Chapter 3

When Arthur returned to the castle, he found guards and knights still running around, searching for Emrys. It seemed unreal, as though it has been a lifetime ago that Arthur had ordered the search.

Within moments of his entry through the gates, Elyan, who was leading a group of guards in searching the houses of the lower town, spotted him and ran over to report the current situation to him.

Arthur cut off his report that they had still not found anything with a new order, "Call off the search. Inform the others."

"Sire?" Elyan inquired, probing for an explanation of the sudden change in orders.

Arthur was not in the mood.

"Do as I say. And inform all guards and knights that Merlin is to be killed on sight."

"Merlin?" Elyan said, shocked.

"You have your orders," Arthur said with warning in his voice.

"For what crime is Merlin condemned?"

"For the murder of Queen Ygraine," Arthur replied, and walked off leaving Elyan standing stunned in the streets.

Arthur was stopped a few more times by knights as he walked through the castle, but merely ordered them all to report to Elyan for their new orders. When he arrived at his chamber door, he was painfully reminded that he had locked it before he left in a misguided attempt to protect someone he had considered a friend. The door was wide open now, as Merlin had clearly waited until he had left and then simply let himself out with magic, laughing at how he had Arthur so neatly under his thumb that the king would go to such unnecessary lengths to keep him safe.

Arthur entered his chambers and locked the door from the inside. He didn't think he could face anyone right now. He couldn't imagine having to explain to anyone the truth of what had happened and the true nature of Merlin. Because when they found out who Merlin really was, they would find out who Arthur really was – a failure.

It was Arthur's job to rule the people and protect the kingdom. He had done neither of those things. His entire life was a sham; his entire rule was a front for Merlin. He had been nothing but a puppet for a sorcerer all these years and it was entirely his fault. If he was really the king his people deserved he would have realized what was going on and rooted out the evil that was at the heart of the kingdom, but he had not. He had fallen for every one of Merlin's lies, and let him get closer to him and have more of an influence on him than any man was supposed to have on a king.

How foolish he had been.

A knock came at the door. Arthur ignored it.

The knock came again, this time accompanied by Gwaine's voice, "Sire, what is going on? Why have you ordered for Merlin to be killed?"

Arthur still did not answer. He knew Gwaine would eventually leave if he didn't reply.

Heavy banging sounded on the door and this time Gwaine yelled, "Arthur, I know you are in there!"

A moment passed in silence before Arthur heard a final bang, which sounded as though Gwaine had punched his door, and the man shout, "Fine!" before heavy footsteps signaled that he had given up and left.

Arthur knew he was going to have to face everyone eventually, but he didn't know what he could possibly say to them. He would step down as king - that was unquestionable. He had completely failed his people and, as it turned out, never knew how to rule a kingdom at all. He doubted anyone would even want him as king when they knew the truth. He supposed the council would decide who would be the next king. Agravaine was probably the most suited for the job, but Arthur didn't even trust in his own abilities enough to make that decision himself. The kingdom would be better off if he just disappeared into obscurity.

Another knock sounded at the door, gentler this time.

"Arthur, it's Guinevere."

Arthur did not answer.

"Please speak to me, Arthur."

Although it pained him to push her away, Arthur remained silent. He did not want to talk to anyone now, and Guinevere had been such good friends with Merlin. When she learned the truth about him it would break her heart and Arthur couldn't bear to see that while his own still felt like it was in pieces.

He didn't hear Guinevere's voice again and, although he hadn't heard her go, due to her light footfalls, he assumed that she had decided to respect his desire for solitude and left.

Merlin's deception was going to devastate so many people - Gwaine and Guinevere for starters. And Gaius had been like a father to Merlin. The truth would be such a blow to him.

Merlin must have truly been devoid of all goodness to so easily play with the emotions and lives of so many people.

When Arthur looked back on all the times he had worried about Merlin, or gone out of his way to cheer him up, he felt like such a fool.

Merlin had weaseled himself so close to Arthur that he had been willing to go to extraordinary lengths for the little snake.

He had risked his life and his father's wrath to retrieve a poison antidote for Merlin and – wait.

Merlin had drunk poison for Arthur.

The memory of Merlin's near death experience for Arthur's sake suddenly surged to the surface of Arthur's mind. But that didn't make sense - why would he do that?

But then, Merlin had somehow sent a magical light to Arthur in the caves at that time. If he had really been dying of poison, that surely wouldn't have been possible. Had even that been an act? Maybe Merlin had already cured himself with magic and had never been in any real danger at all.

