Thanks for the reviews! So good to hear from people again :D

So, same thing applies about Simon - just know that he's confused about how he should act around Alvin, that's why his approaches to Alvin change all the time. I think that's the excuse I'm going with... there is no sex here, it might feel like it but it's not I'm just impatient - honestly, I have a whole document for when I get impatient and skip ahead and write a sex scene... It's unhealthy and I apologize.

Anyway, enjoy the semi-lemons and the tugging around of emotions - I know I do :p

A

Well… Alvin thought in slight shock at himself, breathless, lying on his back with his knees up, jeans still half off as he caught his breath. Haven't done that in a while…

He rested his eyes tiredly.

This little private session was because of yesterday, when Simon had been talking about their bodies in the bathroom. Truthfully, Alvin didn't even know what possessed him to have the mindset to do it.

He was just remembering Simon's question "do you think I'm attractive?", and he kept thinking of all the things he wanted to tell Simon about his body…

Pretty soon, he got turned on.

So lead to this.

In all honesty, Alvin hadn't done this for about six months – six months ago was the last time he had lustful thoughts extending beyond his shame.

He didn't know why this was an exception. He was still ashamed. Very ashamed. Even more ashamed than usual because he'd had the nerve to get off to Simon's image again. He was lucky he didn't get caught – everyone was home!

The nerve!

I'm such an idiot… he sighed, shaking his head and staying put. He could be right outside the door… he could have been listening in while I went off the planet moaning his name…

'Hey, Alvin, Dave said he's –'

'Shit –' Alvin hoisted his jeans quickly, not wanting to see his brother's expression.

Simon's cheeks went crimson quicker than ever, his grey eyes a little wider and his mouth slightly open. 'Were you just –?'

'No!' Alvin denied frantically, while clasping his jeans.

'You were!' Simon accused. 'Or you were about to – either way –' he cringed. 'Oh, god, never mind –'

Alvin bolted to his retreating brother. 'Look, I'm sorry, what were you saying?' He stopped Simon before the younger could get out the door.

Simon averted his gaze. 'Dave's on his way home with dinner.' He finished evenly. 'And I'd like you to take your hand off me, because I know exactly where it's been.' He shrugged his brother away and kept walking down the hall, a little more rigid than usual.

'I used the othe –!' Alvin shut himself up, groaning in self-annoyance and trudging back to his bed. 'Idiot!' He cursed, head in hands. 'Now what? Now if he finds out, he's just gonna think I'm some perverted freak! It's bad enough just being a freak! God – why the heck did I do that?!'

Unbeknown to him, Simon had turned to stay beside the door. His cheeks were still red and he still felt uncomfortable, but he wanted to listen in.

When all he heard were repeated curses and self-critical insults, Simon could assume that Alvin hadn't meant to do it. Now all the bespectacled brother had to do was understand why Alvin apparently didn't have a choice in the matter.

He waited a few moments before moving into the room again, shy this time. He shifted his feet awkwardly when Alvin noticed him, and he gave Alvin a careful look. 'I'm sorry I ruined your release.' He said curtly.

'Simon,' Alvin looked reluctantly at his brother. 'You don't have to bring it up, ever.'

'Well, we're trying to be closer, aren't we?' Simon reminded. 'So… i-it's… it's nice to know a bit about your private life. Do you do this often, or..?'

Alvin stared at Simon in confusion. 'Why on Earth would you want to know that?'

Simon raised a brow. 'Maybe so I know whether or not to knock and wait before entering a room?' He offered.

'Fine.' Alvin said modestly. 'I haven't done it in six months.' He admitted. 'So, no. It's not often.'

'Six months..?' Simon repeated. 'Why the sudden want to do it again?'

Alvin shook his head incredulously. 'Why the sudden interrogation about this?'

Simon put his hands on his hips. 'Because it's the first time we've talked about something to do with our personal lives.' He locked a gaze with Alvin. 'So what got you going again?'

'I don't know!' Alvin said defensively. 'Thinking about bo – girls – and stuff – and it was an accident: I didn't mean to get turned on!'

