Chapter Four: The Breaking of the Covenant
Later that night, as the mayflies gathered for their 72 hours of life outside the window, Crane lit a lantern, and from his loft, where he slept the most, took a piece of parchment and began to write.
So it seems that Din has entered my life once again and I am poorer for it. By even mentioning the name I risk breaking the covenant with Oogway and the teachings of the Way; a risk that at the time seemed worth taking, if only for the curiosity. Still, if nothing else, Din has provided me with a way to connect and I suppose I should thank him for it. In due time.
When I came to this place the only thing that I had was an old knapsack, in which I kept the few possessions that I owned: a few pictures, mostly of family; a letter, addressed to me by my father; the original conical hat (sadly lost); and a feather. The last of these holds the most value to me now, in part because it is small and easily concealable and of its immense sentimental value. Master Oogway and Shifu took everything else, burned it in a great bonfire on my coronation to symbolize the death of my old life and the birth of the one I had entered.
Crane stopped writing and looked over his work, he then stared at the quill he had been using and smiled; for this was the feather that he had spoken of. In an effort of preservation, Crane had fashioned it to serve a functional purpose; thus hiding it from Oogway and Shifu, who although lenient in most matters, took the issue of past lives and ties seriously to the point of expulsion.
"The protection of the valley is a full time job, one that may require your life" Shifu exclaimed on his induction, "In order to ensure your protection, and those around you, all ties must be severed-"
The mayflies continued their soft hum as they began their mating calls for the hour. Crane laughed and for a moment pitied the mayfly for its short lifespan; yet, for some reason could not help but envy it for it experienced everything there was to experience in the shortest amount of time allotted to a species. He often wished that he would find something, find someone that would bring him happiness. This thought in his head, he continued writing, if only for its own sake.
The mayflies that are mingling around my window have the right idea. Live now while you still can, do everything you want to do now because tomorrow is never a certainty. The Way teaches us patience even when we are without the luxury; often times it asks for too high a price than any reward it could possibly bring, yet we are supposed to take it in stride with the knowledge that at the end of our lives, when all is said and done, we will have been vindicated.
As the soft hum of the mayflies' call, barely audible even now, reaches my ears, I can only think how sad it must be to be one of them. To a mayfly the act of reproduction is a necessity, a survival tactic meant to carry the next generation who have no other calling greater than that of their predecessors. This is most unfortunate, especially in regards to love and companionship. In the span of 72 hours the mayfly must be born, find a nesting place, a partner, breed, and die. Most of us can't even get past the first few stages of life, let alone find a lasting partner with which to face the world.
My reflections on the mayfly and the dual message that they carry: the precious and small moments of life, as well as its seeming futility, have been met with relatively negative views among the other Five. They do not understand the concept nor do they wish to. Their goals are singular, their vision tunneled to one thing: kung-fu. There is more to life. There has to be, else there is no reason to protect, no reason to serve, no reason to continue living.
A single drop of water dripping down on the parchment interrupted him, causing Crane to stop. Looking up at the ceiling, expecting to find a leak only to find nothing; it was a few seconds before Crane realized that the water was his own tears. He never considered himself a sentimentalist, yet here he was, crying his eyes out over the fate of mayflies. He found it ridiculous that he was able to cry over such things, for he was not a mayfly and not doomed to such a fate, for Crane was still relatively young in terms of his species and there was still time for such things. Overcome with emotion, yet not outside of himself, Crane continued his account with the intensity of a melodrama: have little in terms of substance and driven solely by singular emotions and thoughts ultimately serving no clear purpose other than to vent and cleanse himself of pain.
What is my reason for living? I do not know. Part of me does not wish to know, but that would mean living in ignorance, which is something that I cannot not allow not because I would not know but because the opportunity for answers to questions that I have sought for years would have come and gone like the whispers in the wind. I must know. Find purpose, a real purpose, one that is beneficial solely to me and me alone. For too long I have sacrificed my own personal happiness and security in favor of giving it to others; but how can I give happiness and security if I never had it to begin with?
I know that by saying these things I am denouncing and blatantly disregarding everything that I have come to know. Let me be clear, if only for the account of my life should it ever come to matter, that I am not doing so intentionally. Happiness, security, and all things of its kind come in different forms and vary in degrees; for me I seek a different kind of happiness, a different kind of security than the ones provided by the Five, the Masters, and the palace. What this happiness and security are is up to me to discover, for it can only be mine.
