October 14th, 2014
Chuck closed the front door behind him and turned, taking in the impeccably tidy and elegantly furnished foyer of his townhouse. It was surprisingly silent, he noticed, heaving a long sigh of relief.
Over the past twenty-one days, ever since Blair and Henry had been discharged from the hospital and allowed to go home, their place had been everything but quiet; there was always someone around the house gushing over the baby. Blair's parents, who were staying in New York to be close to their daughter and first grandson, spent most of their days there, Serena and Nate were constantly coming and going and Lily, even if a little more discretely, did the very same. Even Jack had gotten into the habit of showing up unannounced to see the "Bass' offspring" – and Blair hated that expression to the point that she'd glare at an innocent and powerless Chuck every time his uncle called their son like that.
Chuck had mixed feelings about this situation. On one hand he was more than happy to know that Henry was surrounded by a large, caring family and he was truly grateful for the warm affection his son was receiving. On the other hand, though, he couldn't help but feeling jealous and somewhat selfish; he loved their extended family, but there were moments when he felt like they were invading his privacy. He was often caught by the need to keep his wife and his baby for himself, to protect the intimacy of their home from intruders.
Chuck walked to the hall closet and opened it to put away the light trench he had worn to face the humidity of that rainy October day, before crossing the softly illuminated room to the hardwood staircase. Contrary to what he was used to do whenever he got home, he didn't call Blair or any of the staff members, worried that the noise could have woken a possibly sleeping Henry.
It was Monkey who came to welcome him; he toddled down the stairs towards him, wagging his tail with enthusiasm. Chuck, who was already halfway to the second floor, stopped and waited for the dog to reach him. "Good boy, Monkey," he greeted him, slightly bending forward to stroke his head. "Where's Blair, uh?" he then asked in a whisper, smiling as Monkey smelled and licked his hand. "Is she upstairs with Henry?"
Only part of the lights of the large formal living room, which Chuck could glimpse from the step where he was standing, were on. He figured that his wife and son were either in the master bedroom or in the nursery and found a confirmation to his assumptions when Monkey whimpered in response to his question and run back to the second floor, from where he had arrived, before rapidly taking the stairs to the third. Chuck, sighing tiredly in front of all the steps he still had to climb, followed him.
Monkey stopped in front of Chuck and Blair's bedroom door and sat down, patiently waiting for his loved but slower master to make his way through the long hallway. The dog let out another happy sound when Chuck finally reached him, showing that he was as excited to enter as the man clearly was.
After Henry's birth Chuck had worked mainly from home, to entirely dedicate himself to his wife and son. With a full staff, a baby nurse and Dorota (not to mention their overly present relatives), Blair had plenty of help and there was no reason for him not to go the office, but the idea of leaving the house and therefore his family held him back. It felt wrong, forced and in some ways even frightening.
His tenacious resistance had lasted till last night, when Blair had finally decided to face the topic. She had entered his home office, where he was looking over some documents while enjoying his nightly glass of single malt, and sat on one of the two large dark lather armchairs in front of his desk. She had then crossed her legs and assumed that cautious yet resolute pose she used when she needed to talk to him about some delicate matter. Chuck, understanding her intentions, had closed the file he was holding and set the papers aside with a sigh, allowing her to take his hand in hers on the black marble tabletop and lace their fingers together.
She had spoken about how she knew that he secretly missed his routine and, clutching his hand tighter, she had reminded him that both she and Henry were safe, perfectly taken care of and that, coming back home, he would have found them there, waiting for him. Chuck had taken a long sip of his scotch, giving himself some seconds to stall and let her words sink in before nodding.
His first day back at Bass Industries after three weeks off, though, hadn't been exactly productive. While he usually enjoyed his job, today the few hours he had been away from home had felt like an eternity; he had ended up spending a good part of his time texting Blair to make sure everything was okay and asking her to send pictures of their newborn son. He had missed them both terribly and now he couldn't wait to see them.
Blair had left the door half closed and the warm light coming from inside the room drew a thin yellow stripe on the Persian Qum silk carpet of the partially dark corridor. Smiling down at Monkey, Chuck rubbed his ears once more before silently pushing the door open.
His eyes immediately found Blair, who was sitting crossed legs in the middle of the bed, on the plush crimson red comforter. She had Henry nestled in her arms and she was cradling him gently, humming some lullaby Chuck didn't know. She was completely absorbed by the baby: she hadn't even noticed Monkey, who had jumped on the bed straightaway and curled up on his favorite spot at the bottom of the mattress. Chuck took advantage of the fact that she seemed to be unaware of his presence to contemplate the scene. He loved watching her with their son; he was stunned by the way she was so effortlessly maternal and always in tune with the baby.
