So this in kind of a mini, fluffy chapter but its definitely the start of a new phase for our favourite couple! Let me know what you think, reviews are love!

Chapter 9 – Regaining composure

When Rosalie finally left her brothers room to get some food I went to see him again. Not just to be alone with him, but because I thought he'd be more honest about how he was feeling if she wasn't there.

"Hi Jasper, how are you feeling?" That was good Alice, neutral…professional.

"Just tired I guess," he answered with a small smile, "and a bit of a headache but its no bit deal."

"That's quite normal I'm afraid, but I can get you something for it make you more comfortable." He was slightly squinting at the light and his headache was probably worse than he was letting on.

I did a quite inspection form the end of the bed. He had been taken off dialysis but still hooked up to the ECG to keep an eye on his heart rate. He looked pale with dark circles round his eyes. I could tell even now it was effort for him to stay awake, it was my intension to discharge him tomorrow but I'd rather he got a good rest before sending him home. Also, knowing him he'd probably return to work a soon as I let him out and that was definitely not a good idea.

"I'm going to need to carry out some tests on you just to check the seizure didn't do any damage if that's alright?" he gave a small nod and I proceeded. His eyes followed my every move, it almost felt like he was trying to restrain his thought as much as I was mine. Don't be silly Ali, you're his doctor, he doesn't feel that way about you!

So I proceeded to carry out the exam on his right side, it was strange to touch him in such a mechanical way, the same procedural way I would if he were any other patient. "So just squeeze my hand as tightly as you can, very good, you have quite a grip," I joked. I took my pen out my pocket and clicked it a few times before making a note in his chart. But before I could write my hand slipped and I dropped my pen onto his bed.

"Oh, sorry," I said. As I reached down to pick it up my fingers brushed the back of his hand. His fingers twitched toward mine, as if it were a natural reflex to reach for my hand when it was close. I paused for a second, less than a second, allowing myself to enjoy the contact. This was not mechanical or procedural…it was affection.

"How's he doing doc?" I heard Rosalie's voice ask from behind me.

I quickly grabbed my pen and moved to the end of the bed, slightly thrown by the small encounter. It didn't mean anything, forget about it. I carried on with the examination on his left side. His left leg didn't seem quite as strong as his right, this made me frown slightly. "I'm just doing a routine examination, he's doing good so far. Okay Jasper if you could just squeeze my hand again, like before." He squeezed, but there was hardly any pleasure behind it. I looked at his face, he was frowning, a mixture of confusion and frustration on his face.

"I can't…I don't'…" He started.

I wanted more than anything to just take his hand in both of mine to comfort him. But I couldn't. So I did all I could do. I talked.

"You do have some slight weakness on you left side, its vey common after a seizure like yours and nothing to worry about at this stage. You will likely return to full strength in a day or so, all you can do for now is rest. Get some sleep and we can check again tomorrow, okay?"

I could feel Rosalie's concerned eyes on me, but my eyes were locked on my patient. Waiting for his reaction.

"It'll be okay Jas, we'll get through this soon and forget about it, eh? You'll be fine by tomorrow, I know you will be." She said in an attempt to reassure him. But his expression didn't change. His face was blank and gave nothing away.

"I know this is a frustrating experience but just give yourself time to recover." I said.

He nodded. "Thank you, doctor Cullen.'

That was…formal. I could tell when my presence was no longer wanted, so I smiled quickly and ducked out the room. He didn't want me. I didn't want that to hurt. But it did.

Jasper POV

I know its stupid because she's my doctor and is going to see me at my worst, but I didn't want her to see me like this. Weak, frustrated, angry. Nothing like this has ever happed before and I guess it just suddenly hit me how real this was all getting. I've had years to come to terms with the fact that this disease might kill me, but I've also had years of plane sailing. Years of just getting on with life like normal, getting dialysis and putting up with the usual side effects. But this wasn't one of the usual side effects. I'm not ready to let this thing take over my life. I'm no ready to become a passenger going along with the ride my sick body takes me on. My life does not belong to this disease.

Not yet.

But this made me think…maybe it does. Maybe that time isn't just a thing that will happen in the future, maybe its now. I was scared, I didn't want her to see me scared.

I liked her; I didn't want her to hurt because of me. I wish I hadn't met her like this and I wish our relationship hadn't developed that way it had. She was my doctor. We both knew some of our actions so far had been inappropriate for a doctor patient relationship…and maybe she didn't feel the same way…but I knew my feelings toward that pretty doctor were growing. Maybe they'd already grown too much. I couldn't allow her to start feeling the same way, it wouldn't be fair.

