Chapter 30 – The Gathering

All my brain was functioning enough to cope with was watch as his chest move mechanically up and down as air was pumped into his lungs. There was something so odd about a chest moving on a ventilator, you'd think it would look normal, we all breath and our chests move with it. But it wasn't natural at all. His body was inanimate and the upwards and downward movement of his rib cage was too forced to be natural.

So I hadn't exactly been keeping very good track of time as I sat my Jaspers bed side. But I did think it had been very long.

There was suddenly shouting in the corridor, and sound of too many people trying to get something done. My head snapped up as my brain recognised one of the voices flowing through the air. It wasn't until that moment that I realised I'd left my phone at the apartment, I hadn't called anyone.

But someone obviously had.

I jumped back as Rosalie in her flowing white wedding dress swept into the room and fell by jaspers bed side. Her hands were clasped over her mouth but it didn't do much to mask the raw sob the shook her body as she took in the sight of her baby brother lying on a bed, unmoving as tubes and wired snaked in and out and around him.

I didn't think my heart could break any more than it already had. I was wrong.

I hadn't noticed anyone else in the room until a big pair of arms wrapped themselves around me, enveloping me in a tight hug.

After a moment I pulled away and looked at Emmett, "Your wedding," Was all I could think to say.

He looked confused for a moment and sympathy swam in his eyes. "Ali don't worry about that," He shook his head.

I looked past Emmett and saw Edward and Bella and mom and dad staring into the room. Suddenly my chest felt like it might implode and all the emotion that I hadn't felt yet hit me and my brain was kicked out of autopilot. That gathering of the Cullen clan had occurred and I realised that I was not alone in this, and neither was Jasper.

Everything hit me like a tsunami knocking the wind out of me as my knees gave way under my weight. Rosalie's sobs were ringing in my ears and my family were crying and the nurses were shouting and the love of my life was dying.

"Everything's going to be okay little sis," Emmett was murmuring in my ear. I put my arms around him and hugged him tightly but only for a second before I pulled away.

"Be with Rose," I whispered to him. I took a deep breath and and mustered all the strength I had to bring my self to my feet.

He was going to be okay, he had to be okay. I went to Jaspers side and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "You're not going to die on me," I whispered in his ear. I looked one good look at him before tearing myself away and leaving his room.

"Only two visitors at a time," One was nurses was saying, she didn't raise her voice but her tone was hard and unforgiving. "I'm sorry but this is an ICU and you all need to leave, two at a time to see patients…"

The nurse paused and turned at the sound of Jaspers door opening and I found myself staring at Angela.

"Oh my god, Alice," She said. Her face softening as understanding spread across her features. "It's Jasper," She said, more to herself than anyone else. "Oh Alice I am so sorry."

I nodded. I couldn't think of any other way to respond. "Angela this is my family," I said gesturing to the frightened group of people she had just been shouting at. I leaned in and lowed my voice as only Angela could hear me. "Can I see…his chart, his notes, everything…I want to know what's going on with him."

She nodded willingly and looked around like she was trying to magic the relevant tings into her hands. "Yes of course, I'll get one of the nurses for you, let them know who you are, I'm just covering so I don't know where everything is."

"Thank you Angela," I smiled, it was a small weak smile but I was surprised my face could make the movement at all. "And could you show my family where the waiting area is."

Angela did as I had asked and started to apologise to my family while shuffling them along to the waiting room.

"Wait," I said as I watched my family turn away form me. "Dad, can you stay?" My voice broke and it took so much effort to keep the tears from spilling over as I suddenly felt like a child again, a child that thought everything would be okay as long as her daddy was there. Because he could do anything.

"Of course sweetheart," My dad made his way over to me in two strides and gave me a quick hug. "Lets see what's wrong with this boy of yours and see if we can kick his arse back into shape."

Dad could make a miracle happen. He could bring my Jasper back to me.

After about half an hour of trying to interpret his results and paint a picture of his current state in my head I decided something…maybe I shouldn't have. I felt like someone had taken hold of my insides and were slowing crushing them tighter and tighter with every word, every number, that I read.

I was atlas with the world upon my shoulders and with every passing moment it got heavier and heavier, but I had to hold it up.

I glanced into his room where Rosalie was standing over her baby brother, barely taking notice of Emmett rubbing slow circles on her back. Did she even notice he was there? She was so focused on her brother lying lifeless before her, blood being sucked out of his veins, air being forced into his lungs, colour drained from his face and a monitor over his head flashing lines and numbers she didn't understand.

Why didn't she give him her kidney? Why didn't she stop this?

Some part of my brain was screaming at me. The irrational part. The part the just wanted him to get better. The part that wanted to get angry at something, anything. The part that wanted some distraction from the pain that was crippling me.