After some seconds Chuck lightly knocked on the dark wood, a soft, slight sound that managed to make Blair glance up. A wide grin spread across her face when she saw him standing on the doorstep and she motioned to him to come in and get closer, mouthing an "Hello".
Chuck answered with a silent smile, as he approached the bed gingerly, careful not to make any brusque noise. He sat down on the edge of the bed and then leaned over to kiss his wife. "How's the little Bass?" he murmured against her lips, looking down at a soundly sleeping Henry.
"He's great, Chuck. Fed, warm and asleep," she shifted a hand which rested on the light blue cashmere blanket the baby was wrapped up into and brought it to Chuck's cheek, stroking his impeccably shaved skin with her fingers. "I'm okay too, by the way," she then said, noticing that, in spite of her touch, his gaze was still fixed on Henry. "Thanks for asking."
Chuck, who was gently running his thumb over the newborn's forehead, reluctantly glanced up and giggled at the both amused and vaguely offended expression on his wife's face. "I'm sorry," he apologized. He reached for her hand on his face and, as he often did, he guided it to his lips to place a kiss on its back. "How are you?" he asked then, grabbing a curl which fell loosen on her shoulder and tucking it behind her ear. "How was your day?"
Blair rolled her eyes. "My mother came shortly after you left," she huffed, visibly bothered. "She refused to leave till an hour ago," she heaved a sigh. "She can be so oppressive."
Chuck, who couldn't say he disagreed, smirked. Still, knowing that Blair, in spite of her complaints, was actually glad to have her mother there, he decided that it was better not to give voice to his thoughts. "She's heading back to Paris in two days," he reminded her instead, putting an arm around her shoulders. He did it with a bit of hesitance; he was still moving very carefully around her, as he had done all the way through her pregnancy, always afraid to hurt her. Blair responded to his tentative gesture by gently squeezing his hand, a reassuring touch that allowed him to tighten his hold on her. "You can't blame her for being in love with this little one," his eyes went back on their son. "He's a Bass man; he's a charmer."
Blair stared at him, watching as he fixed Henry's blanket and exposed the silver monogram along the hem. His index finger traced the embroidered letters, following the shape of the H, the C, the N and eventually the B.
He was beaming. She couldn't remember a time he had smiled at her like that; his ways of showing emotions and affection were usually more discrete – if not cryptic. Yet this new kind of smile he reserved solely for Henry was completely open and genuine. It made her feel deeply proud. Blair realized that tears were pricking her eyes. She was always so exaggeratedly sensitive these days; hormones and happiness combined made sure she'd get moved by the simplest things, such as the utterly loving expression on her husband's face.
"Speaking of being helplessly in love with Henry," she started after she composed herself, trying to gain back his attention. "It's not even five. Why are you home, Bass?" she raised her eyebrows at him when he gazed back at her, as if she already knew the answer. "If I recall correctly, the last time you got back from work before dinner it was because you were sick."
Chuck let out a soft laugh. "Well, it's also what happened today somehow," he replied with a sigh. He bent his head, sinking his nose into her hair and inhaling her scent. "I was homesick; I missed you two too much."
Blair, still holding his hand, played with his fingers for a moment. She could tell it had been a long and difficult day for him and that he still was a bit nervous. "Do you want to hold him?" she asked after some seconds. "I think he missed you as well," she told him. "He's been unusually fussy today."
Chuck, who had closed his eyes, opened them again to give her an unsure look. "He seems to be so peaceful there," he objected, an undertone of tender concern in his still soft voice. "I don't want to wake him."
His wife shook her head. "You won't," she encouraged him. "It's been just half an hour since I fed him and he fell asleep, he won't wake up for a while. And he loves your arms," she reminded him, unable to repress a pinch of jealousy in her tone. "You're the only one who never fails to make him sleep."
Henry was a surprisingly easy going baby, but, as any other normal two weeks old newborn, there were times when he simply refused to close his eyes and give in to sleepiness. It was Chuck who always managed to soothe him when it happened. Blair used to say that it had to do with the fact that Henry felt completely safe in his father's hold. She felt the same around him, she never missed to add; protected and aware that nothing could get to her as long as she was with him. It was a small yet meaningful victory for Chuck. Although he usually got the sense that Blair was more conscious and more ready to be a parent than he was, in those moments he felt secure.
A shy smirk suddenly curled his lips. He removed his arm from her shoulders and turned to take off his shoes, getting ready to welcome Henry in his embrace. When he was comfortably settled with his back leaned against the stuffed headboard he nodded at Blair, letting her know that she could hand him the baby.
