Chapter 17 Console

Disclaimer: GA and all characters belong to Shonda and ABC.

Fiona's POV

At Emerald City Bar

Surrounded by the dimmed light and the loud rock music, I downed my shot of tequila. Usually Joe would be stopping me at this point, but he didn't know me now. No one here know me anymore. It was like you knew every corner and everyone of this place so damn well but they lost their memories of you. Never before have I felt such emptiness inside myself. Whenever I was here, I came with my annoying fellow interns bugging me about their pathetic love lives. Even pouting George would be better than sitting on the bar stool, all alone. Although I would never admit that. Tonight I just need tequila and Meredith, no Burke, no surgery, no trial, no painful memories, no cringy small talk, and not even sex was good enough. When Meredith arrived, I was already on my third shot.

"Hey, I told Burke we were on girl's night so he backed off. Now spill." I knew who that was immediately at the scent of citrus body wash approaching the counter. I missed that scent so much. I haven't seen her for a week.

"Hey. How did your Mcdreamy drama go? I guess I missed quite a lot." I pushed my untouched shot to her.

"He was in his overprotective boyfriend mode ever since my drowning. I think he wants a family with me, like a house with kids running around. Seriously, after he chose Addison over me, a house?" Meredith started rambling about her personal drama like old times.

"Two patients in my trial died, and I haven't figured out why the second one died. Burke wanted to talk while I only wanted sex. He thought I didn't want to talk about it because of our baby issue, but it wasn't that." Meredith glared at my grumble while I continued, "Fine it had something to do with the baby issue, but the major part was that I was too involved in this case, you know, the struggling innocent new born triggering me maternal instinct or whatever. And that's the problem. Cristina Yang never get involved with the patients like Izzie Stevens because she knew that would do the patient no good. If I got involved with Nason, I would mess up with the trial and his life, and the two dead patients proved my point just at the right time."

"Fine, you win. Have you ever thought about telling Burke this whole situation, you know...since he was a cardio god he might probably find the cause." She made the suggestion cautiously.

"Hey, you're my person, you should be on my side. No, I couldn't tell him about this because he wouldn't let go of the baby topic and I hate to show him my incompetence as a surgeon. You know...he was this I-was-your-teacher-so-I was-always-right attitude from the beginning of our relationship, now he finally realized that I was as a badass surgeon as he was and I just want our status to be...I don't know, equal...in this relationship." Yes, that's what I want, equilibrium and avoidance of the long lost babies.

"Well, I get where you came from. Derek was she-was-my-family-for-11-years-of-course-I-chose-her attitude when he chose Mcwife over me. But still, you need to talk to him, you know, he was worried about you, said you didn't come home for nearly 48 hours." Her eyes darkened at the mention of Addison. She was her forever nightmare as she was so perfectly nice to be hated.

"What did you do to the dark and twisty Meredith? We didn't do talk, Mer. We hated conversation and communication, we just had lots and lots of sex, like hot, stand-on-our-head sex." I tried to talk sense into her. She had really changed. It was only a week since we last met but it felt like she was a totally different person. Did I miss out that much?

"Crist...no, Fiona, you can't use sex to avoid talking forever!" I shot her my death glares. Like hell you haven't done the same thing. She seemed to sense my thought and went on rapidly, "Okay...I did that too. The point is if there's anything I learned in this drama with Derek is that you have to talk to each other, you have to be honest in a relationship. If Derek had told me he had a wife, things would be so much different now."

"Yeah, if Burke had told me he had an ex, I wouldn't be sitting here downing tequila now. See, this is not our problem. It's stupid men and their boy penises. They thought whatever mistakes they made, we should just jump back into their arms without hesitation. What's wrong with them?"

"Okay. I know you probably wouldn't like to hear about this, but I have to be very honest with you right now. I was jealous about you and Burke the whole time. You got to have a career and a perfect boyfriend when I was hovering over Derek and even dated Finn. And I felt guilty. That was part of the reason why I defended you in front of everyone after Burke's tremor came to light. The love you had between you two was something different, something unique. I knew that when Burke thanked me for persuading you to move in with him. I knew that when you took a bullet for him and risked your career for him. I never saw you that happy until you were with him. So don't let something like that swing by. You're in love, a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. Derek finally wanted a future and I couldn't say yes to him because nothing good had ever happened to me or couples around me. So I need a miracle, I need you to have a happy ending. I need to know that fairy tales do exist. Talk to him. Do this for me." She went so far that she even confessed her feelings.

"Meredith Grey, you are a selfish whore, you know that, right? You were jealous of...ME, really?" I slurred on my words when downing the sixth shot of the night.

