Sorry not much Damon interaction in this one but it was necessary to move forward. Hope you enjoy. I can't wait to hear what Elena says to Damon next week at the Founder's Day dance. :)

Dear Diary,

Things are not going well in my mission to convince Damon of my feelings. Each time I've attempted to show him that I'm serious about what I feel, I've ended up making it worse. I don't know what is wrong with me. I want to fix this, I NEED to fix this. I only went over there the other day with the intention of talking. Instead, I ended up throwing myself at him. He's right, that's not the way to prove my feelings for him, yet I can't help it. i can't seem to control myself. Every time I'm near him, I have this intense desire to touch him, but all that does is reaffirm his doubt in my sincerity. I can't even begin to prove to him how I feel until I end things with Stefan.

It's not that I'm not ready to end things, or that I'm confused about how I feel. It's just that I do still love him, even if I'm not IN love with him, and I don't want to hurt him. Telling him I'm in love with his brother will undoubtedly hurt him. But the truth is Damon isn't the only reason we need to break up. Things haven't been right since we got back together. We just don't connect like we used to, it feels...forced. I tried to feel the way I used to, I really did, but something was just missing. We can't even communicate like we used to. We hide from our problems and keep secrets from each other because we're too afraid the other will disapprove. We have to face the fact that neither of us are the same people we used to be.

While Stefan was gone, I spent so much time with Damon that it feels wrong not to be around him all the time, and no amount of time with Stefan seems to change that. It doesn't help that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't forget Denver, and what it felt like to kiss him, to feel his hands on me. It's not just that though, I can be myself with Damon and not feel guilty about it. He accepts me whether I'm a human or a vampire. It's not that way with Stefan. Stefan wants me to be that human girl he fell in love with, but that girl died. Truth be told, I wasn't that same girl even before I died. I'd grown and gotten stronger in his absence. If I add all of these things up, they all point to it being over. And it's not fair to keep Stefan in limbo simply because I'm afraid to let go and hurt him, when I know my heart isn't with him anymore. I'm just not sure what to say to him. They say the truth will set you free, so I guess that's what I need to do, tell him the truth and hope for the best.

Elena took a deep breath and dialed the number, nervously pacing in her room. While the phone rang, she kept telling herself that it was good that she was doing this. The longer she waited, the more he would get hurt. She couldn't keep up this charade any longer. She didn't even want to try. Her feelings for Damon overwhelm her, and once you feel something like that, you can't pretend anymore that they don't matter. When Stefan answered, she said, "Stefan, hey." She could hear the happiness in his voice that she'd called, and it made her wince in guilt. This didn't exactly make her feel better for what she was about to tell him. He'd been trying to give her a little space the last few days to work out her issues, and to him, her calling was a sign that she was feeling better, that she was ready to pick up where they'd left off.

"Elena, I'm glad you called. I haven't heard from you in a few days. I tried calling, but I didn't hear back from you. I've been a little worried."

Hesitantly, she said, "Uh, yeah, I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you. I just needed to be alone for awhile to do some thinking."

Concerned, he said, "Look, if there is anything you want to talk about, you know I'm always here to listen."

"Actually, I do need to talk to you, but I'd like to do it in person if that's ok. Are you going to be home for a while?"

He definitely wanted to see her, but given the tone in her voice, he was reluctant. He paused for a moment before saying, "Yeah, I'll be here. I wasn't planning on going anywhere today, so come by whenever you like."

"Great. I'll see you soon."

Stefan hung up the phone with a sense of foreboding about their talk. When someone you're involved with says they want to 'talk' that is never a good thing. Still, he knew as well as she did that it was long overdue. Maybe if both talked about what they were feeling, they could get past this.

When she pulled up to the house, she saw Damon's car in the driveway, so he was obviously home too. It would be harder to end things with Stefan given Damon was in the house to hear their every word, but she thought it might actually be a good thing if he heard what she had to say. Then maybe he would see just how serious she was about him. Still, she was embarassed about her behavior the other day. She had texted him later that night apologizing for her pushiness, never thinking she would've had to worry about being sexually aggressive with Damon Salvatore. But all he replied was, 'don't worry about it.' The thing is, she was worried about it. That's why she was there, to set things straight with Stefan, so she could focus on convincing Damon that she loved him. She couldn't let her resolve slip on this no matter what.

Elena was actually hoping Damon was in his room, so she wouldn't have to face him until after he'd heard her break up with Stefan. Unfortunately, he was sitting in the great room on the couch reading, drink in hand, when she walked in. She didn't see him at first, as she immediately headed towards the stairs.

