Warning for mild substance use in this chapter.
"Tryout day," sings Jess when Rey wakes up two weeks later.
Rey groans.
"Don't worry," Jess encourages her. "You'll do great."
"I'd have to get out of bed to do great," Rey mumbles. Her throat's scratchy and she feels as if her brain's been replaced by weights. Rey swears. Of all the days to come down with a cold.
Rey showers and changes into jeans and a pink top. At breakfast, she grabs an orange to go with her chocolate cereal, filling her glass with orange juice as well.
"You know vitamin C is an old wives' tale," a voice says from behind her.
Rey yelps and almost drops her tray. "You scared me!" she accuses.
"Sorry." Ben smirks.
"How can you tell I'm sick?" she asks.
He shrugs. "I didn't. I guessed." He pours some coffee for himself. "You look pale."
"Well, I have tryouts later," Rey retorts. "I can't be sick, and old wives' tale or not, I'm willing to try anything." Especially with Phasma as Jess's co-captain, Rey knows making the team is far from guaranteed. But she wants to be on it—her friends will make it, surely, and she wants to prove to Mr. Skywalker, to Principal Snoke, all of her teachers, that she's not just an object for them to dump pity on, that she can actually accomplish something.
Ben sips his black coffee. "Too late for that. You already are sick."
Rey give him the finger as she moves over to where Finn and Poe sit with Jess and Snap.
Poe raises his eyebrows.
Rey sighs. "Half the time he's nice to me, and the other half of the time he's an asshole. Guess which mood he woke up in today."
"Mr. Hyde," supplies Finn. "He looks shocked that you dared to insult His Royal Highness."
"Yup." Rey gulps down her orange juice. "Do you really think his attitude's all because he thinks he's better than us?" She glances over her shoulder at him as he slinks over to another table.
"Maybe," Poe puts in. "He and Hux were screaming at each other so loudly last night that Threepio got involved again."
"Ugh." Rey cringes.
Come maths class in the early afternoon, all Rey wants to do is lay her head down and sleep. But she can't.
"If you see ask to see Dr. Kalonia," Ben mutters. "She can give you Tylenol or ibuprofen. It might help."
Rey glares at him. "Is this your apology for being a jerk this morning?"
His jaw drops. "How was I a jerk?"
"Never mind." Rey shakes her head. It's not worth it.
"Surprise!" Mr. Statura announces as he strides into the room with a stack of white, devilish papers. "Pop quiz!"
"Fuck," Rey grumbles. Ben nods as if he's either impressed with Rey or telling Mr. Statura to bring it on.
She's too tired and way too stressed for this. And she can't fail. Rey blinks back tears as Mr. Statura places the paper on her desk.
Fifteen minutes later and Rey's smiling while Ben looks as if he's swallowed a mouthful of gnats.
"How'd it go?" she asks after class.
Ben tugs at the stupid gloves he's wearing, even though the air barely has a nip of chill in it. "Could have gone better."
"I'm sure you did fine," she says to him, not sure entirely why.
He blinks and then ducks his head as if to avoid looking at her. "You should go to Dr. Kalonia."
"Maybe." Rey shrugs. "I'm feeling better now." She grins.
His lips twitch as if he's trying not to smile. "Well, good luck later."
"Thanks." Rey pauses and cranes her neck to stare at him, ignoring the butterflies suddenly flapping in her stomach. What the heck is this for? "Over-under of Phasma agreeing to let me on the team no matter how well I do?"
Ben snorts, his eyes strangely soft. "You shouldn't worry. Phasma's more concerned with how the team does than any personal vendettas." He turns away.
"Are you coming to watch?" she calls after him.
He hesitates, mouth open, then shakes his head. "I've got to meet with Mr. Snoke."
"Oh." Rey scowls. "Okay then." She decides to bail on music class—because she sure as hell can't sing right now— and visits Dr. Kalonia to get some ibuprofen. She hopes Ben's words about Phasma are true.
"Well, you don't have a fever," Dr. Kalonia declares as she removes the thermometer from Rey's mouth.
"Yippee," Rey says, swinging her legs. "So I can still try out?"
"Yes." Dr. Kalonia smiles. "You should get some rest afterwards, though."
"Uh-huh." Rey swallows the small red pills and takes the pass Dr. Kalonia gives her. When the last bell rings, she taps Ben on his shoulder as she heads to her locker. "Ibuprofen for the win," she says, giving him a thumbs up.