"Yea, I know. Cheers to the selfish whore and the formidable bitch." I giggled and reached out to connect my glass to hers. We didn't talk about our issues anymore at the rest of the night. Meredith simply kept me updated about things going on in gossip mills of SGH and laughed hysterically at my sarcastic comments towards them. I couldn't quite remember how the night ended. The last thing I remembered was a pair of warm hands scooping me into the car seat.

Burke's POV

I was over the moon when I found the diary and the note on it which said, "I AM talking to you." I folded the note carefully and placed it into a neatly organized matchbox. That was a game I used to play with mama- you treasured all your sweet memories into a closed and secret place so they became eternity and your happiness would last forever. I knew Cristina wasn't really the type that enjoyed communication and sharing, hell we didn't even had a photo together after we dated for a year. So I kept every note in the matchbox, hoping that the happiness and fulfilment I was feeling right now would never disappear. But now maybe I don't have to do this. She IS 'talking' to me right now. Although not technically having a conversation which she hated the most, but it's a step. With Cristina, it's always slow and steady steps. At least she is willing to let me in bit by bit and that's a sign. A sign that she was meeting me half way. I wanted to hold her, kiss her and touch her so badly right now, but I couldn't. So I went to work and tried my best not to think about her during my shift.

I didn't sleep at all that night. I waited and waited for her to come home. I wanted to tell her how much I appreciated her effort and how much I loved her. I wanted to feel her petite figure and warmth snuggling in my arms. But she didn't come back. I told myself she was just taking an extra shift like she did when she was an intern. But then hours passed, still nothing came from her, not a text or a note. I started to become really worried about her so I texted her dozens of times.

"Cris, are you alright? I'm just worried about you. Please call me back when you were out of surgery. I miss you."

"Baby, I'm really starting to worry about your safety. Just text back me anything to let me know that you're fine, please!"

She didn't respond me. So I went to search for Meredith and asked her whether she had heard from her. When Meredith said no I began to panick. Was I going to lose her again just when I got her back? The look on my face alerted Meredith and she tried to calm me down by instructing me to call Mercy West just to confirm whether she went to work or not. After the call I signed in huge relief, content that she was safe and sound. But I was also sad that she ignored my texts and calls when I thought things were looking better between us. Honestly, I was upset because she was so unpredictable. Every time when I thought we were doing great, she would just slap me in the face and told me that the peace was just my hallucination.

I followed Meredith the whole day as soon as I had some spare time, hoping to hear a piece of news about her or just listen to her voice. Derek was shooting me death glares for stalking her girlfriend but I couldn't care less. Was it so wrong for a man wanting to hear from his girlfriend?

Thank god, she finally called. I could hear her voice vaguely from my position when Meredith picked up her cell. She was visibly disheartened and my heart ached for her, it was never good when she wanted a drink with Meredith. But then again it hurt that she didn't even mention my name. Noticing my distressed expression, Meredith asked her hesitantly, " Wait, Burke was sick worried about you, what should I tell him?" I held my breath waiting for her answer. "Tell him we will be at Joe's and he's not welcome." I was such a fool worrying about her when she was perfectly safe and asking her friend for help instead of me. She made it painfully clear that I was not welcome. I scurried out of the hallway, escaping the scene and Meredith's sympathetic looks.

It was late when I heard Meredith's call. It must be relating to Cristina. I hesitated before taking the call but I went through at last. What if that was important? And I was so grateful that I actually answered that. There were screams and shoutings in the background.

"Dr. Burke, she's really intoxicated and slurred on her words now. She had doubts about herself and felt if she was too involved with Nason it would cloud her judgment. Two of her patients died and she thought that was sign indicating she was incompetent as Nason's doctor. She didn't talk about it with you because she hated to think about the lives that she lost and she wanted you to refer to her as a great surgeon as you are so that you two are equal in this relationship. She was just insecure, you know."

"I know. I will come and pick her up now. Meredith, I can't thank you more for telling me these." My heart was pounding in my chest over her confessions about Cristina's side of view. It was all on me that she thought I didn't think of her as a great surgeon when I blamed her and kicked her out of my OR during my tremor.

"I was so drunk that I wouldn't remember anything I told you now. She would kill me if she knew I blabbed out her secrets." Meredith answered in a drunk voice.

"Sure. We did not have a conversation, not now, not ever in a million years."

It's my attitude that made Cristina doubted herself. Getting involved with Nason would not be an obstacle in her way to heal Nason. Caring would only make her more brilliant, the start of the clinical trial has proven that already. She could do this and all she needed was my reassurance. How could I be so blind not to see that? An idea came to me, I chuckled at my sudden muse. Now I know how to fix this and cheer her up. She loved to hear my praise so I would definitely make this up to her.