Chapter 7 Goodbye

Thank you so much for the first few reviews, you have no idea how much they meant to me. Someone actually read my mind and figured out the character death I'm trying to warn you about in summary, and to answer your question, yes and no. You will figure it out in later chapters.

English is not my first language, so please put up with my grammar mistakes, and I know nothing about medicine, all the conversations regarding med information are from wikipedia or the show, if there are mistakes please ignore them, thank you!

Disclaimer: GA and all characters belong to Shonda and ABC

In room 2219

Burke's POV

I'm Preston Burke, I'm raised to be a decent and grateful gentleman. But just as Grey said, I'm an ungrateful jackass to Cristina. I never knew her, I don't know her story, and I blamed it on her emotional shortcomings and self-guard. Little did I know that it's all on me. I am the one who jeopardize our relationship, I am the one who kept dark secrets from her. This is a hell of a day. Suddenly everything that doesn't make sense to me came to light. I'm the selfish chauvinist that broke up with the pregnant intern in fear of his own career, I'm the L'arnacoeur that whispered his ex who broke his heart and put his girlfriend through hell for 1 year, I'm the irresponsible doctor that put his patients' life in danger for his own sake of pride.

Katey is out of my picture now, all those solitude years and sleepless nights wondering why she aborted our baby, slept with the professor, robbed me my fellowship and left me are all gone. All I could think of is the pain I've put Cristina through even before our relationship began.

I took her love and altruism for granted even in silent fight because deep down I know she loved me too much to leave me. The thought of loosing the woman that loved me the most in this world choked me. Karma is indeed capricious. I hated katey for breaking my heart, yet I still loved her, she hold a carrot and I'll chase after her. But I did the same to Cristina, even worse, I might kill her and already killed our baby.

Grey asked me whether I see Cristina as a replacement. Maybe subconsciously I did at the beginning, maybe that's why I bought her a coffee. I always thought that's because she appeared at the right time when I'm at a bottleneck of my job and Shepherd came along, I felt unsafe and threatened at the one thing I am good at, at the time I needed some comfort she appeared. Her worship for me as a surgeon and a person initiated the chemist between us. I never thought myself as the man using his girlfriend as a replacement and I never know that I would whisper Katey's name in my dream. To be honest I still don't know what I feel for Katey right now, this all happened in a blink of an eye. I needed more time to figure out what I truly felt for her. However, there's one thing I am sure now. I was in love with Cristina. She's my air, I got so used to her and the mess Katey left me with that I didn't realize the feeling I had for her was love. I had loved her ever since I saw her at the staircase grieving for the loss of Liz Fallon. Is it too late now? Cristina, please live, because I don't know how to live in this world without you now. I love you, so please live for me. I haven't even tell you that I love you, I can't imagine the last thing you saw was me cheating on you. So please, baby, wake up. You never cease to amaze me, so this time won't be an exception, right? Just open your eyes for me, Please.

Cristina's POV

It was so dark. I saw dad smiling and waving to me, I could hear him stating how proud he is that I've become everything he had dreamed me to become. Am I dead? I can't die right now because I have to ask him why he did this do me, I have to ask him the one question I was always too scared to ask in fear of him leaving me- does he love me? So dad, just wait for a second, and I will join you in no time. I promise. Beep, Beep, Beep- I heard the machine's noise and felt something down my throat. Struggling to open me eyes, I can see him and Meredith at my side, holding one of my hand each. This tube is killing me. Ouch, my whole body aches. Feeling my fight against the tube, they both wake up and started to stop me.

" Cristina, listen, I'll tell Bailey to take out your tube since you can breathe on your own now. You were hit by a car, you lost a spleen, and you had extensive internal bleeding. You're still weak now so you need to calm down. Stop fighting us! " Meredith tried to talk sense into me. Feeling the stitches in my stomach, I know I've lost my baby. Okay, I'll wait until they took my tube out. I really need to talk to Morrison and make some final arrangements. I'm too tired of this world, and there's no more reason for me to live now. Dad, just wait one more second. Burke tried to say something to me, but I turned my head to Meredith's side and ignored him. Bailey took my tube out. I could see the sympathy in her eyes. " Dr. Burke, maybe it's better if you go for a rest and come back later." She said. I gave her a grateful smile.