He startled her when he called out. "Need something?"

She stopped dead, clutching her hand to her chest in surprise. "Oh my God Damon, you scared me. I didn't see you sitting there."

Without leaving his position, he looked at her smugly over his book. "Obviously. So, what are you doing here?"

She stammered. "Um...I...eh...I came to talk to Stefan. Is he here?" She knew damn well he was there, she had just spoken to him 15 minutes ago.

Damon's face was a mask of calmness, but underneath he felt the sting that she was here for Stefan. Of course she is. What did you expect? His eyes returned back to his book as he said flatly, "He's upstairs writing out his broody thoughts no doubt."

Elena stood there a moment, disappointed by Damon's cold demeanor. She knew it was her fault that he'd shut his feelings off, but understanding that didn't make it any easier to witness when she had seen the other side of him. She sighed, "Thanks."

Damon laid the open book against his chest after she left the room, listening, as she walked down the hallway towards Stefan's room. I need to get the Hell out of here. There is no way I'm going to listen to them going at it. It was bad enough he had to pretend like it didn't kill him that she was here for his brother. He definitely couldn't pretend to not hear them having sex. He tossed the book on the end table then picked up his drink to empty the glass. He walked over to the bar, took a full bottle of bourbon, grabbed his coat, and went out the door. Where he was going, he had no idea, but at the moment, anywhere was better than there.

Stefan's door was open, but Elena knocked on it anyway. She knew it wasn't necessary, since he could hear her footsteps coming from down the hall, and it wasn't like she hadn't been in his room a thousand times before. Still, she felt odd just walking in. There was this huge distance she felt between them that made her feel like a stranger entering for the first time. It was something she never would've guessed she ever felt with Stefan, but she did now. Another sign I'm doing the right thing. Stefan was sitting at his roll top desk, writing in his journal just as Damon had predicted. She had to chuckle to herself that he knew his brother so well.

Stefan looked up at her when he heard the knock. "Elena! Come in, you know you don't have to knock."

Elena felt herself hesitate before she entered, like an unannounced guest not wanting to startle a homeowner.

Stefan watched as she bypassed him, not stopping to give him a kiss like she usually would, as she went over and sat down on the end of the bed. He closed his journal and swiveled his chair around to face her. Both could feel the heavy tension in the air, and the obvious distance between them, not just due to their proximity from one another. Stefan started, "So how has the feeding been going?"

She never thought she'd view feeding as a casual conversation starter, but compared to the bomb she was about to drop, that's exactly how she viewed the question. "I feel less nervous about it when I know someone is there to pull me away if I lose control. But right now, I don't really have that option. Overall I guess it's slowly coming along." Nervously, she placed her hands under her legs, sitting on them, as she sheepishly dropped her gaze to the floor. She found she was having a difficult time looking him in the eyes.

Stefan said, "Yeah, I see Damon hasn't been taking you. You both seemed rather upset after the last time, so I take it you're in a fight about something. I asked him what happened but..."

Elena's face shot up with concern. She asked, "What did he tell you?"

Stefan firmed his lips together and shook his head. "He said things got out of control, and that if I wanted to know, I should ask you."

Her shoulders noticeably relaxed. She didn't think Damon would tell his brother that he'd slept with his girlfriend, but for a moment she thought Stefan knew the truth, and that wasn't something she had wanted him to find out. It wasn't her reputation she was worried about. It was the hurt it would cause him, something she should've thought about before she seduced Damon. Her actions hurt them both. She reminded herself, in that moment, she wasn't just following her libido, she was following her heart. Logic went out the window at that point, and she would deal with the consequences later. Well now was later. She took a deep breath, not sure where to begin. "Damon and I...we..." She saw the serious look on his face. She thought, I can't do it. I can't tell him what really happened. "He'd stayed in the shadows while I lured a jogger to feed on. It was the first time I did it all on my own, and I felt excited that I was gaining control. Afterwards, he took me home, and we went to my room so Jeremy didn't have to hear us talking about it. I went to thank him for his help, and I..." She could see Stefan tense up, waiting for what he knew she would say. "I..couldn't stop myself from...kissing him." Everywhere, over and over and over, and that's not all. Kissing was the mildest thing we did.

The look on Stefan's face was an impenetrable mask of pain. Elena's heart was in her throat, his silence was killing her. Desperately, she said, "Stefan, please say something."

He smiled at her manically, and she swore in that moment he changed into the Ripper right before her eyes. At first, Stefan's voice was calm. He said, "What do you expect me to say Elena, that it's ok you cheated on me, because it's not."