'An… accident?' Simon repeated sceptically.

'Yeah: one thought led to another – look, I'm sorry, I won't do it again if you're going to –' Alvin's power of speech died when Simon took off his shirt right in front of him.

Simon looked at Alvin once he dropped the shirt. 'See, I think I figured out your secret.' He began casually, freeing the button on his jeans. 'I think I figured out what you felt comfortable telling Theodore, but not me…'

Alvin's chest was tightening, getting harder to breath as he watched Simon undress. He just couldn't take his eyes away, and he was frozen from Simon's declaration.

'I haven't seen you with a girlfriend in…' Simon chuckled and shook his head, leaving the jeans loose. 'Months.'

'S-so..?' Alvin half-squeaked. 'I-I just want… t-to be more… more c-careful with my…' his breath caught as Simon drove his jeans-zipper down. 'M-m-my ch-choices –'

Simon was truthfully quite interested in Alvin's reaction to this. He'd have thought Alvin could control his confidence, but the eldest was clearly both frightened and tempted. 'Right…' Simon smirked, acting his own confidence despite his fear that Alvin was going to do something they'd both regret. 'Unfortunately, Alvin… I don't believe you.'

He turned and took off the jeans, quickly finding his pyjamas and pulling the pants on.

Alvin tried not to admire Simon's body – he really did – but at some point he decided: it wasn't his fault. Simon was the one teasing him… he… he knew something. Alvin refused to believe that Simon knew everything, but…

'So let's talk about your sexuality.' Simon turned casually back to Alvin. Still shirtless, Simon's torso seemed to be the only thing Alvin's eyes wanted to look at.

'My sexuality..?' Alvin repeated curiously, finally fitting his eyes on Simon's.

Simon nodded. 'I think we both know that you don't exactly lean straight anymore.' He said knowingly.

Alvin tried to be defensive. 'Hey, j-just cause I want to check what your body looks like,' he failed, 'I mean, I'm your older brother and I'm allowed to –' he flinched at his own words. ' – that's not anything to do with – that came out wrong –'

'Hey,' Simon halted amusedly. 'You can tell me, you know.' He insisted. 'I won't believe you if you say anything else, so you might as well admit it.'

'You're doing that thing again, aren't you?' Alvin narrowed his sapphire eyes. 'You're making me think you know something so I get paranoid and ramble. It's not going to work.'

Simon's smile softened to an apologetic one. 'You're right.' He nodded slowly, picking up his pyjama top and pulling it on, beginning to close the buttons up his chest. 'I'm being cruel… and I'm sorry.' He looked at Alvin steadily. 'But there's one thing you're wrong about.'

Alvin scanned Simon. 'W-what's that..?'

The younger brother stepped forward and offered a reassuring smile. 'I do know that you're homosexual, Alvin.' He said supportively. 'You might not act like it…' he smirked. 'Well, you kind of do… but, it's somehow glaringly obvious.'

'Theodore told you…' Alvin breathed nervously. 'Didn't he..?'

'He didn't need to.' Simon shook his head. 'I had my suspicions long before Theodore slipped and told me.' He lied. 'It wasn't his fault, either, Alvin.' He said seriously. 'And he's really ashamed for telling me, so… so I think it's best you don't go after him about it.'

Alvin nodded, then shook his head. 'N-no, I wouldn't blame him…' he promised. 'I-I'm g-gay.' He chided his stammer and looked down in shame. 'It's the truth. And I-I'm sorry for hiding it from you…' he shook his head and closed his eyes. 'I just thought you wouldn't… understand..? I don't know why I kept it from you…'

Simon hesitantly reached out, while Alvin was still averting his gaze, and he pulled his brother gently into a tentative embrace. Simon's heartbeat sped in nerves, hoping with all he had that Alvin wasn't going to make this more uncomfortable than it had to be. 'We have our differences, Alvin… I… I would probably hesitate before telling you something like this, too…'

'I'm so sorry…'

Wait… is he –? Simon felt compassion starting to flood out of him, Alvin's body shaking in his arms, the older boy breathing shakily. Crying. 'For what?' Simon asked soothingly, holding Alvin firmer.