Shaking and slowly pulling himself together, Crane rolled up his scrolls and descended to the ground, heading towards the sparring room where he knew he would find Shifu and the others, going through the final training exercise of the day.
By the time Crane had entered the room, Monkey and Tigress had already completed their duties; Mantis and Viper meanwhile, were high in the large obstacle course going through final motions. Shifu was sitting quietly on a barrel on the far side of the room, watching their progress, Oogway, who never came to sparring practices, was next to him, leaning on his staff making mental notes. Crane, trying to as little noise as possible to avoid interruption, took lightly to the air and hovered next to Monkey, who said nothing, deciding to give the bird the benefit of the doubt.
Mantis and Viper made their way to the ground floor with ease, stopping before Shifu and Oogway and bowing their heads in reverence despite the fact that it was not necessary. The Masters, in turn, waved them away towards Monkey and Tigress, saying nothing. Slithering and slinking their way to their places, Mantis and Viper, who also noticed Crane, casually smiled and nodded encouragingly, gesturing for the bird to approach. Crane, who did not need the hint, for he was well on the way to Oogway and Shifu in his mind, returned the gesture and slowly began to strut forward, finally stopping before Shifu's barrel.
"Why do you come and so late?" Shifu asked, concern and worry in his voice, causing Crane to bow his head in shame and remove his hat.
"Forgive me Master" Crane began softly, his confidence lost and his reasoning scattered by Shifu's voice, which to Crane was demanding and uncharacteristically harsh, "I was meditating on the mayflies again sir. They do fascinate me so."
Oogway laughed and shook his head, "It is more than just fascination if you ask me" the tortoise declared, "Missing dinner and an entire session, contemplating insects! Who does that?"
Crane shrugged and sheepishly smiled, for hearing it made it sound completely insane despite its spiritual rationality.
"A crane who wishes to be more than what he currently is" Crane answered promptly, knowing that to ask more of oneself was against all the teaching that he had been taught and yet, for a moment his brain did not care.
Oogway nodded and closed his eyes, giving a heavy sigh.
"So you wish to leave?" Oogway replied, giving a rhetorical question, "You wish to break your covenant, strike out on your own?"
Crane raised his eyebrows in confusion, for that was not what he was implying, not in the slightest, in fact he was thinking the exact opposite, to request an audition for the title of Master in the hopes of gaining respect and teach Po validly when the time came instead of having to run around the politics and hierarchy of the temple.
"Not at all" Crane defended quickly, "I was just-"
Oogway raised his hand, silencing him. Shifu, in response, looked at the tortoise and then at Crane, trying to find anything that would help him make sense of things.
"I can sense your heart" Oogway continued, "You have already decided. Go now, in peace, or as much as you will allow."
Shifu turned to Oogway, his eyes wet and full of fear and worry; it was inconceivable for him to lose Crane, who had become in many ways like a son, in the same status as Monkey, Mantis, Tigress, and Viper, who he also saw as his children. It was painful, like losing an appendage.
"Master please" Shifu cut in, stalling for time, "Let him speak for himself."
Oogway shook his head and sighed, turning away and refusing to look at anything, much less Shifu, who would otherwise sway his opinion and cause him to rethink his decision.
"What he is seeking he will not be able to find here" Oogway said, leaning against the wall, "Let him go Shifu. Let him find himself in his own way, then, when he is ready he may return."
Silence slowly filled the room. Crane stood firm, his face stoic and without feeling; his mind recounting all the times that he had considered leaving and never once taking the opportunity. Now, an opportunity had no only presented itself but had been offered open-handedly by Oogway himself; granted it was in part a test, Crane knew this, Shifu knew this, and everyone else knew this, but it was still an act of leaving. Bringing his head down almost to the floor and back up, Crane looked Oogway in the eyes with all the seriousness in the world, sighed for a moment in regret and began his piece.
"If it true that I am to be cast out than let it be known that I am no longer worthy of any titles or honors. Strip me of it all, grant me no quarter. Return what is rightfully mine by birth. Let me be Lao Din once more and let the title Crane belong to someone who is more deserving."
