12.

"Makoto, I need you to do something for me." Sitting at his kitchen's table with research texts stacked up in front of him, Makoto was surprised with the sudden seriousness of Rin's request.

"Rin? What is it?" It wasn't like Rin to be mysterious- He was upfront and brash, jumping into situations with straightforward honesty.

"I need you to be completely silent for the next couple of minutes." If he wasn't concerned before, he was now.

"Silent? What for?" It was at this time that Nagisa's voice came into the picture, his tone lacking its usual carefreeness and instead reverberating in urgency.

"Mako-chan it's really important."

"Nagisa?" Makoto rubbed at his neck. "Guys, I don't understand."

"Look, Makoto." Rin paused, as if thinking about his words carefully. "Has Haru been… acting strange lately?"

"Haru?" Makoto sat up straighter. "No… Not that I have noticed. Why, Rin is something wrong?" worry leaked into his voice, his mind already jumping to the negative. Was Haru hurt? Injured? Off bleeding in a ditch somewhere?

"Haru's… upset." Rin answered vaguely. "And it's all his own fault because he won't freaking tell you anything!"

"Tell me what?" Unable to sit still, Makoto stood up from his chair and began pacing the living room. "What's going on, Rin? Is Haru okay?"

"This is why you need to stay quiet, Mako-chan. You'll find out soon enough." That wasn't enough. He wanted to know now! He had to know, if it was concerning Haru. His blood was flowing like lead in his veins and he could feel it weighing him down.

"Nagisa-"

"Shush, Makoto." Rin interrupted. "Nagisa, you and Rei know what you're supposed to do, right?"

"Yeah. Are you really sure about this, Rin-chan?"

"I can't leave this alone anymore. It's too much to watch. Call him as soon as you can. And Makoto?" The world hung on Rin's words. "Take good care of him. Haru needs you." And just like that, Rin hung up.

"Nagisa." Makoto asked sternly, staring hard at his curtains as if that would suffice for staring right at the blonde's eyes. "Please. What are you guys talking about?"

"Haru-chan has been keeping a secret from all of us." The urgent tone from before was gone and instead was replaced with an emotional shake. "Rin-chan just told me and Rei-chan a minute ago. Trust me, you want to know. But not from us. Let Haru-chan tell you."

"A secret?" Makoto didn't understand. He knew everything about Haru. He made it his business to know. So how could he have missed something clearly important?

"We're going to Skype with Haru-chan, okay? And you have to be quiet, or else it will all be ruined and Haru-chan won't say anything. Just listen through the phone."

"O-okay." Makoto's voice came out small, sitting down on the couch. It felt like his legs couldn't hold his weight. "I'll be quiet, then."

Why was Haru upset?

Why did everybody but himself know?

Why was it so hard for Haru to tell him?

Makoto wanted to know these things. That was why he stayed silent as Nagisa began to skype call Haru.

"Take care of him guys. I hate to run but I really can't miss this. Cheer him up, get some mackerel in him, and try to talk him out of anything stupid." Rin was talking to him. Makoto knew it. He could tell it from his tone. His stomach joined the weights holding him to the couch. His mind began racing back to previous days.

Rin has asked him if he had noticed anything strange. He wanted to find evidence of that behavior, to at least have some inclination of understanding what everyone around him was purposely withholding, but Makoto could find none. This realization made him feel awful, as if he had somehow failed Haru.

As his best friend, he should have noticed something. It didn't matter if he knew exactly what, he should have at least realized that something with Haru was not okay.

But he didn't. He had no freaking idea. Makoto buried his face in his hands.

He had always made it his priority to make sure Haru was okay. Now all he could feel was failure. It was Nagisa's wavering voice that broke Makoto from his self-deprecation.

"Haru-chan, Rin-chan said that… you fell in love with Mako-chan. Is that… true?" Makoto could barely breathe from the way his shirt clung to his body in sudden sweat, his ears drumming with the pounding of his heart as the blood rushed from the truck that just hit him with no warning.

Haru… what? He must have misheard. Something had been lost in the air between all the wires the conversation was flowing through. That had to be it because… well because he had already deemed it impossible.

