Authors note: Hey guys! Sorry for the long break but, at long last, chapter 20 is posted! Unfortunately my life is now back to reality, which means no more free time, I promise I'll still keep writing this story though! I want to see this thing finished as much as you guys do! It just means I'll be writing whenever i get time, which might not be very often so updates might take a while, I will try my best!

Happy reading and, as always, please please please let me know what you think. Reviews are love!

Chapter 20 – Childhood innocence

It was nice to get out of Seattle for a day. Rosalie was moving into Emmett's apartment so Jasper and I were going to give them a hand with everything. Jasper was excited to show his sister he was capable of actually doing something. She had been very protective since his bought of oedema three weeks ago, I mean more protective than normal which is really saying something.

She visited about three times a week to sit with him through dialysis, and it's quite a drive from Olympia. And she phoned every other day. Jasper was feeling a bit stifled I think. He loved his sister and I'm sure it was nice for him to see her more often but it was getting intense. He'd lost enough freedom already having to up his dialysis sessions and having Rose mother him was just making it worse rather than better.

But she was just scared, I think. His oedema was a close call and it was frightening. When things like that happen it makes everything seem very real. Sometimes when he fell asleep I watched his chest move up and down, despite how exhausted I felt I would stay awake and listen to him breathing just so I knew he was still alive. It was silly, but I just felt like if I stopped listening and watching then he would stop breathing.

But he had recovered so well from it all and the increased dialysis had helped so much with everything. I think we should have upped it a long time ago actually. He was much stronger and had more energy and was just doing really well. The only side effect had been an intermittent chest pain but it doesn't seem to be very sever or limiting. But despite all the evidence to the contrary I still had this sinking feeling in my chest that the second I stopped looking he would fade away. I'm sure Rosalie felt the same.

He was excited for today. Excited for something to do that wasn't work, hospital or watching a TV show he didn't want to watch but humored me by acting like he did. Rosalie refused his help but he really wanted to go down and show her he wasn't incapable. He thought if he showed her how much better he'd gotten she would trust that he really was okay. It wouldn't work of course, because he wasn't okay and she knew that.

"ALICE!"

I was brought out of my reprieve as I turned the wheel sharply to avoid the motorbike that cut in front of me.

"Damn stupid bikers." I mumbled.

"Don't take it out on the biker just because you're not paying attention," Jasper scolded me.

"Sorry," I said reluctantly. "We're nearly there anyway."

"That doesn't mean you can run over the poor guy on a motor bike." He said. I could hear the jest in his voice. He liked to make fun of my driving, once he told me they could make a horror movie out of my driving which I thought was a bit harsh. I've never crashed. Well…not really. There was this one time I kind of drove off the road a little but it wasn't serious.

I did however start paying a little more attention to the road. I had such a habit of getting so lost in my thoughts that I kind of forgot about reality. Dad called me a daydreamer.

"Which street is it again?" I asked as we started to get close. "I know its somewhere along here."

"I'm not sure," Jasper replied. "But the one with the moving van is probably a good choice."

"Ah, very well deduced Mr. Holmes." I said in my best English accent. We'd watched one of the new Sherlock Holmes movies the other night and now of course I feel like I have aced an English accent.

"Thank you Dr Watson," He said. His Accent was possibly worse than mine. His southern accent wasn't very strong but it was still there and it did not mix with English very well.

We drew up outside Rosalie's apartment block as Emmett walked out the door carrying a stack of boxes so high it covered his face. I have no idea how he knew where he was going.

"Hey man you want a hand with that?" Jasper called over.

"Oh hey guys! I didn't know you were coming?" Emmett's voice rang behind the stack of boxes. He walked over the van and set the boxes down quickly before coming over toward us and pulling me in for one of his famous hugs.

"Yeah we figured you guys could use all the help you could get," Jasper said. "I know my sister owns a lot of stuff and the more hands on deck the better."

