Authors note: Long train journeys make for quick chapter writing! if anyone is wondering what happened with Jas and Rose, read on! Happy reading

Chapter 17 – I love my sister

Jasper hasn't been quite himself the past few weeks. He'd been so happy in the days following that night at my parent's house. I think he felt like he was part a family, I didn't really know all about what had happened with Jaspers family other than that all he had left was Rose. But I think he felt like part of something again; at least I hoped he did. My parents loved him and he just fit...like the missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle that made the whole picture make sense.

He couldn't shut up about Emmett and Edward, talked about them like they were long lost brothers. We'd talked for hours about Emmett and Rosalie being together and how neither of us had figured that one out. They really did make such a good pair. I couldn't wait to go on double dates. So much fun!

I thought mom was going to explode with happiness the whole night. The look on her face when she found out Jasper was the guy I was seeing was priceless. She looking around the room at all of us with this massive grin on her face like everything was right in the world...I guess maybe for her it was.

I got the impression Jasper hadn't told my parents about his illness, if he had there was no way mom or dad would have let him run around outside in the rain for hours. I'd been so annoyed at him for that stunt, was he trying to make things worse?

But a few days later after all the excitement of the new revelations had worn off Jasper become...not himself. So far I'd just given him some space, chronic illness took its toll and mood swings were to be expected. In fact it was a miracle he'd been so well tempered so far. But t had been a lot worse in past three or four days. He was so grumpy and irritable, I could hardly say two words to him without him getting annoyed at me. At first I was annoyed at him but then...I started to get worried. He was tried and lethargic, he looked like he was in pain and the way he twisted his body and held his side made me thinks it was coming from his kidneys.

I'd spoken to Dr Hoffman about it quietly today but I didn't want to go behind Jaspers back about the whole thing. He deserved better than that.

I was sitting tucked up on the chair with my study noted across my lap and Jasper sat curled in the sofa, twisted in a way that didn't look comfortable. The TV was humming away on the back ground by neither of were paying it much attention. Jasper looked like he was sleeping.

My head was deeply emerged in "analgesia for acute kidney damage" when Jasper suddenly jerked on the sofa and gasped. My notes dropped to the floor as I moved over to kneel beside him.

"Jasper are you okay?" I said. "What hurts?"

"Nothing," he said tightly through gritted teeth.

"Please, your obviously in pain let me help you!" I pleaded with him. I took his hand in mine and he gripped it tightly. His eyes were squeezed shut and he leaned forward. He's in so much pain. I didn't know what to do. I placed my other hand on his back and started slowly rubbing circles. Oh my baby. Flank pain was common in advanced CKD and bouts of sever pain was happening more and more often to Jasper. Chronic illness was horrible.

The colour was draining from his face as the pain dragged on. He was trying to breath evenly but I could hear his breath catching in his throat. I was whispering to him that it would be okay, that it would pass, but I don't know if he heard me. Watching him like this...its hurt so much. It felt like someone had my heart in a vice and was trying to pull my stomach out through my mouth at the same time.

His face suddenly turned a familiar shade a grey, "Jas do you think you're going to be sick?" I said quickly even as I started look around for something to put under his chin. He nodded slightly and I only just managed to get the bowl of potpourri under his mouth as he was violently ill. "I'll go get a cold cloth," I whispered as I took the bowl away. Potpourri...well at least it covered up the smell a bit, not that I really smelt anything. My hands were shaking as I ran a cloth under cold water and filled a glass for him.

The pain was so bad he was throwing up. A chill ran down my spine.

When I got back to him his breathing was more even and his face was a bit more relaxed. Maybe the worst of it was over. I handed him the cloth and he wiped his mouth. "What can I get you?" I asked.

"Nothing," he grunted. I jumped as his phone started ringing and Rosalie's name flashed on the screen. I reached over to answer it but Jasper stopped me. "Leave it," he said gruffly. I didn't argue. He wasn't really in any fit state to talk.

"Let me give you some pain killers please," I pleased with him again.

"No."

"Jasper please, you're obviously..."

"I said no Alice," he interrupted me. "Just leave it."

His tone was harsh and demanding, not like him at all. I chalked it up to the pain. People were not themselves when they were in pain, doctors knew that better than anyone. God knows I'd spent hours reassuring worried family members "it's just the pain talking". But still he didn't have to be so...mean about it. Did I really just say he was 'mean'? God what age am I?

"Fine," I snapped at him. "You can clean up your own vomit next time then." Even as I heard the words coming out my mouth I regretted them. That was harsh. No, more than that...it was a horrible thing to say. But he'd been like this for so long and it was just...hard. He flinched at my words bt didn't say anything. Instead he just curled up on the sofa again and closed his eyes.

