"So," Beebee-Ate asks as Finn takes a seat at their table the first day of classes. "What's the senior prank going to be this year?"
"Do people actually organize stuff like that?" Rey asks.
"We'll never tell," Snap says mysteriously.
"I think people just wing it," Poe says. "Like different groups of seniors pull prank ideas out of their asses and just do it."
"You will warn me, won't you?" Beebee-Ate asks. "Because it's your final semester. We underclassmen all know it's coming."
"Who says we're doing anything?" Finn asks.
Poe shrugs. "It could be fun."
"No," Jess interrupts. "See, Finn and Rey, Snap and Poe and I have been talking for years about this. Years. We are definitely doing something, but we'll avoid freshmen, Beebee-Ate, I promise." She frowns. "I'm in student government. I have our class email list, so I could get everyone involved."
"You can't get in trouble if your entire grade is a part of it," Poe explains. "I bet we could even get the evil kids to take part." He jerks his head to the left, where Phasma saunters by, Hux behind her and looking up at her like she's a goddess.
"Could we do something at the welcome back dance?" Snap wonders.
"Too soon, isn't it?" Rey asks, biting into her bagel. "To plan something?"
"Probs," Poe agrees.
The bell rings, and they all gather their bags and books. Finn taps Rey on the shoulder. "Uh, Rey?"
"Yeah?" She faces him with a grin.
"I should probably tell you… I gave Ben Solo your number."
Rey's jaw drops. "Why?"
Finn launches into his explanation. "It was his birthday, and he looked sad, and… you haven't heard from him, have you?"
"No." Rey shakes her head.
"You're not mad at me, are you?" Finn questions. He's been second-guessing himself since New Year's.
"No." She wraps an arm around Finn's shoulder, scanning the crowd of students. No Ben. "If he texts me, I'll just text him back gifs that explain exactly what I think of him."
"And what exactly is that?" Finn asks.
Rey shrugs. Finn doubts she knows.
"You go, girl," Poe says, clapping Rey on the back.
"Are you going to this welcome back dance?" Rey asks.
"Are we?" Poe questions, looking to Finn, who shrugs.
"Why not?"
"You'll see." Poe laughs. "Everyone who had the opportunity to get alcohol over break will definitely have it, and they will definitely be drunk as shit."
"Chill," Rey says. "I was in an old folks' home. I had no such opportunities. I learned my lesson from the last time, and I doubt Ben will ever ask me to stargaze with him again."
"He what? You what?" Poe goggles at her. Rey smirks.
Finn snorts. It's not that he's against drinking. He's just trying to toe the line carefully. Although, he might not want rum ever again.
Sure enough, come Friday, Finn can hear Hux and Mitaka getting sloshed in the bathroom. Not that Mitaka is his roommate anymore. After the debacle at the end of last semester, Threepio switched Mitaka out with a boy named Brance, who's nice if bland.
"Excuse me," Finn says as he enters the bathroom.
"Ooh, look at it," giggles Mitaka, waving around a cup of what looks like vodka. "Scary alcohol."
"Go fuck yourself," Finn tells him.
Ben enters the bathroom, glancing at all of them as if asking whether he needs to get involved.
"No fighting," Finn promises as he glances in the mirror, straightening his shirt.
"Want some?" Hux posits to Ben. "Or are you afraid of getting suspended again?"
Ben grabs the bottle and pours some directly into his mouth. Finn cringes.
"Hey, you're not still contagious, are you?" Hux slurs.
How on earth are they going to go to the dance if they're already this hammered? Finn wonders.
"Contagious?" Mitaka echoes.
"I had a cold," Ben snaps, shoving the bottle back at Hux.
"Are you going to the dance?" Finn asks.
Ben shakes his head and disappears into his cave of a room.
"Kinda lame, isn't it?" Rey asks Beebee-Ate.
"Not for them," Beebee-Ate responds, nodding to Poe and Finn, who both dance and dance well.