Alvin clung to Simon's shirt, the embrace feeling all too good to be true, his morals screaming for him to let go. It was just a hug, but he still felt as if he was taking advantage of Simon. 'F-for… for failing…' he whispered. 'I won't ever… e-ever be the b-brother… you w-want me to be…'

Simon felt his own eyes gloss. After reading Alvin's "journal", hearing him criticise himself over and over – to hear him apologising like this was heartbreaking.

He decided not to press Alvin, and smoothed a hand up and down his back. 'I want you like this…' Simon whispered back. 'I want you…'

'Si…' Alvin whimpered slightly, shaking his head. 'D-don't… s-say…'

'Shh…' Simon smiled softly. 'Just try and take a compliment…'

Alvin gently pulled away from Simon, his cheeks stained with a few tears. 'You d-don't… don't know w-what it m-means to me…' He shook his head. 'What y-you mean to m-me…'

Simon just watched Alvin. 'That's…' he smiled warmly. 'Very flattering…'

'I-I'm sorry – I can't –' Alvin shook his head and brisked out of the room.

Simon started to go after him, but he decided against it, knowing that if he persisted, then Alvin was going to admit his feelings. And the eldest Seville was already distraught enough just admitting he was gay… it was best to let him gather his thoughts. The last thing Simon wanted to do was force the words out of his red-clad brother.

A

I should tell him… Alvin thought as he stared at his reflection. His reaction to me being… being that way… i-it was wonderful… He blinked hard as another tear escaped him. I should have stayed and thanked him… or just thanked him… shown some appreciation… god, I'm such a jerk – he must feel so cheated, accepting me like that only for me to brush his support aside…

He took in a shaky breath. I just knew that if I stayed any longer, I was going to tell him I loved him… and he was going to take it the brotherly way… and say it back. And I can't hear that again. Can't hear the false hope ringing around those three stupid words…

Alvin leaned back and stared at his reflection hopelessly. 'I have to tell him…' he figured. He deserves to know – he deserves my trust… I just need to monitor myself.

No doing anything drastic, that's the first rule… so… so, no kissing him to try and "prove" anything, no kissing him to take the easy way… I'm going to tell him, and tell him with my voice. And above all, I cannot creep him out by repeating I love him, or complimenting his body, or telling him that he's perfect for me…

Oh, god, can I do this..? Alvin looked down in strain. Am I even ready..? I haven't even figured out what I want to say! How do I say it..? If I was worried about Theodore telling him and not explaining it properly… how am I supposed to do that?

Maybe I'll show him my math book… and he can just read. He likes reading, right? Right… no, I can't… giving him that book to explain it all would be as much a shortcut as kissing him…

"Simon, I'm in love with you…"

Too simple… so cliché… not enough reassurance… he'd run away.

Maybe I should take him somewhere..? No… public places equals an easier trip for the police… and more places for him to run…

At this point Alvin thought it would be best to tie his brother down and announce it; that way Simon couldn't get away or call the police.

It'd feel too… sick. He mentally declined the idea. He'd be freaked out by being tied up for one… but then my confession..? No, I'd be doomed for doing that to him… he sighed and met his own gaze once more. 'Time to do what you do best…' he murmured, his eyes shifting over his reflection. 'Confrontation without a plan…'

He nodded to himself and backed away from the sink, turned, and made his way out of the bathroom and back to Simon.

Simon was at his desk, just sitting there tapping a pen against an open workbook like he had almost moved on from Alvin's display – almost.

Alvin was glad of that, as there was therefore not much room for Simon to revert to hating him. He took in a large, steady breath before closing the door behind him, and crossing the space to arrive next to Simon.

He already felt his hands shaking, and clenched them to try and keep a hold.

Okay! In my pre-written vault of fanfictions, there's only two chapters left of this story - but, it is definitely planned to continue, like I love writing it and I've got so many ideas yet to come so don't fret when it hits 11 chapters and I say "that's all for now".

But, until then, enjoy your week and I'll see you on Friday! (Auz time)