"Yeah… I love him. I love him a lot." Oh god he was dying. Or perhaps he was already dead, sent to heaven and allowed to hear the words that he had only dreamed about for years. Haru's soft voice, Haru's beautiful lips… they had slayed him with the sweetest of words. Makoto had to cover his mouth from the intensity of it, his breathing coming out in rough gasps.

"Haruka-sempai, do you… really mean that?"

"I've never been so sure about something in my life."

Haru left a disaster in his wake, Makoto feeling as if he had been bombed with explosives until nothing was left but his heart, still beating but faint in the chaos of it all. All he knew, all he thought, gone. Like echos of a quake his words resounded across Makoto's skin and ended with his lips, silently repeating what Haru had said as if testing its possibility.

"See Mako-chan? I told you." Makoto's face was wet, though he had no memory of when he had begun crying. His voice replied in but a small whisper.

"Haru…" An unimaginably horrifying sob ripped through the air and tore at Makoto's still too visible heart, digging its claws in even deeper as he realized it was Haru who had made the noise. The noise was inhuman and raw, the distress and agony so apparent that Makoto was on his feet in an instant, fumbling to pull on his shoes.

"Nagisa what did you do!?" Makoto now understood why he had not noticed anything. He had never been meant to. Whatever his reasons, Haru had never planned to utter those three words to him. The room was spinning as Makoto threw open his door.

"I didn't ask for anybody's help! I- I just-" he was terrified. Makoto could feel it just from his voice. Haru, who now was crying with no filter, was breaking himself apart.

"H-Haru I'm coming over." Makoto interrupted, his voice cracking as he tried to control his own emotions while simultaneously running down the steps. "We need to talk-"

"N-No!" Haru's shout tore him in two. "I don't want to talk about anything!"

"Haru-" There was a sudden loud slam and Nagisa's voice grew louder as if pressing the phone to his ear.

Haru hung up on him.

Haru didn't want to talk to him.

Haru, who had been by his side always, was running away.

"Mako-chan, Haru-chan hung up!" Nagisa cried.

"I'm calling him!" Aggressively ending the call Makoto didn't even bother looking through his contacts, punching in Haru's number with trembling fingers. It only rang once before the call abruptly ended.

"Haru…" he cried to the air, dialing it again.

Ignored. Makoto didn't even hesitate. He would keep trying until his fingers fell off if he had to.

Ignored.

"Haru-chan please…!"

Ignored.

"Don't shut me out." Suddenly the call went through. Relief flooded his vision. "Haru-"

"Makoto, I don't think we should see each other anymore." Stop it.

"Haru-"

"Its best for either of us." Haru, you know nothing.

"It's not-"

"You have Hiromi, you don't need me anymo-"

"HARUKA PLEASE!" Makoto couldn't help but lose control then, his body shaking with a sob. He couldn't listen to Haru talk like this anymore, not when he had it all wrong. "Don't… Don't say anymore!" Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Makoto tried to calm his voice.

"Haru, listen to me." He spoke louder as he entered the train station, the people in the background making it difficult to be heard. "I'm… I'm getting on the train now. Please just… wait for me." Before he could listen to any more words of resistance, Makoto hung up.

Seconds later he was bent into a crouch, crying into his hands as Haru's words circled in his mind. Haru, who he loved more than life itself, who was the only one who made his world meaningful, who was at home crying and so sure that Makoto would hate him for revealing his feelings knew nothing.

"Saying such stupid things…!" Makoto cried to the ground, holding his knees. "Haru you idiot! I love you too, you know!"

And he would prove it. When he got to Haru, he would hold him and never let him go.

It didn't matter if this was a dream or a nightmare. Makoto was ready to dive headfirst into the abyss. When it came to Haru, he was never afraid to enter the water.

Makoto let out a breathy sigh, leaning against the brick wall of a bridge that overlooked a small pond below, ducks swimming in placid happiness, the fish doing their best to hide in the seaweed.

It was still hard to believe, even now, that just yesterday his entire world changed. Not even 24 hours has passed since he had kissed Haru's lips for the first time.

There had been countless tears to wipe away from pale cheeks, many needed touches, and several smiles of reassurance that had filled the night, stemming into even this morning when Makoto woke with Haru still curled in his arms. Even if the stars had left and the moon was invisible, his world still seemed to have transcended reality.

Makoto reached over to pinch himself for the millionth time. Nope, still awake he guessed.

He was okay with that. It meant Haru still loved him.