Rey smirks. "True. I might go back to dorm, though."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." Rey waves as she slips out into the night. She tromps past Yavin 4 and notices a tall figure slumped on a bench.
"Hey," Ben calls out to her. "Not dancing?"
Rey approaches him, the frigid wind slapping at her face. "Why are you sitting out here in the cold?"
"I'm thinking." Rey notices a bottle clutched in Ben's hand. An empty bottle.
"You're drinking."
Ben snorts. "No, I'm thinking. About what to change my name too. And Hux's gonna be pissed when he sees I took his vodka. Fuck if that matters."
Rey's jaw drops. Ben is way drunker that she was that night on the quad. "How much of that bottle did you have?" she asks, sliding onto the bench next to him and prying the bottle out of his hands. She conceals it behind her hips.
"Too much," he admits, groaning and leaning forwards. "What d'you think of Kylo Ren?"
"What the what?"
"Kylo Ren. For my new name. Once I graduate."
"I think it's a stupid ass name," Rey informs him. "Ben Solo is much better."
"My grandfather changed his name. He didn't want to be 'ssociated with Skywalker. And I don't want to be asso—sosh—whatever. With Solo. Or Skywalker."
"Well, I think that makes your grandfather an asshat," Rey snaps. "Having a name with no meaning, no relatives to tie it too, isn't all you're cracking it up to be." She shivers.
"You're cold. You should go," he mumbles, lifting his head and immediately dropping it back down.
Rey reaches out and grips his shoulder. His black leather jacket surely can't be keeping him very warm. "It's cold out, Ben. It's like freezing."
"Vodka helped. With that." He shudders, and Rey grabs his gloveless hands.
"You're gonna get frostbite," she warns, rubbing his fingers.
"I don't care." Ben looks at her. "You think I'm some privileged, stupid, whiny emo brat, don't you?"
"Aren't you?" Rey retorts, even though she knows the answer. Yes, but there's more.
He looks at her, his breaths coming quick and shaky, sending puffs of frosted air from his lips. "Maybe."
"To be honest, Ben, that wouldn't matter. What matters to me is that you lied, and that lie hurt Finn, who's my friend. And then you didn't have the decency to talk to me about it."
"I'm sorry." And he leans over and hurls.
"Oh, shit." Rey grabs his hair, pulling it back from his face as he heaves.
"Why're you helping me?" he asks, sounding like a vulnerable child, like Rey always sounded in her head when she asked herself, over and over again, why no one came for her, whether anyone would help her.
"You're not a monster. And you helped me, remember? When I got drunk?"
"Because of me," Ben says. "I'm a screw up who screws up other people. I'm bad news. I'm a bad egg."
Rey laughs. "You wish." Her laugh stops on her lips though when she sees Ben trembling. "Are you going to puke again?"
"Maybe. I wish." He covers his face, moaning.
"Do you really hate yourself that much?" Rey queries.
He slides his hands away and looks at her, mouth open and tears in his eyes.
"Why?" You have everything, she thinks. A family. Parents who adore you. A great education. Why?
"D'you know why I lied for Mitaka?" Ben asks. "It was 'cause Hux… Hux wanted me too. And Hux is keeping a secret for me." He gasps and squeezes his fists together, so tight Rey hears his knuckles popping.
"What secret?" Rey ventures.
"Hux saw some papers… a brochure. Medical stuff. On my bed. I didn't think he was going to see it but he did." Ben covers his mouth and retches again.
"Hey, that's not going to work," Rey says, prying his fingers away from his lips as Ben doubles over and throws up again.
"Sorry," he gasps.
"It's okay—"
"No, it isn't." He looks at her. "Hux knows that I have—I had, I'm fine now, I'm fine—I had an STD earlier this year."
Rey's mouth opens in a small o. "Oh. My God."
"I didn't mean to get it. It was treatable. I'm cured now." He rocks back and forth and then cackles. "'Cept, not really. I can't. I'm—I can't—" He laughs, and it's wild and unhinged, the laugh of a madman teetering on a cliff. "Ackbar was so right."
