Authors note: First off I'd like to thank everyone thats been reviewing, I can't tell you how much reviews make my day! Each and every review just gives me more and more drive to write this so I can get it out there for you guys to enjoy!

(Special note to Brazos: you're reviews are so thoughtful and detailed and amazing! I honestly appreciate it so much! I wish you had an account so i could reply to your reviews properly)

Secondly, I don't write chapters in advanced! I write them and I check them over for obvious mistakes (Though i probably miss most of the mistakes and I'm very sorry for that) and as soon as possible I get them posted. Because of that it means that some chapters are posted days apart and some take a long time! I wish my life wasn't so all over the place but unfortunately thats just the way it is. I wish I could write a new chapter for you guys ever day, but i just can't. It also means that I'm following the story along with you guys. I do have an idea of where i want the story to go but every chapter Alice does something to surprise me (as silly as that sounds) and my great plans get changed! But also if there's any little things you guys would like to see in the story just let me know and I'll see what I can do ;)

Love you all and I hope you enjoy this next instalment!

Chapter 14- The 9pm Primetime Slot

5 weeks. It had been 5 weeks since our first night together. We'd hardly spent a night apart since. Keep it out of the hospital; that was the rule. For the past 5 weeks we had managed to compartmentalise our relationship and it was working. In the hospital he was my patient and I was his doctor but when we got home at night I was his…lover? I'm not sure, we still hadn't really defined it.

I was sitting at his breakfast bar sipping at my coffee before work as I watched him work. He was bent over his drawing board going over the new designs for a small house. Construction had started months ago but there was some sort of materials problem so he was going over it again. He looked so beautiful, so perfect. Sometimes I truly forgot he was ill, that he was my patient. He looked round at me and smiled. He face light up the way it always does when he smiles and I just can't help but smile too.

I knew it couldn't go on like this forever. This was bliss. But you can't have everything. I knew if the hospital knew about us I would be taken off his case, I was prepared for that. What I wasn't ready for was for someone else to look after him. I think that was what I was scared of from the start. I didn't think I could trust anyone else to care for the man that I loved, the man that in the past months had stolen my heart and made me his. He was the love of my life. I couldn't loose him. I couldn't trust anyone else with him.

But I kept thinking about that night 5 weeks ago, the night he got sick. If I had been acting like the best possible caregiver I would have taken him straight to hospital despite his protests. But instead I acted like a loved one, wanting to keep him happy and comfortable. I keep justifying it to myself because as soon as I saw him in hospital I did test's and scans to assess any damage but that wasn't enough. I should have had him straight in, I should have done what was right medically and not emotionally. I felt like that pointy-eared alien with the weird haircut in that movie about spaceships after his home planet got blown up; I was emotionally compromised. Jasper had blown up my world.

I keep telling myself that I can be this super professional doctor while having a relationship as well. But the truth is that I can't be professional when I'm having a relationship with my patient. I know that the most professional thing to do at this point would be to hand over his care to someone else because I've lost my objectivity. He's not just any patient; he's the man I love. He needs the best care possible, I'm starting to realise he can't get that from me anymore. I love my job, but he comes first. The patient comes first. My Jasper comes first. The best way to keep him safe was to let him go.

I had to tell doctor Hoffman, consequences be damned. I trusted that man to shape me into the best doctor I could be, now I was going to have to trust him with something even more important.

Another part of it was that I was so scared I'd have to end things with Jasper. It's not good when doctors have relationships with patients, they don't like it. What if they told me that to keep my job I was going to have to end my relationship? I'd wanted this job for as long as I can remember, I couldn't give up my life's work just like that. Sure there were other nephrology units, but none like Virginia mason. I could see it all playing out in my head. 'Loose your job, or loose Jasper Hale?' they would say. I couldn't make that call. They had become the two parts that made a whole Alice. My job was my reason to get up in the morning; he was my reason to come home at night. I couldn't loose either of them.

So I hadn't said anything. I kept it hidden. We'd kept it hidden. We hadn't told a single living person about our relationship. But as amazing as these weeks had been, I had to face reality.

And the reality was, I love my job. But fuck me I loved him more.

I had to tell doctor Hoffman.

"Dr Cullen," Dr Hoffman said calmly. I think he was trying to calm me down but it wasn't working.