All that was left was to make himself available. That was the hard part.

Texting Hiromi when he woke up had been nerve-wracking, even with Haru by his side. Haru, of course, was as wonderful as ever, supporting him with a soft touch of his fingers and an offer of a warm breakfast. It made telling her they needed to talk much easier when he knew the life he wanted to live was just around the corner.

That didn't stop his stomach, however, from feeling like a giant rock.

Even he knew he had been a major dick. He had used Hiromi to try and get over Haru, which quickly had become a fruitless effort. No matter how many times Haru told him otherwise, Makoto knew he had done them wrong. He and Hiromi both. This was his attempt to fix things, even after having broken the glass into jagged shards.

"Hey, Mako-kun." Makoto blinked as he pulled himself out of his thoughts, glancing over to where Hiromi now stood.

"Hey, Hiromi-chan." He offered a smile, the force of it tensing up his cheeks. Walking over to him, she took her place at his side while dropping a duffle bag to the ground. "How was practice?"

"The same as always. Couch yelling that we will never be fast enough, Mia-Chan fell and sprained her wrist yet again. Same old, same old."

"You look like you worked up a sweat. Want me to go get you some water?" Makoto offered. Hiromi shook her head.

"No, I'm fine thanks. You said you wanted to talk to me about something?" At his side he watched Hiromi tighten her fists, grabbing at the brick with her nails. Guilt gnawed at his stomach.

"Yeah." Makoto bit his lip fighting for the right words to speak. "Hiromi-chan-"

"You want to break up with me, don't you?" Before Makoto could work up the courage to express this desire Hiromi beat him to it, saying it as easy as asking for the time. Completely taking off guard, Makoto stuttered out his response.

"How did you-"

"Know?" she finished for him. Hiromi gave a trembling smile, her eyes turning wet. "Just a feeling I had." He watched her take a deep breath, feeling as if she was taking the breath right out of him. Makoto looked back at the pond.

"Does this have to do with yesterday?" A bit startled by the mention, she looked over at him with wide eyes.

"What do you mean?" Her look was searching, trying to find some kind of answer for the questions raging in her mind. Makoto had always thought that her and Haru's eyes were similar, and in this moment they did seem to reflect the same light and shine with the same glimmer, but they were different and ultimately he knew this. He had spent the past three months trying to persuade himself that they were the same, that he could learn to love them too, but in the end he had figured out the truth. No other eyes could make his heart swell like the cool, yet innocent glance that Haru lavished him with.

He wouldn't lie to them; Hiromi disserved the truth with nothing held back. Of forcing her on this train, by saying yes when he already knew his own feelings, she at least disserved to have honesty.

With this in mind Makoto was able to face them straight on.

"I went over to Haru's last night."

"He told you?" Hiromi looked almost afraid, backing up a step as her voiced cracked in pitch.

"Not by his own choice." Makoto said sternly, his body subconsciously moving into a defensive position. "Haru isn't the type to do that. He would have taken what you said to him to the grave. He is that sort of a person. I made him tell me. Hiromi-chan, you've always been kind. But what you did to Haru… I can't forgive that."

"Well what else was I supposed to do!?" Dramatically she threw her hands up, tears starting to tremble down her cheeks. "Knowing what I know… He's in love with you! You realize this, right?"

Makoto swallowed, unable to stop the small flutter that began to take flight in his stomach. Of course he knew. He hadn't been unable to stop thinking about it since the words came muffled through the computer, nor when the words were thrown at him with despairing cries.

Haru's voice still rung in every silence, filling it up again and again with those three simple words. Soft and quiet, yet so powerful and sure. I love you Makoto. Makoto was sure he would never be able to unhear it again. He didn't want to.

"Yes. I know." Makoto looked at her with a solid expression, not a single form of hesitation harbored across his face. "He was crying when he told me."

"What was I supposed to do..?" Hiromi repeated again, this time much more quiet and withdrawn. "I always... I always thought you guys were oddly close, but I didn't really think much of it because you two were childhood friends. But… but then I figured out how he felt and suddenly I got scared! How could I compete with someone you've known your entire life? The more I thought on it, the more I felt like I was losing you." She wiped at her eyes furiously.

"Anyone would, you know. It's not just Haruka-kun, Mako-kun looks at him with such a caring gaze! We've been having such a good time, and I didn't want things to end! So I panicked and did the best I could."

