A/N In answer to one of the review: Yes, I am actually planning on continuing through Catching Fire and Mockingjay!
Please guys, tell me what you all think of it and if you'd like that :)
SONG RECOMMENDATION: Of Monsters and Men - Love Love Love
13.
The months past swiftly as I get more and more anxious and nervous for the future and what it holds. For me. For us.
''Sweetheart, tea is ready.'' I breath in before stepping out of my room, on my way to the living room. Only when I pass my father's office, I can't help but peek inside. The television is signaling an alert, and suddenly all sorts of images flash on the screen. Images of chaos.
Images, taken at the very start of a rebellion. I gasp and put my hand over my mouth, trying to contain myself, keeping myself from screaming. I take a deep breath, put on a mask and go down the stairs where my parents are waiting for me.
It is very rare that mom gets by for tea. You learn not to count on it too much. I sit down quietly, accepting the cup of tea, giving a stiff smile. ''Now Madge, how are you doing darling? And with the strawberry girl, Katniss?'' It takes me a while to register and understand her question. The 'Strawberry Girl?'' But then I realize that she haven't been out of bed lately, missing practically everything that is between me and Katniss. ''It's okay. She is doing okay,'' I say, looking at my cup. I can feel my father's eyes piercing me.
''Well, I must say she is a bit distant lately, acting very anxious, don't you think?'' she says casually. My eyes shoot up to her, and I can feel my father's hand holding my hands as I start to tremble in anger. ''Well how could she not?'' I ask her coldly. ''She just won the Hunger Games. You know all too well how that makes people act 'strange', mother.''
She looks at me with a shocked expression, when she suddenly gets a vacant expression. ''Madge, I warn you,'' my father says, looking at me with a frown. ''For what?'' I ask. ''You know my life is pretty much damaged and ruined for the future, don't you even dare deny it,'' I spit, my voice unnaturally calm and cold.
His eyes shoot down to the ground, telling me enough. I run up to my room and crawl back in bed, massaging head. A few seconds later I hear my parent's bedroom door slam shut. ''Oh Katniss,'' I whisper quietly, drawing little figures on a velvet pillow. ''How you should know about what is going to happen. How I should be distancing myself from you, but I don't.'' ''And why don't you?''
I shoot up, confused when I see Katniss standing in front of me. ''I came to drop off the strawberries. Now, why should you be distancing yourself from me? And why aren't you doing it?'' I look at her, a little bit hurt because of how bluntly she says it. ''Because this is never going to work.''
I stay quiet for a moment, watching her reaction. ''And you knew all along, didn't you? And you came to tell me something.'' She looks at the ground before she speaks, and then to my window, where the ice flowers have taken up all the space. ''I'm going on a Victory Tour, as you know. So that means I won't see you, and I'll be kissing Peeta a lot.'' I look down at my hands and nod. I had expected it, but I didn't know it would still make me feel so bad.
Katniss sits down next to me on my bed, not daring to look at me. ''You were right, though,'' she says. ''It would be better if you'd just distance yourself.'' I nod and look at my own hands. ''I know, but I can't.'' She looks up to me, confused. ''Why not?'' she asks. ''Because distancing myself would be easier, but it would be more painful. I would grieve every day, every moment I missed to kiss you and hug you and be with you. If I could've chosen to be oblivious of your existence, erase you from my head, god I wouldn't think twice to do it. But it's too late for that, and as for me.. There is no turning back.''
Katniss can't bare looking at me, so I'm left with looking at my empty hands. ''You know I can't undo this,'' Katniss says, her voice hard. I nod.
''Of course I know,'' I mumble.
She takes me hand and puts her head on my shoulder. She starts to shock as tears start streaming down her distressed face. ''I never wanted a-any of this to happen Madge, I didn't. I wish I could turn it all back. I don't want it, and I don't like it.'' I rub her back and kiss the top of her head, in shortage of words since they all seem so unimportant and meaningless.
''How can you love me so much, that you would give up your happiness for me,'' she mumbles quietly. I hold her even tighter. ''Don't say such things,'' I say softly. ''You are making me happy, I'm not giving up anything!'' Katniss buries her face in her hands for a moment, before sitting up straight again, looking at me with desperate eyes. ''Stop it, you know.. You know this isn't going anywhere, that we can't have a future. That is what I was going to tell you. Please, why can't you give up on me? You know I can't love you. President Snow is threatening me. I have to act desperately in love with Peeta, I've got to convince him and whole Panem! Madge.. Please..'' she cries. And I can't help but feel my heart shatter a bit inside.
''Katniss.. You need me..'' I start, cupping her face. ''I won't leave you. Like I told you, there is no turning back for me anymore. I will always love you, I will live in Peeta's shadow if I have to.. But don't, just don't tell me to leave you. I told you I can't, and that is where I stand by.'' I swallow hard before finishing my plead.
''I would rather die myself than leave you now. I love you, Katniss Everdeen. I'm not going to leave you. Why will you start understanding that?'' she shrugs and clears her throat. ''Never, because you are stupid,'' she mutters scowling. I smile and kiss her deeply.