He gives her a thumbs-up back, cheeks spasming as if he can't decide whether to smile or laugh or what.
Ben lies on his bed, hair still damp from his shower, when he hears Hux come in. His roommate reeks of pot.
"Are you high?" Ben demands.
"I thought you said you were going to clean this place up!" Hux groans, gaping at the tangled pile of clothing all over the floor. "Look at this mess!"
"Look at this mess," Ben mimics. "You are high." God, not even pot can calm Hux down.
"Clean it up!" Hux snarls. "And I'm allowed to celebrate when I want to, Ben."
"Celebrate making the team?" Ben leans back. He's not moving. If Hux wants to pick up his dirty clothes he can feel free to do so. His roommate keeps his side of the room immaculate—books lined up alphabetically, a bookmark carefully placed in whatever book he's currently reading, laptop always closed unless in used, clothes arranged by color. Every now and then Ben has to move a pen or a book into a crooked line on Hux's desk just to reassure himself that his roommate isn't actually a robot.
"You know sports aren't my thing. No, Phasma wanted to celebrate."
Ben sits back up, tracing the outline of his laptop. "Did that new girl—Rey—make it?"
"Yeah, I heard her name called. It's not like I watch girls' sports. Our neighbor made the boys' squad." Hux snorts. "We'll see how long he lasts."
"You're such a sexist," Ben snaps. Tormenting his roommate right now at least pushes the feeling of Snoke's hands on him out of Ben's mind. Mostly. He squeezes his eyes shut.
"I am not! I am realistic about the biological differences between men and women, Ben."
Now flames are sparking and Ben wants to lash out. "Like when you insulted my mother's intelligence?"
Hux's beady eyes narrow, red from the weed. "All I said was that my father said she can't be that smart if she married your father knowing what he was!"
Snoke's implied the same thing, but Ben doesn't respect Hux enough to listen to his garbage. He clenches his fist and wills himself not to punch Hux. He glances at his phone instead, where his mother's text to him from the day before sits unanswered. Dad and I miss you!
Shameful, Snoke had sneered when Ben told him that they were almost definitely staying together.
Mom will fight to stay with her husband, but she'll fight with her husband to send her son away. Ben remembers his parents' screaming fights when Mom wanted to send him away when he was ten. It's the best school he could possibly attend!
So what? The public school is just as good! I went to public school, and I turned out just fine!
I want to go to Jedi Academy! Ben intervened, watching as his father's face crumpled.
Months later, when he spent too many nights sobbing in his room, afraid to sleep and when he wanted, so desperately, to go home, that memory kept him from making the call. Because his father would surely fight with his mother again, and both of them would roll their eyes at Ben's pathetic fears.
"Whatever." Hux reaches for his copy of Mein Kampf, a book Ben wasn't even aware they still sold.
"What the hell are you reading that for?" Ben taunts, even though it's not so much of a taunt so much as a spewing of the real disgust he feels towards Hux. What kind of monster is his roommate?
"Hitler was definitely evil, but you can't deny that he was a powerful leader," Hux retorts, crossing his legs as he sits primly in his desk chair.
Is he serious? "Yeah, like leading millions of people to their deaths."
"You know what your problem is, Ben?" Hux asks, slamming his book onto his desk. "You don't have friends. You don't have fun. All you do is work with Principal Snoke and sulk in this fucking room!"
"I study, so I can get into a good school," Ben says, heart pounding. "High school sucks anyways."
"Try some of this instead," Hux says, holding up a plastic bag with already rolled joints. Clearly he doesn't expect Ben to bite.
"Fine." Ben snatches the bag and instantly regrets it. Snoke will kill him. You're just like your father.
But Hux is shocked, and Ben can't back down now. He doesn't want to see the gleam of satisfaction in Hux's eyes he'll certainly see if he backs down. In fact...
"Wait—what—not in our room, Ben! Go outside!"
"Threepio would catch me," Ben says, lighting one up with Hux's lighter, which he keeps perched perfectly on the edge of his dresser. "No go." He hacks as his lungs try to adjust to the smoke.
"You are such a prick!"
Ben blows the smoke in Hux's direction. With the lighting, it doesn't carry quite the dramatic effect he imagined.
"Would you please at least clean our fucking room?" Hux manages to eke out, face twisting and flaming with rage.
"Yeah. Tomorrow."
"Tonight!"
