Author's Note: I am so happy people like this story so far. Here is the next story in the set and I am going for something a little more comedic this time. I would greatly appreciate some feedback. Reviews give me inspiration to write...which I have not had much time for lately. I would love to find more motivation to do it and your feedback would encourage me greatly. If you like the story that is... :)

*Set sometime in the first season.

Arthur stared at 'the thing' in front of him, his brow furrowed in annoyance, lips set in a petulant grimace. He was certain that Morgana was terribly amused with herself, but he didn't think he had ever found anything less funny in his entire life. What the hell was he supposed to do with it? And why was it just sitting there? Staring at him with bright, inquisitive eyes. Drooling...

"Your disgusting," he told it, curling his upper lip as a large droplet of spit splattered upon his bed cover.

'The thing' responded with a tooth-speckled grin and Arthur grimaced as more drool slid down the corner of it's mouth. The prince toyed with the idea of bolting out the door and leaving the creature to fend for itself, but it would be just his luck for something unfortunate to happen to it while he was gone and then where would he be? Wars had been started over far less and the last thing Camelot needed was the scandal that would result from 'it' getting injured while under his care. Besides, the triumphant look on Morgana's face if he should fail would kill him. There was no way he was going to see her gloating smirk over something as simple as...it.

'The thing' moved suddenly, jerking towards Arthur on unsteady legs, and the prince jumped back as if he were in danger of being stung by something smelly. Or deadly. Or both. Perhaps he was. Arthur's experience with this sort of situation was extremely limited. In fact, he'd only watched the ladies of the court coo over their own from afar. When they had approached him with offers to hold 'it' or kiss 'it' or give 'it' his blessing he had always magically found himself with his arms full. He didn't want one anywhere near him. They smelled funny. And they were always sticky...for no damn reason at all.

Arthur eyed 'the thing' as it waddled towards him, unsure of what his next move should be. He frantically looked for an escape route. He could not explain why, but this creature filled him with more trepidation and horror than any monster, sorcerer or man he'd ever faced. Damn Morgana for doing this to him. And damn his pride. Why did it matter what she thought anyways? Just because she'd mocked his ability to handle 'it' and 'it's' needs didn't mean that he had to step up to the challenge. Why couldn't he just let things be? Why did he always have to take such great offense to the slightest questioning of his capabilities? And where the hell was Merlin? The servant should have come to his rescue by now.

Arthur had sent word down to Gaius' chambers that he was in the middle of a life or death crisis over an hour ago. Of course, he'd neglected to mention what his life or death emergency entailed, but it shouldn't have mattered. Merlin was his servant! Even if Arthur had sent down word that he couldn't find his shoes Merlin should have reacted as if it were the end of the world.

'The thing' suddenly stumbled and Arthur's heart stopped as it collapsed to its hands and knees on the cobble stone floor. 'It's' face looked shocked for a moment, the little mouth opened wide, little teeth glimmering. Then it's eyes crumpled up and it began to scream. Arthur clapped his hands over his ears, heart hammering against his ribs. Fat tears dripped down the creature's face and it reached up to Arthur with little fists opening and closing, screaming and screaming. Endlessly. Shrilly.

Arthur stepped forward slightly, leaning his face away just in case the thing decided to do something other than scream. 'It' kept reaching up to him and for the briefest of moments Arthur's heart softened. Perhaps 'it' was hurt. Perhaps 'it' really needed his help and wasn't just feigning injury to lure Arthur closer. After all, it wasn't like 'things' like this were notoriously dangerous. Women handled them all the time. They even looked like they enjoyed it sometimes. Surely, Arthur could handle something like this. He could be soothing. He could be comforting. He could be...oh, who was he kidding? He'd seen the looks Merlin had given him when he had attempted to the servant up on his darker days. If he couldn't cheer up Merlin, who was a complete idiot and had the personality of an obnoxiously happy puppy, how could ever hope to brighten the spirits of something as complicated as 'it'? He needed Merlin. Except, as usual, Merlin wasn't there when he needed him.

"There, there," he said to the thing, patting it's head akwardly. "Don't cry. It's okay."

The 'thing' shrieked louder and Arthur growled in frustration. The screams were grating at his nerves and Arthur decided that he would take revenge on Morgana as soon as he got rid of 'it'. No, not just Morgana. Merlin to. And the conniving dignitary that had brought 'it' to Camelot. It was all a plot against him...to prove how inadequate he was as a ruler. To show the world how weak he really was. He would not allow this visiting king and his wife to ruin his good name. He would be damned if something like 'it' would break him.

Arthur picked up the shrieking thing from the floor and held it out in front of him as if 'it' were foaming at the mouth. It stared at him, still shrieking, tears dripping down it's cheeks and onto the floor. Of course, it was at that moment, when Arthur was close to screaming himself that his useless servant decided to make his entrance. Arthur turned toward the sound of the door opening, the creature struggling in his grasp and screeching, and watched as Merlin took in the scene playing out in front of him. The servant's eyes widened and he pursed his lips in the annoying fashion that he had.

