Rafael Barba wears expensive suits, and yet he cannot escape the feeling that he's worth nothing.
His father pushed him to be ahead of the pack, and he always worked harder, hardest.
He was at the top of his class, and it wasn't easy.
Rafael didn't let it show how hard it was.
He would not be nothing.
He has the air of a man who will succeed, and so he succeeds.
The suits are a sign of his achievements, what he wears to tell the world what he wishes to be.
He uses sarcasm to hide a sensitive soul, and irony as a shield against pain.
Rafael has absolute confidence in himself, but he will never escape the doubt that erodes away at his soul.
*
His best friend didn't trust him with her secrets, and it stings.
Liv has been seeing Tucker for months now, and it hurts him that she wouldn't tell him. He doesn't need to know all she does, but this was important to her, and it affected their work. He can't do his job if she doesn't help with her end of the bargain. She's too passionate about what she does to see reason.
Now she's gone to find the truth and she will needs him for those reasons.
Rafael wants her to succeed, and knows that she will.
She could use his support now, but she's determined to do without it.
Liv will do what she does, and he will wait for her.
Rafael puts on an expensive suit and drinks two cups of coffee and has his assistant call his ten o'clock meeting and confirm it.
Life goes on.
*
He's not sick, he's as healthy as a forty something man with a caffeine addiction and some regular exercise can be.
He calls Nick to ask how he's doing in his new life.
Nick talks of his children and his former wife, and what else he has left.
Olivia called he says.
Rafael thinks he's doing as well as he can be.
He lets his thoughts stray to his own retirement, but there are many years to go, and much left to do.
*
His love life is better than it has been lately.
He used to see this married woman, and she gave him up.
He would not see someone who has to lie again.
George is not a liar and no one else's.
He belongs only to Rafael, and he is kind and gentle.
He will speak of his clients in veiled terms, and sigh over the Lewises of this world.
George misses the squad from time to time, but mostly he's fine with being retired.
Rafael needs someone to hold him up when he falls, and he has that.
*
They make love, and it's a true meeting of souls, limbs and hearts against each other.
They are set aflame by love and desire.
George assembles the broken pieces of him, and puts them back together.
There's a sense of belonging, a sense of wholeness whenever they touch.
George is his harbor when he needs one.
*
Liv calls him and he apologizes even as she does, their recent disagreements are only a temporary roadblock, their friendship will endure.
She found her evidence and the monsignor will go down in flames.
Ed will be cleared, and she plans to take a long vacation.
Rafael tells her Ed is good guy and offers to babysit Noah.
She accepts, and he smiles, knowing she can hear the warmth in his voice.
*
The trial will be long and dirty, but justice will prevail.
Rafael will go on, and hide his hurt in the ways he can.
George will whisper comfort in his ear when he needs it.
He will be there for George when he needs it.
They will go on, and it won't stop being hard, and that's how life is.