Henry didn't stir at all when his mother carefully placed him in the crook of his father's arm. His only reaction to the fact that he had been moved was a soft, asleep sound, which made both Chuck and Blair chortle.
"He's just like you," Blair commented, as Chuck adjusted the soft blanket again and kissed the top of Henry's head. "Not even cannon shots would wake him when he's sleeping."
Normally Chuck would have glared at her and, as touchy as he was, he would have frowned and proudly declared that it wasn't true. This time, though, he didn't glance up. Blair wasn't even sure he had heard her; he was now completely focused on their son, a look of absolute adoration and devotion on his face.
"Some peace at last," he whispered to the baby, breathing a long sigh of relief. He had spent the day looking forward to this moment and now that he was finally holding his Henry he felt like he could let anxiety go and allow himself to relax. He was fully ready for a quiet night alone with his family.
Chuck heard Blair snort. "I wouldn't get used to the peace if I were you," he looked up to see his wife staring back at him. He hadn't noticed she had gotten up, but apparently she was now standing halfway to the door.
He furrowed his eyebrows in a confused expression. "What do you mean?" he asked, his eyes narrowed. "Where are you going?"
"Downstairs," she informed him. "I have things to do." He immediately assumed an annoyed air at her words and she understood he had already foreseen what she was about to tell him. "Lily and Serena are coming over for dinner. I need to double check on the menu with the chef." She bit her bottom lip, feeling a bit guilty about not having let him know sooner.
Chuck sighed. "Is it strictly necessary?" he grumbled, not hiding e certain note of peeve in his voice. "I was hoping we'd finally be alone tonight and you look tired," he pointed out.
He didn't want her to get exhausted over guests; taking care of Henry was hard enough, considering how little she let their baby nurse help her with the job. Plus, as egoistical as it sounded, he simply didn't want to share his son or Blair with anyone. All he wanted to do was have dinner with his wife and then curl up on the couch in front of the fireplace with her, keeping Henry safe in his embrace.
Blair shook her head. "I'm fine, Chuck," she stepped over the bed again and sat back on the edge next to him. "Lily hasn't seen Henry in days," she explained patiently, slowly running her hand along his forearm. She smiled gently; he had been so impatient to join her and Henry on the bed that he had completely forgotten to take off the jacket of his navy suit. "Not properly, at least. You know how crazy my mother got; we barely get to hold him when she's here, and we're his parents."
Chuck thought about it for a moment, pondering over her words. Blair actually had a point; whenever his step-mother had come to visit them, she had found Blair's parents there and Chuck knew that she had felt somehow excluded. She hadn't complained, it wasn't like her, but she had politely mentioned a few times that she would have liked to spend some more time with her nephew.
He didn't want to deprive her of that joy or make her think that she was any less important for the fact that she wasn't Henry's biological grandmother, Chuck wondered, forcing himself to leave selfishness and jealousy out of his reasoning. He was suddenly caught by a both sad and sweet sense of resignation and sighed again. "I suppose you're right," he admitted, lowering his eyes. "And it'd be impolite to cancel at this point."
"Exactly," Blair placed a light kiss on his cheek and reached out to stroke Henry's. When she pulled back her smile had become wider. "I'll leave you two alone for a bit," she said, squeezing Chuck's shoulder as she stood up again. She could have asked Dorota to make sure everything was perfectly organized for dinner, but she knew that Chuck secretly wanted some time with his son. "I'll be back in a while to check on you both and change into a better outfit before they arrive."
Chuck nodded silently. His stare followed her as she crossed the bedroom and reached the door. It wasn't until she quietly closed it behind her and disappeared from his sight that he looked down at the baby again. Realizing that Blair had made sure they had a moment of privacy, a thankful half smile bent his lips. She was always perfectly aware of what was indispensable to him.
"It's just us now, Henry," he murmured. He delicately grabbed Henry's small hand and, leaning in, he ducked his head to kiss it. He kept on holding it, his fingers lightly playing with his son's, and his voice was barely a whisper when he started talking about his day, desirous to fully enjoy that brief break from the rest of the world.
Three hours later Chuck, who had showered and changed into a new suit to receive their guests, was regretting those idyllic minutes of peace. He was tired and nervous.
The living room where they had gathered, waiting for dinner to be served, resonated with the sound of Serena's childish laugh and silvery, lively voice. She was overly excited about the fact that she was getting to hold Henry and showing her bright, uncontrolled enthusiasm by giggling and repeatedly clapping her hands.
