Chapter 8, Trains are Softer

Nights out in Seattle were always funfunfun. And when you're 23 and straight out of collage you can still remember how to paaarrrrttttyyyy. But I swear if one more guy scoffed at me like I was lying when I tell them a doctor, I'm going to punch them in the face. Right in the face, like a nose bursting punch! And I'm not even drunk...okay maybe a little drunk (you were a little drunk five drinks ago Alice, just admit it!). But hey, it was a hen party!

Angela, one of the most amazing neph nurses on the planet (neph nurses trying saying that a hundred times while under the influence... neph nurses neph nurses neph nurses neph nurses nefnursis nefnursis nefnursis... you have sooooooo got this one Ali (as I was saying, basically sober!)) was getting married! Ben was a lucky guy. The wedding was next week and I already had my dress all picked out, I just didn't have anyone to go with. But everyone from work would be there so it would be a great laugh.

"Tequila Friday!" Someone yelled. It wasn't even Friday...was it?! But before I knew it I was pouring a measure of disgusting liquid down my throat and sucking a lime (we ran out of salt).

The dance floor was crowded, the music was loud and light was hurting my eyes. I was trying to get to the bathroom but everything was a bit of blur and I think I may have had my eyes closed...maybe I was getting to old for this! Suddenly a rush of cold air hit me and I realised I had somehow got outside.

The cold air felt nice on my skin and I could feel my head getting a little less fuzzy so I decided to stay outside.

"Alllliiiiiiccccccce," a voice behind me rang. "You're outside! I'm outside! we're outside! I think I'm drunk maybe...and I'm getting married! How weird is that?"

"So weird! How did we grow up so fast?" I laughed. "One minute you're at home complaining your mom wont let you watch TV and suddenly you're a grown up with all this responsibility and stuff to do...and stuff not to do. Like fall for a patient."

SHIT! I said that out loud! I can't stop, the words are just coming out, why cant I stop them? Because your drunk, that's why!

"I knew it!" Angela slurred! "It's the hot blond one, the one with the sister, isn't it? He's so hot I don't blame you. But it's a bad decision, a bad bad bad decision!"

"I know, but he's so sweet and he likes buildings and that's so cute! And I don't want to, I really don't but I think that I..."

I was cut off by Angela bending over and vomiting on my shoes.

"I think its time for your friend to go home, miss," the nice bouncer behind me suggested.

"Yeah I got this, I got this! I am a doctor you know," That probably sounded a lot more sophisticated in my head but came out as a bit a mess.

"Yeah well you're also pretty drunk," he observed, probably quite correctly. "Here, bring your friend and get this taxi here, get home safe!"

It took a while to convince the taxi driver that Angela wouldn't throw up in this taxi and if she did I would make sure it was in my handbag, but eventually she was deposited home and I would myself at the front door struggling to get the key into the little tint hole. Why do they make it so small? Life is hard enough!

I checked my phone and saw I had loads of notifications, not sure what they were...I couldn't really see my phone and all I wanted was sleep. I also wanted nachos but my bed was closer than the kitchen...not that there was any food in there anyway. I tore off my clothes and got into bed naked. My make up was still on...I needed to pee...I wanted food...my hair was such a mess...I had back shift tomorrow...I think I'm falling for a patient...sleep.

I was standing in a long corridor; I could feel fluffy carpet between my toes. It was cream, and soft. The walls were plain white. Along the corridor where the most intricate doorways I have ever seen, every one of them different and unique.

I started walking and stopped at the first doorway, it was pale wood carved in delicate swirls and loops. It was soft to the touch and as I ran my fingers along the curves shapes started to appear in the doorway.

"Its okay to be happy Alice," Bella said. She was standing next to Edward, cradling a baby in her arms. "It's okay to take what you want." She looked up at me and I stared back. Her brown eyes were different some how, motherly. "Would you like to hold her?" She asked as she placed a sleeping baby girl into my arms. I wanted to refuse; I'd never been fond of babies.

