confusion in his expression was genuine. "If it hadn't been for you, I might not have found Jesus."
"Oh, well, you're welcome." Now he was beaming like his prayers had all been answers.
"That don't mean I love you," she was quick to say. "I still can't make any promises about us."
"But you're willing to try to make it work now?"
"Not because I want to but because I hear Christians kind of frown on divorce, which must mean God does too. And I can appreciate that you might be a new person because I've been made new too."
"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that. I'm willing to do most anything to make this work. You won't ever regret this." He started to reach for her hand, but she recoiled. It was going to take time to build trust. He could live with that so long as there was hope.
The dogs greeted them as if they'd been gone days instead of hours. Alleghany wanted to feel annoyed by it, but she really was warming up to them so long as they didn't put their muddy paws on one of her best dresses. "Don't you think it's time your dogs had names?"
"I've never been good at coming up with names. If you want to name them, be my guest."
She took a few moments to consider it. "How about Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Paul?"
He laughed. "Those are about as good as any I reckon considering our newfound faith."
She awkwardly patted the white one's head, still getting used to showing affection to males of the 4-legged variety. "Names have meaning. With any luck, maybe they'll try to live up to them and become better behaved."
Jackson laughed again. He appreciated his wife's dry wit.
The next couple of weeks were spent devouring books. He and she had gone down to the library and checked out as many books as they could carry. They had found their common ground and they began to connect over their reading. Recommending reading to each other and discussing what they'd read when they both finished a book brought them closer together.
They also did a devotional every night too. It felt awkward at first, praying out loud, but then it started to feel good like God was right there with them. And He must have been, Allegany considered, for their fights were getting fewer.
The preacher had given them worksheets to do. They were supposed to find the answers to the questions and then talk about them with him next time they met. Their current question was about the promised Comforter Jesus promised to send.
Jackson read aloud, "He said. "Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send Him unto you."
Alleghany was excited. She'd read that particular passage in the hotel room, but it hadn't made sense to her then. Now she understood Jesus had been talking about the Holy Spirit. It was like breaking a secret code.
They both reached for a pen to mark the answer on their sheets and their hands accidentally brushed.
She couldn't say it lit a fire in her, but his touch hadn't repulsed her and that was progress.
It made the rest of the devotional was more subdued. But her mind was anything but. She knew she couldn't put it off forever. She knew she had to tell him sometime. And now seemed as good a time as any. "I'm pregnant."
"Is-is it mine?"
He wasn't condemning in his manner but still she bristled. "And if it ain't?" she asked a fiery challenge in her eyes.
He took a deep breath. "Then we'll raise it as mine. I meant what I said, Alleghany. I'm willing to do whatever's necessary to make this marriage work."
"Of course it's yours, you moron. When have I had the time or opportunity for any flings since I married you? Though heaven knows I tried. And if I had, I wouldn't be able to answer that question one way or the other, now would I?"
He sighed with obvious relief and then he smiled. He was not put off with her attitude in light of the good news. "A baby. Can you imagine that?" Then he noticed she wasn't exactly glowing with happiness. "How do you feel about being with child?"
"If I had my druthers, I wouldn't be, but I am and I guess I've come to terms with it."
"You knew about the baby when you left, didn't you?" This time he did sound angry.
"I did. I was planning on giving it up for adoption."
"And who cares whether I wanted it or not. Right?" He ran his hands through his hair and then looked as if he wanted to drive his fist into the wall. Instead, he stormed out of the house and into the woods.
Alleghany wasn't surprised and she didn't blame him for it. She could have handled the conversation with a little more grace.
They may have been Christians now and redeemed, but they were still worlds apart. He might be learning to manage his anger in a healthier manner and she was less wild and less sharp-tongued than she'd been in the past, but some things about them hadn't changed. Sanctification was a process one of the library books had said. They weren't 2 saints in a marriage, they were 2 heaven-bound sinners in a marriage. And the marriage still looked as hopeless as it ever had in her eyes.