So I called her Dr Cullen. Because calling her Alice, then watching her walk away from me would be too hard. Because she had to walk away. Because I didn't want her to see me hurting. Because I was falling for her…

"Emmett's coming up to meet you tomorrow," Rosalie said, obviously trying to break my reprieve. "So don't be too mean to him, because you ever know…he might be the one to make an honest woman of me!"

"Rose.." I groaned.

"What? What have I don't wrong now?" She pleased.

"I don't want him to meet me like this! He's going to think I'm you're sick little brother you need to take care of!" I exclaimed.

"You are my sick little brother that I have to take care of…" She smiled.

"Rosalie you know what I mean, I.."

"I know, I know," she interrupted. "But Jasper I really like him, I really really do and I want him to meet the most important person in my life. And…I want him here, I know that is hard for you Jas I really do but its scary for hell for me as well and I need him here. So please…be nice?"

I sighed, I couldn't really argue. As much as I wish Rosalie would back off a bit sometimes I know she's just overcompensation for a time when she wasn't so present. And I did need her; she's the only family I have.

"And besides, basically his entire family are doctors so he's not going to see you sick once and think you're a total invalid." She added jokingly.

"Well in that case I suppose it's okay," I half laughed, half yawned. A frown immediately marred by sister's face.

"You should get some sleep Jas, you need to get your rest so they'll let you out tomorrow and you can meet Emmett properly."

I flashed her a quick smile, normally I would protest such a suggestion. But man was I tired. And I wanted to get out tomorrow and back to work as soon as I could. I loved my job and this thing I had interfered with it enough!

When I woke it was morning. I hadn't slept that long in a very long time. But I guess I needed it cause I felt way better. The headache was gone, and I wasn't strapped into any machines anymore I guess the docs thought I was doing good as well. I clenched my left hand, still a bit weak but much better than yesterday.

Then I noticed movement at the bottom of my bed, and I was glad I wasn't strapped up to the ECG anymore cause that thing would have gone wild and that would have been woefully embarrassing. At the end of my bed stood Alice. She hadn't noticed I was awake yet; she was studying my chart and making a few notes of her own.

Her mouth was all scrunched up to one side and there were small frown lines on her forehead. It was like she was trying to memorise every word she was reading. It made me smile, how committed she was to her work. But then, like many times before, I came to the realisation that I was her work. I was a job to her, I had to be.

She glanced up suddenly. "You're awake!" she exclaimed and set the chart down quickly like she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have been. "Everything's looking good. You sleep all through the night and it did you good, all your electrolytes have normalised…well as much as we could hope they would. We took you off dialysis in the evening and you should be fine going back to your normal schedule."

"Thank you Alice, really, I feel so much better I really do," I smiled. Her face light up momentarily at the mention of her name but she quickly regained her composure. Called her Dr Cullen again…it just seemed wrong. "Can I…I mean when can I…?"

"Id be happy to discharge you today if you feel up for it, and promise to call or some in if you feel unwell at all!" She chirped. "How if your left side feeling, it was weaker yesterday."

"Much better I think."

"Do you mind if I give it a quick check?" She asked. I nodded and held my hand out to her. As I did, I wished she were taking it for a different reason. "Could you just give me hand a squeeze?" I did. "That's much better than yesterday," she nodded, clearly pleased. "Its still a little weak so may have a bit of trouble grasping thing for a few days but I don't see it being a lasting problem and definitely nothing to worry about."

She looked up at me and smiled. When my eyes locked with her I didn't look away, I couldn't…neither could she. I squeezed her hand lightly, still resting in mine, and she leaned into my touch. We both new how wrong this was, it was a bad idea on so many levels for so many reasons. This wasn't fair. So I pulled my hand away.

"Thanks doc," I tried to sound as light hearted as possible, but my voice was thick.

She stepped away, "I'm gonna…emm…eh…I'll go and…" she stumbled over her words. "Discharge papers, I'll go get them and you'll be on your way…Jasper."

I sighed when she left the room, I'd give anything for this not to be happening…for her sake. I was nothing but trouble for her. She can't be with a patient in that way…and then what if this whole thing doesn't…end well…what if this illness really is the end for me. She was too young and full of life for me to drag her down.

But holy shit was I falling for that woman.