"So you asked him to stay away?" Makoto couldn't help but raise his voice in temper, his eyes a shuddering forest.

"I thought it would be best for all of us."

"Best for all of us?" Makoto shook his head. "No, best for you and me. Haru would have still suffered!"

"I just wanted to keep us together! Was that wrong!?" Makoto, feeling a heat rise in his chest, took a second to look away and calm himself.

Of course it was wrong. Why else would his blood boil this much? To selfishly allow Haru to hurt for his own sake was not something he could do. The fact that Hiromi could not see this was enough to tell him the reality of the situation.

"If… you believed in our relationship, Hiromi-chan. Do you really think you would have worried so much about me leaving you?" [1]

"I…" Rolling her eyes to try and flush away the tears glittering there, her face contorting as she tried to push herself to smile. "Mako-kun I love you."

Like daggers, her words stuck right in the chest as her expression brought the final blow, and Makoto could feel his hands tremble at his sides. It was all his fault, the pain on her face, the tears in Haru's eyes. He had caused this situation with his own selfishness. He had hurt the one he loved, and troubled an innocent girl who had had nothing to do with his unrequited feelings.

Rin was right. He really was an asshat.

"I know." Makoto closed his stinging eyes, ignoring them as best as he could. What right did he have to cry?

He had to stop lying to Hiromi, to Haru, to himself.

The truth was painful, but it was the right route to go.

Only he had to ability to end this.

"Hiromi-chan… I'm sorry. I can't say it back. I can't give you my love. I have none left to offer." When he opened his eyes again he was greeted with a sad smile.

"So you're choosing him, then. You'll return his feelings." Hiromi didn't say it as a question but a finishing statement.

"It's not about choosing." Makoto said quietly. "Haru has always been that person at my side. I don't know what life would be without him. I don't want to know. I love him, Hiromi-chan. I can't even remember a time in which I hadn't. "

Hiromi didn't look startled at all by his words. She had probably learned the truth easily enough on her own. Wiping at her eyes with her fingers, she watched as a bird skidded along the water's surface before taking to the air.

"The person you told me about. The one you said was the reason you couldn't say you loved me because you weren't over them yet. It was Haru, wasn't it?"

Makoto's mind flashed back to when he and Hiromi fought, how he had left the warmness of Haru's arms to try and fix things, and how he had given Hiromi an inkling of the truth that plagued his.

He hadn't been able to forsake his previous love for her.

"Yeah."

"For how long?"

"Five years."

"How cold." She gave a weak laugh. "You never should have said yes to me, Mako-kun. Not when you knew nobody else ever had a chance."

"I did try, Hiromi-chan." Makoto knew he had to emphasize this, he really did, because he didn't want Hiromi to feel like he was a waste of her time. Just like when she said I love you, he wanted to say it back wholeheartedly. But how can you give someone something you've already given away?

The task had always been impossible. Makoto knew this now. It was his naivety that had made him try. But that didn't mean he cared for her any less.

"You're sweet, Mako-kun, and very gentle. I know that you wouldn't intentionally do something cruel. But that doesn't make this hurt any less."

"I'm sorry." Unsure of what to do, Makoto inclined his head slightly in a bow.

"Apologizing doesn't really help, you know?" Hiromi pushed the last of her tears off her face and took a shaking breath. "At least one thing came out of this." She sounded miserable, though a hint of a smile did appear on her face.

"What?"

"I can tell all my friends you're gay." Makoto couldn't help but smile at this as well, allowing a small chuckle to escape.

He hoped that one day Hiromi could forgive him for his actions. If it was possible, he wanted to be able to still consider her a friend. The smiles, the laughs. None of that had ever been fake. Those late nights working on projects and trips to the park and café breaks would always stay in his mind in a fond memory. As Haru had asked him, he would never look at his relationship with Hiromi as a mistake. After all, it lead him to this moment in his life.

"I guess that's it then." Hiromi leaned down to pick up her bag. "I'll see you around, Mako-kun. I… hope you two find happiness."

"Goodbye, Hiromi-chan. Find somebody that will treat you better than I did." She nodded at him, twirling on her feet to walk a couple of paces away.

