Nines calls out to Finn as he's gulping water after practice. The Jedi Knights have finished their practice for the day, abysmal though it was. Hopefully just due to exhaustion from their six-hour bus ride, Finn thinks.
"Hey, look who it is!"
"You know him?" Poe asks.
Finn nods, stuffing his water bottle into his bag. "Kind of. Let's go."
"Is he like a bully or something?" Poe calls as he jogs after Finn, his curls adorably stuck to his forehead.
"Kind of," Finn says again as he strides away from the field. "He used to be my friend and then… shit happened."
"What kind of shit?" Poe presses.
"Doesn't matter."
"Okay." Poe sighs.
Of course, Nines comes back when all the teams are eating in the cafeteria and Jess is moaning about how this school's food is way worse than anything Jedi Academy ever serves.
"How's it going, hacker?" Nines asks, plunking his palm down on the table. Finn's water glass wobbles.
"Hacker?" snorts Snap. "As if."
"Hey, at least you're in a good school instead of juvie. How did you manage that anyways?" Nines asks, and Finn feels himself shrinking into his spine. He wants to vanish, to disappear.
"The hell are you talking about?" Rey asks., setting her fork down with a clatter. Her eyes flash with green and brown fire.
"He didn't tell you he got expelled from our school?" Nines asks, gripping Finn's shoulder and digging his fingers in, grinning at Finn because he knows he's hurting him.
"No, he didn't," says Phasma slyly.
"What did I ever do to you, Nines?" Finn demands. He can't look at Poe. He doesn't want to see his face.
Nines blinks, as if he can't believe Finn actually challenged him for once. Well, sort of.
It's not wrong to defend yourself, Maz insisted at a previous session. Why do you think you deserve this?
Because everyone, from whoever his parents were to whoever his foster parents were, to the kids at school—they all tell him he's worthless. It's fine to step on Finn, because he doesn't matter.
I do matter.
"Yeah, because of something you did," Finn retorts. "Guess what, Nines? I don't care what you have to say."
"Oh really?" Phasma asks. "Tell me, Nines, what exactly is this 'hacker' business all about?"
"Um, no," Rey says, standing up. She's tiny compared to Nines, but with her lips pulled back in fury, Finn wouldn't want to go up against her. "You don't get to come over here and talk shit about my friends."
"Free country," Nines sneers.
"I'm not from your country," Rey points out, face stony and voice cold.
"I'm not going to fight a girl," Nines scoffs.
"This 'girl' is going to kick your ass," Rey threatens, stepping closer.
"Whoa!" Finn jumps up, grabbing Rey's shoulder. "Rey, calm down. You don't want to get in trouble."
"I agree," Phasma says, sauntering over to Nines. "Let's talk elsewhere, shall we?" She grins malevolently over her shoulder at Finn.
Fuck.
Who are you fooling? Only yourself.
You're not brave. You're worthless.
Finn runs.
Ben steps out of the shower and listens. Quiet. Thank God. Hux and Mitaka are probably off drinking in the parking lot corner or something.
Ben's actually in pain from what Snoke did to him today. For two weeks after he let Ben go to the game, he didn't touch Ben, and then this afternoon he hurt him worse than Ben can remember. He's itching to google all the possible things that could be wrong with him, all the things that could have happened, but as he reads through WebMD and Mayo Clinic, he starts to shake and slams his laptop shut, doubling over and trying to breathe, just breathe, breathe dammit!
Ben staggers to his feet and rips open Hux's desk drawer, fumbling around for the never deficient supply of weed. He leaves a twenty in its place—because his parents never fail to send him money—as he tosses the baggie onto his bed and lights up.
You're just like your father, now. Like how he used to be.
I am nothing like that man.
The door cracks open. "Mr. Solo?"
Ben freezes, the joint still smoking in his hand. His mind can't even scrounge up an appropriate curse.
"Oh dear," Threepio sighs.
Within minutes Ben's marched to Threepio's apartment, where his dorm parent calls his uncle, no doubt getting an order for a drug test. As if they need one, when they've caught him red-handed.
And Snoke… Ben gulps dry air as he considers the principal's reaction. He'll blame Ben's French grades on it. What if he retracts his recommendations?
Ben leans his forehead against his knees, trembling. The daze from the high vaporizes, leaving him with nothing more than crushing shame.
The door opens and Uncle Luke storms in, jaw set and eyes sparking as he heads directly for the couch Ben's sitting on. He's here.
Ben can't move. He looks up at his uncle in terror. Dammit, stop it, it's fine! He's got to be calm—he's always got to be calm.
"Your parents," Uncle Luke informs him. "Are going to be pissed."
"Tell me something I don't know," Ben mutters.
"Look me in the eye when I'm talking to you!" Uncle Luke yells.
Ben snaps his head up, trying not to cry.
Uncle Luke drags his hands through his peppery hair. "God, Ben. I thought—but I hoped—God, Ben!"
He says nothing. He could tell them the pot was Hux's, but he's not a narc. Besides, there'd be no way to prove it, and he was the one using it.
"You have to come with me now," Uncle Luke informs him. "Dr. Kalonia's going to test you—"
"There's no need! I did it, Threepio saw me smoking, I smoked pot just like God knows how many teenagers!" Mitaka had been tested once, last year, and Ben knows what that test entails and he does not want to strip in front of the doctor. In front of anyone. Not when he's still aching. Not ever.
"Ben, you know the rules! Marijuana's not allowed at school, no matter what the state says. You're almost certainly going to be suspended." Uncle Luke sighs. "I'm taking you to Dr. Kalonia, and then I'm taking you to call your parents from my office. Got it?"