"Arthur," Merlin said, quieter and calmer than the situation should have warranted. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Arthur cried, shoving 'it' towards Merlin in desperation. "Get it to stop!"

Merlin sidestepped him smoothly and looked at Arthur as if he'd lost his mind. "YOU get him to stop!"

"Merlin," Arthur shouted. "Take it!" The 'thing' shrieked louder at Arthur's raised voice and the prince felt sure he could feel his brain boiling between his ears.

"Nice going, sire. You're a natural at this. You really are."

"Merlin," Arthur growled, trying to fix Merlin with his best 'do it or else' glare. "You are my servant and I demand that you take it."

"How am I supposed to know what to do with him?" Merlin crowed, throwing his hands up.

"You've had experience with these sorts of things," Arthur told him, wincing as 'it' screeched loudly.

"What experience?" Merlin demanded.

"You've delivered cows," Arthur pointed out desperately. "And other animals. You told me. How you took care of the animals back in Ealdor! Surely, this is no different..."

Arthur trailed off as Merlin blinked at him as if he wasn't entirely sure he'd heard the prince correctly. The servant then shook his head with barely concealed disdain. Arthur flushed red and cursed Merlin for being the only person in the history of his life that could make him feel stupid.

"I hardly think they are the same," Merlin said pointedly. "But, you go on ahead and point out their supposed similarities to Queen Alesia and see what she makes of you comparing her only son to a cow."

"Merlin," Arthur pleaded. "I will never ask you to do anything ever again." Merlin snorted at his words and Arthur gritted his teeth to keep from dropping 'it' and knocking out Merlin's teeth for his insolence. He managed to get himself under control and grated out, "Please. Just...help me."

"Alright," Merlin said, grinning like a loon. Arthur went to hand 'it' to Merlin, but the servant sidestepped him again.

"Merlin," Arthur barked. "You said..."

"I said I would help you," Merlin agreed. "But, did you honestly think something like this was going to happen for free?"

"Merlin," Arthur warned, his hands shaking from holding the creature out in front of him for so long. "You are pushing it. I would remind you that I can put you in the stocks for refusing to follow a command."

"You could," Merlin said amiably. "But, then you would still be stuck with Prince Caleb there. And it doesn't look like he's prepared to stop screaming anytime soon." Merlin frowned and looked at Arthur accusingly. "What did you do to him anyways?"

"I didn't do anything," Arthur cried. "It just-"

"He," Merlin corrected with a raucous grin.

"He," Arthur amended through grit teeth. "He waddled and-"

"He waddled?"

"Yes, you idiot. He waddled. It's like walking, but-" Arthur frowned. How did one describe waddling anyways?

"But?"

"You can't seriously be this idiotic," Arthur hissed, narrowly dodging an angry strike from the infantile monster in his arms.

Merlin shrugged then stood, arms crossed, with a serene smile on his face.

"Waddling," Arthur nearly shouted. "Like this..." He bent his knees and walked awkwardly from side to side, attempting to emulate the strange movements he'd seen from the little prince earlier. Merlin's smile grew larger and Arthur instantly realized his mistake.

"That was a sight I shall treasure forever, sire."

"You bloody idiotic, foul, evil little-you knew what I was trying to say all along!"

"I'll admit that waddling was a concept I understood quite well," Merlin said, grinning. "But you explained it so well, Arthur. Really...you should consider teaching."

Arthur was about to open his mouth to let loose a flurry of insults and curses, but right as he did so the baby in his arms made a desperate grab for him. Somehow Arthur missed the movement and by the time he realized what was happening it was too late. One tiny fist clutched the corner of his tunic and the other was curled tightly around a clump of his hair. It pulled, hard, and Arthur was forced to bring the thing closer to him lest it tear his hair out.

The baby continued to carry on with his fit, but now his cries were coming in little hiccups and gasps. His snot was getting all over Arthur's tunic and the prince had to turn away because he felt sure he was going to be sick. They were so disgusting! Snot and spit and...Arthur turned green. He didn't want to think about what else came out of the foul creature in his arms.

"Merlin," Arthur said, turning to see his servant still grinning at him. "Get this thing off of me!"

"No can do," Merlin sighed.

"I'll do anything," Arthur said desperately, knowing he was making a huge mistake, but not feeling like he had any other option.

"Anything?" Merlin asked innocently, as if this hadn't been his plan all along.

"Anything," Arthur repeated instantly.

"Well," Merlin said slowly, pretending to think it over.

The baby chose that moment to sneeze and Arthur nearly crawled out of his skin. It took everything he had not to throw the thing at Merlin and pray to the gods that his clumsy servant had enough sense to catch it.

