19.
I sit at the piano with blank eyes, my fingers on the keys but not making a sound.
The familiarity of this comforts me, while my father is up stairs locked up in his office and my mother is in bed with terrible headaches again.
I stroke the keys mindlessly, staring at the contrasting black and white.
The new Head Peacekeeper Thread was in my father's office when I came home with tears running down my face.
After I heard their voices I quickly composed myself, and softly walked up. ''... Putting it up here and here. We will eliminate all illigal activities, starting with that black market you got going on.''
I heard the ruffling of paper, and a chair being shoved back as the person on it stood up.
''You can't do this.'' It was my father's voice, and as much as he tried to sound stern it was no use.
I walked back down stairs and sat myself down on the couch, trying to look as if I had been sitting here the whole time.
Not lang after I sat down my father and Thread came down. Without so much as a word he left, and the silence he left behind was filled with electric tension.
After that he quickly went back to his office, and I hadn't seen him since.
Not long after a big snow storm started outside, and we were stuck. We had dinner together, but nobody said a word. It had been two days now, and the blizzard finally seemed to have gone down.
Encouraging myself I stand up, away from my little comfort zone, and put on my coat with a thick scarf. I brace myself before going outside, and the cold hits my face immediately. I walk cautiously towards the square, and when I get there my hands fly up to my mouth. There are multiple torturing devices spread out across the square; depending on the severity of your fault.
I slowly walk to the middle of it all, and look around, my arms hanging limp beside my body as I take in the horror. ''Oh no..'' I whisper. The place is deserted. There should be people out now, getting ready for the day, heading to the Hob.. My eyes go wide in realisation. The Hob.
I turn around walk down the path I would normally take to the Hob, when I see the smoke swirling up in the air from where I'm standing.
I immediately think of all the dear people who worked there, and who helped me support Katniss and Peeta during their Games. I feel empty and nausious. Slowly but surely, I regain myself. ''Walk,'' I order myself. I walk towards the sweet shop, but the shelves look a lot emptier than the last time I was there.
I purchase a bag of sweets that I vaguely remember being one of my dad's favourite and leave. When I look up I see Katniss walking hand in hand with Peeta towards the Hob.
Look away, I tell myself, don't torture yourself. But I can't help myself and look up, and I catch her eye. She looks at me with those gray eyes I used to admire from up close, but she quickly looks away. I fiddle with my sleeve and breathe in deeply. In and out.
Then I see Peeta look at Katniss with a strange look, and then at me. He gives me sad little smile and I manage to smile back and wave.
I can't possible blame Peeta in all this.. Can I? He is as much of a victim as Katniss. And he loves her, and cares for her.
Isn't that all I could ask for? That should be you, a voice in the back of my head is telling me. No. It shouldn't. Peeta understands Katniss better than I do now, and he is of much more use. We could've never been together anyway.
I watch their backs as they walk towards the flaming ruins, and my chest tightens.
''Oh Katniss..'' I whisper softly. ''If only you knew what you set in motion.'' I give my head a little shake before turning around and walking home again.