" ...Actually..." I tried to say a sentence but is stopped by the sore of my throat and the tremendous amount of pain in my abdomen. Meredith and he immediately handed me water at the same time, I took the water from Meredith and finally finished the sentence. God, I can feel my life drifting away every second I'm sitting here now. I need to do this fast.

" Cristina, your temperature is rising. Are you in pain? " He asked me worriedly.

" Everyone out. Dr. Bailey, can you find me Chief and Morrison? " I ignored him. I'll deal with you later, not now. Meredith shot me an inquiring look, I know she was wondering why I want to see them. I smiled to her and they all cleared out.

" Dr. Yang, I'm happy to see you awake, what can I do for you? " Chief came in with Morrison.

" Thank you, Chief, for everything. I want to donate 10 million to the hospital, I guess that shall put me on board? "

" That's very generous of you, Dr. Yang. Unfortunately, the board can't accept a seat as a staff in our hospital. " He seemed surprised by my request.

" That will do as well, only under one condition. " " What's that? "

" With all due respect, Sir. I will only donate 10 million dollars to the hospital if you promise me if Burke agreed to take surgery to repair his hand, which he will, you cannot fire him if he cannot operate in a long time. You will wait until he's ready and during this time, he could do administration job and the Board will offer him a seat until he fully recovered. "

" Dr. Yang, although I am more than willing to accept your suggestion, I have to negotiate with the Board about the seat. But I can promise you that as long as I am the chief of surgery, Burke will continue to be the head of cardiothoracics department. "

" Thank you, Dr. Webber. Morrison will continue to implement my wish after you negotiate with the Board, please just take it into consideration that if the Board agreed with my request, I may invest in more fund. " That's the last thing I could do for you, Preston. Take care. I love you too much to see you with another woman so I have to find my dad now. I love you.

" Thank you, Morrison. For everything, can you ask him to come in? " Morrison hold my hand and nodded silently. He knew this maybe the last time he see me in person.

He walked in. I took a close look at him. His eyes were red, full of exhaustion caused by the waiting last night. They contained so much emotions, remorse, pain, fear... I'm too tired to read him.

" Cristina, I'm so sorry..." He whispered, stroking my hair.

" Don't. Just answer me, choose between me and her. Do you love me? Or do you love her? Just tell me, now or never. " Trying to figure it out is killing me, and I'm indeed dying. So just tell me.

" I love you, I always have, I just didn't notice that I love you. Cristina, I'm so sorry...but I love you, you hear me? I'm in love with you." I can see hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes. He didn't answer my second question, he still loves her. So what am I? Just a pathetic disposable replacement? He's just telling me this because he's patronizing me, he's saying he love me because he felt he own me this. This is enough. I'm done trying to obtain your love, Preston. And I can't resent you even after all you did to me and I hate myself for that. I will set you free now. Letting you go is the least I can do for you.

" Thank you for lying to me." I rolled onto my side and retched blood onto the sheet. I can hear the beeping of monitors. I can feel warm blood flowing from my nose, ears, and mouth. I can hear his panick-stricken voice, " Cristina, I'm not lying, I love you, I need you to hold on for me..." He was trying to use the sleeves of his lab coat to wipe off the blood coming from every open cavity on my face. Soon his sleeves were soaked with my blood but the flowing of blood wouldn't stop. " Code Blue, room 2219, Cristina Yang. Code Blue, room..." I spat more blood onto his sleeves. Warmth and life were draining from my body rapidly. I knew I couldn't make it. Darkness was spreading over my vision. I couldn't see anything and I couldn't get warm. I closed my eyes and embraced the darkness.