Chuck was never particularly pleased with the thought of people holding Henry, but as long as his son had stayed on Lily's lap he had remained quite relaxed. His baby boy had seemed to be particularly content in his grandmother's hug. He had happily gurgled and cooed at her and Chuck, vigilant but calm, had observed the scene with a serene smile on his lips, his arm securely wrapped around his wife's shoulders.
That peaceful harmony had lasted until Blair had broken it, standing up to go check on the staff setting the table in the adjacent room. Chuck, being left alone to make sure their son was safe, had started to feel tense and his apprehension had grown worse when Serena had claimed that it was her turn to take Henry, shooting her brother a rather piqued and provocative look. She was well aware of his reluctance to trust her with the baby and she had complained about it to Blair several times. Chuck, who had promised his wife that he would have tried to be, quoting her, "less paranoid", had been forced to agree with an unsure nod.
He now stood nervously in front of the fireplace, pursed lips and deeply worried frown wrinkling his forehead, as he watched his stepmother trying to place the baby in her daughter's far less capable arms.
"Serena, darling," Lily sighed when Serena clapped her hands again. "Babies don't like loud noises. You need to be quiet."
Serena, never very interested in her mother's opinions, rolled her eyes at her. "Quiet is boring," she protested. "Henry likes fun people," she reached out, abruptly taking the baby from the older woman's hold. "Don't you, Hen?" she asked in a sing-song tone with a giggle, tickling Henry's stomach as she brought him to her lap. "I bet you love your auntie so much."
Henry, who had been awake for over thirty minutes and was pretty tired other than hungry, started to fuss as Serena clumsily settled him in her arms. He wasn't used to sudden movements and, in spite of her claims, he surely didn't seem to like his aunt in that moment.
Chuck took an instinctive step forward and glanced at the dining room door, hoping to see Blair coming back to put an end to that situation, but she was nowhere in sight. In a moment his eyes were back on Henry: Serena, completely deaf to Lily's attempts to correct her, wasn't supporting his head properly and the baby was clearly about to cry. That quick consideration was enough to make Chuck's good purpose not to interject crumble down and erase any trace of hesitation from his mind. He simply couldn't stand it.
He rapidly made his way back to the couch and sat down next to his fervent stepsister, stretching his arms towards the baby. "Come here, Henry. Come to daddy," he said quietly. Before Serena could start to protest, he had picked his son up and carefully nestled him in his protective embrace. He stroked his cheek, leaning in to hold his head close to Henry's and make sure the baby could see him. "Let's go find mom," Chuck kept on once he felt that the baby was calmer.
He darted an almost guilty glance at Lily as he stood up. "I'll be right back," he told her. She shook her head and smiled at him and Chuck, grateful, smiled back before turning. He started pacing to the dining room to go look for Blair.
Serena crossed her arms with an exasperated and offended expression. "You're impossible, Chuck!" she exclaimed, glaring at her brother's back. "I can never hold him for more than a minute when you're around – which is basically all the time!" she protested animatedly. "It's unfair!"
Chuck spun around to look at her. "That's because you're not careful enough," he answered brusquely. "My son isn't a doll, Serena. He was uncomfortable and, besides, he needs to be fed and put down to sleep."
Normally he wouldn't have spoken so harshly to Serena; their way of talking was always ironic and playful, but his reply had been purely instinctual. It had come out before he had been able to actually think of a kinder way to tell her the same thing.
He would have apologized later and made up to her during dinner, he told himself as he left the room, ignoring Serena's further complaints. All he cared about in that moment was that his son was safe and comfortable in his arms.
"How are you, Charles?" Chuck felt Lily's delicate hand resting on his arm and he turned to look at his step-mother. She had a calm expression; a bright yet discrete smile curving her lips and gentle eyes staring at him with genuine care and interest.
They hadn't had a few minutes alone after Henry's birth and Chuck knew she had been looking forward to this moment. In all honesty he had too and, for a second, he felt stupid and guilty about his hesitance earlier at the thought of having her there that night. He was glad they finally had the occasion to talk.
Blair had fed Henry before dinner and entrusted the baby nurse with the task of making him sleep, so that they could enjoy a pleasant and quiet meal. After eating, though, she hadn't been able to stop herself from going to check on the baby. Serena, still bitter at Chuck in spite of his apologies, had insisted to follow her best friend upstairs, leaving him and Lily at the table. Chuck had headed back to the living room to pour himself a drink and asked his step-mother to join him. They were now standing by the bar.
Chuck shyly lowered his gaze. "Exhausted," he sighed and the woman nodded sympathetically. "But as happy as I can be," he added right after, taking a sip of the scotch he was drinking to hide the tenderness showing on his face. "Gin?" he then offered with a smirk, well aware of her preferences.
