Chapter 5 Silent

In this chapter time may jump to Burke's tremor drama when people found out about the truth and Burke was refusing to do the surgery, but the blank in between will be filled with retrospective chapters later. In my story, everything Burke think that Cristina did wrong, Cristina has a deeper reason behind it that he didn't know.

English is not my first language, so please put up with my grammar mistakes, and I know nothing about medicine, all the conversations regarding med information are from wikipedia or the show, if there are mistakes please ignore them, thank you!

Disclaimer: GA and all characters belong to Shonda and ABC

Cristina's POV

I've been living in total silence for a week now. Burke had a tremor in his right hand due to the bullet causing the through and through wound in his arm. Even though the wound was through and through, it actually scratched the medial cutanous nerve of the forearm, resulted in minor neuronal damage which affected his function of hands and therefore caused his tremor.

He wouldn't talk to me because he thought I am using his tremor to perform surgery for my own good, he thought I was trying to dominate his career and he felt betrayed that the chief knew about it. He thought I told the chief about his tremor after he kicked me out of the CABG surgery, but it was George that told the chief because he was in the gallery and he saw how the suture wasn't intact. George couldn't stand that we put our patient's life at risk. At that night, I came home trying to explain these to him, before I could say anything he just shut the door in front of my face. Then I just lost interest in fixing this, I am always the selfish one. I am always wrong, to him I'm always a baby. George is his guy so he didn't even gave a thought that maybe George was the one who told the chief behind his back.

So what's the point of telling him? He never really trusted me, hell I don't even know whether he really loved me. He would still whisper at night when he's half conscious, " Katey don't leave me, Katey stay for me..." I know his history with Katey Kim, his girl friend in college, she left him for fellowship in Zurich. She slept with their professor, took away his fellowship and left him. Katey is also Asian, also has long black curly hair, and is competitive just as I do. I don't know what I am to him, because he told me that the only thing that has value to him is his hands. So I did everything I could to protect his career, his hands and his pride. Now I ended up living in silence, sleeping in the couch in living room because he shut the door to the bedroom and I can't sleep in the room without him. I had a house and I still can't leave his apartment because I can't sleep in a place without him, even a couch with his scent in his apartment far away from SGH outlast the bedroom in my perfect house just across the street of SGH. I am Cristina Yang, but now I am in a relationship, loosing a baby, moving in and lying for a man who refuse to talk to me now, for a man who I doesn't even know whether he loves me or he just see me as an replacement. He refuse to let Shepherd or anyone operate on him, I want to help him but he wouldn't even talk to me.

Having those thoughts running through my head, I stepped in the OB/Gyn department and found Meredith already waiting for me there. " Hey " She patted the seat next to her, " What took you so long? I've managed to squeeze in an appointment with Addison and they should be calling your name soon. "

" I just finished scut, Bailey hates my guts. " I replied tiredly

" It will be fine, I'll be here with you. " Meredith took my hand and leaned her head on my shoulder

" Cristina Yang " The nurse shouted. I walked in getting ready to face all the possibilities.

Walking out with a sonogram at my hand, I marveled at the wonder of life. I wa s planning to terminate the pregnancy regarding the situation between Burke and me, I almost lost the faith in us and wanted to give up. But seeing the heartbeat of the little 5-week fetus, I couldn't get rid of it anymore. Loosing the first baby is already painful enough for me, and I couldn't go through all of that again. So I decided to tell Burke and gave us one last chance. I know putting hope in a baby to save our relationship is ridiculous, but right now it's the only chance I can think of for us. " So are you going to tell Burke about it? Are you going to keep it? " Meredith sounds worried.

" Yeah. I'm going to keep it and I'm going to tell him now. I told him I have an afternoon shift but I might surprise him right now. I couldn't wait. Can you cover for me in the pit? " I felt a light finally coming through the darkness, imagining how Burke would react when I break the ice, throwing the big news at him.

" Sure. Take care of yourself and keep me updated. " Meredith smiled with a cheerful voice.

I put the key in the lock, rotated it and came in through the door. Glancing through the vestibule and kitchen, I felt something was wrong. A voice in my heart was urging me not to go in, but I couldn't control me legs and my body to head towards the bedroom. There was a woman's chuckling sound coming through the door. Finally I reached the door nob, Burke was lying on our bed, naked, kissing Katey fiercely. " Cristina" He looked up, surprise and guilty filled his eyes at the same time. I felt all the strength fading away, every cell in my body was shouting at me to get out of here. I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything, I ran out of the apartment and downstairs. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going, I just couldn't stop running. I had to get out of there. A sharp beep woke me from my thoughts. I saw a bright flashlight and I flew back. I heard myself hit hard on the windshield of the other car, rolling down the hood. The back of my head smashed on the paveway. I could hear his voice screaming, " Cristina! " The last thing I could think of is my baby. Sorry my baby, mommy haven't protected you, mommy couldn't bring you to the world anymore.

-Burke's POV

I couldn't feel her pulse, she's not breathing. All I could do is keep doing compressions, trying to force air into her lungs. Blood is flowing everywhere from her body, from her head, her abdomen and her mouth. With every compression, blood is spitting more from her body and I could feel her ribs were at breaking point. But she's still not breathing. Breathe, Cristina, please breathe. I could feel her heart beat slower and slower, she just recovered from aortic repair and valve replacement, her heart is not strong enough for trauma this severe. " Cristina, breathe, hold on and breathe, you can't leave me like this, you have to live and hate me, you have to breathe..." I didn't noticed I was saying this out loud until Katey physically stopped me, " Preston, you have to calm down, you are not helping her now. The paramedic can take over..." I didn't hear the rest of her words. I stared at my hands, they're now smearing with her blood. All the fear that I've gone through in the shooting came back to me, I couldn't breathe at the thought that she might die. If she dies, the last thing she would remember about me was I shutting the door in front of her, not talking to her and cheating on her. I didn't even have a chance to tell her that I'm sorry and I love her.

We finally arrived at the hospital, Meredith and Bailey were already waiting at the entrance. " Cristina Yang, female, 28 years old, hit by a car and smashed on the windshield, potential subarachnoid hemorrhage, massive internal bleeding, coded twice on our way here, bp 70/40..." Meredith freaked out seeing Cristina with Katey and I coming out of the ambulance. " Someone page Addison! She's 5 week pregnant! " She yelled at the nurse. I can't believe what I just heard, Cristina's pregnant with our baby? Is that why she left in the middle of her shift? " She's...what? " I froze at the sudden news.

" Grey you're off the case, just watch in the gallery. Someone page Dr. Shepherd, consult her file and phone her lawyer, tell her lawyer to come right now! Let's rush her into the OR! " Webber instructed, he's the only one present that can keep calm now.

" Why call her lawyer, she's not going to die. I'm her health proxy, she needs me! " Meredith didn't understand

" She switch her health proxy to her lawyer after the shooting and left him with instructions under all possible circumstances, Grey you're only in the gallery as her friend, now shut up and call her lawyer! " Webber shouted and rushed the gurney to the OR.