"Anything," Arthur all but cried. "Just get this thing off me!"

"I want a day off," Merlin said triumphantly. "No...make that two days."

"Done," Arthur said immediately.

"That means no chores, no ordering me around, no knight practice," Merlin continued. "And I get to sleep in for as long as I want."

"Fine," Arthur growled impatiently, holding out the baby to his servant.

"Not so fast," Merlin said. "I know you are going to make me pay for this later so I really need to get something out of it."

Arthur could feel the heat in his belly beginning to spread. He was going to remind Merlin of this moment for the rest of his life. He would destroy him for this.

"What?" Arthur grated out.

"You get to serve me breakfast," Merlin said with a small grin. "In bed."

"Absolutely not! You are out of your mind if you think I would ever bring you-"

"Arthur," Merlin sighed. "I think you are forgetting the way this works. You want something from me and I'm more than happy to help, but...wasn't it you that told me that nothing comes for free?"

"I'm going to kill you," Arthur growled.

"That may be," Merlin agreed. "But at least I'll die with the satisfaction of beating you at your own game. Now...those are my conditions. Take them or leave them."

"Fine," Arthur hissed, wincing as the baby pulled his hair again.

"Promise," Merlin insisted. "Swear it...on your honor."

Arthur cursed. If he swore on his honor then he would HAVE to do what he promised Merlin. His damn pride was getting in his way again. Then the baby coughed and spit ran down his neck and any concerns of his pride flew out the window.

"Alright," Arthur cried, shoving the baby towards Merlin. "I swear on my honor, Merlin. Two days off and I'll serve you breakfast!"

"In bed," Merlin said firmly, refusing to take the baby from him.

"In bed," Arthur agreed instantly.

Merlin grinned and accepted the infant graciously, pulling the child towards him without an ounce of hesitation. The tiny child lay his head on Merlin's shoulder and the servant rubbed his back in soothing circles while whispering calming phrases in the child's ear. Within moments the baby had settled down and Arthur was struck by the sudden silence.

"How did you do that?" Arthur asked quietly, staring at Merlin with something bordering awe. "You just...and he just..."

"I suppose I just have the magic touch," Merlin said, grinning more than Arthur thought the joke warranted. Something about what Merlin said had amused him greatly, but Arthur never knew with Merlin. His servant didn't think like other people thought. He was strange that way.

"Your shirt is in it's mouth," Arthur pointed out, cringing as the little monster stuffed a clump of Merlin's tunic between his lips.

"Arthur," Merlin said, rolling his eyes. "You've got to stop calling him 'it'. He's a baby. Not an inanimate object."

"I don't understand," Arthur whispered, ignoring his servant's chastisement. "Doesn't that bother you? The screaming? The spit?"

"Not really," Merlin said, smiling. "After all, I'm your servant. He's easy compared to you."

"Watch it, Merlin."

"How did you get stuck with him anyways? I thought Morgana agreed to take him while Queen Alesia and King Frederick went hunting with your father."

"She implied that I couldn't take care of him," Arthur grunted. "I told her she was wrong. So we made a little bet."

"Which you lost," Merlin pointed out.

"I did not lose, Merlin. I never lose."

"You lost," Merlin said, matter of factly.

"I did not! The rules clearly stated that I just had to keep him for the day. That I had to take care of him. You, as my servant, count as an appendage of myself. Therefore...I took care of him and therefore...I didn't lose."

Suddenly, Merlin's nose crinkled up and the baby gurgled happily. Arthur was instantly suspicious.

"Arthur," Merlin said, disgust entering his features for the first time. "I think he..." The servant trailed off uncomfortably.

"What?" Arthur asked uncertainly.

"You know..."

"No, Merlin. I do not know."

"I think he took care of business," Merlin whispered, as if afraid the baby would hear.

"Business?" Arthur asked, confused. "What business?"

"Pooped," Merlin said softly, flushing.

"Oh," Arthur said, stepping back from the baby again. "Well...take care of it."

"Me?" Merlin croaked. "But..."

"But what?" Arthur smirked. "We had a deal...remember?"

"Oh gods," Merlin breathed, staring down at the baby's cloth covered rump with terror. "I think it moved, Arthur."

"Have fun, Merlin," Arthur said gleefully, reaching towards the doors to his chambers.

"Wait," Merlin cried. "Where are you going? You can't just leave me here!"

"Sure I can," Arthur grinned. "You want those days off, don't you? And breakfast...in bed?"

"It's not worth this," Merlin said frantically. "I take it back!"

"Merlin," Arthur chastised. "I swore on my honor. I can't go back on my promise. And neither can you. The deal is done."

Arthur swung through the open door as Merlin raised his voice in protest. Arthur laughed and walked jauntily down the hall. Damn, it felt good to win. And who said revenge wasn't sweet? Or, Arthur supposed, in Merlin's case...stinky.