"Can't you call them?"
"No, Ben, I really think this ought to come from you. You need to learn to take responsibility for yourself."
Now Ben really feels like he's going to throw up. Whatever glop he ate for dinner undulates in his stomach as his uncle takes his arm and practically drags him out of Threepio's apartment.
Dr. Kalonia tries to make it the least awkward she can, but the lady isn't thrilled at being called back to work at eight in the evening. When he's given his sample, Ben yanks his pants back up and squeezes his arm so hard he's angry his bones don't break.
"Come on." Uncle Luke crosses his arms as he leads Ben across campus towards his office. "And if you aren't polite and respectful to my sister and her husband, that will not work in your favor when I meet with Mr. Snoke tomorrow."
I hate you, Ben thinks as he follows. He curls his fist, trying to fight the urge to send it slamming into his uncle's back, but he's steadily losing control and he can't.
"In," Uncle Luke orders, unlocking the door and holding it open. He picks up the phone and dials, holding the receiver out to Ben, who takes it in his hands like it's an explosive. Uncle Luke kicks back in his swivel chair.
"Hello?"
Shit. "Uh—Mom?"
"Ben! Luke texted us and told us that you would be calling." Her tone descends into seriousness. "Let me put you on speaker. What happened?"
"I—" Ben swallows and then spits it out: "Threepio found me smoking pot."
"What?" demands his father.
"Everyone does it!"
"Listen, kid," Dad says. "Haven't I always told you to stay away from stuff like that? It's still coming back to haunt me years later! And your mother!"
"It was just one joint!"
"Are you telling me this is the first and only time you've smoked weed?" Mom cuts in.
"That's not—" Ben flattens his hand against his thigh, pressing and pressing. He stops speaking, glancing at his uncle, who glares at him. Why does everyone hate me?
"Finn!"
He should have known Rey wouldn't leave him alone for long. Or Poe, for that matter. Finn unlocks the door. Or Jess, or Snap.
"Dude, you can't run away from us," Snap says.
"What was that all about?" Jess demands as she drops to the floor of the hotel room.
"Did you really get expelled?" Rey asks.
Poe doesn't say anything, and fear sparks in Finn. He can't look at Poe as he nods.
"Hacking?" Rey queries. He feels her hand on his arm.
"No. Well, yes, but no." Finn shakes his head. "I didn't—I wasn't involved in it. Nines used my computer to do it, though, so…"
"What did he hack?" Jess questions.
"The school system. Wiped out all of the teachers' grades for the past few years. Messed with most of their files. He asked me to borrow my computer to get back at our English teacher who failed him on a poetry assignment. I thought he might write a mean email or something. I had no idea he would do what he did."
"Don't the police get involved in stuff like that?" Snap asks.
Finn rolls his eyes. "Yes. I felt terrible, so I went to our principal and told him about Nines and what he'd done, and then they found it on my computer and Nines wouldn't confess, so they asked me again, and it was just… easier to say I did it." He shakes his head and looks at Rey. "See, Rey? I'm a coward."
"But why?" she asks, eyes searching his. "Why would you admit to that?"
He laughs, a cracked, broken sound because he knows how fragile, how stupid, he is, and now they all will too. "I thought they'd appreciate it. I thought we were friends. Except, when I was still allowed to attend the school, that whole group decided they didn't want anything to do with me anymore." Finn closes his eyes. "Lando Calrissian was the only administrator who believed me. He took me in, because after I was arrested, my foster parents kicked me out too."
"Were you charged?" Snap asks. "Like, criminally?"
"Snap!" Jess chastises him.
"I took a plea bargain. Community service and stay out of trouble for one year. Then my record'll be expunged." He still can't look at Poe. Why hasn't he said anything?
"Why didn't you tell me?" Poe finally demands. "Or, us?"
Finn shrugs. "It's not exactly something I'm proud of."
Rey stares at the carpet and its twisted colors—burnt orange, red, and ebony. "We wouldn't have judged."
"But would you have believed me, though?" Finn demands.
"Of course!" Rey's jaw drops as if she's offended Finn could think otherwise.
"Why wouldn't we?" Poe asks, stepping over to Finn's other side and crouching down. He looks at Finn as if confused.
"Seriously," Jess agrees. "We know you, Finn."
He shakes his head, a lump in his throat.
Rey wraps her arms around him in an embrace. Finn hugs her back, and she shudders as if there's something she almost says, but can't quite let go of, not yet.
It's okay, Rey, Finn thinks. Whenever you're ready.
"Move, Rey," Poe orders, and then he's kissing Finn in front of their friends, not just a peck but long and hard.
"Get a room," Jess groans. "Wait. Get a different room!"
Poe pulls away and Finn chuckles. Poe knows, and Poe still wants him.
"I'm still kinda mad at you," Poe says. "For not telling me."
"I don't think I'm a very trusting person," Finn admits. To put it mildly. Poe shrugs as if reading between the lines: not many people have given Finn reason to trust them.
"I like you anyways," Poe says, grinning, and Finn wonders whether it's like or love and whether that matters. It does, he thinks, and oh God, he loves Poe.
"We could threaten this Nines into confessing," Snap suggests. Poe's eyes light up.
"No," Finn insists, Poe's arm still resting on his shoulder. "It doesn't matter. It really doesn't."
"Okay," Poe says, his other hand gripping Finn's arm.
"Your future isn't behind you," Rey says quietly. "It's ahead."