"And I tried so so so hard not to fall for him Dr Hoffman I really did," I rambled on. "But I just couldn't help it." There were tears streaming down my face. I wanted to stop talking. I'd said everything. I'd told him the whole story but still I couldn't stop. Too afraid of what he'll say when you do. Oh shut up, brain.

"Alice please," He pleaded again.

"But then it had gone so far I just couldn't stop and I wanted the best for him and I love him but I don't want to get fired and I can't end it with him because I love him"

Alice please just close your mouth and stop. Please stop.

"Please I'm so so sorry that this happened, its so unlike me, I've never even really had a boyfriend before and…"

"ALICE!" Dr Hoffman said sternly. Oh god oh god oh god. "Here, have a drink of water and calm down. I'm glad you came to me, I've known this was going on for a long time now but I thought it was best to wait for you to come to me."

HE KNEW! All this time, all this worry and he knew all along! Had Tanya told him? No, she wouldn't have done that.

"Of course I'm not doing to ask you end it and of course you won't lose you job, you're a damn good doctor" he said.

I swear to god my jaw nearly hit the floor. He was okay with it? This could not be happening.

"Of course I'll take over as his primary physician but you know his case better than anyone so of course you'll still be involved in his care, you just won't be responsible for it. In the mean time I'll assign you another of my patients."

I didn't know what to say. I felt like my body was frozen in place even though I could still feel my hands shaking. This is not how I saw this going in my head. I was imagining more shouting and lecturing about ethics and professionalism and standards of care and god knows what else. I played this scenario out in my head a million times since I met Jasper (Yeah you heard that right, since I met him…not since we started seeing each other, some would call me insane but I like to think of it more as forward planning, got to account for all the possibilities). I had seen it play out so many ways. But that?! I'd never pictures anything like that.

"Thank you," I finally stammered out.

Dr Hoffman smiled at me and gave a low chuckle. "This isn't some hospital drama on the 9pm primetime slot; we don't make you choose between the person you love and your job. That would be cruel and unnecessary. Besides, my wife used to a patient of mine. Don't look so stunned, we're doctors, half of us marry other doctors and the other half marry our ex-patients."

I didn't know what to say, didn't know how to react. Maybe I'd built this up in my head too much. Maybe all that stuff they teach you in med school isn't totally right. Like a driving test. You learn to pass a driving test and then you learn to drive. Maybe that's what being a doctor was like. Why are you thinking about driving texts now? Pay attention Alice!

"Alice you're young," he continued on. "Everything right now is exciting and new and dramatic but when you're as old as me it calms down a bit. And trust me, you could be the best darn doctor that ever lived, none of it matters if you don't have someone to share it with. I would never condemn someone for finding that person."

I had stopped crying. To shocked I suppose. Maybe too embarrassed. Tanya had basically told me all this months ago but I had gone and went all Alice and built it up in my head. But I was young, I was only 23 and I'd never had a serious relationship before, I didn't know how all of this worked. Did I just call it a serious relationship? Is that was it was? God I hope so.

I sat in silence for a few seconds before I spoke again. This time I wasn't frantic and ranting. My voice came out as a whisper, because in all the shock I'd forgotten something…he wasn't my patient anymore. "Please take care of him Dr Hoffman."

I could feel the fat tears rolling down my face again. I couldn't loose Jasper. I couldn't.

"Alice I promise you he will get the best care I can offer," He said as he reached over and squeezed my arm gently. All I could do was nod.

Dr Hoffman had work to do, but he let me sit in his office and calm down. I was slightly embarrassed by my performance, but I was more relived than anything else. I didn't realise how hard it had been keeping it a 'secret' (I use inverted commas because we hadn't really been doing a very good job at keeping it secret apparently). But there was something else there too, more than embarrassment and relief; there was fear. The same fear I felt every time I had to think about how sick he was. It was a fear that never really went away, I just tried to ignore it. I tried to push it deep down where I couldn't feel it, or bury it down with other stuff. But every now and then the fear would rear up again and demanded my attention.

I realised suddenly that I had to hear his voice. I pulled out my cell phone and dialled his number, it was completely irrational since I had seen him only hours ago and knew he was fine but with ever ring of his phone that he didn't answer my heart was beating faster and faster. I just had to hear his voice. I had to tell him what had just happened. I had to know he was okay. Please pick up Jasper.