She said sympathetically, "No, Stefan I don't expect that at all. You have every right to hate me for it."

The anger grew in his voice the more he spoke. "You know I saw this coming ever since you fed from him. He knew what he was doing. He took advantage of your vulnerability, he manipulated you!"

Elena didn't want Damon to take the blame once again for something she initiated. "No, Stefan it wasn't Damon's fault. I was the one who pulled him in to kiss." I also pulled him on top of me and peeled his clothes off. "He tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let him I...I wanted him."

He stood and began pacing the room, rubbing the back of his neck to relieve the tension. His voice rose, firmly he said, "You're still in transition. You don't know what you want!"

Elena jumped back a little on the bed at the anger in his voice. She knew this would happen. She knew somehow Damon would get blamed, and she wasn't about to let that happen. Ever since she turned, Stefan had been treating her like a fragile child, and she was sick of it. "Stop it. Stop treating me like I'm not responsible for my own actions, like I'm incapable of knowing what I want right now because my feelings are heightened."

He approached her, looming over her with a snarl on his face. "You want him huh? I could see you wanting him before, when I was out of control, because I drove you to him, but now...? I just don't get it, I don't get why you would still want him after everything I've done to get myself back for us, so we could get back to what we had."

Ouch that one hurt. She got up and pushed past him to put some distance between them. She turned around, folding her arms across her chest. "That's the problem Stefan, we were foolish to think we could go back. I'm not that same girl you fell in love with. That girl died on the bridge, and the person I've become isn't someone you recognize. It's ok to admit that. And truthfully, you're not the same either. Think about it, all we've been doing since we got back together is dodging our problems, keeping secrets and fighting."

He sighed heavily, and Elena could see him starting to calm. "This is my fault. If I had saved you, you wouldn't have turned, and none of this would be happening."

She stepped closer to him, placing her hand on his arm, turning him to look at her. She said, "You don't know that for sure. These feelings I have for Damon were there before. I just kept fighting them to be with you. All turning did was show me that I can't do it anymore, my feelings for him are too strong."

He looked at her with sadness in his eyes. "I still love you. We can get past this."

Elena felt a lump in her throat. She felt awful that she couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear, but honestly she didn't want to get past it. She wanted to move on...with Damon. Gently, she said, "Stefan, I love you too. But it's time for us both to move on. I'll always be here if you need me."

He jerked his arm from her grip, his anger apparent just below the surface. He vehemently said, "Sure, if I need you I'll know where to find you...in Damon's bed." He walked over to the window and stared out.

Elena stood there a moment and shook her head. For a moment, she thought she'd gotten through to Stefan, and that they could end things amicably, but she realized now that it was selfish of her to think so. As she walked toward the door to leave, she said, "I'm sorry Stefan."

She walked down the hallway, holding her stomach, finally allowing herself to breathe normally again. It was hard for her to hurt Stefan that way, but it would've been worse had he found out the truth. Either way it needed to be done, and now he could start to heal, giving him a chance to move on with his life. Elena felt a huge weight lifted from her shoulders. This should prove to Damon that I meant what I said. With exuberance, she made her way down the stairs to find Damon, hoping he had heard her speech. She walked in the great room expecting to see him smiling, but instead all she found was his book on the table and an empty glass. She looked around the entire first floor and the basement for him, but he wasn't there. She made her way back upstaris to his bedroom to find it empty as well. She looked out the front to see his car was no longer in the driveway. He left. Did he even hear any of it? She pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number, but only got his voicemail. She decided to text him.

Sent: Where are you?

Reply: Out.

Sent: No kidding. I need to talk to you.

Elena waited for a reply, but one never came. That was the wrong thing to say. Now he's avoiding me. I'm sure Stefan will tell him we've split up then maybe he'll be willing to talk to me. She put her phone back in her pocket and went home.

Damon had decided to go to Alaric's loft to get away from the happy couple. Ric's rent had been paid for the year, so Damon hung out there from time to time to escape his brother and Elena. He even considered moving in, but he couldn't give up his lavish bathroom. He was sitting on the couch, with his legs propped on the coffee table, while he chugged back his 5th of bourbon straight from the bottle. The TV was on, but he wasn't paying attention to it. He just kept flipping channels mindlessly. He looked at the caller ID when his phone rang and pushed 'ignore' when he saw it was Elena. A few minutes later, he got her text. He wasn't in the mood to talk to her, but he would feel terrible if he ignored her and something was really wrong. He read her first message and gave a simple reply. When he read the next message, he said to himself, "Sorry, I'm all talked out."