"Could you two keep it down?" hollers Finn from next door.
"Go to hell!" Ben yells.
"Me or him?" Hux asks.
"Both!" Ben crushes the cigarette in his hands to put it out. It stings and he's glad. He stumbles into the bathroom to throw it away.
"Are you for real doing drugs next door?" Poe Dameron asks him, leaning against the aqua-tiled wall with his arms crossed.
"No." He knows he probably smells of pot and doesn't care. It doesn't work for Hux, but it might work for him.
"You better not get caught," Poe warns him.
"It wouldn't matter anyways." Ben shrugs.
"It would for me and Finn!" Poe shouts as Ben heads back to his room.
It wouldn't matter. Regardless of what this school does for him, Snoke's recommendation letters will surely get him into the school of his choice, where he can study whatever it is he wants to study. Snoke tells him to choose biological engineering, but that doesn't interest Ben.
But Snoke's always been right before…
And it's what his grandfather studied. His mother, on the other hand, thinks he should study political science. His father really doesn't give a shit. And Ben can't tell whether his father's blasé attitude is an encouragement to do whatever he wants or just a sign that Dad doesn't care about him.
As for Ben, he doesn't know what he wants to do. Snoke knows best. You can't make it on your own. His first few years of panic attacks and nightmares and insomnia showed him that. All of that ceased when Snoke involved himself in Ben's life. Except the insomnia.
His head spins and he buries it in a pillow. All he sees in his mind is the girl from the UK with dark hair and hazel eyes, the only girl in school—really, the only person—who still smiles at him.
Finn yawns as he makes his way with Rey and Poe to their health class. He definitely should have had that second cup of tea.
"Hey," Ben says as they take their seats. "Rey."
"That rhymes," she says dreamily, lifting her head and smiling at him. Ben's face turns pink, and Poe turns to stare at Finn with a look of oh, hell.
"Are you seeing this?" Poe mouths.
Finn nods.
"Congratulations. On making the team." Ben studies his shoes as he speaks.
"Thanks." She grins. "You should have come."
"Wish I could have." He scuffs his shoes against the tiles.
"Tell Snoke to take a rain check next time." Rey studies him.
Ben's eyes widen and his lips curve in a lopsided smile. This is for sure the first time Finn's seen anything other than a deep scowl, a smirk, or some other expression of nastiness on Ben's face.
"Sobered up?" Poe asks, clearing his throat as a very clear signal that he does not like this and he is interrupting, dammit.
Ben glares at him, clenching his fists.
"Maybe you should ask Mr. Ackbar about marijuana's effects on the body," Finn drawls. "I'm sure he'd be happy to go on a tangent for a half hour."
"You did what?" Rey's jaw drops.
"Shut up," Ben snaps at Finn and Poe as he stalks back to his desk.
Rey gapes after him. "He was smoking pot?"
"In the dorm room," Poe confirms.
"I've never done that," Rey admits, frowning and still watching Ben Solo.
"Neither have I," Finn says. Look away from him, Rey. He's trouble.
"I did once. Two years ago. It wasn't actually a fun experience," Poe confesses. "Especially because my mom caught me."
"Attention!" squawks Mr. Ackbar, before launching into a graphic description of all the possible STDs they will most definitely get if they have sex. "It's a trap!"
"I feel like we're in Mean Girls," Finn whispers to Poe.
"I love that movie!" Poe hisses back.
Rey sighs as if they're annoying her.
"Have you ever done it?" Finn quizzes Poe, curious.
He nods. "Once. Last year."
Finn's heart feels like it's being strangled. "Does she still go here?"
Rey looks at Finn like he's interrupting her listening to this riveting lesson, or else like she thinks he's an idiot.
"Uh—no," Poe stammers, before sighing. "No, he doesn't go here."
"Oh." Finn's eyes widen, and he spots Rey giving him a pointed grin. Does she know? How can she know? He nods.
"How about you?" Poe asks, clicking his pen.
"No," Finn says softly. He had the chance once, at a party Nines dragged him too. A girl named Bazine threw her arms around Finn and tried to kiss him, but Finn pushed her away. Nines thought Finn was crazy, and Finn told himself it was just because he likes guys, although he's pretty sure he likes guys and girls, because Bazine was hot.
But Finn doesn't want to kiss anyone he doesn't care for.
Rey raises her hand and asks to go to the bathroom, coughing into her elbow. As she leaves, Finn notices her shoulders trembling.