"Hello?" He eventually answered. I felt my tense body melt back into the chair.

"Jasper I told him about us. My boss, Dr Hoffman, I told him we were together." I said quickly. I hadn't really discussed with him how worried I was about telling people about us but I think he knew anyway. He was good at picking up on things like that.

"And…?" he asked.

"And it was fine. I'm not your doctor anymore, well not officially. But I promise Dr Hoffman is the best!" For the first time in the last hour my hands had stopped shaking. He had this amazing ability to just calm me down, and he'd only said two words for goodness sake.

"You know what that means right?" He asked. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"What?"

"It means we have to tell Rosalie."

The rest of the day was crazy as usual. I had a new patient now, Mrs Margret 'Maggie' O'Donnell. She was a 74-year-old widow with stage 4 CKD. No chance of me falling for this one at least. Though she was Irish and a very interesting lady I had to admit.

I felt like I had the same conversation on repeat with the entire nephrology department.

Me: "So…I'm no longer Jasper Hale's doctor because we're seeing each other."

Colleague/Friend/random porter I talk to sometimes/women in the cafeteria: "Thank god, we thought you were going to keep it secret forever."

So yeah…everyone knew. I mean, everyone. I guess we weren't so sly after all. It almost felt…anti-climatic? That's maybe not the right word, I'm not sure, but I kind of thought it might all be a bit more dramatic. I mean; I'm not disappointed! Hell I'd practically been skipping round the hospital all day! Maybe I'd just been watching too many hospital dramas?

I called Jasper and told him too meet me at a restaurant near his apartment, today had been good and we should celebrate. Life was all about little victories after all. I changed into the spare dress I kept my locker (always handy to have a spare outfit), it was a simple dark blue dress that clung to my body like….eh…like something the clings really tightly. It was a mix between fancy and professional. That way I was prepared for all occasions.

It was raining, again, but even that didn't dampen my spirits. Everyone knew about Jasper and they were fine with it. I still couldn't quite believe it. We had to figure out how best to tell the family but we'd deal with that later. I was soaked by the time I'd walked all the way across the parking lot to my little bug. I twisted the key in the ignition and, like always, prayed a silent prayer that it would actually start. It did. That little car was stronger than it looked.

It was raining so heavily it was hard to see and my poor old wipers were doing over time. Thankfully it wasn't a long drive. After a bit of searching I found a space. In movie and books and stuff no one ever spends 20 minutes driving round looking for spaces or curses and swears trying to squeeze into spots that are too tight, lucky them. Me on the other hand…not so lucky. I hoped Jasper had just gone in without me; it would be just like him to stand it the rain waiting for me. Swear to god that man will kill himself before anything else gets him. The other day he set a tea towel on fire trying to make French toast and he didn't even notice.

I ran from the car to the restaurant doors only to find him standing in the rain. Fuck sake Jasper.

"What are you doing? You're going to catch a cold, get inside!" I ordered as I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him through the doors. He stayed rooted to the spot.

"Don't be so hasty little doctor, there's a canopy!" he smiled. I stopped and turned to look at him. There was indeed a canopy covering us but that didn't really explain why he wanted to stay standing out here instead of being warm and dry inside the nice Italian restaurant. I squinted my eyes questioningly. "I want to ask you something before we go in."

But instead of saying anything he pulled me in close and leaned down to kiss me. His lips were soft but cold and he was shaking slightly. How long had be been standing here?

"That wasn't a question," I said as I pulled away, put faces still only inches apart.

He pulled away from me and cleared his throat dramatically. "Alice Cullen, would you like to be by girlfriend?"

I laughed. I didn't know what to think. I felt like a teenager again. I was 23 years old and labels like 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' shouldn't matter but it just made it seem so real and tangible. It made my stomach do summersaults like I was back in high school again. But now I was so busy feeling all giddy that I'd forgotten to say anything and he was starting to look worried. "Yes, Jasper. Yes of course."

"Oh thank god for that," He sighed. "My doctor dumped me today you know, I was starting to feel unwanted."

I stretched up to put my arms round his neck. He pulled in toward him, my body tight against his. I put my lips to his ear and whispered, "She must have had some pretty good reasons."

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