There was another part of my brain, though. A better part. A part that was a sensible, caring, down-to-earth medically educated woman. It was telling me there was a reason she didn't donate. Some part of me knew there was a reason, I just couldn't quite remember it, a half formed dream. But looking at her now I knew with no doubt, if she could have done anything to stop this, she would have.

The doctor in charge had emerged and dad was discussing the management plan with him. I was listening in, of course I was, but you really the plan didn't go much beyond "keep him going and prey for a kidney transplant, then pray he's strong enough to survive the surgery." So I was still staring into Jaspers room when Angela went in, a pile of clothes in hand. She handed the bundle over to Rosalie who looked at it incredulously before glancing down at the stained while wedding dress that was still clinging to her body. Panic suddenly filled her eyes and she started pulling at the white fabric.

I stepped away quickly and went into the room. "Get this off me." She was panting. "I can't…I can't…I need to get this off me." She glanced up as I entered. "Alice I can't…." She shook her head, tears streaming down her face.

"Okay," I said. "Come on." I thanked Angela as she handed me the clothes and I took Rosalie by the elbow leading her to the changing room round the corner. If people were staring at the bridesmaid leading the bride through a hospital, I didn't notice. She was shaking as I unlaced her back and pulled her free of the dress. As soon as she felt the ties loosen she started pulling at the sleeves like they were burning her skin.

But then she stopped. "Oh God," She whispered. "What is Emmett going to think?" Her voice cracked. "Me, scrambling out of my wedding dress."

I took a shaking breath. It was so so hard, trying to say the right thing, trying to be strong for other people when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. "He's going to think that you're brother is lying in a hospital bed, and you don't want to get married without him."

"I was so excited, so happy." She whispered. "How long was he lying alone on the floor while I pranced about getting…" She broke off with a sob, burying her face him her hands.

I wanted to comfort her, wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault and no one could have known but I just couldn't. Because the same thought kept running in my mind. How long had I been hanging decorations while he slowly slipped away from me without me even knowing it? What would have happened if I'd noticed sooner? Got there sooner? Would he by lying in an ICU bed right now?

"Lets get you out of this." I said instead. I hadn't even realised I was also still wearing my dress, the fine fabric torn, ripped, stained and ruined.

Rosalie let the dress drop to the floor and picked up the clothes I'd set down on the bench. "These are mine," she frowned. "And yours." She handed me a familiar pair of jeans and tank top.

"Someone must have gone back to the hotel and got them." I shrugged. "At least someone is staying sane."

We can't have been gone more than five minutes, just long enough to change and splash some water on on our faces and when we returned it was quiet for a moment, calm. But then something happened and the world slowed, everything got loud. An alarm started beeping and Angela started running, each step a thundering beat in my ears.

Someone had gone into cardiac arrest.

There were ten beds in this ICU, ten patients who were very very sick. Ten patient who could arrest at any moment. But as my heart sank inch by inch inside my chest and the grip on my insides grew so tight I thought I might scream, I knew who it was.

I ran flat out toward his room but the team was already there. 6 people dedicated to getting Jaspers heart beating. Because it had stopped.

His heart had stopped beating.

I stood staring as a nurse pounded on his chest. I could hear the crunch as his ribs broke under the force and my breath hitched.

"Clear." The doctor shouted, everyone took a step away from Jaspers lifeless body as the paddles came down on his chest and he jerked at the onslaught.

It was over in a second and everyone moved in on him again. Someone pounding on his chest, someone holding the bag to breath for him, someone watching his monitor, someone taking blood to analyse. So many other people doing so many things and I stood there watching it happen.

The shock hadn't worked. He was still in ventricular fibrillation; his heart still wasn't beating.

I knew it would be another two minutes before they shocked his heart again. It was the longest two minutes of my life as I helplessly watched from the side-lines as a team of people I didn't know tried to keep my love alive.

"Clear."

2 minutes. 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths.

"Clear."

2 minutes. 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths.

"Clear."

I gasped and my heart started fluttering as I noticed for the first the time monitor wasn't showing VF. It was showing a normal sinus rhythm.

Everyone paused as the doctor in charge felt at Jaspers neck.

"He has a pulse." He nodded. My breath started coming in gasps as I pushed forward through the throng of people to got to his side. I could hear then telling me to get back but there was no force of earth that could have kept me from him. I took his hand in both of mine as tears flooded my vision and sobs that I had been able to muster moments ago ripped through me.

He was here, he was alive. But I had been so close to loosing him.

Was I still so close to loosing him?

Was this going to happen again?

"Please don't leave me," I pleaded with him. "Please don't leave me Jasper. I don't know what I'd do without you. You can't just come into my life and change everything and then leave again, you just can't. Its not fair, Jasper, you don't get to leave me."