But that wasn't the only time Merlin had done something like that. He had thrown himself into the path of a Doracha in order to save Arthur. And again, why would a sorcerer manipulating him sacrifice himself for Arthur? It must have been a trick. He must have known some magic that would protect him from the Dorocha's touch – after all, how else did he survive?

Maybe Merlin had deliberately wanted Arthur to see him willing to sacrifice himself for Arthur's sake in order to gain Arthur's trust. And it must have worked. After all Arthur hadn't even known Merlin for a year when he had been willing to drink poison in Merlin's place in the labyrinth of Gedref and had dropped everything and lied to his father to go to Ealdor to fight to defend Merlin's village.

Wait.

Ealdor.

Hunith.

Arthur had met Merlin's mother, and seen the place he grew up. Merlin was not nearly old enough to have been manipulating the kingdom since before Arthur's birth. It made no sense. Even if he used some sort of spell to appear younger than he really was, that didn't explain all of the details that Arthur knew of Merlin's life before coming to Camelot. Were Hunith and all of Ealdor part of the deception? Surely no ruse could be so elaborate.

Ygraine had told him that Emrys had held her captive for two and a half decades. But Emrys was Merlin, who had not yet been born at that time. The facts didn't fit, and yet he had his mother's death as absolute proof that she had been telling the truth about Emrys – about Merlin. Merlin wouldn't have killed her if she hadn't – wait. Arthur froze with the new thought that hit him. Merlin had been at Arthur's side from the moment he had left Ygraine until the time that he had found her body. Merlin couldn't have killed her!

Or could he?

Arthur did not know the limits of magic – perhaps there was a way. But the whole situation made less and less sense the more he thought about it.

Arthur stood up. He had to see his mother's body; he had to assure himself that it really was her and ask Gaius about whether magic could have been involved in her death. He wasn't sure whether it would help, but he desperately needed to understand and sitting here wasn't going to get him anywhere.

Arthur was barely out of his chambers when he ran into Agravaine, clearly on his way to see him.

"Sire, why have you called off the search? Do you know the whereabouts of Emrys?" Agravaine asked.

"Emrys is dead," Arthur replied.

He didn't know what made him say it. He just knew that he wanted the conversation to end right now. He was not ready to discuss these things with his uncle.

"He's dead?" asked Agravaine, sounding distinctly excited by the news.

"Yes," replied Arthur shortly, "now if you will excuse me, uncle."

Arthur pushed past Agravaine and hurried on, hoping he wouldn't run into anyone else in the corridors.

He could see the light of dawn starting to penetrate the castle windows and realized that he must have been up all night. It was strange to think that he was supposed to preside over a trial in a few hours. It was as if he had expected his life to just stop the moment his whole world had been turned upside down.

When Arthur arrived at the physician's chambers, he could see that had been right in his thinking that Ygraine's body would have been taken here for examination, as it was lying on Gaius' work table. Gaius glanced up when Arthur entered, giving him a strange look that was much less friendly than usual. Arthur suddenly realized that he had almost certainly been informed that Arthur had ordered his ward to be killed on sight. Desperately hoping that Gaius would not demand an explanation for that, Arthur made his way over to look at the resting form of his mother. Fortunately Gaius said nothing. Most likely his professionalism forbade him from disturbing a grieving son visiting the body of his mother.

The woman who lay there still looked the image of Arthur's mother and he had to blink back tears at the sight of her in death. He was so sure that this truly was his mother, although he couldn't understand quite why. It was almost like he just instinctively knew her.

Arthur became aware that Gaius had quietly approached the table beside him.

"Sire," he said carefully, "I have determined the cause of death."

Arthur was surprised at that statement. He had assumed that being found with a knife sticking out of her stomach made the determination of the cause of death a redundant question. Perhaps Gaius had realized that the knife was a decoy and that the murder had actually been committed using magic. Arthur steeled himself for the confirmation of his theory.

"I believe it was a self-inflicted stab wound," he finished.

Self-inflicted?

Arthur imagined there must have been disbelief spelled out across his face because Gaius quickly endeavored to explain.

"There are clear signs. The force with which the knife was driven downwards, the pattern of blood on the hilt and on the hands of the victim…"

"But why?" Arthur interrupted Gaius. He didn't care how the man had determined it. That wasn't the issue here.

"I believe, Sire, that the lady Ygraine was not all that she seemed," Gaius replied carefully, "I have examined her very closely and there was one very strange thing about her death."

"Which was?" prodded Arthur.

