Yay! This story is back!

No one was quite sure what to do with Octavia. She was still horribly depressed, and no one really felt comfortable leaving her alone for long. But she was getting better physically; her blood pressure returning to normal and her color coming back. Her left hand was still in the brace, which held her hand and fingers bent forward at a 20 degree angle, making work duty impossible. At first Bellamy said he wanted to keep an eye on her, but of course he was out in the woods. No one went past the walls without a weapon, but she couldn't be trusted to carry a weapon. The same problem occured with Lincoln. It was eventually decided that she would be helping out at the lab with Raven and Wick until she could be trusted on her own.

"Helping out" mostly meant sitting on one of the workshop stools and listening to Wick and Raven argue over designs.

"You've got to think realistically, Wick!"

"I am. This design is amazing."

"But it's not practical! It's going to overheat and set the kitchen on fire, and then the gas is going to catch, and we'll all be toast."

"So it needs a little work."

"It needs a lot of work!"

Raven glanced over to Octavia, then did a double-take, noticing that the girl had gone a bit grey and was cupping her hands over her ears.

"O? Hey, what's going on?"

"S-sorry. I don't f-feel good." her voice was too soft, and she wouldn't look Raven in the eyes.

"Okay, it's okay." Raven said gently, putting her hands over Octavia's, and rubbing the girl's fingers.

"I'm sorry," Octavia said shakily, beginning to cry.

"No, it's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Octavia sniffled and ducked her head even lower.

"I'm sorry," she said again, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Is it the noise?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to get out of here? Maybe go for a walk?"

She nodded and Raven grabbed her right hand. The wind was awful, and the snow on the ground made their toes numb, but Octavia felt like she could breathe again.

The winter months were hard. Raven's belly had stretched out her grey shirt until she could no longer wear it without exposing half of her stomach to the world. Thankfully, a recently pregnant woman traded shirts with her. Her baby bump, which she at first had thought was cute, was now a pain in the ass. It itched terribly, but everyone scolded her for scratching at it till her skin was red and raw. Fortunately, she was feeling better. She still had nausea, but it was bearable. Abby removed her nj tube a week before she hit six months pregnant.

Winter weather made almost everything different. It was hard to find food, and everyone's rations were smaller. With no fruit and only a few vegetables available, people were getting sick left and right. The frigid temperatures left everyone with chapped lips and dry, itchy skin. Abby treated many people with frostbite and a few cases of hypothermia.

Octavia was sitting in the lab, watching Wick line up the pipes for a stove, when Bellamy burst into the room.

"She's back. Clarke is back. We found her in the woods."

"Is she okay?" Raven asks, popping out from underneath a piece of machinery.

"Abby's checking her out. She could walk, but she didn't say much."

"Can we see her?" Octavia asks.

"Probably later today."

Sure enough, 3 hours later, Raven and Octavia got to see Raven in the med bay. The blonde had grime seeping out of her hairline, fingernails, nose. She looked like she'd forgotten how to smile, and her appearance seeped fury and darkness.

"Looks like you two have been busy," she said in a gravelly voice.

"Where have you been?" Octavia asked. It was rare for her to make conversation these days.

"Wandering. I went up north, visited some trading posts. Befriended all the grounder tribes. They call me queen."

"Really?" Raven asked skeptically.

"No. Well, the first part was true, I did check out the trading posts. I actually stayed at one for a while."

"Why did you come back?"

"I have a message from the Ice Nation. They say they'll join forces with the sky people if you'll show them how to build guns and make gunpowder. They knew if they sent one of their own people to tell you, you'd probably just shoot them. Don't let it spread, though. So Raven, is that baby Finn's or Wick's?"

"None of your damn business. But it's Wick's."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes."

Clarke certainly wasn't endearing herself to anyone. She was harsh and cold and gritty. The current army commander, a man named Pike, had a meeting with her, and two short days later, the Chancellor's daughter was gone again. Bellamy mentioned to Octavia that negotiations would start with the Ice Nation within the next couple of days. Things were changing rapidly, and Octavia wanted to muster up the motivation to force her way into the negotiations, or talk with Indra, or do something. But she couldn't. Her depression had begun to mingle with anxiety. She felt an indescribable dread mixed with paralyzing apathy, and it made her feel like she was going crazy.

Raven had begun to detect Octavia's anxiety before it got bad enough that she couldn't breathe or function. She had started noticing the way the girl's shoulders would twitch a bit when things were getting hard. She noticed how Octavia's right hand would clench, and her jaw would set, and she would hold her breath subconsciously. And then she would know it was time to step in; time to firmly hold Octavia's right hand, grounding her; time to hug her so hard it almost hurt; time to model steady breathing against her chest, trying to get her to breathe. Although it was hard for Raven to see her friend in such a bad place, she was happy that the focus was off herself for a while. She needed a purpose beyond surviving, and taking care of Octavia, finishing the kitchen for the Ark, and sneaking off to Wick's tent at night left her feeling that her life was full and right.

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