It was 7:00am by the time Damon staggered through the door of the boarding house looking all disheveled and still a little drunk. He headed towards the stairs when he heard a voice behind him.
"Where the Hell have you been?" After witnessing Elena crying with Damon, Stefan was ready to rip into him for any little thing.
"Sorry I didn't call dad, but I was having a drink with my buddy Ric. Didn't know I needed your permission." Damon started walking further up the stairs with slow, pronounced footsteps.
Stefan gave him an admonishing look. He asked, "Care to tell me what happened with Elena that got her so upset and sent you into a drunken stupor?"
Continuing up the stairs, Damon shouted back without looking at him, "Nope."
"Damon she's my girlfriend. I have a right to know what's going on."
Sure rub it in some more. Damon turned back and walked down the steps towards him. He said, "Then you should ask her. Aren't you two in an 'epic' relationship?" He turned to walk away, but Stefan grabbed his arm in desperation, stopping him from leaving.
"She won't talk to me Damon. I'm going crazy trying to figure out what's wrong. All I know is she's distancing herself from me ever since you started teaching her to feed, even more so after this last time. Did something go wrong? Did she kill someone?"
Damon paused for a moment contemplating what to say. A part of him truly felt guilty for hurting his brother this way, yet another part of him was so angry at him for allowing Elena to drown that his anger cancelled out his guilt. Stefan didn't deserve her. If he truly loved her, he would've done anything to save her no matter what she said. But no, he was always too worried about being the bad guy. Besides, no matter how many years had passed, it still hurt that Stefan got involved with Katherine knowing how he felt about her. Where was Stefan's consideration and guilt for him? Instead, he sighed in frustration and said, "No one died. Things just got a little...out of control. She'll get over it and everything will be fine I'm sure."
Stefan's anxiety noticeably eased. "Thanks brother. Her behavior has just been so erratic since she's turned that I barely recognize her anymore. She's just not that same girl I fell in love with."
Damon's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Of course she's not. That Elena died when you failed to save her from drowning. If you're disappointed with what she's become, you have yourself to thank for that." What the Hell did he expect to happen? Moron!
Stefan shot back, "Are you ever going to let that go? I made a mistake alright."
Damon scoffed, "A mistake? No, a mistake is 'I forgot to pick her up from the bridge' not 'She told me not to save her so I didn't.' No, you don't get a free pass from me on that one." Stefan lowered his head nodding in guilt. Damon sighed heavily. He hadn't meant to go off on him. He said, "I'm sure if you show her a little more understanding she'll come around." Then he turned and continued on up the stairs to his room.
He shut the door behind him, leaning back against it for a moment, thinking. After everything Stefan did to him with Katherine, they were technically now even. It was never his intention to sleep with Elena to get back at Stefan for some long ago grudge. He really did love his brother, and they'd worked hard to get their relationship back on track. In fact, that night their relationship had been the strongest ever since they turned. But Stefan was an idealistic idiot who never listened to him. Damon warned him that he'd be the one to get her killed. To his chagrin, he'd been right. Despite how furious he was at Stefan for letting Elena die, hurting him this way was never something he meant to do. No, he slept with Elena because he loved her to the point it hurt. When he thought he'd lost her forever the night Ric died in his arms, he felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest. He couldn't imagine a world without her in it. He'd gotten lucky. A twist of fate had given him a second chance at loving her. No way was he going to waste it because she didn't love him back. For her sake, he'd swallowed his feelings and resumed the role of her friend. No matter how much it pained him to be near her, he wanted to be there for her to help her through her transition in whatever way she needed. What she had needed was for him to teach her how to feed. He tried to do just that, but her emotions and behavior were bouncing all over. Right or wrong, he'd simply lost control of his feelings in the moment. He could never let this happen again.
He walked over to his bed and opened the drawer to his night stand, revealing a pint of bourbon. He didn't bother with a glass. Instead, he pulled the cap off and threw it across the room. Then h plopped himself on his bed, drinking until he passed out again. It's not fair to anyone, never again.