"Aw thanks guys, you really didn't have to." Emmett glanced back at the building nervously before leaning in and lowering his voice. "And eh…you wouldn't mind maybe going up there and telling you're here…I don't really want to tell her. She was kind of insistent you didn't come because of…you know…"

"Yeah yeah don't worry about it man I'll head up now." Jasper said slightly reluctantly. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," we both called after him as he went inside.

"Glad you guys came, we hired the van but it was really expensive to hire people and with just the two of us…well lets just say Rosalie definitely knows how to own things." Emmett sighed.

"I think all girls have mastered that one," I laughed. "We're happy to come help out though so it's no problem."

Emmett looked away from me, his eyes darting nervously between two rather unspectacular rocks on the ground before asking. "Is Jasper really okay to do this or is he just trying to get Rose off his back?"

"Bit of both I guess. He's definitely doing it to get Rose off his back but he really is okay, I wouldn't have let him come is he wasn't, trust me." I smiled.

"So he's all good?"

I sighed, that wasn't an easy question to answer. "Well its not like he's getting better, we just have to take it day by day and keep praying for the phone call, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry Ali, this can't be easy for you. I know it's not easy for Rose." His eyes were filled with sympathy as they met mine.

"No, its not. But he'll get through this. He's a fighter. Anyway, how come you guys couldn't afford a man with your van? I thought you were both loaded with your swanky jobs."

The previous worry was wiped away as a grin light up his face. "Well…" he said as he reached his hand into his pocked. When he pulled it out he was holding a small black box. I swear my heart rate doubled when I saw it.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED OH MY GOD!" I squealed. I would have squealed some more if Emmett hadn't raised his hand over my mouth.

"Well I haven't asked her yet, have I?" He hissed. "That's why the ring's in my pocked and not on her finger."

"Sorry," I whispered sheepishly. "I'm just so excited for you! And don't worry she'll be smacking Jas around for a while she won't have heard…hopefully. But oh my god Emm I'm so excited for you two! You're perfect for each other."

"I know it's not really been that long but when you know you know…you know? God I hope she says yes."

"Oh course she'll say yes, she loves you! When are you going to pop the question?"

"Well," he sighed. "I've had the ring for a few days but I thought I'd wait till tonight, our first night properly living together. I want to wait till we're along, just in case…"

"She's not going to say no you buffoon!" I laughed and lightly slapped his arm.

"Well I hope not but let's not jinx it shall we?" He winked. "Now let's put you to some use and get these boxes into this van! I want to get this done as quickly as we can so she can't back out!"

"Good point, you couldn't pay me enough to move in with you!" I teased him.

"Hey you managed it for like 17 years!"

"Yeah well, the first 3 I don't remember and the next 14 well...worst...years...of...my...life!" I stated dramatically, throwing my arms in the air for effect.

Emmett launched himself at me, wrapped his arms around me, pining my arms to my side. I screamed as his lifted me into the air and I struggled against his tight grip. I felt like a child again being bullied my big brother. I almost expected my moms voice to call out telling him to knock it off.

"Put me down!" I laughed, kicking my feel as they flailed in mid air.

Emmett only laughed in response and swung me round. I felt like a doll, small and frail in his strong grip. "EMMETT!" I cried. My legs swung out as he spun round, I laughed, feeling like a little girl again. It was nice to feel so free and irresponsible again. It brought me back to a time where all I had to worry about was escaping my big brothers grasp. But even as badly as I wanted to escape it I always knew that I was safe here, my big brother would look after me, protect me. I wanted him to put me down; I never wanted him to let me go.

"Jasper would you just stop and listen!" Rosalie's voice rang out. Emmett put me down and I smoothed out my clothes. Emmett winked at me, I could see in his face he was thinking the same as me. The we had just relived a little bit of childhood innocence, but the moment had ended.

"Let's just pack the van," Emmett whispered to me. I nodded vigorously and turned to the van.