"Normally, when a person dies, the body begins to stiffen several hours after death. This stiffness lasts up to three days before the body relaxes and becomes limp again."

Arthur was well acquainted with this phenomenon, having seen his fair share of dead bodies, and waited for Gaius to get to the point.

"The lady Ygraine's death occurred long enough ago that the stiffness should have at least started to set in by now, and yet it hasn't."

To prove his point, he gently lifted one of Ygraine's hands and then placed it back at her side.

"But what does this mean?" asked Arthur.

"That this was not the first time that she has died."

Arthur just stared at Gaius after this incomprehensible pronouncement.

"I believe that she is a shade, Sire," Gaius continued, pulling a book from one of his piles and opening it to a page full of a lot of text and a picture of a skeleton transposed over a person, "A shade is the spirit of a dead person, conjured from their rest by a powerful sorcerer and forced to do their bidding. This truly is your mother, but she has been dead for a long time now and nothing she has done since her arrival here was of her own free will."

Arthur started at Gaius. A shade. This wasn't the first time this night that he had heard that word. Merlin had said something about Ygraine being a shade right before his identity had been revealed. And here it was, written in plain text at the top of the page in Gaius' book – "Shade: A spirit summoned by a necromancer".

She truly had been his mother and yet in essence had not been. None of it had been real.

Arthur cursed whoever had used his mother like this.

But if everything Ygraine had said was a lie, then Merlin must have been telling the truth all along. And that meant that Merlin really was the Emrys Arthur had thought he knew and trusted – a man who believed in Arthur as a king and used his magic only for the good of the kingdom.

It all fit with the Merlin he had known, who had never been anything but unfailingly loyal to Arthur and to Camelot. And being the servant of the king must have been the perfect position for him to ensure Arthur's safety. Merlin had always been there with Arthur, through everything that he had faced. All of Merlin's power and he had chosen to use it only to stay by Arthur's side as a servant and protect him. Arthur would not have believed any man so powerful could be so selfless and humble, except that it was Merlin.

But with the elation of realizing that Merlin had never betrayed him came a sudden crushing guilt because this all meant that Arthur had left the truest friend he ever had weeping in the forest with a promise that he would kill him on sight.

"Gaius, I've made a terrible mistake."

How could he have ever believed that Merlin had been working against him? Merlin always threw himself into danger for Arthur without a second thought. Merlin had revealed his secret only when Arthur had been foolishly about to take his own life. He would be dead who knew how many times over if it wasn't for Merlin and if it was all part of some plot for Merlin to use Arthur as a puppet king it was a pretty shoddy one. Why would any evil tyrant want to rule a kingdom while washing floors and having things thrown at him? He had been so angry he hadn't seen any of this before.

He could only hope that Merlin would forgive him for what he had done.

How far could Merlin have gotten? Where would he go? Arthur had to go and find him before it was too late. Oh - and he had to cancel that order to kill Merlin on sight. Everyone must think he had gone mad to issue such and order. Maybe he had.

He would have to ride out alone. If he sent out patrols to search for Merlin, Merlin would probably think Arthur had sent them out to hunt and kill him. Would he be angry enough to attack them? Arthur would have been certain that Merlin would not seriously injure his knights, even if they were attacking him, but he was no longer sure how well he knew Merlin. How much of the Merlin he knew was real and how much of it was a mask for Emrys? He wanted to believe that his friendship had been true but he couldn't deny that Merlin was not just the kind soul he had known, but a powerful ally that he had spurned. If he had turned Merlin into an enemy, then his kingdom might just be doomed.

"Sire," Gaius began tentatively, and Arthur suspected he was about to breach the topic of Merlin's death sentence, but whatever he was about to say was cut off as he groaned in pain and reached a hand to his head.

Even as Gaius reacted, Arthur felt a sharp pain in his head and gasped, clutching his forehead. It was like he had a sudden headache but it was strange that he and Gaius had seemed to experience the same pain simultaneously.

"Gaius, what is going on?"

"Do you feel that too, Sire?"

"If you mean a piercing pain in my head, then yes. But why would we both feel the same pain at the same time?"

"I don't know, Sire. Hold still for a moment."

Gaius tilted Arthur's head up and to each side and stared deeply into each of his eyes.

"Hmm," he said.

"What is it?"

"I don't know," Gaius replied. He pulled several booked down from his shelves and started flipping through them, "I can see no cause for this."

Arthur stood there for a moment, watching Gaius read. He wondered if he should wait around for Gaius' verdict or if this was liable to take some time. He needed to go find Merlin, painful headache or not, and Gaius seemed to be so entrenched in his book that he appeared to have forgotten about Arthur's presence.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Percival entered.