I looked down at her, so peaceful and content in my arms. When I looked up Bella and Edward had disappeared and my arms felt lighter, the baby was gone. I kept walking down the corridor and came to a marble doorway. It was grand and simple with columns on either side. In it, stood a beautiful blond woman in a flowing white dress, I recognised her but I couldn't bring her name to mind. "He's told me about you," she said, "They both have. They love you very much." I looked down and she was playing with an engagement ring on her finger, a huge dazzling rock that caught the light as she moved her hand. "It could be you one day, I hope you think of me as a sister Alice. Even after everything, I'm still here for you."

I looked away for a second and heard a small clink. When I looked back the doorway was gone and the woman with it. All that was left was the diamond ring lying on the ground. I walk on, the soft carpet started to feel jagged as a metal sponge against my bare feet. The colour of the walls got darker, slowly fading to grey.

The next doorway was stained glass with a dim flickering light behind it. The door thick oak and as I touch the metal doorknob it swung open wide. There stood my mother and father, dressed in black. My mother was dabbing at her eyes with a silk handkerchief. "There was nothing you could have done, you know that baby." My mother sniffed as my father stood silently. "I'm so sorry Ali, if there's anything you need…" My mother reached out to hold me but as she did the door shut, her silk handkerchief fell to the ground at my feet.

I walked on, but my legs were getting heavier and my eyelids were drooping. There was one last doorframe at the end of the, now dark, corridor. It was plain glass, simple and transparent. In front of me stood Jasper, he was pale and shaking with a tube of blood running from his arm. I reached out to him, but the door was closed and my fingers pressed against cold glass. Slowly he started to fade away and I pulled on the door, but it wasn't a door at all, just a pane of glass.

"It's no use sis," I heard Emmett's voice say behind me. "Stop hurting yourself. Its too late."

I woke with a start as my alarm started going off. I quickly shut it off and got up. My head was pounding but other than that I felt surprisingly okay. Cup of coffee and a shower and I'd be good to go!

"Oh dear Alice, what have you done?" I said out loud to myself as I saw the destruction I had caused last night. I mean seriously, was it totally necessary for drunk Alice to make such a mess?! I'm no neat freak but I was a bit scared to tread on the floor in case I stepped on a spiked heel or something.

The shower was a bit cold but it woke me up, unfortunately I had run out of conditioner…normally a minor annoyance but after the gallon of hair spray I had in last night to tame my main it was a disaster of epic proportions. It's almost as bad as that time I went home with this guy in collage and he didn't have shampoo…just '2-in-1 body and hair wash'. Well at least I didn't smell of alcohol anymore, also my skin had lost the post night out stickiness which was never pleasant the next morning.

I watched the coffee machine as my beautiful black liquid brewed and poured it into the biggest mug I had. I didn't start work till 2 so I had a couple of hours to sort out my life. At least I wasn't still drunk, always a plus.

My phone started ringing somewhere in my bedroom and I put down the coffee to start the search. I remember looked at it last night so it was in here somewhere. I started looking around the floor and in my purse but eventually found it after throwing the covers off my bed. It was works number.

"This is Doctor Cullen," I answered.

"Doctor Cullen we've been trying to get a hold of you all night, a patient of yours was admitted last night in critical condition with severe hyperkalemia after an apparent seizure."

"I'll be right there," I said, quickly hanging up the phone. They would only phone me if it was Jasper. I grabbed everything I would need and dashed out the door. I was trying as hard as I could not to run. He's just a patient Alice, like any other, you want to get there quickly because your doctor and you help people, no other reason. But there was another reason; I knew there was. Sometimes something wonderful comes into your life in the exact wrong way and when that happens it hits you hard…trains are softer.

The drive to the hospital was agonisingly slow despite all the lights being in my favour. My usual parking spot at the bottom of the lot seemed too far away but I had to park there, this was just like any other case, I couldn't treat it differently.

As I undertook the long walk to the hospital entrance I went over his notes in my head. He had a history of hyperkalemic episodes, a dangerously high level of potassium in his blood that could lead to heart arrhythmias and seizure. No history of previous seizures but recent tests showed severe anaemia. He's just getting sicker.

When I walked into the ward he was the first thing I saw, he was lying slightly propped up in bed, still sleeping. His sister was sitting beside him stroking his hand; she didn't look like she'd had any sleep at all. I picked up the chart from the bottom of the bed and started reading. It looked like his potassium levels were starting to fall back into a normal range but I could see from the monitor above his bed that his heart rate was still slightly erratic.