Hours later, he'd woken up unaware of how much time had passed. All he knew was he had a horrible taste him his mouth, a coated tongue and a headache. He carefully opened his eyes when he swore he heard something. Lying in bed next to him, watching him as he slept, was Elena. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. Talking to himself, he quipped, "I really have to stop drinking so much. I'm hallucinating again." He felt her shift beside him.
"You're not hallucinating Damon."
He looked over at her with a glare then groaned. "Oh, why are you here?"
Elena felt a sting of hurt at his question. "Thanks."
He looked at her, "Elena, I didn't mean..."
She said, "Please Damon, I...I wanted to finish talking."
"We already talked." He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hand, trying to alleviate the pounding in his head.
She insisted, "No, we didn't get to finish."
He slowly sat up. "Look there's nothing else to say. It was a mistake, that's all. Let's just forget about it and move on. You really should go before Stefan comes in and thinks there is something going on."
She sat up in bed too, scooting closer to him. "First, Stefan isn't even here. And second there is something going on."
He sighed. "Elena go." She placed her hand on his arm, immediately giving him Goosebumps. He looked down at her hand and frowned, trying to keep himself from grabbing her and kissing her. He said, "Fine. Then I'll leave."
He got up and stumbled to the bathroom, opened the shower door, and turned the water on to heat up. Elena followed him in the bathroom determined to continue their talk. He went over to the sink to splash some water on his face.
"Damon I know you think that I'm lying to you about how I feel. And that I'm toying with you to keep you on the line, but I'm not."
Both of his hands were resting on the countertop with the bulk of his weight resting forward against them. "Elena I'm not mad, ok. It's not your fault. It's mine. Your feelings are all over the place right. You don't know what you're doing. You're just confusing your gratefulness for my help with love. It's Stefan that you want not me. This is my fault because I've been a vampire longer. I should've been able to control myself but I didn't. I'm not mad about it. I just want to forget about it and move on." He grabbed a towel off of the shelf, walked over to the shower and peeled off his shirt and pants. There was no point in waiting for her to leave to strip, since she'd not only seen it all, but felt it all before. He just needed to get away and drown her out of his head and heart. Before he got in, he said gently, "Now please just go. I promise I'll still be here if you need me, just not like that. I just can't."
He stepped in the shower, enjoying the feel of the warm water wash over his face and body. The shower door was covered in steam. His eyes were closed while the water pelt against his face. He didn't need to open them to know what was happening. He felt the cold rush of air as the shower door opened and Elena stepped in. He looked down at her naked figure standing next to him. She stood so close to him that her bare breasts almost touched his chest. His mind was saying please don't do this to me, but his body was saying I want you to. He managed to get out the start of a desperate plea through a wavering, cracked voice, "Elena, don't..."
She grabbed his face and kissed him fiercely. For a few seconds, he felt himself cave and kiss her back before his mind and resolve to not repeat his mistake kicked in. He grabbed her firmly by her shoulders, pulling her away from his lips. Anger rose in his voice as he shook her. "Stop it!"
She looked at him desperately. "I love you!" His eyes bore into hers with anger.
"You love me? If you really love me then you'll stop putting me through this. After everything, don't I deserve better than that, doesn't Stefan?"
Tears started to form in her eyes as her rampant emotions overwhelmed her. "Yes, you do. I just want a chance to prove to you that my feelings are real. That's all I'm asking for."
He let go of her arms backing away from her. He tried to regain his composure. "You want to prove it to me? This is not the way to do it. Now please go before things get worse."
They stood there for a moment, staring in each others' eyes, both pleading for different things, while the water continued to pour down on them. Finally, she nodded her understanding. She choked back her tears before she opened the shower door and stepped out. The door was still open. He watched her gather her clothes and put them on, not even bothering to dry off first. She gave him one last guilty look before she turned and walked out.
He closed the door and leaned both hands against the wall facing the shower head. The warm water continued to beat down on his dropped head. That was too close. We can't keep doing this.
Elena stood outside his bedroom door a moment. Her hand covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle her sobs. Huge tears uncontrollably rolled down her face. She didn't come over to try and seduce him again. She came over to explain her feelings. Her desperation at his unwillingness to listen to her plea led her to do the very thing she hadn't wanted to do, manipulate him. She hated that part of her, that part that was so like Katherine. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. "He's right. I need to really show him,"