Chapter 8 Time has come

In this Chapter Cristina will die ( please don't throw tomatoes etc at me or curse the next generations of my family ), BUT she will come back soon in 2 chapters in a unique way. Does anyone ever notice the OC in the summary? From next chapter on will be retrospective snapshots from her diary and Burke's remorse. Actually I enjoy torturing Burke in this way :-)

Thank you so much for the reviews, you have no idea how much they meant to me.

English is not my first language, so please put up with my grammar mistakes, and I know nothing about medicine, all the conversations regarding med information are from wikipedia or the show, if there are mistakes please ignore them, thank you!

Disclaimer: GA and all characters belong to Shonda and ABC

Cristina's POV

It's funny how I always see myself dying as a ghost wondering around when nobody can acknowledge my existence. This time it's really over I guess. There's just have too much damage in my body, the pressure of aortic repair on my body hasn't gone yet after two and a half month, there's no way my heart can sustain a body hit by a car now even if I fight like hell. Let alone there's no fight in me at all. My mother doesn't care about me that much. Saul may be upset for a while, but after all I'm not really his daughter and he can go through this. Meredith is strong, and she has Derek by her side, he always bring the best out of her, no doubt this time he can help her survive my death too. Burke...he has Katey, he may feel guilty for my death for the rest of his life, but he has the love of his life around him, at the end of the day he will be happy again. The thought of he living a happily ever after with another woman hurts. They say ghosts don't feel anything, but strangely it hurt like hell.

" She's crashing. Damn it, it's D.I.C." Bailey shouted, frustrated than I have ever seen her to be. Back in med school, our teacher used to joke how the spelling D.I.C was close to DIE, and seeing D.I.C after a major surgery could typically guarantee death.

" Damn, it's her heart, her heart is too weak and now her body is at risk too. Can you find the source of bleeding? " Derek seemed on edge as well.

Meredith was sitting by the wall outside the room, she's hyperventilating, tears couldn't stop flowing along her cheeks. George and Izzie were at her side, gently stroking her back, trying to calm her down. I'm sorry, Mer. I never thought I will be the one leaving you first, not after the whole crazy put-your-hand-in-the-bomb-chest incident. But my heart will always be with you, besides Derek and Lexie can fill my spot. Please take care of yourself, my person, my best friend, my sister, my family.

He was standing at the corner of the room. He seemed frozen, it's like he's there, but he's not there. I've never seen him like this before. I don't know whether I shall be happy that my death meant something to him, or I shall be sad it is just because he's such a gentleman that he can't stand a woman and maybe his best student's death on his watch.

It's hilarious that at this moment all I can think of is whether he feel bad because he loves me or it is just because his human nature of guilt that he caused me loosing two babies. Really hilarious, who would think of me- Cristina Yang as the woman that fall for the man who dumped her once and tried to ditch her every time he didn't get what he wanted. I've never gave that a second thought, but think of it maybe I just fell for him because he comforted me when my dad died and he's the only one by my side at the life-changing moment in my life. Maybe I fell for him when he brought me soup when I caught the influenza and caressed me when I was grieving over the loss of our baby he didn't have a clue about.

The chemist between us was so hard to resist, yet there was always something between us. He was not happy for taking every steps in our relationship and being dragged into the abyss of hiding his tremor. I was always doubtful whether he truly loved me or it's just the guilt towards the baby or the temporal replacement of the loss of the love of his life. But I was such a coward that I dared not confront him about that. He was my teacher, although I was already an attending before meeting him, I had crappy bedside manners and he changed me. He brought the best out of me. Before I came to Seattle, I had nothing in my life except for my work. Here I made friends, I was in a relationship for the first time. The invincible robot acted tip and toe towards her significant other because she was too afraid to loose him.

Eventually life has a way to tell you things. It's ironic that never once in my life have I loved anyone more than I loved him, yet I couldn't tell him because I was afraid I would slip about knowing his ex and he would walk away from me, just like he always threatened to do so. If the first baby was just an accident, then the second baby should be a sign that we were not meant to be. We lost so many things in this relationship that it finally came to a point that neither of us could take this anymore- I lost hardcore, two babies and a fallopian tube, he nearly lost his hand, his life and his career. Usually I don't believe in god, I only believe in medicine. But this time I'm gonna take the cue as the time to give up, the time to leave. There's nothing more to live for, nobody can't live without me in their lives.

" I couldn't find the source of bleeding, and she couldn't take another surgery, what do we do? There has to be something to do! " Bailey asked the chief desperately.

" V-fib! Give the paddles. Charge to 200, Clear! " Chief couldn't answer her as I flat-lined again. Derek was doing compressions non-stop.

" Charge to 250, Clear! " The monitor still didn't change. Thank you guys, thank you all, but it's time to let me go. I'm too tired for all of this.

" Charge to 300, Clear! " Silence filled the room except for the beeping of monitor like the termination of life.

" Charge to 350, Clear! " Bailey couldn't stop doing CPR on my chest, tears streaming down her eyes full of compassions. " Cristina, you can't die like this, Cristina Yang can't die hit by a car. Do you hear me? You can't die. You have to fight. Fight for Burke. Fight for Meredith. Fight to be a brilliant cardio goddess. You have to fight! " I want to hug her to stop her tears and trembling, I always knew that she's the one looking out for us, loved us like her own children. Thank you Bailey, for everything you taught me. Goodbye, Bailey.

" Miranda, she's out for 15 minutes, we have to let her go." Chief put his hands on top of Bailey's to stop her.

" Time of death, 10:38." Derek signed heavily, dropped his gloves and left the room. Bailey stayed to clean up all the blood strain remained on my face.

Meredith couldn't breathe at the sight of my body lying on the gurney covered with white cloth. Derek gave her a bag and urge her to breathe, but she couldn't breathe and couldn't stop crying. They had to sedate her to make her breathe.

Burke...he was still standing at the same spot of the room, frozen. When they tried to take my body to the morgue, he suddenly moved, pulling himself across my gurney, he wouldn't let them take my body away. He was caressing my face just like old times. His eyes filled with affection. He murmured those three words beside my ear, " I love you, I love you, I love you..." . Everyone was stunned by his sudden outbreak, no one seemed to know what to do. I felt as if tears would come out of the eyes. I love you, too. And I will never stop loving you. But I'm too tired of loving you. Sorry I had to leave you like this. " Take care of yourself. I love you." I tried to kiss him on the cheek and whispered my last words to him. He seemed to feel my touch and started searching around the surroundings.

" Burke, you have to come now. Her lawyer had her videos and wills to show you. Meredith was already awake together with the other three. You should come now. " Chief came in. Burke stared at the chief at mentioning my name. He followed him to the conference room without a word. I tried to follow them but I can't escape from the waves of fatigue streaming through my mind. I took a last glance at his back and doze off.