"No Rosalie, I let you lecture me, I listened to you, now stop taking!" Jasper snapped.

"Just put the boxes down Jas, Emmett can do it!"

"Yeah but it will go twice as fast with us helping out so just accept the help, okay?" Jas snapped.

"ACCEPT THE HELP?!" Rosalie screeched. Emmett bowed his head and scrunched up his face, I swear I heard him swear under his breath. "Oh that's really rich coming from you Jasper! What do you think I've been trying to get you to do for the last month? Take your own advice sometime."

"Rose please," Jasper sighed. They were beside the van now and I heard Jasper set down the boxes. "Today I'm fine, sometimes I'm not fine, so when I am fine will you just...let me be fine?" Emmett and I stopped moving boxes and tried to stay silent. They knew we were standing five feet away but still...it felt like a privet moment and I didn't want to interrupt.

"Okay," Rosalie finally mumbled. "Okay, I get it."

I think I heard them hug and say something more but it was too quiet to hear. The tension I didn't realize wracked my body suddenly relaxed, which probably meant it was okay to start moving boxes around again and pretend we didn't just ease drop on their conversation.

"You know Ali, we appreciate the help but maybe you should help Rose with the packing and leave the heavy lifting to me." Emmett said loudly, loud enough that Rose and Jasper would hear us outside.

"Oh you don't think a girl can lift heavy things?" I gasped in mock outrage.

"No no, it's not like that at all! Women are just as capable as men but...you're a little bit upper body strength challenged! It's nothing to be ashamed of!" He said. "You have many other skills but..."

"Yeah yeah yeah I get it, I'll leave it to the manly men shall I?" I smiled.

"You have to let the men show off once in a while babe," Jasper said as he came up behind me and kissed the back of my head. "Speaking of which, come on Emmett there are far more boxes up there where these came from. And Rose really could use a hand packing up the rest of it if you don't mind Alice."

So all of us headed upstairs for the apartment. The elevator wasn't working so it was up and down four flights of stairs every time we made a trip, no wonder Emmett had been carrying down so many boxes at one time. Four flights up and down was a lot of stairs, a lot of physical exertion. I silently prayed Jasper wouldn't over do it. He wouldn't…he wasn't the stupid…he better not be that stupid. I'm sure Emmett will stay with him just in case, Emmett knows the score with Jas and if he ever let anything happen to him he knows he'd have Rosalie to deal with! Jasper would be fine.

Jasper would be fine.

I repeated it over and over in my head like a mantra hoping that if I said it enough times it would be true. Before long I had enough packing to do to distract me from my morbid mantra recitation. Rosalie wasn't all that much use to be honest, she kept nervously switching between things and not really getting much of anything done. I hoped she wasn't nervous about moving in…because that would be bad considering what Emmett had planned for later that night.

The boys were taking down so many boxes at a time that I was honestly more concerned about them falling and breaking their necks on the stairs than Jasper over excerpting himself. It took then quite a long time to make each trip, probably a mixture of loading the van and talking about man stuff.

"Urg, I just don't know what to do which half this rubbish!" Rosalie called out. "Emmett doesn't have enough room at his place for all my crap."

"Actually you'll probably find that Emmett doesn't actually have many possessions and most of the storage space in his apartment is empty so you'll probably be fine." I said as I tried to carful pack a box of lamps, it was like a game of Tetris.

"I just don't want to be tripping over boxes for months because I have to much stuff." She moaned.

"Seriously, I wouldn't worry about it." I said, trying my best to comfort her. God I hope she isn't rethinking this.

"Yeah I'm sorry, I guess I'm just kind of…nervous." She said softly, sitting down for the first time in a few hours.

"You're not having second thought about this, I hope?" I asked tentatively.

"No, not at all!" She said. I let out a silent sigh of relief. "That's kind of what makes me nervous. I'm not used to being with someone like this…not used to caring about someone this much, it makes me fell…"

"Vulnerable?" I supplied. She gave a small nod in response. "I know exactly how you feel and it's completely normal to feel like that, but for what it's worth my brother really loves you and he's not going to hurt you. He's not that kind of guy."