"Of course," Lily laughed softly, noticing he had already reached for the bottle. "What else?"
Chuck poured the right amount of transparent liquor into a tulip shaped crystal glass and handed it to his step-mother. She thanked him and took a short sip, keeping her eyes on him. "So, how was your first day back at work?" she asked after in a casual yet thoughtful way. "You haven't said a word about it during dinner."
Chuck took another taste of his drink before replying. "I cleared off half of my afternoon schedule and came back home," he confessed, a hint of tension in his tone. "Honestly, I couldn't bear to stay away any longer."
Lily took a step closer, brushing his arm with her hand. "That's completely normal," she reassured him. "You just need some time to adjust. Soon you'll be back to your usual routine."
The words made Chuck frown. He didn't know if he wanted to. Oddly, he had never been less interested in work or, for the matter, anything that weren't Henry and Blair. He was so completely happy that the possibility of letting anything come between him and his family scared him. Every minute he didn't devote to them felt like wasted time. "I'm not sure," he replied cryptically.
Chuck, who was gazing at the floor, didn't see it, but the look Lily gave him was full affection. "I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you need to keep in mind that happiness is a mosaic of pieces," she told him, tilting her head to catch his fleeting gaze. "Some are more important than others and we know we couldn't live without them," she smiled when she finally met his eyes; they were dark and pensive, but she could tell that he was listening. "But it doesn't mean we should ignore all the rest."
Chuck placed the almost empty glass on the bar and stared at her for a couple of seconds. "Blair is such a great mother," he uttered slowly, his voice now lower and somewhat distant. "I'm amazed by her. She knows Henry so perfectly and everything comes easily to her."
There was a long pause and Lily got the impression that her step-son was suddenly lost in a tangle of thoughts he couldn't unravel. She had to stop herself from telling him that what he saw in Blair, her maternal attitude and instinctive consciousness when it came to Henry, was completely natural for most of new mothers. She understood why it was so surprising and difficult to understand for him. "And you find yourself wondering that it's not the same for you," she said instead, willing to bring him back to reality.
Chuck didn't say anything. He limited himself to nod, averting his eyes from hers again.
They had told him he could have felt left out by the unique bond between mother and child, but that wasn't his case. He was very involved in Henry's care and Blair had made sure from day one that he always had the chance to connect with his son. What scared him was the thought that what he had to offer, compared to what Blair had, wasn't enough; he was somehow worried that if he stayed away too long Henry would have forgotten him.
"Charles," Lily broke his dense silence, forcing him to look back at her. When he reluctantly did, she smiled at him once again. "It is true that mothers develop a more immediate instinct, at least generally," she chose the words very carefully, "but your son needs you as much as he needs Blair."
Chuck didn't look very convinced. "I just want to be good to him," he replied faintly in a choked murmur. "A good parent."
"And you are," she assured him promptly. "Maybe you still don't feel aware of it, but you already know Henry so well. Just look at what you did earlier with my absolutely careless daughter," she reminded him, chortling at the memory. "You knew what you had to do and you didn't think about it twice. And I'm sure Blair could come up many other examples of your ability to take care of your son."
A timid, slight smile showed on Chuck's lips. "She says I'm the only one who can always make him sleep," he said in a rather insecure tone, as if he was looking for a confirm. "Maybe it's true."
Still smiling at him, Lily nodded vigorously. "I'm sure it is," she took his hand in hers and, when he didn't pull back, she squeezed it. "Henry is very lucky to have you as his father and I'm unspeakably proud of you."
Chuck wanted to thank her for her delicacy and her patience with his enigmatic replies, but he wasn't sure how to. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, letting that simple gesture speak for the words he couldn't find. They soon started discussing Bass Industries' plans for the next trimester.
A couple of minutes later, as he watched Blair climbing down the stairs and coming towards him, radiant as she always was these days in spite of her tiredness, he told himself that he wasn't going to allow his insecurities to ruin the happiness he had found. He had to cherish it, even if sometimes it meant having to fight against his most irrational fears.
Notes:
[1] Henry's monogram (HCNB) stands for Henry Charles Nathaniel Bass. If you've read some of my other fanfictions, you already know that in my head-canon Henry has two middle names: his father's and Nate's.
[2] According to my view of the character, Chuck is surprised by motherhood and, to him, it feels exceptional. His experience tells him that a mother's love (or, better, a parent's love) isn't so natural and it can't be taken for granted, which is also why Lily approached the topic in such a tactful way.
[3] English is not my first language, I'm Italian. I apologize for possible mistakes.
[4] A big thank you to my dear Daphne for trusting me to write about this beautiful and delicate topic.