I made a note in his chart to swap blood pleasure medications from beta-blockers to calcium channel blockers. It might help regulate his heart rate as well as control BP. It was worth a shot at least…every little helped. He'd been hooked up to a slow dialysis machine to take care of the excess potassium and to take the strain off his kidneys while we pumped him full of drugs.

But he was stable, looked like it was going to be a wait and see approach for the day but he should be okay. He's going to be okay. I could feel myself let out a shaky breath in relief.

"Dr Cullen, you're finally here!" Rosalie said as she noticed me. "Please tell me something I've been in the dark all night, I drive up from Olympia because they told me he's collapsed but that's all I know, please?"

"Well he had a hyperkalemia episode which is when…"

"I know what it is!" she snapped. "Sorry, keep going."

"Well he's had them before but this time with the strain on his heart and nervous system from previous episodes it seems to have causes a seizure."

"Oh god," she whimpered, raising her hand to his face and softly running her thumb along his cheek. He looked so peaceful lying there, almost angelic. He was so beautiful.

"But don't worry, it's under control now. However we just need to wait till he wakes up to see if there has been any neurological damage but with this being the first time this has happened I would be very surprised if there were any serious damage. He might be very weak for a few days. How long can you stay in the city?"

I knew in the state he was in it would better if there were someone to look out for him for a few days, but if she couldn't…I knew despite my best judgment that I would. Alice he's your patient, you can't keep doing this to yourself.

"As long as he needs me."

After I had changed into my scrubs and sorted out some paper work I went back to see him, I adjusted his meds and made a few notes in his charts. I knew this was work the nurses would be happy to do but…he was my patient. He was my responsibility. He was my geeky buildings guy. I looked over at Rosalie, she looked familiar somehow, and I think id had a dream about her but I couldn't quite remember it, something about a door?

"Are you alright in here? It might be while before he wakes up if you want to go get a coffee or some food." I suggested.

"I'll wait till he wakes up," She replied with a smile. She was much more pleasant then the first time I'd met her. "My boyfriends traveling up tomorrow, I didn't want him to meet Jasper like this but…he insisted on coming up to keep me company and I didn't really want to refuse to be honest."

"How long have you and your boyfriend been together?" I asked.

"Not long at all really, but it feels like longer, you know? I feel like I trust him, which is weird cause I'm not big on trusting people, especially not this quickly but there's just something about him. Have you ever met anyone like that?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think I have." I don't mean to say it, I don't know why I did. I was talking about him and she was going to know it. But I just couldn't stop myself, because I knew exactly what she met. How you can feel like you know a person without really knowing them at all. Even if it could never happen…even if he was the one person you shouldn't, couldn't, have.

Just then Jasper stirred and made a small noise. Like someone just waking up for a pleasant dream. "Jasper?" Rosalie said quickly leaning over him and putting her hand to the side of head, stoking the hair out of his face. It was almost motherly. "Jas can you hear me? Its Rose, I'm right here, you're okay." Jasper opened his eyes slowly, like his lids were weighted and it was a struggle. Squinting slightly at the light, he looked directly at me.

"Welcome back Jasper," I said softly. I put his chart back at the bottom of his bed and moved closer. He looked confused, so I answered his question before he could ask. "You were admitted last night after collapsing and having some sort of seizure. You had a hyperkalemia episode but your levels have stabilised and your heart rhythm is back to normal."

"Oh dear," he said quietly, barely audible. It was clear he was weak and speaking was a strain. "That's exciting." His lips curled slightly at the corners.

"You may feel very week for a few days, so don't rush out of bed. I'll let you rest for a while then come back for a few tests if that's alright?" He was awake and alert which was good…the inappropriate part of me just wanted to run over, wrap my arms around him and never leave. But that wasn't boing to happen. So as his doctor I would let him rest then check for any neurological damage caused by the seizure.

As I left Rosalie started chastising him for making her worry. I glanced back as walked through the doorway; he was still looking at me. Our eyes caught for just a second, he wasn't my patient; I wasn't his doctor. My heart started hammered and the ache of longing that was always in my chest when I thought of him was strong enough to make me gasp.

Then I looked away, and got back to work.