The world went out of focus when his heart stopped. The only thing I could see was him. I must have been sitting there for hours as people came in and out, some of them family, some of them staff, some friends and some strangers.

My mind just refused to focus on anything but him. I spent a lot of time with my face buried in the blankets by his side, feeling his warmth on my cheek as a reminder that we was still with me. Other times I kept my eyes fixed on his face, taking in the curve of his cheek bones and blonde hair curling at his temples.

"Alice come on," Someone murmured in my ear softly. "What are you doing lying around?"

I lifted my head from the blankets and found the sun blindingly bright in my eyes. A light breeze was brushing my face, cooling in the hot weather. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sighed as my feet hit the cold tile floor.

"Come on." Jasper called to me again.

I stepped out of the bedroom straight onto the warm white sand of the beach where Jasper was waiting for me. He was wearing his bright flower print swimming shorts and his white shirt, unbuttoned, was blowing the breeze. He held out a hand to me which I look grateful for the contact.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about your parent's privet island. This place is amazing." He smiled. It was that easy smile that light up his face and made you want to smile right back.

Suddenly he pulled away from me, running along the beach laughing. "Come on Alice!" He called to me. "Alice!"

"Alice!"

I woke with a start as someone gently shook my shoulder. There was a split second, like there always is when you first wake up, when nothing was wrong with the world. But as the familiar sounds of a hospital registered in my ears I realised it was just a dream. And Jasper was still fighting for his life and not running on the sand at Isle Esme.

"Come on Alice," Edwards voice said softly. "You need to get something to eat. Take a break. Rosalie and Emmett are here; they'll look after him."

I nodded numbly and let Edward pull me to my feet as I realised he probably wasn't going to take no for an answer.

As soon as I walked into the waiting room my mom rushed over to me and I let myself be engulfed by her waiting arms. She held me so tightly I could barely breath but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I had a nasty habit of feeling like I was alone, like every problem was mine, and only mine, to bare. My family were very good at reminding me that I was never alone. The tight feeling in the pit of my stomach didn't go away but it felt a little bit dissipated somehow, like my family were all sharing the load between them.

"Come sit down sweetie, we have coffee for you." I swear I almost smiled. My family knew me so well. Even Nessie was here, sleeping in Bella's arms. A new kind of pain hit me, what if Nessie never gets to know her uncle Jasper?

I pushed the thought down.

I sipped at my steaming cup of black coffee as my family chatted easily around me. They were all talking about Jasper, its funny how someone can become such an integral part of a family so quickly. And as I sat there I truly appreciated that he was part of this family independently of me, he had made his mark on there lives just as he had made his mark on mine.

Edward had just finished talking about a time a few months ago when he, Emmett and Jasper went out for drinks. This girl had been trying to chat up Edward but he was too polite to get her to back off. Emmett and Jasper were laughing their heads off at him so Jasper decided to walk up, put his arm round Edward and pretend they were a couple.

I'd heard about the incident but from the look on Bella's face, she clearly hadn't.

My family started laughing and a smile spread involuntarily across my face. Jasper had to be so serious so much of the time dealing with his illness that it was easy to forget that he could be so fun and carefree.

"You know that first time I met Jasper I thought he might be an intravenous drug user." Mom suddenly said.

The soft chuckling around the table stopped as we all stared open mouthed at my mother.

"I'm sorry, what?" Edward asked aghast.

"Well I noticed the marks on his arms and I'd only even seem them before on…"

"Drug users?" Edward supplied.

"Yes! Well I mean it seems a bit absurd now looking back on it." Mom blushed and looked away from us, suddenly obsessed with the hem of her dress.

Edwards loud gawfaws filled the waiting room and brought a smile to my face. "You thought Jasper was a junkie? OUR Jasper?" He laughed. "Oh Mom."

After the laughter died down we slipped into a kind of sombre silence, that kind that always falls when your brain realised the harsh reality once more. I sipped at my coffee but the liquid that usually brought me comfort just tasted stale and bitter in my mouth. I realised that the tightness in my chest had not ceased, even with the moments of hilarity that had just ensued, I still felt like the pain inside me was going to swallow me whole.

"I'm going to go see him." I said, pushing my half drank coffee away from me and standing from the table. I turned away form my family, my feet moving quickly but before I could get to the door Emmett burst in, a wild look in his eye.

I felt my body freeze.

Its one of two things Alice.

Oh God.

I held my breath waiting for him to tell me something that would save me, or kill me.

"They have one!" He almost shouted. "They have a transplant for him."

Authors note: GASP! Hope you liked it! It pains me to say it, but not matter if the ending is happy or sad...the next chapter will be the last!

Please leave me your thoughts!

And agin thank you so much to all of you for taking the time to read Nephrology, you're the reason we've made it this far!