"Oh, and Mako-kun?" she stopped to look back once more. "Tell Haruka-kun I'm sorry." Admits the drying tears and puffy eyes, the sincerity was there in all truthfulness.

"Yeah. I'll let him know." With a final wave he bid her goodbye, watching her weave through groups of people and across traffic before she turned out of sight.

Turning on his heels to the other direction, Makoto began walking down the slope as he dug into his bag for his phone.

"Makoto?" Haru's voice was like the first ray of sun in the morning, and after being soaked from the storm, Makoto felt his jaw clench in stiff emotion. He wanted to see him. He wanted to see Haru really bad.

"Haru, I talked to Hiromi-chan. We're… no longer together." The other line was silent, and if Makoto was somebody else he would have assumed that Haru hung up, but because he was himself he could still feel Haru's presence through the device, still sense his quiet tone.

"Are you okay?" There is always two sides to every coin. While Makoto prided in his ability to understand Haru better than anybody else, he sometimes forgot that Haru could read him just as well.

"I'm fine." Makoto sniffed, his eyes stinging like before. "This was my choice, remember? I made this decision."

And it wasn't something he could regret, even now with Hiromi's distraught face fresh in his mind and the tears in his eyes threatening to break. He wanted this- he wanted to be with Haru so bad that the distance right now was killing him. But that didn't mean the path to get here didn't hurt.

It was a long five years. Five years of hoping, of wishing that maybe fate would change its mind and grant him this one thing. Five years of smiling beside Haru and keeping it in because he cherished his presence more than anything, and to see him go would be a life he could not survive. Five years and a single confession, one that never received anything in response but a confused stare and stutters of his own voice apologizing.

It had been five years of lonely nights. Five years of keeping it together and not letting him know. Five years of desire. Five years of longing. Five years of shooting stars.

And in a single night, it all ended.

"Then why are you crying?" Makoto reached up to flick some tears away with his finger but stopped as the voice didn't sound loudest from the phone he held but with him instead, a figuring coming into view.

"Haru?" Makoto attempted to blink the blurs away, the phone still on call with Haru as his best friend came to light. "Why are you here?"

"I left practice early and took a train here." Haru said quietly, shuffling on his feet as if unsure if that was something he should have done.

"But why-?"

"I thought it might be like this." Haru reached up to push some of Makoto's struggling tears away before they could fall. "You, who is always so kind to others… You never put yourself first." At Haru's touch, Makoto felt his lip tremble.

Was he allowed to cry?

Even though it was all his fault and only had himself to blame?

Could such a selfish desire be okay?

"Stupid Makoto." Haru's voice was soft and soothing, his hand reaching up to ruffle Makoto's hair next. "You'll cause wrinkles if you keep it all inside."

With a hiccup Makoto reached forward and pulled Haru into his arms, pressing his smaller frame tight again his own as he buried his face into Haru's shoulder.

"Haru-chan!" He cried, his body shaking them both. "Haru-chan!" At the call of his name Haru held him tightly. "I'm so sorry! To you and Hiromi-chan! I made both of you cry so much I'm sorry!"

"It's you who's crying." Haru whispered.

"I told her the truth and said I would never be able to return her feelings." Makoto continued to blubber, some of his words fading in and out of coherentness from the growing clog in his throat. "She somehow knew it, could feel it, and yet kept trying to hold onto our relationship and I feel so awful, wasting her time and leading her own when I knew how I felt about you! I should have known that this wouldn't have worked out… But… But I just did it anyway!"

Trying to compose himself, Makoto took a deep breath.

"I was so selfish, trying to have everything. I don't want everything anymore, I just want you. Can… Can I have that? Is it terrible of me to ask?"

"Would that make Makoto happy?"

"More than anything." To always be by his side, Makoto would have desired nothing more.

"T-then you can have all of me whenever you want." Makoto let out a sob but for an entirely different reason than he had before.

"I don't know why I'm crying so much, I'm so happy… Haru-chan loves me… Haru-chan wants to be with me… I don't know what to do I'm so happy!" Makoto hiccupped into Haru's shoulder. "You love me…"

Haru grabbed him by the sides of his face and made it so their eyes met.

"Yeah." Makoto's lips curled into a trembling smile as Haru gently kissed him, his heart thundering and yet cooling all at once.

Immersed in the wonderful water that was Haruka, Makoto could be nothing but swimming in enteral bliss.