4.

Yesterday was horrible, today is not much better.

The only light I see is Madge. Prim almost slept through the whole day, so i'm surprised if she'll wake up properly today. When I look at my mom's bed where she has been layed down to sleep, I see she is sitting up, petting Buttercup. ''Prim!'' My voice is still a bit hoarse and cracked. She looks up and smile, though her face is even more pale than usual.

I quickly get up and settle next to her, taking her in my arms. ''I was so scared Prim, never scare me like that again!'' I say , pretending to be a bit angry. How could I possibly feel angry when all I feel is relief? ''How are you feeling?'' I ask a bit worried, still. Prim smiles. ''A lot better, but I still have a headache and i'm feeling a bit tired.'' I nod and kiss the top of her head. ''Katniss,'' she says quietly, ''i'm sorry I got into trouble..'' and when she says that she sounds 6 again. ''It's okay Prim, I promise,'' I say, holding her a bit tighter. I give her a last kiss on the head and stand up, changing in some regular clothes. I don't really feel like going to school today, so instead I stay home and help my mother around the house and take care of Prim.

The sun is starting to go down when I sit down, exhausted. ''Katniss, there is someone at the door, can you get it?'' my mother asks. I nod stiffly, feeling a bit weird because I didn't hear the sound, and go answer the door. I smile when I see Madge. ''Katniss, I can't stay long but I wanted you to have this.'' She reaches her hand out, and I see a big, warm and hearty loaf. ''Madge.. You shouldn't have,'' I say startled. She smiles and pushes the bread in my hands, gives me a kiss on the cheek and leaves.

I stand there for a while, before returning inside and putting the bread on the table. My mother smiles at the sight of the bread. ''She is generous,'' she says. I nod. ''She is amazing,'' I sigh. And she really is. I call Prim, and we feast on fish stew and the bread. When we're all close to full, I kiss Prim on the cheek and go upstairs, and go to sleep, exhausted.

Only when i'm asleep, my dreams are haunted with a dying Prim, my dead father, and.. Madge. They are all in the mines, and i'm above them, screaming fort hem to run, to come back to me.. Panic rises in my chest as the minutes tick away and they are still underground, in the mines, beneath the earth, out of my reach. ''Come back! Please, come back! Run! RUN!'' I scream as the mine explodes. And they are all gone, and i'm dead inside. And i'm crashing and crying. And then i'm suddenly at home, and my mother is blank and unreachable again. I scream at her, horrible things, screaming that she has to react.. but she doesn't, she doesn't hear me.. And then i'm in the woods, and Gale is there. Suddenly, all the birds stop singing, except one. And we know what is coming. I can see the redheaded girl getting caught, but I can't see the boy. I look around me, searching for him, when suddenly I notice Gale isn't next to me anymore. I look up to find him hanging under the hovercraft by a spear.

This is the point where I wake up screaming. I find Prim at my side, stroking my hair out of my face. Only then I notice my cheeks are wet, and I am crying. Prim is crying too, and she hugs me, not even bothering asking what's wrong. I had dreams like this more often than i'd like to admit. Prim strokes my hear untill I fall asleep again, humming a song our dad used to sing for us. Together we fall asleep.

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of talking people in the livingroom.

I yawn and get up, looking for Prim, but apparently she is also in the livingroom. I get up, not bothering to fix my hair, face or clothes, and freeze when I see the packed room.

''What are you all doing here?'' I ask. Gale answers. ''Just visiting, and bringing by some game,'' he says nodding to the bag on the table. I look at Madge and she beams happily. ''I shot the squirrel!'' She says excited. Gale smiles proudly. I can't help but feel a strange feeling in my guts. They went out hunting, together, without me. It rubs me the wrong way. ''Oh,'' I say quietly. I excuse myself and go to our bedroom again, dressing myself and braiding my hair down my back, before climbing out the window.

I don't feel like being a part of their happy moment, so I exclude myself and go to the woods. Luckily, it's a beautiful day. I listen for the hum, go under the fence and get my bow and arrows. Hunting should distract me. But it doesn't. All I can think about is Madge being here with Gale. Gale probably holding her while fixing her aim. I feel a rage coming up, so I hide my bow and arrows away again and go to my father's lake.

I undress myself and dive into the cold water. It's refreshing. I swim around for a bit, lazy, going under a couple of times, trying to drown my thoughts. I'm with my back to the side, enjoying the water and how it never fails to make me happy. This is my personal place, filled with happy thoughts of me and my father. ''Can I join you?'' I quickly turn around, sinking into the water so my breasts are underwater. Of course I already recognized the voice, but I still jump a little when I see Madge.

I still feel a bit.. betrayed? Disappointed? I don't know. Happy place, I remind myself. I sigh, ''Sure. It's cold though.'' I don't watch her undress, or see her come into the water, instead I stand there with my back turned to her, watching my some fish swim underwater. It is not untill she wraps her arms around me from behind I know she is even in the water. ''Are you mad at me?'' she mutters in my hair. I shake my head and turn around, gasping when I notice she is naked too. I have to fight the urge to cover my body up. She blushes slightly but then grabs me by the waist again and embraces me. For a short moment of time I don't know what to do with my arms or hands, but then I decide to just wrap them around her neck. And so we stand there for a rather long period of time, silently.

''I'm sorry,'' she mumbles. ''Already forgotten,'' I respond weakly. Is it possible for someone to be so imperfectly perfect? Because she does have flaws, and of course there are things about her that aren't as pretty as everything else, but that is what makes her so perfect. So real. And she is mine. And god, does it feel good. I pull back, out of the embrace, and kiss her passionately. Hands in her hair, her hands sliding up and down my back. If I can't tell her how much I need her, love her, adore her, I need to let her feel. Let her know. And when the kiss ends, and I look into her eyes, I know she got the message. And I know that i'm hers. We laugh, and we fall back into the water, and I teach her how to swim properly.. And we kiss more. Yes, this is certainly my happy place.