I picked my books form the floor and started reading again, highlighting and making notes on the margin with a scowl on my face. He couldn't see my scowl and I know I should give him a break but after so long dealing with his grumpy self I was done in. The scowl could stay. It was like with a teenage Edward again. Not fun.

Hours later Jasper stirred on the sofa when his phone started buzzing. He opened his eyes and slowly slid his hand along the sofa to find it, quietly groaning at the effort. He looked at the screen and put it back down, his beautiful features twisting in annoyance.

"Aren't you going to answer it?" I said sharply.

He shrugged and settled back into the sofa closing his eyes. I'd had enough of this. I slammed my folders and the notebooks onto the floor, loose bits of paper flying away and sets escaping all over the living room floor. I stood and leaned over him to pick up the phone. Rosalie's Picture flashed on the screen. I answered it before he could stop me.

"Good evening Rosalie," Jasper turned sharply toward me and scowled.

"Alice thank god, is Jas okay? I've been calling all day." She said, relief obvious in her voice.

"Yes he's fine, he's just being grumpy do you mind if I get him to call you later?" I hung up the phone before she could answer.

"What did you do that for?" Jasper spat at me as I dropped the phone from my ear. He was looking up at me, a look of annoyance marring his features.

"She's been calling you all evening, she probably thought something was wrong when you weren't picking up." I snapped back. "Why wouldn't you pick up the phone anyway?"

Jasper rolled his eyes and sat up a little straighter, though he still looked slouched with his legs tucked up beneath him. "I just didn't feel like dealing with her today, okay?"

"No it's not okay, it's not fair to leave her worrying all night just because you're in a mood." That one seemed to get his attention. His eyes narrowed at me and the annoyance on his face turned almost to anger. It was the most animated I'd seen him in days.

"Don't start telling me what's fair Alice. None of this is fair." His voice was harsher than I'd ever heard it before, but there was also sadness there. I think I'd struck a nerve. "What she's done isn't fair. And she just gets to stroll back into my life like…" He stopped as his voice caught in his throat and he took a shaky breath. I instantly felt my anger dissolve away and I just wanted to take him into my arms. He was sick and in pain. If that that made him a bit grumpy then so be it, I wanted to be there for him.

I kneeled now in front of him and took his hand in mine. "Like what?" I said softly. I tried to pour as much comfort into my voice as possible, trying to show him I wasn't mad anymore.

"It doesn't matter anymore Alice," he sounded so small all of a sudden, so fragile. I lifted my hand up to stroke his cheek. I tried to catch his eye to smile at him but his eyes were firmly fixed away from me. Was he trying not to cry?

Oh my poor baby, I'm here for you, it's okay.

"Talk to me baby," I half asked, half ordered. "Please. What happened with Rosalie? I've always known there was something but..."

"It's a long story Ali and…" he started.

"I've got all night." I interrupted him.

He swallowed and took a deep breath. Giving himself time to get this thought together. "I don't even know where to start, I guess I should probably start with mom dying." I mentally braced myself, he'd never talked like this before, not really. It felt so intimate all of a sudden, like he was letting me into something that needed to be handled with care. "After she died Rose took care of me, I guess you could say she took care of dad too. Dad was never the same after we lot her, he had his good days but mostly he was…broken. He drank a lot, didn't do anything around the house, forgot he had kids I think. Rose was the one that made me brush my teeth and get dressed for school. She was way too young for the responsibility, but she did it."

"Then one day she just…snapped. She ran away. We searched for her non stop for three days, I thought she's been kidnapped or something, I was so scared. Eventually the police brought her back, safe. She hadn't been kidnapped, or run over, or dead in a ditch somewhere, or any of the other horrible scenarios I'd been playing out in my head. She just didn't want to be with us anymore. She came back but...she wasn't really there after that. She never really came back. Sometimes I thought she might actually have been better off is she had made it far enough away that we didn't find her. Eventually she moved to L.A. for collage, that was probably for the best.

"I could deal with all of that, I even understood how she felt. By the time she left I'd learned how to deal with dad and make sure we all stayed fed. It was hard on her loosing mom, instead of grieving she tried to take care of everything and make it all okay but then it all hit her and she couldn't cope, she had to leave. I got it, I really did. It was hard, I missed my big sister, but I understood.

"But then I got sick. Dad got better after that, not great but better. He sort of became by dad again. But Rosalie…she didn't even call. I needed her, she and dad were all I had and she didn't even try to reach out to me. Dad tried to get her to get tested, see if she was a match for me, but she wouldn't do it. I didn't know why at the time, I just thought she didn't care. After dad died she told me why, she was a match, but she liked to…experiment in collage. Turns out one of the needles she shared wasn't so clean…she contacted this virus, I can't remember what it's called, it doesn't do her any damage… but it means she can't be a donor."

