22
The days have been slow, anticipating the revelation of Katniss' wedding dress and the revelation of the 75th Quarter Quell.
My parents have already taken a seat in the living room, so I join them grudgingly. My father looks at me when I sit down and gives me a little smile, while my mother is looking at something on the wall I can't see. I smile back at my father and turn to my mother. ''Mom, would you like some tea?'' it takes a little time for her te register that I'm talking to her, and when she does she just gives me this vague look, as if she is somewhere far off in the distance. ''Yes… Yes, thank you sweetheart.''
My father avoids my eyes as I stand up and walk to the kitchen, just as the Anthem starts to play as a signal the show is about to begin. I roll my eyes as I put a pot of water on the stove, and wait for it to bubble and boil. I can hear them talking and laughing on the TV, blabbering about what dress Katniss should wear.
I grab two teacups from the back of our cupboard and pour the boiling water on some dried leaves we use to set our tea. I lean forward and catch a scent of chamomile. To calm the nerves, I think sourly.
I walk in when they're closing the subject on the dress, so I only catch a few seconds of Katniss in a gorgeous but overdone wedding dress. I hand my mother a cup and sit down still holding my own, when they announce President Snow to reveal what they're going to do for the next Quarter Quell. I can feel my mother stiffen next to me, and my father reaching out his hand and laying it on her knee as a sign of support.
I look at my cup, not listening when a phrase catches my attention and I look up, the ground falling away beneath me. ''…the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors.''
I hear my mother burst out crying, and my father trying to calm her down and at the same time trying to get to me. ''Honey it's okay – Madge? Madge please..'' Before I know it my tea is laying on the floor in a boiling puddle between the pieces of my shattered cup. I turn around and walk out, my breathing shallow and rigid. I can barely see where I'm going through the blur of my tear-veiled eyes, but I manage to get my coat and put it on before shutting the door behind me. Katniss. The sole thought in my head is her name. Her face. I need to find her. Where will she go first? ''The woods,'' I whisper to myself as I start running towards the weak spot she so occasionally used to sneak away by. I listen closely and hear the hum that reminds me that there is no way she could go under there.
I stand there waiting for some time when I realize she isn't coming here or already went here. I then go to the Victors Village.
It takes one look to know she isn't at home. Her mother is in front of the window, while Prim is sitting in front of the door with her head in her hands. I walk past her, and start walking and looking around; maybe she decided to hide herself somewhere. I stop when I see that the reflection of the moon is broken in the middle of a window; the glass is gone and there are shards laying around.
I slowly walk towards the door to see if it's unlocked, when it opens on the first try. I bump in to various objects before finding a stairwell that leads down to the cellar. ''Katniss.'' She is sitting in the middle of the floor, cuts on her arms and face from the glass. She looks up at me, and I immediately see the chaos reflecting in her eyes. The panic she must be feeling.
She has the front of her shirt in her mouth in a ball, to dampen her screams. I quickly walk towards her, and for the first time in what seems forever, I hold her and she doesn't back away. I kneel down next to her, and take the ball of cloth softly out of her mouth. Her eyes water up, and her hands are trembling. My hands go up to her face and I hold her gently, wiping away some tears with my thumb. ''I'm here for you, Katniss.. you won this thing once, you can do it again don't you?'' I must sound desperate and pleading. She looks at me and she shakes her head softly. ''I'm not coming back this time, Madge… I-It's how it is and Peeta.. Peeta is the one who should be coming back, not me.'' I feel my breath catch in my throat and the blood draining from my head. ''No.. No.'' I make her look at me by putting my hand under her chin. ''Don't say that. Why is he any more deserving than you are? Without you he would've died in the first Games.. Katniss, please you have to try..'' There is something in her eyes that tells me she won't back down from this one.
''Damn you,'' I mutter before leaning closer and I softly kiss her lips. I almost expected her to pull away immediately, distance herself again. Instead she leans closer to me, her hands on my waist. Immediately I feel my own cheeks getting wet because of the tears that are leaking out of Katniss her eyes. But after a while I'm not sure If they're only Katniss'. After a while she pulls away from the kiss, and I open my eyes to see her. She is looking at me with pain in her eyes. ''I need to go check on Haymitch and Peeta..'' she mutters, standing up. I shoot up and grab her hand tightly. She looks at me as if she only sees me now for the first time.
I bite my lip, trying to find the right words, even though I know that right now there are no right words for this situation. ''I love you,'' is all I manage to say. ''I love you and I don't want you to go, please… I don't know what you want to do after this night, if we go back to ignoring each other like we are strangers but please, don't make me say goodbye already.'' My throat is swollen and I'm trying to blink back tears, but it's a fight I was bound to lose.
Soon the tears are rolling freely down my face. She looks away, and I'm afraid she'll leave. Just like that. But then she walks up to me and leans her forehead against mine, and even this little touch sends shivers down my spine. To be close to her again is more than I could've hoped for the past few weeks. ''I love you too,'' she says silently. And then she kisses me with a hunger, a fire that lights me up inside too. It's as if she transfers all of her anger and desperateness and hopelessness in to that one kiss. I hold her tightly, taking it all in for her. If this is what she needs now, then I will give it to her. When she pulls away she pulls me closer to her, holding me there tightly. ''I missed you,'' she whispers in my ear.
My arms are around her, and the end of her braid touches my hand. I softly play with it, while burying my face in her neck. She smells of smoke and trees and a little sweat. A scent sweeter than that couldn't exist. ''I missed you too,'' I reply softly.
We sit back down, and even the cold night air seems warmer when she is around. I put my arm around her and hold on to her tightly, while she rests her head against my shoulder. We kiss, we laugh, but mostly we cry. We cry because of Katniss' fate, and we cry because we got to spend so little time together. We laugh because of stupid memories, and then cry for the same reason. ''You used to bring me strawberries with Gale,'' I say softly. She nods and she smiles. ''Who knew strawberries could taste so sweet,'' she whispers, her hand finding mine and giving it a little squeeze. When morning comes, we will have to face the day and the reality.
But in that moment, we felt like how we imagine we would be feeling all the time if Prim never got reaped and Katniss never volunteerd. Happy.