"Sire," he said when he saw Arthur, "there are reports of people experiencing sudden headaches."

So it wasn't just the two of them?

"How many people?"

"As far as we know, everyone in Camelot, Sire."

Arthur looked to Gaius, but he looked just as lost as Arthur felt.

"Gaius, could this be some kind of plague? An enchantment?" he asked.

"I couldn't say sire."

Before Arthur could decide what to do, Gwaine ran into the room.

"Sire," he said, "we found something strange in the throne room. You had better come and see."

Arthur followed Gwaine at a quick pace, with Percival and Gaius following behind him.

"Percival," he said as they walked, "go and inform the others to cancel my order to kill Merlin. If anyone sees Merlin, they are to tell him that I want to speak with him."

Percival nodded in acknowledgement of his orders and turned to go back the way they had come.

Arthur thought he heard Gwaine sigh in relief.

"What sort of thing did you find?" Arthur asked him.

"We think it must be magic," Gwaine replied.

Arthur quickened his pace.

When they arrived in the throne room, Arthur saw what he had been referring to.

There was an amulet hung on the top of Arthur's throne. It had a blood red jewel, encased in gold and dangling on a golden chain. The whole thing was glowing with a golden light that pulsed, and it was emitting a loud buzzing sound that made Arthur's head hurt even more than it had previously.

Several guards stood around it, watching it fearfully.

"Do you think this is what is causing the headaches?" Arthur asked Gaius.

"Undoubtedly," said Gaius, staring at it in horror.

Recognized the look on Gaius' face, Arthur asked, "Do you know what this is?"

"This is the Amulet of Dhakira," he said with a tone that Arthur did not find very encouraging.

"It is currently probing the memory centers of all of our minds. That is what is causing the headaches. The Amulet was said to have the power to change all of a person's memories regarding a specific object," he said, glancing at where it was hung.

"The throne?" guessed Arthur.

"Indeed. Soon it will activate and we will all lose our short-term memories and also have some very different long-term ones."

"Then we need to destroy it before it activates!" Arthur said, looking at his knights.

Gwaine shook his head.

"I tried to touch it earlier - it burned my hand," he said, raising his hand, which had an angry red burn on it.

"It can only be destroyed by powerful magic," said Gaius with a look of exasperation at Gwaine.

Magic, thought Arthur with a sinking feeling. If he hadn't driven Merlin out…

"There's something else, Sire," Gaius said, "The amulet is currently linked to the soul of the sorcerer who cast the spell. If the amulet is destroyed, the sorcerer will die."

That surprised Arthur. It seemed like whoever had cast this spell had made themself very vulnerable to do so. If it had been any other time and Merlin had been here they would have been…

And then it hit Arthur. It couldn't have been a coincidence that the amulet had been used the very moment when Merlin wasn't around to stop it. The same sorcerer who had put it here must have been the one who sent Ygraine as a shade to turn Arthur against Emrys. That had been their plan all along – to get rid of Emrys so that there would be no one left able to destroy them when they were vulnerable.

He had well and truly fallen for this sorcerer's scheme. He had turned his greatest ally away just when he needed him more than ever and his kingdom was about to suffer the consequences.

He needed to find Merlin right now.

"We need to find… Emrys," he said, cutting himself off when he had been about to say Merlin's name. Best not to get into that now.

"There isn't time," said Gaius, "the amulet could activate at any moment. And once it is activated we won't even remember that it exists."

Arthur's heart sunk. Was there nothing he could do? What were the chances that Merlin would come back here on his own and stride into the throne room in time to save them all? If it had been Arthur, he would have washed his hands of Camelot's king and left him to his fate.

"It's started," said Gaius suddenly, and Arthur saw that the glow around the amulet had stopped pulsing and was getting steadily brighter.

"There must be something we can do, Gaius!" he shouted in frustration.

"There is nothing, my Lord."

The glow from the amulet was so bright that it was blinding Arthur and making his head hurt so much that he couldn't think. He screwed his eyes shut but he couldn't block out the light that consumed his mind to the point that he could remember nothing else, not even his own name.

Notes:

Arthur's way of dealing with betrayal in the show was generally anger followed by days of depression, moping and low self-esteem. So I wrote his reaction based on his reactions to Morgana's and Agravaine's betrayals minus the part where Merlin cheers him up and insists that he is a worthy king.

Gwaine found the amulet because he was running about the whole castle trying to find Merlin before anyone else.