Authors note: Thanks so much to everyone who is reading ( and reviewing)! It's so nice to hear that you guys are enjoying reading the story as much as i am enjoying writing it. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I love writing an Alice who is finally being a bit more honest about her feelings, its fun ;) Let me know what you guys think, and thanks for reading!

Chapter 11 - I am a Professional

I lay in bed awake all night, replaying those moments in my head. All those moments when our lips were together, when our bodies were pressed against each other. It felt like some sort of dream. Oh my god Alice what have you done. But it just felt so good, it felt so right! My lips and his lips and my lips and his lips and his hand on my back pulling me in and ohmygodohmygodmygod.

It can't happen again.

It has to happen again.

He said it himself; it wasn't going away. No matter how hard we both tried we couldn't just squash out feelings for each other, and we most defiantly couldn't rewrite the past. That kiss happened.

That kiss rocked my god damn world.

The time for falling was done, I'd done the falling and now I was hooked, cemented, welded, drowned at the bottom of the ocean beneath the cliff I was falling from…and there was nothing to be done. How could you feel so much for one person?!

Could it be…is this what is felt like…to be in…NO I won't even let myself think that word, it was one kiss for god sake! But it was so much more than one kiss; it was every time we spoke, every time we looked at each other, every time his smile made my day brighter, every time we touched. It was the first time we met and I knew that he wasn't going to just be another patient.

At least one thing I was sure of…he felt what I felt. It wasn't just all in my head; he felt the same way about me as I did about him. If his words weren't enough to confirm that then the way he kissed me certainly was. It felt real…like the way people describe it when you find that person that you lo…..like…a lot.

I had to tell him it couldn't happen again, it was the professional thing to do. Maybe one day when he wasn't my patient we could take things further. But what if he's always a patient, if he doesn't get a transplant in time.

My heart drops through the floor as I suddenly truly realise something that I've known since the start, he could die. There is a real possibility that he doesn't make it. I could feel my eyes welling up just at the though. He couldn't die. I'd barely met him but already my life felt tied to his, I don't think I would survive if he didn't.

Well I wasn't going to let him die. I was going to do my job. That meant I had to break it off. To do my job right and to save his life…for us to have any hope of being together in the future, we had to wait.

I wouldn't see him today…but when he came in tomorrow evening I was going to give him the full "I'm going to save your life then fuck your brains out" speech…maybe not in those exact words.

Just as I rolled over to check the time my alarm started blaring; time for work already. I wasn't tired in the slightest so I sprung from bed and made a b-line for the bathroom to have a shower and freshen up. When I got there I found that the shower already running; there was someone in my shower. I slowly started to back up, maybe they hadn't heard me come in…I had to call the police…or get a kitchen knife or something. Just as I was about to bolt the door opened and Jasper walked out with a towel wrapped round his waist, I noticed a bright red scar up his abdomen that most definitely should not be there. But never mind the scar….what the hell was he doing in my shower?!

"What the fuck?" I burst out.

"Are you alright Ali?" He frowned and started walking toward me.

"Why are you in my shower?" I moved away from him as he moved closer.

"Well, I'm in our shower because it's the morning and I'm getting ready for work." He laughed. "I'm sorry I didn't wake you but you just looked so peaceful." I looked round the room; it wasn't my bathroom. It was different, bigger, brighter, more colourful.

"I don't understand," I stammered. "Your scar, you had a transplant?"

His frown deepened and then he started laughing, "Yeah babe and now I'm finally going to back to work, I'm bored being an invalid." He stepped again, closing the distance between us and pulled me in for a kiss. But as soon as our lips touched he was gone. I opened my eyes and my new bright bathroom was gone, my real bathroom reappeared before my eyes. I looked in the mirror, my make up was streaked down my face, my hair was neatly pinned back and my dress was black. I only owned this dress for one reason; it was my funeral dress.

My phone buzzed and I swiped it open, 'I'm so sorry about Jasper, all out thoughts are with you today, stay strong – Angela' My phone kept buzzing as more and more messages flooded through, all of them informing me that Jasper was dead. Jasper was dead. And my phone kept buzzing…buzzing…

Buzzing…

Buzzing…buzzing…

Buzzing…

I woke with a start, soaked with sweat and reached up to stop the buzzing from my alarm clock; I must have fallen asleep after all.

I got up and got ready for work, trying not to think about my weird dream. It was only a dream. Jasper and I did not live together and he most certainly wasn't dead. My dreams had been so messed up recently.

On the drive to the hospital I kept seeing happy people holding hands and laughing and being happy. I wanted that. I wanted at wake up to the man I lo…really really liked walking out our shower in our apartment. I wanted it now.

Stop it Alice! You've working your whole life to be a doctor, a professional, so stop being unprofessional and get your job done!

Okay work brain on, I wouldn't see him today anyway so I had to just put it all to the back of my head and keep on working. With that in mind I strode through the hospital with my head in the air. I was a professional.

"Good working everyone," I smiled as I reached our nurses station. "Good morning!" I quickly corrected myself. "I mean good morning everyone!" Everyone smiled and said their good morning back and I carried on with my work. My work, without my only patient being here, consisted mostly of checking through lab results for Dr Hoffman's patients, and other doctors in the unit. I updated charts and adjusted medications. When it was time for rounds I followed Dr Hoffman around like a puppy, because I was the doctor equivalent of a puppy, most attending's wouldn't consider me potty trained yet.

By mid afternoon I was in serious caffeine withdrawals and darted to the break room. Tanya had just finished making a fresh pot and I could have kissed her.

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! I need coffee so badly was considering just plugging myself into an IV drip." I said as I poured myself a large mug.