"I know," She smiled. "I know he's not but still…its scary to care this much about someone."

"Yeah, it is." I said softly.

I could ear Emmett and Jasper talking loudly as they made their way up the stairs so we got back to work. Rosalie actually started doing some packing and I tried to make sure I got the lamp box right so they weren't all crushed in transit.

"Don't know about you guys but I could use a break!" Jasper announced as he threw himself onto the pile of cushions waiting to be packed up.

"Why?" Rosalie asked quickly. "You feeling okay?"

"I've been climbing up and down four flights of stairs for the past two hours, what do you think?" He quipped back at her.

"No need to be cheeky," Rosalie grumbled in reply.

Jasper was looking a bit worse for wear to be honest. He was paler than he had been this morning and there was a sheen of sweat covering his face. He looked a bit out of breath but then again, who wouldn't be?

"Alice, am I allowed a drink?" He asked pleadingly.

"Eh…" I tried to cast my mind back to what we'd had this morning, just some orange juice. "Yeah you should probably drink something, just take it slow."

"As always," He smiled as he made his way to the kitchen. We'd kept a few classes and mugs so we could use then through out the day. I noticed that the glass in Jaspers hand was shaking slightly as he sat down again and took a few small sips. I pushed my worry down, like I had to do on a daily basis when I noticed things like this. He would tell me if something was wrong.

"There's not too much left to do actually, Alice and I can take down some stuff while you guys pack up the rest? Its really just some cushions and blankets and a few jackets, I'm sure you two can mess that up too much!" Rosalie teased.

"Challenge accepted!" Emmett boomed. Rosalie rolled her eyes as she started staking boxes to take down. There wasn't much left to do really, we'd managed it quickly with four of us helping out. Hopefully Rosalie would be out of her and engaged before she knew it. I'm so excited! I loved weddings so much, always have. They're just so pretty, everyone gets dressed up and everyone's happy and you dance and you smile and you take pictures and throw little bits of paper at people. And when it's your family getting married it's so much better.

"What are you smiling at?" Jasper asked softly. I jumped slightly as he came up behind me; I'd gotten a bit lost in my thoughts again. Thankfully this time they were happy thoughts, it was nice to have something happy to focus on for the future.

"It's nothing," I replied. "Just…happy thoughts."

"Yeah," he smiled, well he kind of half smiled and half frowned. "Alice I was thinking, why don't you move in with me. I mean we practically live together anyway and there's no point paying two rents and well…I'd like to actually live with you."

For about a tenth of a second I was too shocked to think before my head started nodding involuntarily up and down and my face almost hurt with the smile that spread across it. It's never even thought about moving in together but…of course I wanted to! I don't know why I hadn't thought about it before.

"That's a yes?" He prompted nervously.

"Yes, of course it's a yes!" I beamed, throwing my arms around him and squeezing so tightly he probably couldn't breath. A smile ripped across my face from ear to ear and I could feel my eyes starting to well with happy tears. This was just such a normal thing to do; it felt like the first conventional thing that had happened in our relationship. It was a nice feeling to be normal.

He pulled back to look at me and I saw my own expression mirrored in his. Colour had flushed back into his cheeks and he looked happy and whole and healthy and I could have burst with this feeling the filled my body. It was something beyond happiness, something so raw and powerful I felt like it could rip me apart.

It can rip you apart.

It will rip you apart if you lose him.

The stray thought send a chill down my spine that threatened to wipe out my elation. NO. I was allowed to be happy for this moment, this was a happy moment and I deserved to enjoy it.

I quickly glanced round the room to make sure Emmett and Rosalie weren't in ear shot before I leaned in to whisper in Jaspers ear…whispered something neither of out siblings would have been happy to hear.

If it were possible, his grin got even wider.