Shifu jumped down from his barrel and stood between them in an attempt to stall and possibly alter the decision.
"Crane you cannot do this" Shifu begged, grasping the bird's chest, "I will not allow it. You are a member of the Furious Five, what will happen with you gone? Who will keep them in line?"
Crane huffed and shook his head, he admired Shifu and his efforts, but as far as he was concerned Oogway had spoken the truth.
"It is not your decision to make" Crane retorted, looking slightly to the left in order to avoid direct eye contact, "Besides you managed well before with the Furious Four. What makes this any different?"
Shifu gently touched Crane's face, forcing the bird to pay attention and stare into his eyes, wanting to be sure that he knew his pain and the difficulty it took to even consider the notion of banishment.
"Because we have you Crane" Shifu answered, "And you make all the difference. How can you not see your own importance? Not only the moral center but in many ways the standard of which to live! Is that not enough purpose, not enough destiny? What must we do to make you content, to make you happy?"
Crane laughed and grabbed Shifu's hand, lowering it, ultimately clasping it with his wing and shaking it as if he were greeting an old friend. Embracing him, for that was the only thing that he felt he could do, Shifu silently began to cry, to which Crane shook his head in denial and smiled.
"Do not cry for me" Crane said as he wrapped himself around, "I am not worthy for any tears you shed."
Shifu cried nonetheless despite every instinct telling him not to, to be strong, not for Crane, or for himself, but for the others, who stood in silent disbelief, refusing to believe the scene that was in front of them.
"If only you could see what I see" Shifu returned, "Maybe then-"
Crane broke away and nodded, stopping the Master in his tracks.
"I can only hope Master Shifu" Crane exclaimed as he made his way towards the door, "Until our next meeting: may the warm currents raise you up, that you might soar."
Shifu did the only thing he could do and granted Crane the namaskar, which he had picked up and adopted from his travels in the western borderlands, a sign of great respect and a traditional greeting and parting among the inhabitants who lived there. Crane, in turn, stopped and did the same despite not knowing its meaning or overall significance. As he made his way towards the door, Tigress and the others stopped him, refusing to allow him to pass until they had their say in the matter.
Crane sighed and hung his head at the blockade, for he had expected as much, especially from Mantis and Viper, who were the friendliest among the remaining four.
"There is nothing you can say or do that will change my mind" Crane defended, guessing their ultimate aim, "This is just something I have to do; for me."
Tigress nodded, it was difficult for her to understand his reasoning, for she did not have the questions that he had nor would she ever; still, she could not help but respect it.
"There is no shame in doing what you believe is right" Tigress replied, "If this is what you need to do to come back to us, by all means do it."
Mantis and Monkey could only nod in agreement, for they could not have said it better themselves.
"Stay safe out there buddy" Mantis said warmly, showing his full support, "Don't forget to write us. I want weekly updates."
Crane chuckled to himself, for not only would that be incredibly unrealistic, especially considering that he had no idea how long he would be gone or if he would ever return; yet Mantis was talking like he were just going for a weekend fishing trip. It was comforting to think about, knowing that he would always have a place when he needed it.
"Here" Crane continued, pulling out his scrolls, several pages long, years of writing, "Keep this safe for me."
Mantis, who guessed what it was, nodded again and watched as Crane set them on the ground; he would remember to retrieve them, of that he promised himself.
Viper, for her part, went a step further than the others, embracing Crane as tightly as she would allow and gently kissing his cheek as it meant something. To Crane, it was her own way of saying goodbye and to help him remember his promise to her; to Viper, it was this and a little more. Crane, sensing this, could only shake his head in remorse and guilt, the idea an impossible one, existing only in fantasy, largely of Viper's creation.
"I wish you all the best" Crane said as he wriggled himself out, Viper refusing to let go if only to keep him for a few seconds longer, "Promise me that you will never lose your ability of loving other people for what they are, the world could use more of that."
Viper nodded and smiled hopefully, the words familiar and fatherly, comforting; giving her the feeling of tackling the world.
"You come back" Viper declared, half joking and half serious, "You still owe me that flight."
Crane laughed and gave a gentle wave, happy that he had been reminded even though it was far from necessary. With this, he made his way outside to his tree, where he retired for the night, his last thought being Po and what he was going to do about it, for his next few steps would be the most important.