"Ben—"
"Snoke gave it to me."
"What?" Ice coats Rey's heart, her stomach. "What?"
Ben looks into her eyes again, and she sees the same shame, the same terror and confusion, the guilt and the fury and the fear, that she sees staring back at herself in the mirror every morning. "Oh my God. Ben."
"He's been making me do it for years, until recently, and I can't stop him, Rey. You're brave. You ran away. You tried to protect yourself and I just—I just—I let him—" Ben grabs the bottle from behind her waist and hits himself in the knee with it.
"Stop!" Rey yanks it away.
"He helped me, too, so I let him because I figured it was a fair trade, you know? Him helping me… me helping him. I'm so stupid. And now he doesn't want me anymore, and I can't blame him, and I hate him but I don't know what to do without him, Rey."
She can't speak. Words Rey wishes people had said to her freeze in her throat.
"I shouldn't have told you," he mutters. "I'm fucked."
"You should tell your uncle."
"I can't." He reaches out and grabs her arm, eyeliner smeared across his face so that he looks like a raccoon. "Please don't, Rey. Please don't."
"I won't tell anyone," she promises, because she knows exactly how he feels.
"I'm sorry," he pleads. "For what I did to Finn."
"It's okay," Rey reassures him. "I don't—what Snoke—" That bastard. Rey could kill him. "It's not your fault." She needs him to believe it, because she needs someone else to acknowledge it because she doesn't want to believe what Unkar did to her was her fault either.
He shakes his head. "It was."
Rey pulls him closer to her, resting her head on his shoulder. She feels his forehead drop against hers, feels the warmth of his body and his tears against her neck.
"Hey, what's going on here?"
Rey jerks away from Ben to see Finn, Poe, and Beebee-Ate all smirking. "Well," Poe drawls.
"Can you help him into dorm?" Rey asks. "He's drunk."
Ben looks at her and she nods to reassure him that she won't say anything.
But she might do something.
"Sure thing." Poe reaches for Ben, hauling him up.
"Thanks," Ben mumbles.
"I'll text you," Rey calls after them. Finn tosses her a saucy look.
"So I have an idea for our senior prank," Rey tells Jess the next morning.
"You ready for this?" Poe asks, three cartons of eggs under his arm.
"Hells yes," Finn responds, winking at Rey.
"We avoid Mr. Skywalker," Rey reminds them. "I don't want to spend my afternoon cleaning up eggs."
"Deal," Jess agrees.
Beebee-Ate is practically shaking from excitement. He's the only freshman in a group of well over a dozen seniors. Even Phasma signed up to participate.
"And go," Poe commands as the clock strikes six in the morning.
Rey darts towards the quad, where all the students lob eggs at the classroom doors that are locked and clobber the classrooms that are unfortunate enough to be open.
"Come on!" Finn hurries inside, down the hallway, and Rey follows. "Take that, Snoke!" Finn snarls as he hurls eggs at the principal's door.
Rey unleashes an entire carton at it. You son of a bitch.
Shouts erupt. The security guards.
"Run!" Rey squeaks, flying down the steps and hurtling back towards Jakku, where she, Jess, and two other girls climb the gate.
By the time she arrives to breakfast, the teachers and staff all glower at the seniors, who all look innocent. Except, that is, for Phasma, who can't contain a grin. Hux rolls his eyes, and Phasma looks chagrined.
Rey carries her tray past the table Ben huddles at, headphones in. She rolls her eyes and plunks her tray down.
He looks up at her, and instead of cowering with embarrassment, he smiles at her. "I know what you did."
"Good luck to him getting the smell out. I made sure those eggs were expired," Rey admits. "But don't tell anyone." She swallows. "You're welcome to eat with us, you know."
Ben glances over his shoulder, at the table with Poe, Finn, Beebee-Ate, Snap, Jess, and Brance. He shakes his head. "Not this time."
"So maybe another time?"
"Maybe."
She heads towards her friends, and when she sits down, she sees Ben glancing back at her and grinning.