"Because of the immunosuppressant you have to take, something like that could kill you." I said softly, being careful about every word I said.

"Yeah, so that's it. After dad died she seemed to snap out of whatever it was that was going on with her. She came back to me, tried to take care of me. She was the big sister that tied my school tie for me again. I don't think she knew how serious my illness was, maybe dad hadn't told her or maybe she just hadn't listened. But anyway she's been trying to make up for it ever since, never been a more caring sister around. Like it's going to make up for everything. I try to just forget about, be grateful that I have her now but...she was gone for so long. It hard to just forgive and forget sometimes." He took some time to calm down as he finished. Almost like telling the story had made him breathless.

That we your warning Alice. You missed it.

"Aw Jas," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in tight. "That's..." I didn't know what to say. There didn't seem to be a right way to respond to that. "I'm so sorry Jas." I felt his body relax into mine and I held him. I pulled back and looked into his tired eyes. "Let's get some sleep." I whispered.

I stood slowly and extended out both hands for him to take, which he gratefully did. But as I lead him through to the bedroom he stopped and squeezed my hand.

"I don't blame her you know, I love my sister." He said softly. "She didn't know at the time she could have saved me from this. She didn't know what she was doing. Just sometimes…you need someone to blame. Sometimes you just need to be angry at something, because all of this…just…sucks…And the thing is I don't care about the transplant stuff, there's nothing you can do to change that. I'm just scared if I let her back in she's going to...disappear... again..." Toward the end he started coughing and his words were lost.

I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled my head against his shoulder. "I know baby," I murmured. When I looked back up at him his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. He didn't saying anything, he'd said enough.

It was time for bed.

I woke with a start. It wasn't morning; the room was still pitch black. I could only just make out Jaspers silhouette at the edge of the bed. He was sitting up but hunched over with his arm leaning on the nightstand for support. But though I could barely see him I could hear him loud and clean.

He was wheezing and gasping for breath. Instantly I could tell his breathing was shallow; he wasn't getting enough air.

I practically jumped out of bed, flicking the lamp on, and grabbed my stethoscope from the bad at the foot of the bed.

"Stay calm Jas," I said soothingly. My heart was racing in my chest and though I felt I was about to start hyperventilating I tried to keep my breathing even so he could mimic me. He looked like he trying to say something be he couldn't get enough air to speak. His free hand was clutching at his chest.

"Just breath, in and out, in and out." I murmured as I pressed the stethoscope to his bare chest. All at once I noticed how pale and clammy his skin had become. I felt for his ankles and lightly pushed down, slight swelling. He coughed weakly and a fine spatter of blood sprayed across his lap and coated his lips.

Shortness of breath

Wheeze

Chest pain

Pale skin

Sweating

Ankle swelling

Coughing blood

He had pulmonary oedema. Fuck fuck fuck. Not good.

I ran to get my phone from the other side of the bed and dialled 911 as quickly as my fingers could move.

"I need an ambulance at 25 Ashford grove apartment 2/2, patient has pulmonary oedema, possibly going into pulmonary distress." My voice was shaking but I got the words out as quickly as I could. Before the operator was done assuring me there would be an ambulance here as quickly as possible Jasper started to go limp.

"No no no Jasper Hale, you have to stay with me," I all but shouted in his ear as I tried to support his weight. He opened his eyes slowly, but his body was still sloughed against mine, he didn't have the energy to support him self.

I stayed there; holding him upright until the ambulance finally arrived. It felt like hours. Every second felt like forever as I kept talking in his ear trying to keep him awake. As I held his near completely limp body in my arms to keep him upright to help him breath. But still his ragged, uneven and painfully shallow breaths rang in my ears like sirens.

When the paramedics did arrive my entire body was shaking and I could barely keep myself standing. The two men wouldn't let me tough him and I couldn't seem to be able to speak to tell them I was a doctor. I couldn't do anything.

The ride to the hospital was the longest drive of my life, I was aware of sirens and lights and noise but I couldn't really see or hear any of it. We put him on oxygen but he wasn't stabilising. His oxygen saturation was way too low, his breathing was painful to listen to and he was nearly conscious. When we got the hospital I was left in the waiting room like I was nobody. Didn't they know that was my Jasper they were treating? I should be in there. I should be with him, he needed me. But I wasn't with him.

What if this was it?

My knees gave way under me, I could sense arms wrap around me but I couldn't feel anything but pain as the sobs wracked my body.

Dun dun duuuuuuun! Sorry for cliffy! As always reviews are inspiration and I will be eternally greatful if you would let me know what you think of the new chapter...pretty please? Thanks again to all my faithful reviews, seeing your reviews in my inbox makes my day!