I sat down across from Tanya and sipped at my steaming liquid of pure joy.

"So…" Tanya said with a smirk. "You and Jasper finally…came to fruition?"

My heart started beating fast and blood flushed my cheeks.

"Don't look so shocked hun, we all knew you two were going to happen at some point. And when you walk into a room alone with him and dash out five minutes later with your hair all messed up and lipstick all over your face it doesn't take a genius to work out what went on." She seemed…totally fine about it, like this was just some normal work place gossip.

"We didn't," I stammered. "I mean we didn't have…"

"Oh I know you didn't have sex dear, I did say you were only in there five minutes!" She leaned in and lowered her voice, this was it…the big hushed warning about how I was a terrible person and I had to tell Dr Hoffman and had to end it and had to forget about him. "You wouldn't be the first doctor to fornicate in these rooms and I dare say you won't be the last." She whispered with a wink.

I was almost too shocked at speak. "You're not, angry?"

"Angry? Oh no hun why would I be angry? I've been around long enough to know that you can't chose who you fall for, no matter how inconvenient it might be. And besides…no one around here can blame you, he is very easy on the eyes." She chuckled. "Just be carful."

I couldn't speak. She knew. They all knew that we had feeling for each other and they didn't care. They were…happy for me? No, they couldn't be. What I was doing was wrong, he was a patient and I was crossing lines that should NEVER be crossed.

The rest of the day went in a blur; I was too busy to really think about my conversation with Tanya. When I got home I went straight to bed, I had a long shift tomorrow and I wanted to be on top of my game when Jasper came in. I hoped Tanya wouldn't tell anyone about the kiss before I had a chance to straighten things out with Jasper.

Before I knew it I was back at the hospital. Sometimes I felt like I should give up paying rent on my apartment and just make Virginia Mason my permanent residence. The beds were comfy enough and who needed a kitchen when the cafeteria food was so good? I guess they might start questioning why my car hardly ever left the lot but I'm sure if I just moved it around now and then no one would notice.

My brain rambled on as I made my way up the ward, I didn't bother putting on scrubs today, I was wearing a cute purple blouse and pencil skirt and I was feeling pretty sly. But I stopped by the changing room to check my hair and touch up my make-up, is not something I'd normally do on a workday. In the back of my mind I knew it was because I wanted to look nice for him, but I refusing to allow myself to realise just how much id fallen for him so I told myself it was because you just have to look nice once in a while.

It was another busy day. I barely sat down, and forget about food and coffee breaks! There was a big car crash and four patients ended up in ICU with acute kidney problems, two of them would need transplants soon if they had any chance but it wasn't looking good. The other two were in such bad shape that their other organs would go before the kidneys became a priority. I'd be surprised if any were still hanging in there after a few days to be honest. Its days like this that were hard, seeing how quickly things could just…end. But you have to just detach yourself from it, leave a little bit of your humanity in a box that you can open up again at the end of your shift. It wasn't nice, but we all had to survive.

When Jasper walked into the ward I'd almost forgotten I'd be seeing him tonight. Almost. Angela gave me a wink when he walked in. I don't think Tanya had told anyone what had happened the other night between me and Jasper but now she'd dropped the hint that everyone knows there's something between the two of us I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed! Everyone knew. Everyone. How had I been so bad at hiding it? Everyone seemed to know my feelings before I did.

"Angela could you set up Mr Hale please?" I asked.

She looked at me, slightly confused; it wasn't unusual for nurses to set up a dialysis session, in fact it was what usually happened. But since Jasper came here I had made sure I was the one to set him up…any excuse to see him I suppose. No wonder everyone knew. I'd talk to him when his session ended, I had more then enough work to keep me busy till then.

It was hard to concentrate when we sitting just over there, I could see him with his hair, his arms, his face, the way he scrunched his eye brows as he edited floor plans. Sometimes he would look up and catch my eye, the corner of his mouth would turn up a little and I couldn't stop a smile spreading across my face when he did, I could feel blood flushing my face every time I felt his eyes on me.

I waited and watched while Angela unhooked him. God damn it, why did he have to be so good looking? He was gathering up his sheets of work stuff (well at least I presume it was his work stuff, what did I know about architecture?) as I walked over toward him, holding a chart just so I had something to do with my hands other than touch every last inch of his body…which is all I really wanted to do. But no, I had to end this; it was the right thing to do.

"Hi," I stuttered out like a moron. "We should go to an exam room, I have test results." Id had two days to come up with an opening line and that's what I got? God I'm such an idiot.

"I think maybe that's a good idea…doctor." He said sheepishly. What did that mean? Oh god he thought it was a big mistake, he didn't mean what he said, he didn't have any feelings for me. Shit shit shit.

He closed the door behind him and finally we were alone together. I didn't want to waste any time with this. "Jasper I'm your doctor and you're my patient and what happened the other night cant happen again, it is not professional," I blurt out.

"I know," he said softy. He was taking slow steps toward me. I clutched the chart tightly to my chest, like a life raft that was keeping my head above water. He got closer and put his hand on my upper arm, stroking it softly. My skin was tingling, heat surged through my body and I leaned into him. "We shouldn't do this." He whispered. I shook my head and mumbled an agreement. A voice in my head was screaming at me to stop this, but another louder voice was begging me to never let him go. The chart clattered to the floor as my arms stretched around his neck pulling his face toward mine. He leaned down and kissed me with such intensity that I thought I was going to combust. I knew I should stop, but I couldn't; I didn't want to. Our hands were all over each other, pulling our bodies together.

Suddenly he pulled away, "I think I'm falling in love with you." He said in frantic whisper.

I didn't even think about my answer, "I think I already have."